Allergic to you

Five

Leonie’s pov

I waited for the worst to happen.

All night I was awake in my bed thinking about what he said. We will talk about this tomorrow. He already made up his mind. My fate was decided before the sun came up.

At 6:00 AM I put on my uniform one time. I wore my binder, undershirt, chef coat and beanie. It felt like I was just going through the motions. Like I was wearing a costume that was not really me.. I did not know how to be anyone else.

The kitchen was empty when I got there. No Jason. No Mrs. Holloway. Just the memory of our kiss from the night still in the air.

I started making breakfast without thinking. I made eggs, bread and fruit. My hands knew what to do even if my mind was a mess. Would he fire me? Call the police? Just pretend it never happened?

The last option was the worst. Because I did not think I could pretend anymore.

The kitchen door opened at 7:15 AM. I turned around thinking it would be Jason.

It was Mrs. Holloway. She looked pale. Her eyes seemed sharper than usual. She looked at me looked at me for the first time.

"Mr. Black wants to see you " she said. "In his study. Now."

My heart sank. "Is something wrong?"

She did not answer. She just. Walked away her footsteps echoing on the floor.

I wiped my hands on a towel took off my apron and walked to his study. Each step felt heavier than the last. The door was open.

Jason was standing by the window his back to me. He was wearing a shirt and his sleeves were rolled up. His hands were in his pockets. The morning light showed the tension in his jaw. He had not slept either.

"Close the door " he said without turning around.

I closed it. The sound of the door closing was loud.

"I had Mrs. Holloway check your background night " he said, still not looking at me. "Not Leo Chen,. Your real name."

My blood ran cold. "I can explain"

"Leonie Chen " he said, turning around. His eyes were red. He looked tired. "You are twenty-four years old. You graduated from Le Cordon Bleu. You worked with Marchetti. You do not have a record." He took a step closer to me. "You are a woman. You have been a woman the time."

I tried to speak. I could not.

"You cooked for me " he said, his voice quiet. "You touched my food. You breathed on my skin." His voice was calm. It was scarier than if he was yelling. "I trusted you. I told you about my problem. About the women who hurt me.. You lied to me."

"I did not have a choice " I said.

"There is always a choice " he said, his voice cracking. "You chose to deceive me. Every morning you wore that binder. Every evening you called me 'sir.' You chose to make me think you were someone."

I felt tears in my eyes. "If I had told the truth you would not have hired me. I needed this job. My mother is sick. I have hospital bills to pay. I was going to lose my home -"

"Stop " he said, holding up his hand. "I do not want to hear your excuses."

I stopped talking. The silence between us was uncomfortable.

"You are fired " he said.

His words hurt me like a punch. I took a step back. "Please. I will do anything. I will work for free -"

"I do not want you in my house " he said, his voice flat. "I do not want you in my kitchen. I do not want to smell your soap or taste your food or remember the way you looked at me."

"But you are not allergic to me " I said, feeling desperate. "You touched me. You kissed me. Nothing happened. Does that not mean anything?"

His jaw got tighter. "It means my body is lying. Just like you."

He walked to his desk picked up an envelope and held it out. "This is your severance pay. Three months pay. It is enough to cover your bills until you find another job."

I did not take it. "I do not want your money."

"Take it " he said, throwing the envelope on the floor. ". Get out of my house before I call security."

I stood there frozen. The envelope was on the floor. It felt like an insult. Three months pay for three months of lies. It was a trade I guess.. It did not matter, because it hurt.

" night " I whispered. "In the garden. That was not a lie."

He did not react. "It was a mistake."

"Was it?" I took a step closer to him. "You kissed me like you meant it. You held me like you never wanted to let me go. That was not a mistake. That was the honest thing we have done."

He took a breath. For a moment I saw something in his eyes. It was like a crack in his armor.

Then he closed it off.

"Goodbye, Leonie " he said, turning his back to me.

I bent down. Picked up the envelope. I walked to the door. My hand was on the knob when I stopped.

"I am sorry " I said to his back. "Not for lying. I am sorry because you are going to spend the rest of your life pushing away everyone who gets close to you and you will tell yourself it is because of your allergy." My voice broke. ". It is not. It is because you are scared.. I am sorry you cannot see that I was never the enemy."

I opened the door. Walked out.

---

I packed my things in ten minutes.

I threw away my binder. Folded my chef coat at the bottom of my bag. I looked at myself in the mirror. Hair, red eyes, no makeup. And I did not recognize the woman looking back at me.

I told myself you did this. You lied. You lost. Now go.

I carried my bag down the stairs through the kitchen past the herb garden where Jason kissed me. The sun was. It felt cruel. It showed me all the flaws in my disguise.

Mrs. Holloway was waiting by the door. She did not say anything. She just opened the door for me.

I walked outside.

The air smelled like rain and thyme. I would miss that smell. I would miss the kitchen. The way it looked at dawn. I would miss cooking for someone who actually cared about food.

I would miss Jason.

A black car was waiting for me by the gate. The engine was running. Jason had called it for me. Now he was taking care of me and that made it hurt more.

I opened the door.

"Leonie " Jason said behind me.

I turned around. He was standing in the doorway barefoot. His shirt was untucked. His face was pale. His eyes were red. It looked like he had been crying.

"What?" I asked.

He walked towards me slowly. "I am not allergic to you " he said. "I have been tested with a hundred women. Their skin, their hair, their tears. Every single one made me sick within minutes." He stopped in front of me. ". You held my hand for thirty seconds and I felt nothing. You touched my cheek. I felt nothing. You kissed me. I felt heat."

"What is your point?" I asked.

"My point is that I do not understand " he said, his voice breaking. "I do not understand why you are different. I do not understand why I cannot stop thinking about the way you tasted. I do not understand why I fired you and then regretted it."

I looked at him. "You fired me " I said.

"I know " he said.

"You threw an envelope at my feet " I said.

"I know " he said.

"You called me a liar " I said.

His hand reached out. He did not touch me. "You are a liar " he said softly. ". You are also the only person who has touched me in five years without making me want to run away.. I do not know how to deal with that."

The envelope was heavy in my hand. The car was waiting behind me. The gate was open.

"What do you want from me?" I whispered.

He looked at me. His eyes were wet. "I want you to stay " he said. "Not as my chef. Not as Leo. Not, as a liar." His hand trembled. "I want you to stay as yourself

I said slowly "If I stay I have to be myself. I do not have to pretend to be someone anymore. I do not have to wear the binder to hide who I am. I do not have to lower my voice or hide my body." I took a step closer to him. Our bodies were almost touching. "If I stay I am a woman. I will be a woman in your house in your kitchen and in your bed if that is what you want."

He stopped breathing for a moment.

He asked me "Is that what you want to happen?"

I did not say anything.

I just dropped the envelope that was in my hand. I moved closer, to him. Put my hand on his chest right over his heart, which was beating very fast. I felt his body shake a little.

I said, "I want to cook for you. I want to make food that you will love. I want to see you eat my food and enjoy it much that you forget about everything else."

He put his hand over mine. Held it there.

He said, "Then stay with me."