Haim's Paradox

WHY ME?

Haim was extremely fatigued from the seemingly endless amount of suffering he had to through. He always struggled to understand things. A tear fell from his eye and landed on his jacket.

The man was speaking in such a jumbled way.

"It's perfectly true that I don't know anything, but it's even truer that I don't know anything about myself. The plethora of options can be maddening to diverse choices. I am sad sometimes, but it ultimately has no impact on my life. I just don't want to be sad, but at the same time, I don't want to be joyful. I simply want to rest; I feel like that's all I want to do. Rest in peace. Give yourself a rest from feeling. Go take a break from everything. Much while I'm afraid of being numb, I'm even more fearful of it."

"I'm terrified of giving up. Though I am terrified to do so, I feel I must press forward."

"It is impossible to do anything."

"I know a lot of people. Although I act like a fool, I can't seem to stop myself. There are people who pity themselves, and I'm very annoyed by it. Yet I feel sorry for myself."

"My course has taught me everything. At the same time, however, I have done nothing."

"I would like to, but I'm unable. What's the point? Why do I feel so sad? It is because I feel delighted. When do I get mad? Is it because I'm afraid? For what reason? I've found a place where I can be myself, express myself, and be who I want to be. Where is there nothing I want?"

"The fundamental problem with me is that I can't understand myself."

"Make a promise Everything they say gets past me. However, I cannot do it. I am very angry with myself. Because fate is so heartless. I think I have what it takes to handle things. For what purpose do I want others to sympathize with them? So why am I furious at those who do it? So, why can't I?"

"I'm thoroughly detestable. I loathe destiny. I'm completely indifferent to everything. My hatred of being a wrecker cannot be understated. The destruction of everyone. I'm at a loss as to what to say."

"If I end up in hell, will I be safe? Absolutely not. I am actually in hell. Maybe that's a nice prize, but why do I deserve it? Perhaps I must contend with this. However, I am afraid."

"I lose myself while I practice. I can't win everyone over. Maybe I'm just trying to cover things up to begin with. I might just be playing.

I'm so angry off that I'm bawling like a baby. I'm such a weakling. I am ashamed of myself. crying out in agony from tortures without end Is it possible for me to beat it? I hope I were a positive thinker, but how is that even possible?"

"I really wish I could quit lying. It would be nice to be able to be honest with myself one day. I'm at a loss as to what is going on. To those who have never known what it's like to grin from the heart, I envy their perfect innocence. I feel sorry for myself when I watch someone having a great time. To me, I see nothing. I want to keep myself to myself. But, yes, I do.

What does it mean to say that I've become who I am? Everyone I knew has left me."

"I let them down. I feel embarrassed to be seen in public with them. There are several closed doors here."

"If I never grew up, that's the life I would have preferred. My smile is back, and I want to return to the happier days when I was a kid. Is it safe to assume that I am familiar with this mysterious vacuum now? If this is how enjoyable it is, what will it be like elsewhere? Will I be able to escape? I don't think so."

"I do not know why I am here. It's not that I forget; it's just that I don't remember. Or it may be that I do not want to know this. forever."

The sound of him crying in pain was heard by everyone. Tired from not being able to move, he simply wanted to rest. He had had enough of the ache in his chest.

"I am tired.  I've had enough of being a mere human. An insignificant being, a soulless person. someone who is more dead than alive"

"I see such a dense blackness. an open space that permitted my eyes to see sounds, but which rendered my ears completely insensitive to a hundred decibels of silence While it tried to devour me, I let it be, even though my body, which has an inherent conflict with my intellect, appears to be striving to survive, catching its breath, and lifting its hand to life. Why would that be?"

In an instant, Haim had burst into a rage. His life took a turn for the worst because of the monster he remembered.

"You are a coward, a bullshit, a piece of gibberish, and you are absolutely nothing."

"To make your point, you would have to be able to show proof. You should be ashamed of yourself. There is nothing you can do. You have never done anything excellent."

"You are just a wimp. No matter how much you mature, you'll always be the same person. You've made a terrible mistake."

"It doesn't even matter anymore. You have done nothing to earn the right to live. You certainly don't! It can't be done! “Even if you have to intrude in other people's lives, please don't.”

"You are grotesque, terrible garbage!"

“No matter who you are, you're a coward who is trying to hide from the light."

As much as he could he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Haim was in an absolute state of paranoia and distress.

He couldn't catch his breath. After that moment, nothing he did could be felt immediately. Everything turned pitch black.