The Despicable's Plead

CHAPTER XXVII: Unshackled and Breathing

Is my mouth hanging open?

Is it?

Are my eyes wide like saucers?

Really?

Do I look like a freaking i***t who just received a confession from a handsome, young man?

Most definitely.

I didn't notice my hand moving on its own. Next thing I noticed, I unintentionally slapped Ross on his arm.

"What was that for?" He winced.

"W-What was what?" And I f*****g stuttered.

"You. Hitting me?" 

"I did?" I idiotically asked.

"Yeah? It's still red, look." He pointed at his slightly red arm. You can really see my handprint there.

"It kinda looks like it was hit."

"It was…" 

"Oh really? Cool." 

I'm already regretting everything.

There was an awkward moment of silence surrounding us or was I the only one thinking that?

"Did I make you uncomfortable with what I said?"

I immediately whipped my head towards his direction when he said that.

I almost couldn't talk upon seeing his shadowed face.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know I meant what I said, right?" He said while looking directly at my eyes.

I could clearly see my reflection in those black orbs with a tinge of shining gold.

My breath caught in my throat, making it almost impossible to grasp the situation.

When was the last time I saw those beautiful spheres?

"You…weren't joking?" Was all I managed to spout.

He leaned closer. Our faces were merely a few inches a part. 

I could even feel his hot, minty breath touch my also flushed cheeks.

"I never joke about something like that. Especially towards you." 

This made my world swirl.

This cannot be happening.

I was only at an admiration phase.

Not too risky. Not too committed.

It was supposed to be a safezone.

But why is my heart beating so fast?

Why does it feel like my heart could flutter straight out my rib cage and fly towards his awaiting beats?

This was just supposed to be his usual flirty attempts!

Nothing too serious that would leave me handicapped to him.

Yet… 

Why does it feel like I had been captured and entangled long before?

Is the progression of these feelings moving too fast?

Am I just vulnerable to the point that my emotions are easily swayed by his sweet words?

I had crushes before. Small thumps of the heart, but nothing that complicates my mind.

So, experiencing this first hand is something I cannot fathom.

It's describable but not yet possible for confirmation. 

For exposure.

Not yet. 

Not now. 

When I think of indulging myself in these feelings, I feel a heavy weight burdening me downward to oblivion. 

Because one looks at that painting behind him. 

With that beautiful woman reaching out to the people, I feel strangled and basked in the truth.

I cannot be happy.

I cannot be subjected to joyous relationships.

Not for friends. Not for family.

Specifically, not for the endeavors of love.

So, once again, let's plaster the mask of emptiness and move on.

"You can't easily whisk away my heart with that." I grinned at him and stood up.

I went to the back room without ever looking back. Yet I could feel him follow me with his powerful eyes.

Unlike the gaze that made me uncomfortable for the entirety of this day, his felt like it could burn straight into my subconscious.

Once I was near my bag, my legs felt weak.

I slumped down the seat next to it in a trance. His words continued to echo in my mind.

Everything he told me came rushing back.

"Also, I called you because I want you to know that I'm here to welcome it alongside you."

"Brilliance. That's what you are."

"Your radiance purely blinds me, my lady."

"And I'm not even complaining."

"Because this goddess is my lady and princess and everything in between."

I told myself that all of it was just his usual playfulness.

I forced myself to block his motives so as to not confuse my vulnerable heart any further.

Yet new was breaking every barrier like it was the simplest thing to do in the entire world.

I grasped my head and bowed my head.

The thumping continued to ring in my ears. 

I used one of my hands and placed it on top of the resounding beats.

I punched my chest repeatedly in an attempt to calm it down.

"Stop. Stop beating. Please…"

But it only rang louder. Defying me obviously.

"Please…I don't deserve it. Something like that is unworthy of me. So please, calm the f**k down!"

Again, it did nothing but rebel against my words.

After spending a few minutes sitted in confusion, I finally managed to change my clothes in haste and get out of there.

I saw that Haru was the only one left sitting at the table I left earlier.

I approached him and patted him on the head to make him acknowledge my presence.

"Where are they?"

"They went ahead already. They told me to inform you that they are going to the quadrangle later." He explained.

This made me furrow my eyebrows.

"Quadrangle? Why?" I asked.

"They said they were going to watch the performances for this evening."

Only the two of them?

Was what I wanted to clarify but I stopped myself from uttering such a thing.

I merely nodded and invited him to go.

We walked peacefully outside. Talking casually every now and then.

This is where I noticed the comfortability between us. Between me and the three of them.

It was…so natural. I almost didn't see the changes. 

Is this a good thing?

My mind is hazy with thoughts and insecurities. 

I'm scared of what to do from now on.

Yet my resolve shall stay the same. I cannot waver. 

"Haru, do you think…"

"Hmm?" He looked at me.

Seeing his innocent eyes made me hesitate to ask anything.

"Nothing." I shook my head.

"I think Dia should really speak out more." He suddenly uttered.

"Am I not talkative enough?"

"You are, but you're not really saying anything at the same time." 

This made me freeze on the spot. 

This conversation seems oddly taking a turn to a familiar route.

"Did Ross lend you his philosophical mind or something?" 

He placed his hand on his chin and contemplated my question before answering.

"I don't think so?" He said whilst tilting his head.

"I see." Was my only response.

"What did you mean from what you just said?" I added.

"Hmm…You're actually always, like, um, you seem reluctant with everything you are telling us."

"You mean when I pick foods? Maybe. I sometimes wanted large fries instead of medium fries but my diet was prohibiting me." I tried to kid.

Good thing it made him laugh somehow.

"But that's not what I really meant…"

"Care to elaborate?" I encouraged him.

"Um, you are, like you're always thinking of something before you answer."

"Isn't that what we were taught to do? You know, think before you speak?"

"You're right. That's kinda true. But, hmm…instead of reflecting or preparing what you say, you're factually reeling it in. I think…"

"Ahm…"

"I-I meant like you know it's there and it's right, but you always bring it back in. We were taught to think carefully and find the best way to um, answer, but you like to keep the best and settle for less. Something like that."

I couldn't believe what he just told me.

Or lectured me.

"Wait! I-I didn't mean to judge you o-or anything. I was just guessing based on what I felt and experienced, so, so, yeah… um…"

"Calm down Haru." I tried to laugh it off.

But what he said really hits the mark. 

I mean I was literally just doing that not long ago and here he was pointing it out. 

Haru, Solar, and Ross, they just like to involve themselves in everything I feel troubled about.

It was both troubling and refreshing. 

Refreshing because it feels relieving.

Troubling…

…because it feels like I'm slowly being laid bare into their sights. 

I'm anxious as I slowly realize their footsteps getting closer to my deepest isolations. 

Especially concerning 'her.'

After that heartfelt conversation, none of us dared to speak as we continued to walk towards the quadrangle.

Like every evening for the past few days, this place was filled with people.

The student government actually prepared numerous performances from various guests.

It was fun to be honest. I just typically don't prefer to mingle too much into those crowds. 

There were two days left for the festival, excluding this particular evening. 

Maybe that's why everyone was enjoying every second of it before we indulge ourselves back into reality.

I already know that professors have thick compilations of their t*****e methods waiting for us next week. 

It was dreadful.

Walking closer to the edge of the field, we spotted a vacant bench. 

We took our seats right after spotting it.

It was pretty much convenient, you can practically see anything that you want to see.

Haru was busying himself by looking around. 

I followed suit.

I could see people dancing. Some were groping in the hidden corners.

I don't think groping is all they did there. 

Gross.

I diverted my eyes away from those specific places.

Coincidentally, it landed on someone. 

And that someone was attracting the attention of the people he walked past. 

What was more shocking was the eye-catching object he was holding.

When Ross finally stood in front of me, that's when I realized he was indeed walking towards me.

"For you, my lady."

He handed it out to me.

I grabbed it slowly, thinking that maybe he was playing tricks on me.

But he didn't pull it back.

"What is this?"

"As you can see…

it's a bucket of popcorn, princess."

"I can see that. But why is it hella big?!"

Yes, it was even bigger than my head. I practically can't see anything past it.

"Well, I thought you might be hungry?" He said.

I peeped into one of the gaps of the popcorn and saw him grinning ear to ear.

"Really? This for that?"

"And I wanted to say sorry for what happened earlier."

"Are you bribing me with food?" I deadpanned.

"Probably? Well, honestly? Yeah." He answered.

I could hear his chuckles from the other side of this huge bucket. 

I wanted to punch him.

"How am I supposed to eat this fudging thing?!"

"With your mouth, my lady. With your mouth."

Irritated, I threw some popcorn at him. 

I couldn't really see if it hit him, but I sincerely hoped it did.

What I didn't anticipate was that he would also throw some back at me.

I gasped when it hit my face, making some of the popcorn in the bucket fall out after I was startled.

I glared at him though this humongous thing and took a handful again and threw it at him.

Minutes passed by and we were practically having a good fight in the middle of surrounding people.

In a way, Haru and Solar were later on joining in our popcorn war.

I could hear people laughing amongst the crowd. There were also people cheering us on.

It turned into a chaotic night with me having to eat almost nothing left of the popcorn.

Yet, it made me feel free.

Unshackled and breathing.