Frozen in time

Chapter two

Eliza.

When I get home, I barely have time to get ready for work. The worst thing is that it's always like this.

As soon as I get into the shower, I'm already out. A cat-like bath. On second thought... cats take a while to lick themselves, my bath is more like a soldier in the barracks.

I grab my lab coat from the hanger and my other backpack. This is work. I close my house and run to the subway station.

As my father works in the afternoon, I have to go to work on the subway every day. And that's how I'm going to live until... I'm eighteen, get my driver's license, and um... buy my own car.

You know those thriller movie subways? Where there are some people sitting there... others here... This is all fiction. Because the subways I always take, it looks like a sardine can. Or in this case, a can of people. I usually get caught up with almost the same people: I sit between a serious old man reading the newspaper, and a goth girl, with loud music coming from the headphones. Sometimes I sit next to a bearded man, who keeps staring at me until I reach my stop. But I pray a lot that I'm never in the same car with him. He really scares me.

I arrive at the hospital and go to the children's ward, which is where I meet new cancer patients. My job is to cheer them up, and make sure they don't feel bad, that I might have to die in a few days.

I crouch down next to a little blond girl with big, blue eyes. She's been sitting in her wheelchair, staring at the giraffe drawing on the wall since I walked into the room.

- Hi. - Smiles. - What's your name?

- It's Natasha.

- Hi Natasha, my name is Eliza, and I'll keep you company for a few days. How old are you?

In fact, I know all the children's names and ages. But asking them makes them feel more secure about me.

- I'm eleven.

- Eleven. Right. You are beautiful, did you know that?

- Thanks. - She looks at me a little, but then goes back to staring at the drawing.

- Do you like giraffes?

"Yes," she says coldly.

What hurts most about working in a hospital is having to see the sadness stamped on the faces of the children, who deep down know they may have a short life.

- Well, I like them too... they're so... tall. - I grimaced and laughed at myself for saying that, - So children, you will stay in this room. You can choose your bed, and I'll help you adjust. - I say to all.

I watch quietly, holding my clipboard, as each of the four children walk in their wheelchairs towards one of the beds covered with only a white sheet and a pillow of the same color.

It is known that all children between the ages of ten and twelve, when they are allowed to do something, they run, scream, and sometimes fight for what they want. But in this case, these children somehow did everything in the utmost quiet, and patience. And a little tired. But I understand them.

The hospitalization process for children who have cancer is slow. It depends on the child's case, whether or not he returns home. They have to stay, to take the medication correctly, they undergo chemotherapy and surgeries. And that could even take years.

I see Alex, a very muscular boy who is an intern like me, and he helps me with the kids. He is taking note of who has already taken the medications today.

After putting each one to their bed, and leaving them with their parents, I go to another ward, I have to meet the new patient who has just arrived. She's seventeen, and she has leukemia. I know it will be very difficult to take care of her knowing that... I could be in her shoes.

For the two months I've been doing an internship at this hospital, I've learned a little about leukemia. I know this is blood cancer, it is characterized by the increase in white blood cells in the bloodstream. And I also know, like other types of cancer, the patient has a very small chance of being cured. If not less.

I enter room number thirty-four and find a girl sitting on the bed. She is pretty, has long, curly hair and red, fair skin, and brown eyes. She's wearing denim shorts, a long-sleeved black blouse, and a black ankle boot with metallic accents. She looks... healthy to me. I wouldn't know she's sick if I met her outside the hospital.

- Hi.

- Oh! Hi... - She takes off her headphones when she sees me. - Finally someone came to talk to me. What was it? It even looks like I have a disease. - She laughs.

I don't know if I can laugh at this joke. But even so I smiled a little.

- My name is Eliza. I'm one of the interns who take care of patients. I'll help your nurse.

- That woman with the blond hair? She just stuffed me with pills. - She rolls her eyes. - I don't know if I can like her.

I know she's talking about Ms. Silveria. She's not the nicest nurse I know, but she knows what she does. I laughed at the idea.

- My name is Caroline. But you can call me Carol.

I shake her hand and turn the page to find the card with the name ''Caroline'': fatherless, and lives with her mother and two younger sisters. She was transferred from a hospital in another city, and is in the first stage of cancer.

- I'm the same age as you. I say, as I fill in the medication schedules on the wall chart. - Are you still doing high school?

- Yeah. I mean... I was. I found out I have leukemia in my sophomore year, and they completely skipped me. Now I can go to college. If... I don't die first.

- Hmm. You know, you're one of the few people I've seen in this hospital who still has a sense of humor. And know that this helps a lot in recovery.

I expected her to laugh, but she didn't.

- Yeah... so, I just came to see if you need something... something to drink maybe?

- Um, no thanks. I just...wanted to know..." She presses her lips together, looking in other directions.

She looks a little undecided whether or not to continue the sentence. But then she stops her brown eyes right on mine, and wide open.

- I... wanted to know... when will I leave this place?

I lose my words at the girl's pleading look. Certainly they didn't train me for this. What to say? I know from her file that she's still going to have to stay a long time before they make the diagnosis. But how do you tell an ordinary girl, who seems to have an amazing life out there, that she's going to have to live in a hospital from now on, surrounded by doctors, nurses, and schedules?

- I... hamm, - I swallow dry. - Really, I wanted to tell you a date, or at least... a certain time. It's just that... I've been working here for a short time and...

- Oh sorry. she says, finally taking that look off of me. - I didn't know you were new.

- Not alright.

- Well, the problem is... I know a little bit about this... leukemia thing, and I know... the treatment process is slow. And I also know that I'm going to have to stay here for a long time, because my mom brought a really big suitcase of clothes for me. -she smiles, but her smile doesn't reach her eyes.

I just listen to her, silent.

- It's just... - she continues, and looks at the ceiling. I know this is a way to avoid tears, because I've done it myself. - I wanted to stay at home... I wanted to stay with my sisters, I wanted... to be able to calm them down, saying that I'll be fine. And there's my boyfriend... Chad. He's... so cute to me, he was so supportive when I found out about the disease, and... he was on my side. I didn't want to have to be so far away from them... and only be able to see them by appointment. This is... depressing. And... my God, I'm sorry, I'm taking too much of your time.

- Oh no, no. I... I'm staying until seven at night. And... listening to you... is... my job.

I so wish I could help this girl. Tell her that she'll be healed soon, and she'll be able to go home soon. But I can't give patients hope, not sure. It's the rules.

- Well, anyway, fine. I know... that we'll see each other again, for the next few... - she has a weak smile on her lips. - Days. And... I loved meeting you...?

- It's Maria Eliza. - I say quickly. - But you can call me Eliza.

- Okay. Eliza. I liked you.

I laughed. I couldn't help but feel happy.

- Thanks. Anything you need... from something to eat, to someone to just... talk. I will be here. It's ok?

- Of course. Thanks.

Carol sits down on the bed again, placing her feet crossed on the bed, and puts the headphones back on. After jotting down her medication schedules on the wall board, I leave the room.

Ufa! This job is awesome! It totally eliminates what little self-esteem I have left.

And that's just the beginning of the entire afternoon of patients I have to visit and hear today's laments. The only time I don't have to feel like a girl with an inability to help is lunch break.

***

Alice.

Every time I try to find a better place to write my books, it turns out to be the worst place, because of my brothers. For example, last week, I took my laptop to my bedroom balcony, and when I thought it would be impossible for my brothers to get into my bedroom, I was wrong. By ''coincidence'' they started to play ball right below where I was, which resulted in shouts of: ''Kick for me!'', ''It was a corner!'', ''That didn't count!'', and ''Goool!'', so you can imagine that I couldn't have peace, not even on my balcony.

I have three younger brothers, two are twins, Leonardo, and Leandro, they are ten years old, and the other is called Carlinhos, and he is five years old. Looks like because I'm the only girl, they all get together just to screw with me. Literally. Once, my mother took my internet for a month, just because I was accused of hiding Pep, Carlinhos's cat in my room, and for him to spend a whole month crying about it. But after that ''death month'' without internet that I had, my mother found the poor cat inside a trunk in the twins' room. I found out that in fact, the cat was always there, they were feeding and watering the pet, and they kept it locked up until my punishment was over. Sometimes I think my brothers watch Disney cartoons too much. In the end, they said they didn't know where the cat was, and were excused.

On my next attempt at peace of mind, I decided to risk my life: I sat on the roof of my house. It was easy to climb up the balcony from my room. And I know it may sound crazy, but it worked. I've been sitting here all afternoon, and none of my brothers get in trouble.

As I type the part of the second chapter of A Love Song, where Richard and Tiffany meet at a CD store, and end up discovering they are fans of the same rock band, a big red ''X'' appears on the screen. from my computer saying ''No connection''. What?! I check the internet, and everything is fine. But when I look up, I see that the big blue sky, painted here and there with a few white clouds, has disappeared. And in its place is a great darkness of clouds and lightning. Now I understand the cause of the connection drop. But that can't be happening! I have exactly twelve thousand nine hundred and forty readers, waiting to read the next chapter of the book. I can't just keep them waiting! But what can I do? There's nothing bad that can happen to me anymore.

I barely close my laptop, and suddenly, extremely thick raindrops begin to fall on me. I totally take back everything I said about not having anything bad that can happen to me.

- Damn it! - I clutch the laptop to my belly, and slowly slide it across the tiles. The rain is so hard now that my black all star converse is all wet when I step onto the gutter so I can jump out onto the balcony.

When I finally get inside my room, I'm soaked through, and to my bad luck, I see that my computer is too.

'No, no, no...' I run with him to my bed and towel him off. Before turning it on for testing, I dry the keyboards with the dryer. I almost freak out when I see the entire screen is all white. I press all the keys, and it ends up causing it to go out, and burn. Ready. Now I'm screwed.

- But he's burned my daughter! -my mother screams for the third time as she analyzes the computer with her big brown eyes behind some sight glasses. - There is no concert.

My mother is a thirty-five year old woman, I can say ''well kept'' to a widow with four children, she has very straight black hair, which I inherited, and is about my height, or that is, she is not a very tall woman. Ms. Matilde is an art teacher at a private Kids school, but she has a talent for technological things. And if she says she doesn't have a concert... It's because she really doesn't.

- So I just... lost all my books that are out there? - I look at her, practically pleading with my eyes.

- Look, if you take him to a specialist, he might try to save his memory. But this computer is hopeless.

- What the hell! - I put my hands to my face, avoiding the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. This computer really was my life.

- Alice, it's no use swearing! I've told you a thousand times to make copies of your E-books and store them on another computer. Now I'm sorry.

I looked at the ground for a second. Trying to find a solution.

- How long do you think it will take for the memory to be recovered?

- I do not know. These things usually take a couple of days.

- Two or three days?! - I raised my voice. - Like this? In two or three days I could lose two or three thousand followers!

- Don't yell at me as if it were my fault! I wasn't the one who went up on the roof in the middle of a storm just to write a silly book!

Now I couldn't contain my tears and ran across the room.

- It's not a silly book! I yelled, before climbing the stairs and entering my room, slamming the door so hard that after this storm is over, I'll take a look at it to see if it hasn't broken.

I lie down on my bed face down, and muffle the crying into my pillow. I know I'm a big girl, I'm already seventeen. And that's the age at which all normal girls get a part-time job that earns around a thousand reais a month, like an internship, or attendant at a clothing store. They meet their perfect, beautiful boyfriends on weekends to go to the movies, and after college they get married and move out of state. But I'm not a normal girl, and I'm far from being.

For now, I dedicate myself entirely, and exclusively, to my books - and of course, to my studies. - But my books to me is everything. I know that eight hundred reais for my mom's allowance isn't enough to live a spoiled teenager's life, but it's enough for me to pay for my Literature course, plus buy some clothes. I just don't know how I'm going to buy another computer. And just thinking about going two or three days without posting my books makes me crazy. Literally.

Sometimes I think I must be the unluckiest person in the world. Seriously, all my friends have everything they need and want. Sophie, for example, is an only child, has a father and a mother who dedicate themselves one hundred percent, and entirely to her twenty-four hours of her day. They pay all her expenses, the courses, buy the most expensive clothes, shoes, and perfumes, and not to mention the fat allowance she earns every month. Of course I'm not jealous of my friend, I just don't agree when she complains about the life she has. Because from what it always seemed to me, Sophie's life is a bed of roses.

***

Sophie.

Really, my life is not the bed of roses I would like it to be.

I always have to make everything perfect. And no matter how much I want everyone to stop pushing me, they're always there. Pressing me. My mother and father are the king and queen of pressure, they are a successful couple, healthy, young even, and from what I think... with a great disposition to have s*x, and even so, they decided NOT to have other children, just to keep bugging me for the full twenty-four hours of my day.

Today was a complicated day, - like all the others. - but this one was more. Why does Enrique have to be so romantic, perfect, polite, and devoted boyfriend that I feel like a Badgirl next to him? Ever since he asked me how I feel at the school's doorstep, I've been thinking about it all day. Serious. I could barely concentrate on the Workshop at the agency today. And that's why I'm here in my room for ''punishment'', because some of my father's spy called him and said I was ''sleeping on work''. Speaks seriously! I paid attention to everything, they were talking about Mind and Body Care, and yet, I had to hear a huge speech -''...just for your sake...''- from my mom , because I'm not taking my job seriously, and I have to be locked in my room until before dinner, and I'm still going to go without dessert like a six-year-old. And it looks like my parents let me eat candy!

Since I was ten years old, they've cut -COMPLETELY - my sweets, soda, snacks, and fats in general. Not that I mind having my menu watched every second, I don't mind having the best things life is offering me. My father is a great lawyer and very serious, and my mother is one of the partners of a very famous cosmetics company in Latin America, and they are such a well settled couple, who are always trying to solve my life. My mom says I have to do my best to make all my dreams come true, and my dad comes in with the money.

I know I'm taking chances that someone else wanted to take. But sometimes, all this pressure drives me crazy, and so freaked out that from time to time, I think I'd rather live on another planet, Mars maybe. Who knows, they'll leave me alone! There are millions of rules exclusively for me, and one of them, besides not eating almost anything unhealthy, are: sleep before nine to ''don't get dark circles'', wake up before seven to ''take advantage of the morning sun '', don't go to night parties, don't smoke, don't drink, don't go without water for more than half an hour, and never... I mean... EVER turn off the cell phone. My father, in addition to being overprotective, is obsessed with security, he just didn't hire security guards to watch me all day, because I really couldn't stand it. Although, with so many ''spies'' he has out there, I highly doubt he needs security. Everything I do, they find out.

Anyway, I just talked about the rules, there are still duties that are worse than those of a military in service. My life is more like a reality show, where it is watched, controlled, and judged twenty-four hours a day. I remember like it was yesterday, how difficult it was for me to get permission to date Rick about six months ago... He came to ask for my dating hand at a very formal dinner here at home, my mother almost cried the whole dinner, - thinking he was the first boy I'd ever hooked up with in my life. - My father, on the other hand, almost killed Enrique just by looking at him, and that's not an exaggeration! Mr. Dr. Albert Castryne knows how to be scary. But after a series of questions and ulterior motives, they finally let me date him. Of course, under the rules, under their eyes, and under their circumstances. Speaks seriously? It doesn't even look like I'm seventeen!

After I finish my Physics homework, I run to my cell phone, which is vibrating with dozens of charging messages. I lie on my bed, look at them all, answer a few, and stop breathing when a new message arrives on my screen: Enrique. The message says:

''Hi Princess. How are you? You haven't replied to any of my messages today. I am worried.''

I fight the urge not to respond, and I reply:

''Hey. I'm fine and you? And sorry, I'm... grounded.''

I know I'm not being fair to him, but it's the only way not to hurt him. He answers me immediately:

''Of punishment? What did my favorite child do to deserve such injustice?''

He manages to get a smile from me even from a distance. I hate myself for not appreciating it.

''Slept at work.''

''Well, don't do it again. Have you done your high school work?''

''Yea.''

''We still have time for a movie.''

''You know I have a bedtime.''

''I know it's three hours from now.''

I know what he means. He wants to light the flames of the volcano named Albert. And I also know he wants to see me because he likes me, if he didn't, he would have run away from me at the first opportunity. I have to appreciate that. I need to appreciate that.

''Rick, come here to the house and get me. But stop the car far away for my parents not to see. I'm going to run away from home.''

''As you wish, rapunzel.''

That's immature for me, but it's the only way I can see my boyfriend without going without TV for a year or worse: putting up with my dad's fury. After I change into a pair of high-waisted black shorts, a dark blue cropped blouse, and an ankle boot, I put on some watermelon-flavored lip gloss, and make sure the hem is clean outside my room. But as I expected, my housekeeper Joane knocks on my bedroom door. I open it and stick my head out.

- Hey?

- Dinner will be served soon.

- Tell the Castryne I'm not hungry. I bet my mom will love the idea. - I say the last sentence to myself.

- I don't know if your parents will like this Sophie. - Joane says, with a worried expression on her face. Is it me or her job?

- Oh, do me a big favor? - I run towards my purse, and pull out a fifty reais bill. - Tell my parents that you already brought me dinner in the room, that I ate everything, and that I'm going to sleep.

I give the money into her hands, and she hesitates to accept it, but she finally puts it in the pocket of her uniform, which consists of a white and blue dress, with very clichéd lace. She nods her head and leaves. My accomplice. It's not the first time I've done this.

Since I know my parents will be walking around the house and can see me leaving, I opted to go out the window myself. As soon as I managed to hang from the window, I remembered that it's two meters away from the floor, and that I have two options: either I go through the dining room window, at the risk of my parents seeing me hanging, or I I jump those two meters and run the risk of breaking an arm. I don't even need to think twice. I grab the branch of a vine beside my window and try to climb down, but I forget I'm wearing high heels, and end up slipping and falling onto the lawn. At first my a*s hurt a little, but I soon got up and realized I had broken one of my nails. And that hurt even more.

I walked quickly through the coconut trees and bushes so that no one would see me. And when I get to the gate I remember I didn't bring the controller, I curse myself at the thought for it. Now, I'm going to risk breaking more nails. I climb a tree near the wall and swing my feet to the other side. The wall is about four meters or so high, and when I look at the ground my head spins. I still don't know how I did it. I crawl slowly to my right, and when I get close to some garbage cans, I jump over it, then jump to the ground. My God. My breathing is fast, and I'm sweating. I must look awful right now.

- Sophie?

I look back and see my dad looking at me with those killer eyes, wearing his usual dark gray suit and tie, and behind him are my mom and Joane. I swallow the dry.

- Hi-hi? - I stutter. - What's it?

- Were you running away from home? - he says, my mother just shakes her head reproachfully when she sees my condition.

- And I? No. It looks like I am.

- Yes. Sophie, where were you going?

- I... I was going to a friend's house. - I lied, - But how do you...? - I look at Joane, who opens her eyes wide.

- Do you really think we would fall for this story that Joane took food in the room for you?

Not this one. They're going to fire the poor thing.

- My daughter, you cannot buy your housekeeper with money. - my mother says, with those big blue eyes of hers, very wide.

Actually I can.

- Mom, Dad, I'm sorry... I just wanted to go out for a while.

- Come on, let's go in and have a little chat. - my mother takes me by the hands and drags me inside the gates. -But first, Joane will fix her bruises.

Wait. What bruises? I look down at my hands, and my knee, which are flush, and a little b****y. When did this happen?

- And don't think I bought that story that you were going to a friend's house, miss. - my father says, and passes by us. He's furious and I can guess what I'm going to hear from now on.

I'm real screwed.