I wished

19

 “Maybe we should plan something tonight.”  Lana’s voice is determinded and it scares me.

“Plan what?” I hope she isn’t going to say what I think she’s going to do.

She swallows and fumble with her hands.  She seems stressed.

“You know what?”

I suck in a sharp breath and bite my lips.

“Are you serious?”  I though that she just talked and wouldn’t want actions out of it.  I didn’t think she is serious.

“Yes.” She stands on her airbed looking at me with an intense stare and her hands on her hips.  Her face seems pale and sweaty.

“Are you okay?” I ask before I take her option further.  It seems as if she’ll faint in any minute.

“I’m on my period.” She says and I purse my lips in sorrow for her. The time in the month, Jason hates us the most and treats us with so much hate and anger, cause he can’t use us in his stupid bussiness.  For us being able to not work might be fun and games, but having to stuck with a worse Jason is bad enough.

“Oh.” I look down.

“What do you think?” She asks and I hoped she would just forget about it.

“About?”

“What I just told you.” Irritation lace her voice and she lightly roll her eyes at me.

“I don’t know.” I fumble with my sweaty palms.

“What don’t you know.  Like what’s going to happen to you.  Why did he say it’s your last night.”  It seems as if she’s stressing about it more than me and every minute of the day I keep thinking about what Jason said last night and what’s going to happen to me.

“I don’t know.” I say in a breathy voice.  I don’t want to let her down and I don’t want to say the wrong thing.

“Tameryn.” She moans.

“What about the people we’re doing this for, Lana.” I think about my mom.  Ashley’s brother. 

“We must think of ourselves more.” She suggest and I frown at her disgustingly.

“It’s easy for you to say.”  I would never want to let my mom fall out of the good care she gets.  The care she needs.

“We can work something out.”

“Like what.” Now I’m feeling irritation towards her.

“I don’t know, we start a petition.  Raise money.”

“We just can’t raise money, without a cause.  We’r going to hav to care for ourselves as well.  A place to stay.  Food.”  I say, riling her with all the negatives and walls that we won’t be able to go though.

“But-”  I interrupt her sentence.

“And it’s not as if to say the other girls would be with us on this.  Like Lilly.  It’s as if she really wants to be here.”

“No one wants to be here.  They just believe it’s their only hope, so they accept it.  But there’s so much more hope than this.  Even when it means a little more work.”

She’s right.  There is other hope out there.  There is.  Working as a s*x slave isn’t hope.

I let my fingers massage my sore neck muscles.

“What do you suppose.”

“I’m thinking about it.”

“It’s almost like, why don’t we just run away and go tell people our whole situation and what Jason is doing.”

“That won’t work.  There’s secret people all around the world.  Mafia’s. They’ll murder us.  Why do you thibk nothing has ever been said.”

I remeber how Jason always warned us if we told anyone who we shouldn’t about what’s going on in her lives, how dangerous consiquios would apply.

“I don’t know how you want this, Lana.”

“That’s where both our minds come in.”

“You can’t just give a plan without even a plan really.” I shake my head at her, “And I don’t want to murder anyone.”

“You did when you were little then.” I knew I shouldn’t have told her.  She’ll keep holding it against me.

“That doesn’t  mean anything.” I say harshly.

“I’m just worried about you.” She says and I start to feel bad for being harsh towards her. 

I sniff, “Don’t be.”

“We don’t have phones or anything, how am I going to know you’re okay.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” I try to assure her.

“You’re like a sister to me. It’s basically impossible.” She grits her teeth and stare ahead.

“I’ll be okay.”  I will be okay, I reassure myself. I don’t alwyas have to think about the bad and negatives.  Just let it happen first and then see.

“Tam.” I freeze hearing Jason’s voice.  Lara looks at me with wide eyes and adrenaline starts coursing through my veins.

Lana gestures for me to go out with am insisting face, not wanting Jason to get angry.  I quickly run outside to find hom leaning against the wall, staring at the clouds with so much intensity.

“Hello.” I say softly and he quickly rearrange his posture.

“What’s up?” What?  When does he ever ask what’s up.  As if his trying hard to be friendly to me, right now. I try hard not to shake in anxiety, wondering what’s going to happen next.

“Nothing, I guess.” I say not knowing what else to say.

“You ready?” He asks almost sounding guilty.  I frown feeling heavily uncertain.

No, I’m not ready. I don’t know what to say.

So I reply with a curt, “I guess.”

I wish I had the guts to ask him questions. To ask him what’s going to happen with MY life.  Maybe I should just ask him. He seems friendly with me today. Probably because I’m going away.

“Where am I going?”  I ask, inwardly cringing, hoping he won’t say anything nasty at me.

“You’ll find out soon enough.” He says, scaring me.  Where am I going?

“Do I have to take my stuff with?” I ask, knowing that all the stuff that I habe is becaus of him and he either would have somthing to say if I take the stuff with me or if I leave it.

“No, it won’t be nescesary.” He says and Itry to hold in my gasp.

I feel so inquisitive to find out where I’m going and on the same time I’m feling better.  I try to keep myself positive as I follow Jason towards the van. I don’t even say goodbye to the other girls.  I feel like I don’t want to anyway.  They can talk about it when I’m gone.

I frown when Jason even opens the passenger’s door me.  He gives me a smile that I don’t know how to place.  Snarky?  I don’t know.  Guilty?  I don’t know.  But I climb in and look straight ahead, feeling an awful amount of embarresment.  I don’t know why.  But I just want the day to get end with, so that whatever happens, can become ancient history.

“So how do you feel?” Jason asks, making me even more surprised.

“I don’t know.” I say, feeling unsure.

We stay quiet for a few minutes until he starts talking again.

“Everything you ever wanted to tell me, you can tell me now, cause your never going to see me again.”  I frown, feeling blunt.  If me and Lana made plans, we still might have never seen him.  But his wrong.  He will always be in my mind.  In my memories.  Never erased.  Even if I could forget them I would never forgot Lana and the girls who is apart of me.   They made me, who I am today.

“Don’t you want to say anything?” He asks and a smirk plays on his mouth, I wish I could just slap off.

“I guess not.” 

He chuckles and I pull my attention outside the window.  The way he’s acting doesn’t seem like something good is coming today.

“Are you going to miss me?” NO!  I’m absolutely not going to miss him. But I don’t tell him that.

I decide to ignore him and keep on staring outside the window.

“I’m going to miss you.” He says and I mentally roll my eyes. Can he just stop.  Can he just leave me alone.

“Look at me.” He instructs and I quicklu turn my head to look at him, a smirk still playing on his face.

“You’re so beautiful.” He says, and I read his eyes as serious, “You were always the most beautiful out of them all.  And you attracted the most customers.”  I cringe at his words and feel disgusted, remembering the times I had to go alone to the rooms, without the other girls.  Times when they could get off and Jason praised me and treated the other girls like s**t.  I despised those times so much.

I don’t know what to say, so I reply with a curt, ‘Thank you.’

I hope that’s he’s going to stop with his stupid accusations and words, because it feels like I’m getting bloated with anger and I could explode at anytime. He has never been like this and it’s challenging me.  Deep inside,it makes things worse cause I know I won’t see him again but I’m scared if I let my anger out, he’ll decline everything and make it worse.  Maybe when we stop at the place I’m going to be I’ll tell him everything of how I feel.

Luckily he doesn’t speak anymore and I start to feel my bladder building up.  Oh no. Sometimes i wish I didn’t have such an urgent bladder constintaly needing to pe.  I don’t know how people accomplish it to only pee twice a day.  When I see a gas station ahead I take  a deep breath.

“Can we please stop there?” Please say yes.  Please don’t be mad. 

“Why.” He asks.  Atleast he didn’t say no yet.

“I need to use the bathroom.”

He stays silent and swerf in the direction of the station.  Thank God.  I clench my teeth, trying to relive the pain in my bladder.

“Are you hungry.” He asks as he parks the car. I frown.  Am I hungry. A question asked by him, personally?  What is up with him?

I swallow, “Yes.”

He nods and climb out of the car, “I’ll meet you here.” He widens his eyes at the car to indicate where I need to meet him. I nod and almost run towards the sign directed bathroom.  Thanlk God it’s empty.  I enter one of the two cubicles and empty my bladder.  I sigh in satisfaction.  I rinse my hands in the cold watwer and look at my two big frightened eyes.

“Calm down, Tam.”  I whisper for myself.

“You also on your nerversoday.”  I almost jump at the sudden voice.  A girl my age, with bright red hair and porcelain skin looks at me with knitted eyebrows. Her small body is covered in a beautiful  emeral green summer dress. I swallow, not knowing what to say.

She looks at me through the mirror with eager brown eyes as she splashes her face with the cold water.

“I’m on my nerves today.” She says.

“Oh,” I give a light fake chuckle, “Okay.”  I want to punch myself in the face.  Why must I be so shy and embarresing.  She’s probably thinking I’m a mean b***h.

“What’s your name.” She asks, starting apply lipstick on her already red lips.

“Tameryn.”

“Nice, to meet you, I’m Lucy.”

I give her a pursed smile through the mirror, “Nice.”

She smirks, probably thinking how lame I am.

“What are you doing here?”

“I needed to pee I guess.”

She laughs, “Yeah, but like at this place.  People usually only come here when they travel and stuff.”

“Oh.” I say feeling stupid, “Oh, we’re just on a roadtrip.” I lie.

“We?” What’s with all the questions.  

I scratch my back, “Uhm, me and my brother.”

She nods as if slowly taking it all in, “You and your brother.  Interesting.”

“Why?”

“No, I think I saw him in there.” She points outside the door, towards the shop, where Jason is.

The place was empty, so she did probably see him.

“Oh.” She’s one very inquisitive character.

“You’re not really on a roadtrip, are you?”

I swallow and bite my lips.  What does she mean.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re being transferd.”

“What?”

She laughs, “It’s all on your face.  It’s okay, I know.”

“What?” What does she know?  I feel confused.

“You’re a s*x slave.”

I shudder at her words. How does she know?

“How?”

“I’m one too.”

My eyes grow big, “You’re one too?”

She nods, “And I’m getting tranfered today.”

“Tranfered.”

“Yeah, aren’t you.”

“I don’t know what’s happenig to me.” I say speaking the truth.

“Oh.” She looks down.

“What does it mean to get transfered?”

“You get a complete new group, led by new mafias.

I suck in a breath.  Am I being transfered.

“It’ll be fine.” She pats me on the back and walks out of the bathroom door.

I hope it’ll be fine. I escape the bathroom and find Jason leaning against the car with a bag in his hands.  He gives me the bag, with a small smile.

“Thank you.”

“Eat quickly, I don’t like it when you eat in my car.”  I nod and take out the chicken mayo sandwich, concealed in a plastic container.  I rush through it with big bites and turn my head so Jason doesn’t see my full mouth.

When I’m done, I throw the plastics in the cement dustbin infront.  When he turns his attention to a car door slamming closed behind, I see Lucy in the passenger seat next to a beautiful middle aged woman, with long sleeky black hair.  She almost remind me of Lana.

“Now that’s a snack.” Jason says, his eyebrows raised. What the hell.

“A snack.”

He laughs and nods.  I clench my teeth.  This is it.  This is where I’m going to loose it.

“What is wrong with you?”

He gives me an evil smile, “Finally.”

“No really? What is wrong with you.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

I want to scream out of anger.  I want strangle him.

“Why are you such an evil person?” How can you use us as objects for you to make your money.”

He scratches his back without saying anything.

“Don’t you have a he