One Day...

Always stand strong.

Years have went by and now my son is 22 years old. He has turned out to be such amazing man. He has watched me go through so much. Well now I have a daughter me and her dad was together for 14 years. He took my son under his wing and raised him the best that he could. Things didn't work out between us and we moved on. We are still friends cause of the kids and he will always hold a piece of my heart. Now I'm living in my own house I don't drink anymore and trying to live the best that I can. I have an American bully named Luna. She is a register emotional support dog. I don't let anything or anyone stand in my way. I met his guy who has been amazing to me. He don't hit or call me names. Every day he tells me that I'm beautiful I'm still learning to accept it. I still don't think I'm beautiful every time I look in the mirror I still see that crippled woman that nobody wants. I know in my heart that one day I'll see the beauty and I'll be happy again. But till then I'm just gonna be me.

I'm a fighter no matter what.

I'm on the right medicine getting more rest trying my hardest not to stress. I'm gonna be 44 here in a couple of months. Some paths down my life were a lesson and some were a blessing. I turned out to be such a head strong woman... I don't let anyone or anything stand in my way. My life is a story but it's my story.

Some people ask me how can I go through everything and still keep my head up but like I tell them I'm a fighter and I won't give up. My family and kids need me. I have sat and thought about what could happen to them when I do pass away.

Many people doesn't know that Lupus can cause varying amounts of memory loss or difficulty concentrating-making people feel a bit slowed down and forgetful. Lupus is very unpredictable. Severe swelling and pain can happen anytime with lupus. It can even produce serious symptoms in a matter of hours. You never see it coming until it's too late. With lupus, most inflammation affects internal organs. So I feel it, but no one can see it.

Lupus is so misleading because it damages structures inside your body with almost no outward signs. It's a serious disease that attacks the inside of my body. Sometimes lupus makes it hard to keep multiple things straight in my head. It can even make you feel forgetful.

You can't make anyone understand lupus who doesn't want to understand lupus. You can't make someone be there for you "in sickness and in health." You CAN love yourself and have gratitude for those who love you no matter what. You can't always get what you want. But more than likely, you can get the things you absolutely need. This is why I never ask for help unless I really need it then I'll ask.

There are a lot of people in the world that doesn't understand or have a clue what people like me has to go through every day.

To the people that has this horrible illness please stand strong with your head up. Don't ever let anyone even family hold you back. There will be rainy days but the sunny days are beautiful.

I'm hoping that this information helps people around the world cause this disease is horrible and this is something I've dealt with since I was a teenager and still dealing with as an adult. This is my story, my life.