The Day Love Chose Winter

Saturday at 7

Elara had been awake since 5am because her brain decided that a dinner date was more dangerous than a blizzard and a town meeting and a book launch combined. She lay in bed staring at the ceiling and listening to Adrian breathe on the mattress across from her and told herself this was ridiculous. They’d lived together for months. They’d survived a fire and a scandal and a whole town watching them. Why did asking him to dinner feel like jumping off a cliff. By six she gave up on sleep and went downstairs to the store. The Last Chapter was quiet. The new reading room smelled like fresh paint and coffee and the two couches sat there looking too big and too hopeful and too much like the beginning of something. She made coffee and rearranged books on the new shelves and then rearranged them again. She checked her phone. 7am. She checked it again at 7:01. She wore the blue sweater today because Adrian had once said it looked good on her six months ago and she’d remembered. She wore clean jeans with no paint on them. She brushed her hair twice. She stood in the bathroom mirror and practiced saying just dinner like it was casual and not like her heart was going to explode. At 6:30 she was sitting on the blue couch with her knees pulled up and her hands wrapped around a mug that was already cold. At 6:40 she heard footsteps on the porch. Her stomach dropped to her feet. Knock. She stood up too fast and almost spilled nothing because her mug was empty. She opened the door. Adrian was standing there in a dark button-down shirt and a jacket and jeans that didn’t have sawdust on them and he’d shaved and his hair was still damp from the cold outside and he looked nervous in the way that made Elara feel ten percent less like she was going to throw up. He had his hands in his pockets like he didn’t know what to do with them. “Hey,” he said. His voice was rough like he hadn’t used it yet today. “Hey,” Elara said back. She realized she was smiling too hard and tried to tone it down and failed. “You look... good.” “You too,” Adrian said. He looked her up and down once quick and then looked at the ground like he was embarrassed he’d done it. They stood there for a second in the doorway and it was awkward in the good way. The way that meant this mattered. Then Adrian cleared his throat and held out his arm. “Ready?” “Ready,” Elara said and took it. His arm was warm through his jacket. They walked down Main Street because the diner was only three blocks away and walking felt safer than sitting in a car together. Frosthaven was cold and clear and the sky was that deep winter blue that you only get in January when the sun is low and the snow reflects everything. The streetlights were still on. People were out with shovels and coffee. Mrs. Patel saw them from her window and smiled so big it was obvious. Noah was unlocking his shop and he gave them a thumbs up that he tried to pretend was for someone else. Elara pretended not to see. Adrian pretended not to see. Both of them were smiling. The diner was warm when they walked in and it hit them like a wall. It smelled like pancakes and coffee and fried potatoes and the kind of grease that means food is going to be good. Evelyn was behind the counter and she saw them and her eyebrows went up so high they almost hit her hairline. “Well well,” she said. “Look who it is.” “Don’t,” Elara said immediately. “Don’t what?” Evelyn said with the most innocent face in the world. “Nothing,” Adrian said. They sat in a booth by the window. The vinyl was cracked and patched with tape. The table had ketchup bottles and salt and pepper and a small vase with a fake daisy. It was the most perfect place in the world. The waitress came over. She was young and she clearly knew who they were because she didn’t even ask for names. “What can I get you?” Coffee for both. Pancakes with blueberries for Elara. Burger with cheese and fries and extra pickles for Adrian. When she left it was quiet. The good kind of quiet but also the nervous kind. “So,” Adrian said. “So,” Elara said. “This is weird,” Adrian said. “It is,” Elara said. “Good weird?” “Yeah,” Adrian said. “Good weird.” Elara wrapped her hands around her coffee mug. It was too hot and she liked that. “I’ve never done this before. Not like this. Not in a small town. Not where everyone knows us and will talk about it tomorrow.” Adrian nodded. He was looking at his mug too. “Me neither. Not since...” He didn’t finish. He didn’t have to. They both knew who he meant. Elara reached across the table without thinking and put her hand over his. Just for a second. Just to say I know. Adrian flipped his hand over and held hers. His hands were warm and a little rough from work and sawdust and nails. He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles once. “Elara,” he said. “Yeah?” “I’m glad it’s you.” Elara’s chest did that stupid tight aching thing that she was starting to recognize as hope. “I’m glad it’s you too.” The food came and they ate and they talked. They did not talk about the fire. They did not talk about the article. They did not talk about the store or the couches or the town. They talked about stupid things. Adrian told her about the time he was twelve and tried to build a treehouse by himself and fell out of it and landed in a bush and his mom found him an hour later. Elara told him about the time she got food poisoning twenty minutes before a book signing and had to hide in the bathroom and then go out and smile anyway. They laughed. Real laughs. The kind that come from your stomach and make your eyes water. The waitress refilled their coffee twice. Outside the window the light started to fade. After dinner they didn’t want to go home yet. They paid and left a big tip and walked. Frosthaven was quiet at night. The snow crunched under their boots. The streetlights made pools of yellow on the white. Their breath made clouds. They didn’t let go of each other’s hands. At the corner by the gazebo Adrian stopped walking. “Can I ask you something?” “Anything,” Elara said. “Are you scared?” Elara thought about it. Really thought. “Yes. But not of you. I’m scared of messing this up. I’m scared of people talking. I’m scared of getting hurt again.” Adrian nodded. “Me too. But I’m more scared of not trying.” They stood there for a minute. The air was cold and it smelled like snow and woodsmoke. Adrian looked at her. Elara looked at him. And then he leaned in and kissed her. It was soft. It was slow. It was careful like he was afraid she’d break if he was too hard. Elara kissed him back. Her hands came up to the front of his jacket and she felt how real he was and how solid and how safe. When they pulled apart Adrian rested his forehead against hers. “Okay?” he whispered. “More than okay,” Elara whispered back. They walked home like that. Hands in pockets but shoulders touching. At the store Adrian walked her up to the apartment door and stood there with his hands in his pockets again. “Saturday at 7 was good,” he said. “Saturday at 7 was perfect,” Elara said. Adrian smiled. The real one. The one that reached his eyes. “Can we do it again next Saturday?” “I’d like that,” Elara said. “A lot.” Adrian leaned in and kissed her again. Quick this time. On the lips. “Goodnight Elara.” “Goodnight Adrian.” She went inside and closed the door and leaned against it and put her hand over her mouth because she was smiling so hard her cheeks hurt. Downstairs the new couches were waiting for the town to come sit and read and argue and be together. Upstairs her heart was full in a way it hadn’t been in years. And outside Frosthaven was quiet and still and covered in snow and for the first time in a long time love had chosen winter and winter had chosen to stay and nobody was in a hurry to change