The world was silent when we died

Family

Anger!

That’s what i feel everytime he calls out to me. They broke the mold when they made me. My parents. I always say wisdom and understanding is far from them and they prove it to be true each day.

My name is Happy and it’s the most stupid name among others, that’s the second mistake my parents made with me, who names their child “Happy” ? It sounds like the parents had the child from a one night stand and the father abandoned the mother so the mother named the child something to bring her joy, what a joke of a name, that’s not even a real name, it’s just a word to me. I know you are wondering what the first mistake is, well it’s them getting married and having kids up to the third which is me when they are poorer than the proverbial church rats. I hated the name so much that i changed it to Kaima after i was done with secondary school.

I always wish i was born into another family, a family with good sense of humor, more understanding, richer or even wiser. A family that understands what love and care is and practice it always. A family i can run to when I’m down. A family that won’t make me feel any more less of myself, a family that will stand by me no matter what. A family with less troubles. Not perfect but close to perfect. Guess i have bad luck in having good things including family.

“Happy, you came home today, welcome” I ignored him (my father) and went inside my room, no matter what he says to me even if it’s just ‘hello’ i hate him so much that his ‘hello’ annoys me. I sat on my bed, mind blank, just staring at the ceiling, then i heard a knock on my room door, “ who’s there?! I’m busy” my mom walked in without me confirming she can come in “I said I’m busy and you still entered” “busy lying down?, how was work” “good. Anything?” “Ah ah i can’t greet you again?” “Oya you have greeted me na, please leave” “may God deliver you” she said as she left.

Most times i feel bad the way i speak to her but they made me this way. Angry, bitter, sad. They never supported me for anything, financially or emotionally or whatsoever way. I dislike every member of my family but words can’t describe how much i hate my dad, i hate the fact that i even have to call him father/Dad. He is the worst human on earth. I know you must be thinking what he has done to make me hate him so much, he talks too much and don’t know when to shut up to the extent that the family has no secret because every little thing that happens in the house he tells everyone that cares to listen or not, and when there is nothing more to say he ends up lying and belittling his family by using condescending words about his family to everyone, he has the most f****d up mentality, his too much yapping makes him talk to people he shouldn’t even be talking to and when those ones draws closer to him, he gets angry and drive them away with his bad behavior, he has no self respect, he is very self centered and the list goes on, so yes, i don’t hate him for no reason, he has given every member of my family no reason to like him at all. Then there’s my sister who acts like him but every one sees her as a saint and me the bad person, I’m certain right now you think I’m the bad person too.

****back to me*****

I lay on my bed telling myself i would be more serious with my weight loss journey and be less concerned about Destiny’s deceit so months later i will have the baddest come back.

“Happy!! Daddy is calling you”

Another thing i hate about my father, 98% of the time he calls someone for the most stupid reason, and this is not even about me hating him, everyone knows he does the most stupid s**t and this is one of it.

I went to the living room to answer him and unsurprisingly, he just called me to ask ‘how was work’ .

Yes, I’m ranting too much about his bad behavior but it’s part of what shaped my life and i hate it. I’m dealing with my weight issues and also dealing with the hate everyone has for me and the family that I’m supposed to run to and they would have my back and show me love, they are nothing but a nuts job, no love in the family so yes i hate it here!

I went back into my room with anger. My whole life is dust. Nothing beautiful is going on in my life and the only way to make myself happy is me having wild, beautiful imaginations. I had that imagination till i fell asleep and woke up in the middle of the night to see several messages from Destiny.

‘Hey babe, i assume you are at your house right? How are you?”

“You didn’t eat breakfast this morning”

“Are you still upset with me?”

“Would you come to my place tomorrow?”

“Jude came by the house this morning, he asked of you” (Jude is his friend)

These are the messages i woke up to see from Destiny late at night. ‘Why so much messages at a goal’ i wondered, ‘was he feeling guilty that i saw the text’ i thought not to reply but on a second thought i decided to act like everything is alright and i replied

“Yh, I’m at my dad’s house and i didn’t eat breakfast because i was terribly late for work and yes i would come over after work tomorrow” and i went back to sleep immediately.