Unapologetically Me

Chapter Forty Four

"Where did you go?"

"Wherever I wanted."

"Mom, please. Just...where did you go?"

"You and your father are both the same. Always trying to keep tabs on what I do, who I'm with, what I drink. Just leave me alone!"

I grit my teeth and rolled my eyes. She was shaking and vomiting, getting worse because she was in withdrawal from all of the drugs she had been doing while she was away. The hospital staff referred us to a rehabilitation place for her that would help nurse her, since she was unable to do sh*t for herself right now.

The only issue was that it cost a lot of money. Money we no longer had because she had spent over five hundred grand while she was away. Her bank account was wiped clean and when I searched the purse at home that she had brought with her, she only had forty two dollars and a bunch of needles and baggies of drugs in there.

"I just want to know where you spent all of the money."

She cackled and nodded. "Yep! That sounds about right. Always concerned with money, aren't you? Just like your daddy."

I closed my eyes and left the room. I walked into the living room and took a few deep breaths. James was in the kitchen, preparing a broth for her since she couldn't keep anything else down. He walked over to me but I shook my head and walked back into her bedroom. I didn't know why I was fighting with her, but I felt like maybe, just maybe, something would finally penetrate that thick skull of hers.

"Yes I'm concerned with money! We had enough to keep us afloat here in the apartment for a while. We had enough for groceries and bills and you squandered it all away on what!? F*cking drugs and alcohol? I don't care if you think that's all I care about! I have to because I seem to be the only adult in this f*cking room!"

She cackled again and shrugged. "You even have the same insults as him. Tell me, did he teach you how to talk to me before he died?"

I wiped under my eyes and tried my hardest not to walk over to her and strangle her. She was trying to get under my skin and had been since I brought her home. Everything she would say to me was a damn insult and because she was sick, I let her, but I was already sick and tired of it. If I could get my hands on the money to send her away, I would do it in a heartbeat.

And it was thoughts like this that made me question if I was a good person. I couldn't stand to be around her, but I felt obligated, especially after I called Uncle Joe for help and he pretty much told me he didn't have the time or the money to help me with her.

Her parole officer, even though she broke parole, couldn't send her back to jail because she was excused by a judge since she was dying. It was a sh*tty thing I did, and the guilt of doing it ate away at me when I called her, but after learning that my mom was terminal, they didn't take her.

She had all of the records from the hospital that she only had so much time to live and they felt like it would be cruel to send her back in her condition. More like a waste of government money.

Now I was all out of options. It was me and James here taking care of her, and it was only so long before he was going to leave for school. I felt like I was wasting my time with her. I felt like all of the time I had left with James was slowly being wasted having to deal with her. And it was eating at me.

Because as her daughter, I felt guilty for feeling this way. I felt like the most horrible person in the planet for wanting to pawn her off on someone else so I didn't have to listen to her criticize everything I did.

I also wondered if I was like her. I wondered if I was so self centered and narcissistic and that's why I didn't have more sympathy for her and it scared me. Because ei didn't want to be like her. I didn't want to be mean and uncaring and hateful. I didn't want for my children, if I ever had any, to hate me as much as I hated her.

I wondered if she was always this bad. She must have not been to get my dad to marry her. I had seen photos of them when they were younger, laughing and smiling, always on vacation or doing things that were fun and exciting.

I wondered if me coming into the world had ruined hers. She had been done trying to have children by the time I came around. She had stopped trying to get pregnant when she was in her thirties and they told her that it was nearly impossible for her to.

Maybe it was my fault that she was the way she was now. Maybe if I hadn't been born, she would have still been happy. My dad always said that I was the best thing to ever happen to him. But as far back as I could remember, my mom had always just been...bleh. She was present, so to speak, but I never was gifted to see her smile like I had seen in the old photos. Sure, she smiled when we took family photos and sh*t like that, but they were never real.

She had those fake smiles hot and ready for any camera, but never for me. Never for when I did something good or anything to make her proud.

I left the room again, slamming the door shut. I marched to my bedroom and flopped onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I couldn't stop the tears streaming down my face. I couldn't stand being around her, I didn't know how I was going to do it when James was gone.

He never talked to her, but she wasn't too horrible with him. She let him feed her and help me clean her up, but when he wasn't in the room, she only abused me until I left.

James came in shortly and sighed. "There's no point in arguing with her. I don't see why you keep trying."

"Because I'm hoping that maybe one day it will dawn on her that I'm making sense and she'll turn it around."

He snorted and I elbowed him lightly. He wiped at my face and pressed his lips down gently on my lips. "Go relax, take a shower, read a book, do something else to calm down. I'll feed her and then we can try to watch a movie or something. Sound good?"

I smiled at him because no matter how angry I was, he always seemed to know what to say or do to make me happy. Even if it meant that he had to deal with my mother.

I nodded and sat up slowly. I jumped in the shower after he left and washed away all of the day's stresses. After I got out, I walked into the livingroom and listened in to my mom's room.

"C'mon, I know it sucks, but you can't eat solids yet and you need something."

"Just sneak me something solid. I'll leave her alone if you do."

"You'll leave her alone anyways. The doctor said after you stop throwing everything up you can get solids. Until then, you'll get, broth, jello cups and popsicles."

"Alright, then get me a couple of popsicles."

"I'll get you popsicles if you take three more spoonfuls of broth."

"Fine." She growled. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of popsicles from the freezer to take to my mom. I stood in the doorway and watched her shaky hands bring up another spoonful of broth to her mouth and closed her eyes.

When she opened them back up she scowled when she saw me, but didn't say a mean thing. I waved the popsicles at her and she grinned.

She pushed the bowl of broth at James and held her hands out to me, waiting.

"Tell James thank you for helping you."

"Thank you, James." She smiled sweetly up at him and he nodded down at her and took the bowl and spoon from her and walked out of the bedroom.

I cut the tops of both of the popsicles and handed them both to her.

I flipped on the TV and handed her the remote and took a deep breath. "Call out if you need us. We'll be in the livingroom.

She waved me away as she began gnawing on her popsicles. I rolled my eyes and walked back out to James. He was sitting on the couch with his feet kicked up on the coffee table, scrolling through our streaming apps, trying to find a movie for us to watch. I sank down on the couch next to him and curled into his chest.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?"

"Hm...not the quantity, no."

I grinned up at him and held up my hand to about eight inches. He eyed my hands and moved my hand a little closer together.

"That seems more believable." he muttered. I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

"Do you want to know how much I love you?"

"I think I already know."

"Well, whatever you think, multiply it by an infinity and it still wouldn't amount to how much I love you."

I stared up at his face and I shook my head. "I made a d**k joke and you go all mushy on me? Are you okay?"

He sighed and nodded. "Yeah. It's just...getting closer. I don't know. I'm getting in all of my feelings about it I guess."

I frowned and nodded. "I know. It's all I've been thinking about too."

He wrapped his arm around me and squeezed my ass, then gave it a small smack. "I think I'm going bto miss this the most."

"My ass?"

"Cuddling. Jeez, get your head out of the damn gutter." I snorted out a laugh and smacked his chest. "But yeah, your ass too. I'm going to require about five nudes a day to get me by. Should I write it in a contract?"

"Five?"

"About five, yeah."

"I only have my boobs, ass and v*gina. I don't have five parts."

"One t*t, then the other, p*ssy pic, ass pic and then maybe a pic of full frontal."

"You've really thought about this, huh?"

"You have no idea. I've gotten used to s*x like a million times a week. I'm addicted. I can't just go back to just my hand and phone porn."

He grinned down at me and I rolled my eyes. "Fine. But I get a d**k pic in return."

"Just one? I can class it up and put it in different poses."

"Well sh*t, I guess I'll require at least five a day then too."

He continued grinning as he clicked on a random comedy movie and and rubbed my arm and kissed my forehead.

"Or maybe once a week, send me a video of you m**********g. I think that would be better."

I blushed and shook my head. "That seems like a bit much, no?"

"Nope."

"Do I get a video too?"

"It will be more like a reel if I make it for you after watching your video."

"Well then, I guess it's a deal."

I held my hand out to him and he shook it. "Deal."

I grinned and snuggled into him feeling happy to have had such a normal conversation. I was going to miss him, but at least I would have him.