ABANDONED DREAMS

CHAPTER 2

Chapter 2

FeloI knew no one in Mokopane. Having just finished school as an architect, I knew that was the place to go to find a job. As a daughter, I needed my father’s blessing to leave out village to go to such a city and live and work. Hesitantly, my father allowed me to go there to look for a job. At least I made him proud by finishing up by studies.  He had always wanted me to be an architect. It was a lucrative career to be in at this time.  South Africa, even though the racial tensions were high, it was becoming modernized. Buildings, bridges and other projects were increasing. With them, the need for architects. I did well in my studies. I received honours in architecture. My graduation was bittersweet to my father. While he was proud that I had achieved what I set out to do, it also meant he would have to let me go out into the world alone. Without his protection. During my last year of school, I had found a company well known all over South Africa.  The company had many job opportunities. The man who owned the company was not from our country. He was an American white man. This made my father weary of him. Even though there were nothing but good things said of him by the tribes and his employees, my father was not swayed. Especially since he had a wife that looked like me. He wasn’t sure what this man would want from his young, beautiful, dark-skinned daughter. Perhaps he only wanted young black women to do what those who oppressed us wanted. To ruin us. Maybe he was offering us jobs to trick us. Or pay us slave like wages. I convinced my father to allow me to find out. If anything that was not upright went on, I would come home. He trusted me and allowed it. Though I was raised with lots of pride and taught not to take from the whites. Because they would expect things in return. Also, my father was against the idea that we needed them to save us. He felt we were perfectly capable of caring for ourselves. If only they would remove their unfair laws to keep us down. Which is why he pressed education and self-sufficiency on us all. I was my father’s child. Proud as well. But, I needed a job and all that I had heard of this man and his company was positive. When I interviewed with Mr. Fred for the job, he was kind and professional. He looked over my qualifications and was more than willing to hire me as they were impressive. I noticed that there was a tall, handsome, dark-skinned guy who sat in on the interview.  He sat on the couch against the wall and said nothing. When the interview was over, he was called to step outside with the owner. I sat there, wondering. Not only what they were speaking of, but who this man was. He must have some importance to have been there during the interview. I could see them through the window. They not only spoke. They also laughed and joked as old friends were. Yes, he was surely important.

It was shortly after that he came back in. I looked him up and down the same way that he did me.

“Felo. I am Stephen. An architect and personal assistant to Mr. Fred. The company’s owner. He had to step out. But, he is impressed with you and has given me the permission to extend a job offer to you. Will you accept and come work with us?” he asked with a smile showing his straight, white teeth.

That smile alone would have convinced me. He actually made me blush to see him. Once he told me the salary, I knew there only one answer. Yes. I would take the job. As excited and proud as I was, there was another issue. I had nowhere in that town to stay as I worked. My town was too far away to commute back and forth.

I begin to look for somewhere to stay. When Stephen heard that I was looking for somewhere to stay so that I could get back and forth to work, he approached me at lunch one day.

“Hey, how are you?” he asked as I went to take a bite of my Bobotie. I almost dropped my food.

“I’m well. And you?” I returned.

“I’m well too. May I sit?” he asked, his bagged lunch in his hand.

“Sure. I could do with some company.”

“That looks good.” He said, nodding at my food. “Did you make it?” “I did.”

“It smells good. Reminds me of home.” he told me.

“Would you like some?” I offered.

“Only if you have enough.” He answered with a smile.

“I have plenty. I am still getting used to only cooking for one.”

I explained at the large portion I had sitting in front of me. I took my extra fork and served him some of my food. At the same time, he pulled out his lunch. It was Chakalaka with bread. He broke the bread and spooned some of him onto my bowl as well. I accepted it with a smile. I took a bite and was blown away.

“Did you make this?” I returned the question.

“I did. It’s only me now since I have purchased a home. Probably too big for me. I cook and then eat the leftovers for the next two days.” He confessed.

“That makes sense.”

“Speaking of things that make sense. I heard that you are looking for someplace to stay. Is that correct?” he inquired of me as we ate.

I blushed as I didn’t want to seem as if I was wanting. I did, however, nod my head yes to answer his question as I looked down at the food.

“Well, I have two extra rooms. I don’t see any problem with you staying with me.”

“That is kind. But, what will people think of me? Living with a man that I am not married to?” I asked. My reputation needed to maintain so that I could marry an honorable man someday.

“They will think that you are my co-worker and roommate. Because that’s what you will be. Your reputation will hold.” He promised me.

“Are you sure?” I asked him.

“As long as you cook like this at least twice a week, I am very sure.”

He added, enjoying what I had shared with him.  We decided right them that I would move in. I would have my own room and space to work. I was excited and intrigued. Everything seemed to be coming together for me. Except I knew that there was no way I could tell my father that I was staying with a man. He was strict about those things. I had never even had a boyfriend. During our nightly call, he asked me if I had found somewhere to stay. Since we were from Lebowakgomo. A place far away from the city that I was now working in. To my shame, I told him I found housing with a female classmate from University. I can only imagine his words and disappointment if he found that I was staying with a man. Stephen and I decided on a day that I would move in. He picked me up in one of the cars that he used to drive Stephen around in. We rode out to his house and I was surprised at how beautiful it was. He showed me in and gave me a tour. The house was big for one person. For two people in fact. It was clean and nicely decorated with art. Pictures of different types of architecture were hung around the house. There were also pictures of his mother, uncle, father and sister. I saw a picture of him and our boss along with his wife and their child. My eyes tried to take everything in at once. Then I realized that It was now my home too. I would have time to explore it properly later. He showed me to the room that would be mine.

He was thoughtful enough to make sure that there were fresh linens and towels for me.  The room was bright with shiny, yellow curtains that matched the bedspread. I smiled as I looked around. It reminded me of a hotel I had stayed in with my father many years ago as a child. This hotel was in the Netherlands. I had never stayed in a place so nice before or since.

“I hope you like it. I didn’t know what your favorite color was. I did, however, notice how yellow looked on you the day of your interview. I thought you might like to see it in your room.”

He told me as he spoke from the door and I stood in the middle of the room, was when I noticed that he had a vase of yellow daisies on the window for me. My heart actually skipped a beat. I couldn’t turn and look at him because my smile was so big that it was embarrassing.

“Yellow is lovely. It all is, thank you.” I said over my shoulder, my back still to him.

“I’ll give you some time to unpack.” He told me as he sat my bags that he had carried for me by the bed. “Dinner will be in a couple of hours.”

By now, I had contained my smile and turned to face him. It was then I noticed how truly kind and handsome his face was. It gave me a feeling that I wasn’t used to.

“Will you be cooking?” I asked him.

“Yes. I will. Now I actually have someone here to share the food with. It won’t last as long, but it saves me from eating alone.”

“It does the same for me.” I assured him.

 “I’ll take a shower and rest until dinner time.  Unless you need my help to cook or clean.” I offered him as my manners dictated. I been trained well.

“No. It’s your first night. Let me welcome my new roommate properly. Shower, rest and I will knock when the food is ready. Even though I am sure the smell of the food alone will bring you running into the kitchen.” He joked about his cooking skills.

“You are so humble. I don’t know how you get your head through the door.” I teased him.

“I told you that I wouldn’t have to knock. The smell would bring you.” He told me with that smile beaming at how he had been right.

I just smiled as he pulled the chair out at the kitchen table for me. I sat down and watched as he went back to the stove and made my plate. I was ready for this Braai of pap and vleis. He poured me something to drink and then made his plate and did the same for himself. He sat and we asked for blessings over the food.

We talked of our childhoods, families and time in University. He explained to me how much Stephen had helped him. How much he owed to him. It helped me to understand their relationship better. I was able to see why he was so devoted to him. He owed him a lot. I admired Stephen for taking advantage of the opportunities he was blessed with and not squandering them. I found him more interesting than I thought that I would. As the days turned into weeks

and weeks into months of living and working together, we could no longer hide that were both beginning to have feelings for the other. One day, as we sat on the couch watching the news, I realized how tired I was. It had been a long week of projects at work. We had travelled the week before that. I tucked my legs under me and leaned against the arm of the couch. I closed my eyes telling myself I would just rest for ten minutes. I don’t know how long I was asleep, but I remember feeling as if I was being carried. I also felt safe. When I opened my eyes, I looked up and saw Stephen’s face. I felt his chest against my face where I was lying and smelled his cologne. He was carrying me to my room.  He pushed the door that was already slightly ajar lightly with his foot. The door opened up a little wider and he walked through and over to my bed. I closed my eyes back, hoping this wasn’t a dream and not wanting to leave these arms. He laid me in the bed, removed my socks and pulled the blankets up around me.

“Beautiful.” He whispered. Thinking that I was still asleep. He then tenderly kissed my forehead, brushed my hair that had escaped from my ponytail out of my face and left me to sleep.  As soon as I heard the door close, I opened my eyes, took a deep breath, smiled and then rolled over onto my side. Reliving just that simple moment over and over. Repeating to myself. “He thinks I’m beautiful.”

The next morning, I woke and made breakfast. We didn’t have work for three days. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated everything he had done. I also wanted him to know how I felt about him. He came out in his pajama pants and no shirt. When I turned from the stove, I nearly dropped the plates. After all of these months of living together and getting to know everything about each other, I realized that I had never seen him without his shirt. He had been hiding a masterpiece from me. I collected myself. I think he could tell I was blushing because he smiled as he went to sit at the table.

“It smells good in here. Looks good too. Did your mother come here and prepare breakfast and then sneak off?” he asked to tease me.

“Eh. You have a wise mouth. How about I give your breakfast to that dog that hangs around out in the neighbor’s yard. I bet he would appreciate it.” I told him as I took his plate and pretended to head toward the back door that led out to the yard. He jumped up and grabbed me around my waist with one hand and the plate with the other.

“Lighten up woman. You know I am just teasing you.” He said, as he held me close to his bare chest. Indeed, he was teasing me. Again, I blushed.

“You better be.”

He continued to hold me and look into my eyes. I wanted to look away, but it was as if I couldn’t. I was frozen in this time and space with him. To my surprise, he leaned down and with those same lips and tenderness that he had kissed my forehead with the night before and repeated the same to my lips. I had no choice but to allow him to. It was what I wanted. I allowed him to take the lead. After kissing me for several seconds, he jerked his head back and looked at me again. My lips still parted and my head spinning. Unable to remember to form words.

“Felo, Tell me. Have I overstepped?” he wanted to know.

I let the question sink in. He thought that he had offended me. It was quite the opposite.

“No. You have just taken me by surprise. That is all. I didn’t expect it.”

“Not expecting it is not the same as not liking it. But, still, I should have asked your permission to kiss you.”

“You have my permission.” I told him a little too quickly.

He kissed me again when I explained that to him. I dropped the plate, hearing it crash onto the floor and not caring one bit, I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into his lips.  He pulled back again, only this time, he lifted me up as he had the night before when I was asleep. He carried me past my bedroom and into his. It was larger. The bed as well. He laid me on the bed and the sheets smelled of him. He pulled the tie on my robe and it opened. I had only my undergarments on under it. I pulled my arms from the sleeves as he allowed his pants to fall to the floor.

“You look so pretty. Perfection. Just as I imagined all this time. I have wanted you since  the day I heard you speak in your interview. The feeling has only grown with getting to know you.” He confessed.

My head was really spinning now. I couldn’t believe that he wanted me for so long. He had been so respectful and caring of me. As a friend. I knew that I had begun to have feelings for him. I had no clue that we shared those feelings. It made me smile to hear him say it. He leaned down until his body was pressed against mine. I breathed him in as he did the same to me.

“Have you felt the same?” he wanted to know.

“I have.” I responded, becoming nervous as I thought of what was to come.

He smiled and kissed me again. I sat up as we kissed so that he could reach around me and unlatch my bra. He did so and then we lie back down. He caressed my breast tenderly. My nerves were so raw; I began to shake. I had never been kissed or touched like this before. He noticed.

“Shall I stop?” he asked.

I shook my head no.

“You are shaking. Are you cold?” he asked me.

Again, I shook my head no.

“What is it then? Share your worries. I want you to feel well. I want you to want this like I do.” He assured me. It melted my heart that he cared so much for my comfort.

“Junior. It’s just. I’m embarrassed to say so, but, I have never done this before.” I told him.

Feeling my body flush with embarrassment. Leaning up on his arms, he looked me directly in my eyes.

“Never?” he repeated.

“Never.”

“Then it’s my honor to be the first. I hope to be the last. I won’t ever hurt you. Just relax.”

He whispered as he began to kiss me again. Using his knee to open my legs so that he was between them. He reached down and helped me to remove my panties. He used his fingers to find my weakness and began to rub it in a circle. I began to make noises that I had never heard before. Let alone made with my own mouth. The way he touched me made me feel, electrified. His mouth would only free me for seconds. Long enough for him to see the look on my face as he used his fingers to further please me. I reached above my head with one hand and twisted the sheets between my fingers as a feeling began to arise from somewhere inside of me. He then used his lips to take my breast, one at a time into his mouth. Not two minutes later, I felt an explosion that caused me to cry out his name. “Stephen!!”

“Yes…I’m here.” He said into my ear.

My eyes remained closed as my body shook. I didn’t think there could be any better feeling, until I felt him enter me. I grabbed the sheets tighter and used my free hand to push myself backwards and away from him as I whimpered.

“It’s okay. I’ll go slowly for your sake.” He told me.

I always knew there would be some pain on my first time making love. My friends from university told me of it. They were right. But I was determined to soldier through until it became the pleasure that they spoke of as well. Hopefully, it would equal to the feeling I had just experienced at his hands, literally. Not one to break his word that I could tell. He did ease himself in slowly. I relaxed and held onto him as he did this. Once he was fully inside of my love, he sighed as if he was at home.

He began to make love to me and then came the pleasure that they had spoken of.

They had also told me of the signs to look for when the man was being pleasured as well.  Junior was showing them all. He made noises and on occasion, would call my name. He would run his tongue along my jawline, kiss my lips and down to my neck. Nibble lightly on my ear and at times, have to slow down. As he worked within me, the feeling that I had earlier began to resurface. Again, my body became hot. I felt as though I would again, explode. My back arched up from the bed as I did. I yelled his name out as this happened. He then joined me. Once he and I had both finished and were satisfied, he laid on me, his face buried in my neck. I felt different. Satisfied. Like a true woman now. Also, afraid that he would not want me anymore now that he had me. He was intent on proving me wrong.