Concealed Love

Chapter- 5 Her Past

Ella's POV

                        I still remember the day i first open my eyes from the feeling of someone stroking my hair as if i was going to disappear and as soon as i awoke i saw him looking at me with a strange face. A man with a dark brown hair, sharp face with stern bluish eyes, his hand were rough but it was warm and apart from his face nothing came to my mind. I had forgotten who i was, the man said my name will be Ella and that i was found on a roadside unconscious when he returned from war, aside that he told me not to ask or talk about my past and live on freely saying he would provide for everything i need. He than ask the person beside him to send in some people and told me to ask them whatever i wanted to know, before he left i asked him who he was, he looked at me and said " Aldrich, Aldrich is my name", i tried to call his name but all i could utter at the moment was " Al", he looked at me with a face that seemd like a smile and said " Okay, you can call me that", then he left.

                          Later, i found out that he was a prince and i had been brought into the castle, the maids beside me often talked a lot about him saying how charming, strong and wise he was but they always end with a pitiful sigh and soon i realised the reason behind it. He was a prince devoid of emotions and feelings, he fulfilled the duties that was given to him and is expected of him to carry out his duties perfectly, so no matter how strong he was, he had no will or desire of his own and all these made me think that the small smile I saw back than was just an illusion made up by myself because i wanted to see him like that. As time goes on i learned more and more of the outside world and that there is a being known as demons, i also learned many things about them and their ruthless behaviour towards the humans but i couldn't bring myself to hate them and at that time i thought it was simply because I had never met them.

                          During my life in the castle i often spend my free hours talking to Al and he always listened to me quietly and only answer to the things I asked him but even if it were short sentences, the fact that he spoke to me made me feel very happy. I aslo met Minerva, a girl as beautiful and graceful as an angel that she was, she was a very open and sincere lady, teaching me how to read and write and though her i also got to know a lot about love. I wrote poems and showed Al my own writings and when he gave me sweets it made me feel happy not because of recieving them but because they wer given by him. I tried my best to satisfy and helped the people around me and they in return loved me a lot but soon years went by and they started distancing themselves from me as rumours spread that i was a strange lady who don't age. I myself saw the differences between them and me the girls mature physically every year but i was the same as ever even after five years. I wanted to know why, I wanted to know what I really am but afraid that I might trouble Al I followed his instruction and tried to forget about it with the help of Minerva and my close maids who kept assuring me that I am just a normal girl and not to mind the rumours.

                           As days went on sense of loneliness and insecurity kept on lingering inside me, i had everything i needed: friends, daily needs and a home but at the same time i felt an empty gap within my heart. I could set aside the rumours and continue with my life as there was something i wanted more than to know about my past. Everyday after my lessons with Minerva she often talked about her feelings for Al and how one day she hopes to marry and live with him and i looked at her shining brightly as she talk about love and hoped that maybe i could be like her too. As days went on i soon realise that I am like her but also very different, I became conscious of my feelings for Al, it kept growing to the point that i could no longer kept it aside thinking of that it as a mere admiration, I had fallen in love with him but it was too late.

                             It was another normal day, i helped out with some work, after being taught by Minerva i went to Al and talked to him of my days and recite some poems i wrote and left his place as it was getting dark. As soon as i left the castle a maid came up to me and from the white lily pin on her chest i knew she was the queen's maid, she spoke " Her highness wants to meet you". I simply nod my head and followed her thinking about the only time i met the queen, we didn't meet often and even if we did I only gave a small bow in exchange for a small smile, the only time we spoke was on the first month I was brought in to the castle and even then we didn't spoke much. The maid led the way and i saw her standing in the winter's cold wearing a winter dress feeding the fishes in the pond below the bridge. She was a very beautiful and a respected woman who deserved her honour, the moment she saw me she dismissed her maids and reached out for my hands, her hands were colder than mine and she talked to me in a calm soothing tone " how have you been my dear?" with a small smile i said " im fine, your highness" then she looked at me as thought she wanted to say something but can't " we don't have much time together so i can't help you everytime but i hope you consider me as your own mother and depend on me sometime. I heard the rumours going around but you don't have to listen to them okay?" i nod and said " of course, that don't bother me at all." She gave out a small chuckle and continued "people are jealous when they see someone having what they want but can't have so they try to find the slightest fault in that person and ridicule it. You just live like you've always been, okay love?" before i could reply a maid came and whisper something into her ears, she looked defeated and said " i'll have to go, take care Ella" and with her eyes almost crying and as though seeing someone through me she uttered in a low voice " im sorry child" and walks away leaving me puzzled as i bowed my head.

                               The next morning the king called everyone in front of the castle gates and after all the citizens arrived he stood and announced " The preparations for the new year celebration shall begin from today and along with it the princes' marriage" everyone gasped in surprise as he continued "One week from now, on the new year day, Prince Aldrich shall marry princess Minerva and ascend the throne. Let the preparations begin!" In that cold moment the snow started to flow and my blood froze, the crowds were cheering loudly but everything blurred in front of me and the sound of the crowed became vague, i sensed tears welling up in my eyes but my cheeks were too numb to feel them fall. I knew this day would come but it was too soon for me to grasp the situation clearly, i was not prepared and i did not understand why neither Minerva nor Al told me anything about it, but then i remember the queen yesterday, am sure she noticed my feelings and came to comfort me also to make sure i don't get unnecessarily get out of line, I clenched my chest and walk away from the festive crowd. I walk back to my chambers and sat for some time hoping to calm myself down and cried myself to sleep, at evening, the other girls came back sounding more cheerful than ever gossiping about the upcoming events and how fun it would be. I was about to ignore them but then i heard them saying the prince was nearby so i ran out, i didn't know why or what i was going to do once i met him but i just had to see him at that time, as i ran frantically i saw him in his courtyard standing below the huge leafless tree decorated with ribbons and lanterns for the festival.

                                As soon as he saw me he called me over and said " why are you dressed so lightly in this cold weather, do u need something from me?" it was then that i realised it was still snowing and he asked his maid to bring me a cloak and covered me with it. He asked again "do you have something you need Ella?" i panicked as i just ran there without a thought and answered with whatever came to mind " i came here to read to you my poem i wrote today", he looked at me and said " okay, let me listen to it'' i realised that i hadn't wrote anything and stood for a while, it was getting dark and the lanterns were being lit, at the spur of the moment i wanted to tell him everything but i knew i shouldn't, holding back some things i still wanted to express my feelings even a little so i decided to tell them in an indirect way. I asked him to listen to me as i spoke:

"You who could never be mine,

Like the moon and the sun,

Forever in contrast.

Just to feel a touch,

Just to see a smile,

Worth burning away into the abyss.

For you to feel love for a day,

Gladly i shall fade away.

This newfound feeling,

Made me fall into an endless illusion

Knowing full well of where i stand,

Still stretch for things far beyond.

Yet, I am glad i can feel this,

And I am glad its towards you."

As soon as i finish i smiled more brighter than ever and said "Well, thats it for today, good night", I ran away unable to look at his face hoping and knowing he wouldn't understand that it was for him.