Concealed Love

Chapter-30 The weight of a queen

She was a queen who lived to support her husband. She was a queen who live according to her king. Her love bind her to his duty, eventually she lived for what he devoted himself to; the well being of the country.

She was beyond happy when she got pregnant, it was the happiest day of her life after she got married to him. The child was a proof of their love, whether a girl or boy she was excited to meet the child in her womb, she care more of herself after she got pregnant, she no longer think of negative thoughts that could harm her and her child and went on with her life.

When her husband, the king one day suggested it to her that their child would be born according to the will of the heaven, she agreed not knowing what she was in for. The day they told her that the child in her womb, the child she was dying to meet, would be born without emotions or feelings she refused.

That day was the first day she fought with her husband, she cling on to her stomach hugging herself, saying that it can be anyone even herself but not her child, her child wouldn't be the one to suffer.

The king, her husband argued with her telling her not to be selfish, she shouted at him asking him if he did not feel even an ounce of love for their child, telling him that the child is not only hers but his as well.

Her legs weaken and she sobbed on her bed, he went and sat down by her side. He calmed himself down and gently rubbed her back telling her not to cry saying it will affect both her health and the baby inside her.

She calmed down and he reasoned with her, he told her that it was a necessity. She brooded about it for so long and finally, she reluctantly gave in. Her child would have to suffer for the safety of the whole nation, for their happiness she would help to kill the feelings of her child before he even saw the beauty of the world, before he could even feel her love and by helping them she also killed a big amount of her own happiness.

The day her child came into the world out of her, he didn't even cry, he looked right at her with his clear eyes as if the child had no soul and is only but a puppet who was built not born.

Her heart tighten as she looked at her child and sobbed her heart out. The maids had to take the child away from her and calm her down.

She looked after the child as he grow, the child never cried or frown even if he fall and bleed. Sometimes she didn't even know whether to treat him like a kid or a puppet who does everything that was told to him.

She was devastated as she could not even take the role of a mother in his heart, he felt no love for her nor for anything else. Looking at the dull child she blamed herself for not being able to protect him, protect his happiness.

She talked to her husband about it but he didn't say anything about him except comforting her saying she can have another child but she refused.

She had decided that she didn't want to have another child just because she was not happy with her first childs situation. It would be like she was disappointed in Al and she was searching for a replacement to give her love to and feel loved in return.

She told herself that she would be responsible for her child and the state he's in. Whether he lived like that for the rest of his life or become worse she would share his pain and suffering with him.

She nurtured him, look at him backing him up from the side, supporting his choices. When they decided that it was time for him to experience the outside world alone, she opposed to them but her voice went unheard.

Her son left her and she could not even wish him safety. When news came of the general's betrayal and her son's misfortune, she fainted. She was nursed back to health by the maids and the king was not even by her side. She wept bitterly regretting her decisions, she should have protected him even if the world was going to end up in utter chaos, it was not wrong for her to protect her own child. People may think she's selfish but so what, if her son is safe than she will be happy to be considered as a selfish woman for it.

The next day, news came of his return and she rushed directly by his side, she sobbed holding his arms and was about to tell him that she was sorry for being such a weak hearted mother and from than on she would live by his side and protect him but when she looked up at him to tell him all that she noticed, her child had changed.

Her emotionless, expressionless child was no longer the same, she noticed that her child was frowning feeling troubled by her actions. Her motherly instinct felt the small change in her child.

She was left there standing when a servant came and called her son away for work. After he left she smiled feeling a bit bitter on the inside at herself, her resolve to protect him was too late. Her son had become independent all on his own and no longer needed her or her help by his side.

She didn't know how he broke it and what miracle happened but be it evil or good if her son can be like a real human, living happy, joyful, experiencing love or even hate than she was fine with it.

She looked carefully at his actions day by day and became sure that her son had become a normal man, she realised his resolve to keep his emotions a secret and didn't mention anything about it either to him or anyone else.

After the war her son brought home a little girl with him as an orphan from war and at first she thought nothing of it but later she noticed the small special affections he had for her.

The others simply think it's pity but what they didn't realise was that even pity was rare to him. Moreover what he felt was not at all near pity, his adoration for her was slipping out of him and his mother noticed it.

He was desperately trying to hide his feelings and so was the little girl he brought. She watched them and her heart tightened up, she wanted Minerva to be by his son's side thinking she would be better for him as she can protect and heal him never knowing the reality of who his real healer was or would be.

When her husband asked them to decide of their marriage date she saw her son's faltering eyes and mind and held his hand, hoping for him to remain the person who looked up at by all and the person he had so far kept himself as.

She was relieved when he made the decision and that day she went back and saw Ella on her way back. The child was smilling happily as she ran towards Als study and she thought that she had stopped the possibility of the childs dream ever coming true.

When the little girl came out of his place that day she invited her by her side and asked her some things which was not at all her true purpose. She had never talked to the child and that day she talked to her with pity and and feelings apologetic. Before the girl left she formed a low ' I'm sorry' out of her mouth and walked away.

But as the wedding came near she once again noticed her son torturing himself mentally and once again realised that she had made a mistake. His small, reserved feelings was all meant for the little girl, he managed to loved her so much even by restraining himself from everything or anyone but she herself had once again stood in his way, stopping her son from living a loved and loving life.

She stood at the top of the stage which was meant for his son's marriage as she saw her son walking in with a face of a person who no longer had any hope left in him and she wept on the inside.

She witnessed the demons taking over the castle, killing the people and even her husband and she stood there in the middle, gladly waiting for her end. She regretted living such a weak and foolish life, she had never done anything to benefit either of the people she lived the most in the world.

Her husband lived for his kingdom not being able to ever feel for himself and show preference for her however she knew deep down he loved her deeply and she could not even stood firm by his side, supporting him or make him feel stronger. In the end until he died she didn't even realised that he had been always protecting her by keeping her by his side and never asking her to make a choice for the country by herself. He had always made the hardest choice by himself, for her to blame him instead of herself. That was the kindest love he could ever give towards her.

He forced his decisions on her so that she won't feel bad later on thinking that it was all her fault. He decided to be the villain for his queen to remain as the damsel in distress, who will never fall as she would always have her knight in the shadows.

She walked by his side before she finally lost all her strength, and laid by his side where he had fallen. She kissed her beloved one last time before they both died in each other's embrace.