Unapologetically Me

Chapter Fifty Two

"I just don't understand why you can't just leave me money for pizza?"

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "Because I'm not trusting you with money. I don't need you trying to go out and buy alcohol while I'm working."

"Stripping?"

My face flames and I grit my teeth at how judgemental she sounds. "You know if I didn't do this, we wouldn't be able to afford half of your damn medications right now. So yes, stripping."

"Oh if only your daddy could see his precious girl now. Shaking her ass and t*ts for extra change."

"Look, mom, if I wasn't out here shaking my ass and t*ts for money on the weekends, we wouldn't be able to afford half of your damn medications. Shut up and be grateful. If it's beneath you to take any of my stripper money, then I suggest finding a more suitable place to live."

She pressed her lips together and walked and sat on the couch in front of the TV. "Fine, can you just order it for me, then?"

I grit my teeth and rolls my eyes. I grab my phone out of my purse and begin her order.

"Oh! And add some hot wings and a soda!"

"You know that's not on the list of stuff you can have?" I pointed out to her.

"Kelly, I'm dying soon anyways. Let me live a little."

I roll my eyes and add it to her order. "There. It should be here in about half an hour."

I leave the apartment before she can get me to spend any more money on unnecessary things and get in my car.

For the past couple of months I have been working every weekend serving drinks to old rich men and sitting in their laps and laughing at stupid jokes, all the while, raking in big bills. Our bills were finally catching up and while we still weren't out of the red, we were steadily climbing. I was still working at the convenience store, double shifts, on the week days, and it was only because of that that we were able to have enough money for the old b*tch to ask for a pizza every now and then.

I was working with Kimmy and Hayley during the days, when I wasn't running my mom to her appointments or running errands, on dance routines. I was taking pole dancing classes and running myself ragged, but it was sure as hell doing the job that I needed it to do. I was getting regular clients that came in just to see me and talk to me on Saturday nights. Sundays I worked the main floor and that's when things would get a little hard. And not just in the literal sense. Men downstairs just didn't have the same calls as the men upstairs so there were days that I didn't want to go back because of what would happen.

One day, a man stuck his hand down the front of my panties, touching me. On another occasion, a man slapped my ass aggressively, grabbing at me until Paulo tore him out of the club. On both occasions, I went to the back and tried to collect myself and remind myself why I was there in the first place. Then I would fix my makeup and get back out there.

I was also nervous because after a little bit of pleading and begging, the girls finally convinced me to set a date for my first dance. I was scared sh*tless, but the amount of money I'd see then take in on one dance alone made me think differently about it. The girls convinced Kade to give me the weekend after Thanksgiving for my debut on stage. So while I was nervous, I was looking forward to it.

Another thing they never told me when I was getting into the stripping gig, was that sometimes you could get so horny. And it wasn't because of men touching you, because they weren't allowed to, but because the air was pumped full of s****l tension and the way the men would look at you, like you were the only woman in the world. Or like they would bend you over and show you the time of your life.

So suffice it to say, since I wouldn't be seeing James at Thanksgiving, I was hard pressed for a damn orgasm and horny as hell. Also, since Thanksgiving was drawing near, I began getting a little needy with his phone calls. I didn't care if all he had to talk about was social economics or business sh*t, his voice was like a balm over my nerves and made me feel good. But I did have to admit that our calls had become somewhat subdued. I didn't know if it had anything to do with my guilt or just because we were so far away from each other, but I was starting to worry.

On my way to the club, I decide to call James. Mostly because I don't want him to try to call me while I'm working. Another part is because of that needy part of me that wanted to hear his voice before I went out there and walked around half naked for other men to ogle at me.

It rung through the first call, so I tried him again. And again and again. On the fifth phone call, when he still didn't answer, I began to get nervous.

I parked at the club and sent him out a message and watched my screen like a hawk for about two minutes straight, waiting for him to open his message. My stomach twisted, because he usually answered my calls, even when he was busy.

Why wasn't he answering? Where was he? What was he doing? Who was he with? All of these thoughts flooded my brain as I got out of my car, turning my phone off and shoving it in my purse.

I walked to the back door of the club where the dancers and alike went in through and sighed, feeling completely insecure.

What if he knew and he was giving me the cold shoulder? Should I even go out there tonight? No, I was depending on this money to get us through the rest of the week until I got paid from the convenience store.

Our den mother, Sharon, was here tonight. She was a fifty something year old woman that would take care of us in the back. She would buys snacks and drinks and have warm towels ready for us. She had spare clothes and set up little stations for us to relax in between sets and was pretty much the coolest woman in the world. She smiled at me as I walked through the back door.

I gave a weak smile as walked to my cubby and set my stuff down.

"Why the long face, sweetheart? Who do I have to beat up for making you frown like that?"

I smiled at her and shook my head. "No one. Just me."

"What's it about?"

I sat down and began slipping my sweater off of my shoulders. "My boyfriend."

She nodded and grabbed a chair and sat in front of me, crossing her legs.

"What about him?"

I ran my hands over my face and took a deep breath. "I never told him about working here. I don't think he knows, but today when I tried calling him, he didn't answer. And he lives all the way in Massachusetts, so it's not like I could even track him down and make him talk to me."

"Does he usually answer?"

"Yes. Always."

"Maybe he's busy?"

"Even when he's busy, he answers and tells me he'll call me back." I sigh again and feel my eyes prick with tears. "I feel like I'm losing him."

"Why do you feel that?"

"I don't know. He's the same, but maybe it's because I feel guilty?"

"If he's the same, and you feel like you're losing him, maybe it's you that's changed."

"It has been. But not like I don't want him. I love him, I just...I don't know how to be a part from him this long. And Thanksgiving is coming up and since my dad died last year, I just...I need him."

"Need or want?"

"Both?"

"And he's not coming for Thanksgiving?"

"No. He can't afford the ticket."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Can you go see him?"

I snorted and shook my head. "I got this job for my bills and those still aren't paid fully. I only work the weekends and while I make good money, I'm supporting my mom and all of her needs, so i can't afford it either."

She pressed her lips together. "And you're upset because he didn't answer your call tonight?"

"Yeah. I just...what if he found out and doesn't want to be with me anymore?"

"Then he doesn't deserve you. You're doing a noble thing, taking care of your mother and if he can't see the sacrifice youre making to do that, then he's not worth your time."

I smile at her and nod. "I guess that makes sense."

"Because I'm right. Always have been. You can ask my husband." She winks at me and gets up.

"Need any help with your hair or anything, baby?"

I grin up at her and shake my head. "I'm all good. Thank you, Sharon. You're amazing."

"Don't mention it, darling." She winks at me and then walks towards another group of girls huddled together in the corner. I stand and turn to my cubby, thinking of pulling my phone out to check if he ever texted back. But I decided against it and instead starting getting ready for today.

After work, when I was back in the car, I finally turned my phone back on only to find a barrage of texts from James apologizing for not answering, asking me to call him back, asking if we were okay and a million more questions.

I stared at all of them and took a deep breath. I didn't even know exactly when they all started coming in, but I could see the desperation there. Just like I had been when I had called him earlier this evening.

I didn't bother responding. Instead I put my phone on the charger, got undressed and went to bed.

The next morning I was hit with phone call after phone call until I realized it wasn't an alarm. I sat up, reached for my phone and answeres without even seeing who it was.

"Hello?" I pushed my hair out of my face and yawned.

"God, Kelly, you answered!"

James' voice sounded relieved and my first thought was to be happy. But then I thought of yesterday and cleared my throat.

"Yeah, I thought it was an alarm going off."

"Sorry, I know you just went to bed, but you never responded last night and you turned off your phone, so I figured I'd call you."

"Yeah, well...I figured I didn't need it."

"I'm sorry, baby, I didn't see you calls and texts until way later. I left my phone in my room on accident and when I got back, I panicked."

I pressed my lips together and stared down at my sheets. "Where were you?"

"There was a party before everyone left for home and I went."

"With?"

"Liam and Sarah."

I grit my teeth. I didn't know what to say. "Okay."

"Are you mad?"

I sighed and rubbed my eyes tiredly. "I was last night."

"And now?"

"Still a little bit, but I understand."

"No, there's no excuse. I'm sorry, baby. I should have brought my phone. I thought I had it but I had a little bit to drink and it didn't cross my mind."

I didn't cross his mind? I didn't voice it but I could hear him groan. "No I mean, forgetting my phone didn't cross my mind. You did. It's all I can think about. Especially with the holiday."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Yeah. Me too."

"I'm sorry, baby. I really am.

"It's fine. But...can we talk later? I am really tired."

He sighed again. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I'll call you back around lunchtime?"

"Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you too."