December 20
I’m awake, and in a brief bright moment, as a thin thread of daylight comes through my blinds I feel utterly rested and very hopeful. I am just waking, and I can’t recall how old I am. And I feel that there is someone dear to me standing close by. I feel happy and want to stay exactly as I am. But the radiator hisses, and there is a gentle recognition of what that is, that noise, the neighbors, the imaginary rat. This leads me further toward myself, this apartment, the animals in my head and Swan, the failed s****l Compulsive Anonymous meeting, my angry visit with Auntie Flora, my black hole and my ex Ben. My life, in just a brief moment, has gone from simple to incredibly complex and a bit awful. Plus I have a hard on.
I sit up and realize it is day two of my celibacy escap
