her sweet chains

Episode 18

I quickly awoke with a gasp as my sleep fogged state registered the unfamiliar building around me. It took maybe a second to remember what had happened and where I was at which point the pain in my neck screamed at me. It seems I’d fallen asleep on the sofa where me and Jamie had sat curled up after our pizza. I dug the heels on my hands roughly into my crusty eyes before my nose twitched and I jumped up beaming. Jamie smiled at me through the large hatch though to the kitchen.

“Ha ha my evil plan to wake up worked.” He said in a mock villain voice,

“Pancakes are Evil?” I said walking over to lean on the hatch,

“Not evil maybe but disappointing I had to go the shop this morning and they didn’t have any blueberries.” I pouted for a second before I beamed playfully at him,

“Is there any maple syrup?” he smiled at me,

“Would I make you pancakes if there wasn’t?” I jumped up leaning through the hatch to kiss Jamie playfully on the cheek. “So what’s the plan for today?” he asked passing me a heaped plate of pancakes and a small glass bottle of Syrup. I shrugged,

“Acclimatising I suppose.” I said settling the plate on the coffee table sitting myself down on the sofa, “how long before you start school?”

“Six days.” he said winkling his nose in distaste. it was clear to everyone that Jamie was done with his formal education but Darius was an alpha who was very insistent that formal education was important as it gave opportunities in the wider world which was important if we were to survive we cant be totally self contained. Jamie was still insistent that he wanted to serve the pack as an enforcer but Darius had insisted that Jamie must at least finish his GCSE’s first so actually this situation was pretty much win win for Jamie he was sort of an enforcer as well as finishing his mandatory schooling although it did require him to be away from the pack which I knew would be hard.

“Why do they start a new term on a Thursday?” Jamie shrugged,

“How long till your at University?”

“There’s a registration induction thing in two weeks. What the hell I am going to do by myself for eight days?” Jamie smiled,

“Learn to cook your own pancakes?” he suggested with a light smile. 

           The next two weeks were actually a very sharp learning curve for me more than Jamie as I’d never lived without the pack, yet I could see that he was still struggling with the change too. The first two or three days me and Jamie spent exploring our new neighbourhood that basically meant finding out the location of our nearest supermarket, bank, coffee shop etc, And after that we began buying a variety of junk to make our flat look less like a box. Basically though I knew what we were trying to do we were just trying to kill time. we had agreed with Darius to call home everyday, I called on Monday, Wednesday Fridays and Jamie called Tuesday, Thursday ,Saturday and Sundays despite the fact that these only had t be two minutes checking in type calls they had actually rapidly become hour long deep and meaningful talks about nothing. As well as the fact that I also both spent large sessions of the day emailing the pack or chatting online with Carl or being pestered for cybersex by Dean (“he is unbelievable.” Jamie commented reading over my shoulder “a couple hundred miles isn’t going to stand in the way of him getting laid.”)I wasn’t sure if this constant contact with the pack made me feel better or worse but I missed them all so much I couldn’t contemplate doing anything else. But there was one thing that I couldn’t get any help with however much I wanted – Derek was yet again sulking. He seemed to be the one who was constantly avoiding my calls, never answering the house phone or his mobile never popping up in the background with a smart ass comment. I had emailed him of course the day we had arrived, but the next day on the phone Darius asked me very nicely to not do that any more. Apparently Derek didn’t seem to take my email in the spirit that it had been sent or he did and didn’t like the sentiment either way when Derek had read his email he had erm….thrown the laptop across the lounge smashing it against the far wall and according to Darius that made it a very expensive email one that Derek wouldn’t be able to afford if I persisted doing this every few days. According to Carl Derek had become prone to throwing things since I’d left. According to Dean Living with him was currently ‘like living with ten bitches with sever PMT.’ as a few days melted into a week the amount that I missed the pack hadn’t diminished at all it was still a constant pain gnawing away at my insides. But Derek the way I missed him I can’t even think of how to describe it, so I’ll compare him to chocolate. Even the most intent chocoholic doesn’t crave chocolate all the time but if there’s some in the fridge we may think a little nibble maybe in order, but we don’t necessarily want it all the time. although when a girl gets chocolate pangs nothing else will do and for some reason that always occurs when you have none in the cupboard, and as you try to wait it out all that happens is that it just gets worse and worse because you have to have chocolate nothing else will scratch the itch and stop you from thinking bout it. Now replace the word chocolate with Derek and imagine that chocolate pangs are eternal and that you’re in a country that doesn’t permit chocolate. which ,makes it worse if chocolate didn’t exist you would never know what you were missing but in this hideous world I knew chocolate and I knew where it was an I knew I could have it if I wanted . I could remember how it smelt and I could remember so clearly how it tasted and I wanted it constantly. Derek dominated my thoughts day and night I was caving him and it was just getting worse everyday. I mean I had missed him when he went hunting rogues and hell since I’d started shifting it had got worse and I’d only been away from him for five days at the longest and it was unbearable. He was all I could think about and he was everything I wanted right now AND I f*****g HATED IT.

           Jamie had indeed started at the community college though my questions of how his first day went was replied with a shrug as Jamie drew his head back out of the fridge and simply said,

“it smelt funny do you feel like steak or chicken?” his dedication to community college wasn’t any more intense than his dedication to school had been and this didn’t change a whit as time passed and the time for me to start university drew nearer. But though Jamie didn’t dedicate himself whole heartedly to his studies it was still enraging for me as he was away from me for so long, and hence I spent such a long time alone which I most definitely was not used to. Being alone didn’t sit well with me so I seemed to just be bouncing off the wall stalking around the flat like a caged animal as all I could think about in these hours of being alone was Derek, which made my chocolate pangs become more and more intense. At home running had always been a suitable outlet for my twitchy moods, but here in the dirty stinky city I had no wide open spaces to just run in and jogging along the rubbish laden pavements didn’t appeal to me at all. So I joined a gym- I went a total of three times before I gave up exasperated as I quickly noticed both the bodybuilders and the trainers there regarded my weightlifting and running Abilities with eyes that were a little two wide definitely a little too surprised, this drove me away from the Gym as I had taught that our survival was dependant on our ability to blend in  causing this level of interest made me uneasy. But two days later I’d been forced out of the flat again before I stated throwing things and I found myself joining in a kickboxing class, of course my strength and flexibility still caused slightly raised eyebrows but they were marred by my lack of technique hence I wasn’t too obvious so this was the perfect outlet. So I started attending classes daily, it didn’t give me enough to do but for now it was a focus and that was something, when I was in that room- running, punching kicking the pain of Derek seemed to just fade away. It didn’t disappear but it just seemed to fade into something less significant I could ignore it.

“So can’t sleep again?” Jamie asked striding into the living room where I was sprawled out on the sofa flicking through the TV channels aimlessly.

“Neither can you.” I said flicking from news to some violently florescent kids show; Jamie leaned over the back of the sofa pressing a kiss to the top of my head. That was a gesture I missed back in the pack I was kissed on the forehead about a hundred times a day I never even thought about it but now I missed that simple little gesture, it was something I’d honestly never considered but I missed it so much now it was thoroughly strange.

“Its six am sweetheart to me this is time to get up you’re the one who thinks daytime starts at noon. This is why you’ll be a brilliant student.”

“right.” I said running a hand across my forehead vaguely yawning “so what’s your plan for the day?”

“Maths, Biology, double English.” Jamie called dully from the kitchen,

“OUCH.”

“What about you?”

“A thrilling day I get to go do laundry then shopping fun fun fun.” I said dully. Since we had arrived to be honest I felt like I was living constantly under in the house punishment. But Jamie

Was busy and right now I honestly had nothing better to do and I found activity easier to deal with than boredom. Jamie jumped over the back of the sofa landing heavily next to me,

“Tell you what, how about I blow off class and keep you company.”

“I’m not your excuse to ditch double English.” I snapped ruffling Jamie hair before snagging his toast. “Besides I’m starting school tomorrow I need to organize my pencils.” Jamie smiled,

“You know if you don’t want to be domestic you could unpack instead.” He suggested, I looked vaguely around the room Jamie did sort of have a point. All the essentials were already here so the boxes and duffels scattered around the room contained books, pictures a few odd bits of clothes that so far we hadn’t needed so they were still in the boxes. I would get round to unpacking one day-maybe but I really hated packing.

“I figured this way it’s all ready for the end of the year.” Jamie chuckled, before he plucked the half eaten piece of toast from my hand and strode back to the kitchen,

“Like I said the perfect student.” He said yawning “I’m going to go do my Math homework.”

“No need it’s done.” I called resuming my channel surfing.

“You did my maths homework.”

“Yeah.” I said casually, “I was bored.”

“Well thanks guess I can start Biology then.”

“Done.”

“You did my biology homework too?” he said slowly

“I was REALLY bored.” Jamie chuckled as he retrieved a towel from the Airier and strode out of the room.

“Wow. Somebody’s pissed you off”. Scott smiled as I battered the s**t out of the kick pad he was holding for me. I didn’t smile back I didn’t need to encourage him Scott had been flirting less than subtly since I started despite being my instructor here on Mondays and Wednesdays, I think it may have had something to do with my rather flexible ability which I demonstrated in my first class (that it the fact that I can hook both feet behind my head! an odd ability even for a shape shifter though I’d had to stop doing it at home as it tended to have an odd effect on the boys!!!). He was rather attractive I have to admit at about twenty, short tussled light blond hair that made me think surfer, as well as the most amazing blue eyes. I had grown up with shape shifters all of whom had very dark eyes so to me blue eyes were something beautiful and hypnotically exotic. He was a much smaller build than I was used to but still had muscle under him after all he was a level two black belt. He usually ended up paring up with me despite being the instructor as it had become clear that I was pretty strong , stronger than any other girls and none of the boys would give me their best shot they all acted like I was made out of spun glass an attitude I’d never had much patience with. Though my boys were naturally very protective they still liked to tussle with me a little I was tough enough to take these humans out so their reserve irked me.

“Nah.” I said with a smile hitting the pad with a hook kick that I could see made him stagger slightly. “I’m just focused you’ll know if somebody pisses me off.” I said kicking him again.

“I’m sure I will.” he said slightly breathlessly “so there’s no real reason your trying to plant me on my ass.” I smiled,

“I would never do that.” I said playfully “it’s such a nice ass I would be afraid of denting it.” I said swinging my leg round to gently kick it, I hadn’t lied it was a nice ass. “I’ve just not been sleeping. I thought maybe I could exhaust myself into forcing my body to sleep.” I said completely unsure why I had said anything at all.

“Ahhh.” He said “I can see why that would piss you off but I can tell you the best remedy for temporary insomnia.”

“Yeah?” I said kicking the pad hard in response to his playful tone.

“Sex.” He said simply. I rolled my eyes before booting the pad again.

“I’ll call that plan B.” I said in a deadpan voice.

“Oooh.” Scott said “if that’s plan B girl you have not been doing it right. Sparring Equipment on Guys.” He called out which I was actually thankful for as it allowed me to turn away as an unfamiliar burning in my cheeks told me his flirting had actually made me blush!

           Thirty minutes later sweaty and slightly more tender I ran invigorated up the stairs to out attic apartment feigning deafness as our landlady the ever chatty Mrs walker tried to summon me no doubt to complain about something. I’d let Jamie deal with her she liked ‘Mr James’ a lot better than me.

“Hey pumpkin.” I called as I opened the door to a beautiful smell of Roast pork wafting out of the kitchen,

“Hi beautiful.” Jamie called poking his head out of the kitchen as I opened my bedroom door to simply fling my bag through onto the floor. Despite the fact that I had undertaken most of the household chores Jamie still insisted on cooking claiming that he liked his food ‘ a little more edible than I tended to make mine’.

“Something smells good.” I said walking into the kitchen as Jamie leaned over and kissed the top of my head.

“Yeah you.” He said nuzzling playfully into my hair “you smell like sweat.”

“And only you would possibly find that a turn on.” I said in a flat voice “by the way I think Mrs Walker will want to talk to you tomorrow. Jamie growled savagely scrubbing a hand through his hair his eyes closed as if he was in pain. “I am not paid enough for this.” He grumbled as I just smiled,

“I’m just going to go ring home.” I said vaguely striding over to the sofa. “Have we been robbed?” I asked vaguely looking around the room at our haphazardly scattered items.

“I started unpacking” Jamie called “and then I realised why you’ve been avoiding it.” I smiled fondly as I dialled the dens landline one of the only two numbers I knew off by heart.

“Something still keeping you up?” Jamie muttered sleepily shifting around behind me where he had fallen asleep on the sofa.

“No you should go to bed if I’m disturbing you I’m watching a film.”

“Exactly why you should be asleep, you always nod off during films.” Jamie said around a yawn.

“This ones good.”I said unconvincingly.

“Is that why you snorted.”

“Well it’s ridiculous.” I said gesturing too emphatically for such a flippant subject “why are werewolves and Vampires always mortal enemies as if we have nothing better to do than construct pointless blood feuds.” This really wasn’t an important issue I knew though that we didn’t have any long standing against vampires I wasn’t even sure there were vampires. It was thought that there probably were some creatures that bore a likeness to the legends in some ways but we weren’t really bothered with them. If they did exist we mutually ignored each other, both too busy policing our own kind to worry about theirs.

“You need to get some sleep you have your first day of school tomorrow.” Jamie said nuzzling into the back of my head. I groaned,

“Does that mean its bedtime?” I asked playfully.

“yep.” Jamie said springing effortlessly over the back of the sofa before I had even put my feet on the floor. “I forgot about this but maybe it might help you sleep.” Jamie said gently holding out a tiny lilac gift bag. “I found it in one of the boxes.” he said in response to my frown “I …I did look.” He stammered slightly “I…I mean I didn’t know what it was.” I took the bag and gently eased it open frowning as I pulled out a slightly battered MP3 player that I instantly recognised as Derek’s frowning more I peered into the bag and pulled out a short note in his slight scrawled hand.

Jessie,

I hope I’ve been able to persuade you that leaving us is a terrible idea but since were not talking right now I admit that I don’t have much of a chance of success. I guess this is at least partially my fault, I mean I don’t understand and you should have told me but I shouldn't have reacted that way and I am sorry if I hurt you, you know I don’t want to hurt you for the world. I know this is a bit of a pathetic gift especially as you always say that my taste in music sucks but I found one invaluable thing in the human world is my MP3 Player as if you have earphones in its so much easier to avoid people as they don’t think you can hear them so you can stay a little more detached which has to be a good thing. I hope your unpacking this in your room and your about to march to my room and rip the s**t out of me for being corny but oh I can’t think of the outcome being anything but that. I mean you know how I feel about you. You own my heart and you always will.

D

X

I bit my lip as I folded the note up and shoved it back in my pocket.

“Your lullaby is on there.” Jamie said to my back as I strode out of the room too quickly to be casual. I froze the grip on the little MP3 player in my fist tightening, “I just thought Derek used to…you know…sing it …to you when you… you know couldn’t sleep.” He said hesitantly.

“yeah.” I said throatily “he did” and with that I marched into my room closing the door softly before leaning my back on it. I leaned over and pulled a bottle of neat vodka I had stashed under my bed and took a large swig of it winging slightly. Alcohol may have deadened the constant ache I felt but that didn’t mean I’d suddenly developed a taste for neat spirits. I took another large swig of vodka and pressed the earphones in and began searching for my lullaby. Jamie was right it was what Derek used to sing to me when I couldn’t sleep. He didn’t often use it but he had a beautiful singing voice .so beautiful I had spent days of my life lying out with my head resting on Derek’s knee as he stroked my hair singing gently. Suddenly the gentle notes of the lullaby hit my ears, I hit repeat and took another few swigs of vodka until I could feel the beginnings of a fuzzy head. I turned my light off and settled myself down fully clothed on the top of my bed and cuddled into my pillow and I don't know whether it was the vodka or the just gentle notes of the lullaby but whatever it was I began sobbing as if my heart was breaking until exhausted sleep took me.