Unapologetically Me

Chapter Thirty

After the declaration of love, I felt like I couldn't get enough of him.James and I were glued to the hip, everywhere we went. We found a small apartment that fit what I needed and he helped me get the paperwork started on it.

To be honest, without James there, I had no idea how I could have done any of it by myself. The paperwork itself had so many words that I didn't care to read, but James did. So, there was a bright side in getting yourself a brainiac as a boyfriend.

And that's what he was to me. He had finally, officially asked me on the night of my birthday after we had that crazy amazing s*x, and told me he loved me for the first time. Every time I thought back to it, I would feel the butterflies erupt in my stomach. It was either that or perfectly timed indigestion. Or the baby that was growing inside of me.

And it was growing. I had several appointments scheduled for it. One with my normal ob/gyn, one with a heart specialist and one with more experience I guess, than my ob/gyn.

My normal obstetrician had made the appointment for the heart specialist as routine and the other experienced one was an appointment to check over everything in detail for the baby.

Both James and his mom were anxious about the appointments, but I felt alright.

We had our Christmas break, where my uncle had asked me to come to California for the break. I had refused, telling him that I had been invited to my boyfriend's house for Christmas. Which was true, but the real reason was that I didn't want to be around them any longer than I had to with my stomach finally starting to pooch out a little.

During Christmas break, I stayed with James in his room with a little bit of coaxing from his mother, she allowed it. Only because I was already pregnant and I couldn't get even more pregnant, so there's was that.

My appointments were all set for after the holidays, so I was going to be able to enjoy Christmas with James and his entire family. I bought gifts for

him and the younger ones and also Jordan because he hung out with us for the majority of the break and I drew his name on the secret santa drawing that the Starrs did every year amongst the eldest of the children.

James and I went shopping together, which Michael tagged along because why not? And it was the longest shopping trip of my life. Don't get me wrong, I loved shopping, but my body and feet were uncooperative with me as I dragged along behind the guys at the mall.

They took me into video games stores and a bunch of other places I had never set foot in and it was pretty fun. The hardest part was choosing a gift for James because he was with me and despite being together, I had no idea what to get him.

Ultimately, I chose a video game I knew he didn't have and a black hoodie with his favorite anime characters on it. For Jordan, since he was more into sports, I chose a t-shirt from his favorite NFL team and a baseball cap, because he liked to wear them all the time.

The kids were easier. Toys were easy to pick out, especially with James to help me out since I didn't know what they were into. He insisted that I didn't have to get them gifts, but I wanted to because all of the younger ones liked to play with me when I was at their house.

I had sipped on fake tea with his five year old sister, played forts with the four year old and played with the babies with their toys quite a bit when James was busy with chores or helping his dad at the tattoo parlor.

The only thing we had to be careful about was when we were alone. His siblings didn't seem to know about knocking and I was terribly embarrassed when Jordan walked in on us, once again, in the middle of James going down on me.

That was embarrassing. Especially during dinner when he would look over at me and blush because I had been completely nude and had seen me.

On Christmas Eve, the Starrs held a small Christmas party and we played different little games and won little prizes. Justice had her boyfriend there and Jordan had his little girlfriend there too. Michael and Art Blonde showed up and some other adult friends of James' parents came with their children. It was a blast.

I ended up winning a blanket in one of the games. It was the game with the stacked up blocks. We played a men's round and a women's round, along with a kid's round. I just barely beat Justice, which she wasn't too happy about, and it had been fantastic. James hadn't won any of the games and Jordan had won two of them. Michael won one of them and James' mom won a couple of the games too.

It was a great distraction from the fact that neither of my parents were around for the holidays.

The next morning, suited up in the soft, flannel pajamas James bought me, we went down for breakfast and then we were able to open gifts with the entire family.

The kids were the funnest to watch and it made me feel so good watching them crow happily over the gifts I got them. It also made me anxious about having mine. I wanted this family dynamic so badly. After living by myself for a few months, the noise was a welcome thing.

It was also scary, thinking of being a mother and having another life dependent on me. I tried my hardest to push those thoughts away so I could concentrate on having a good Christmas. Jordan loved his gifts and gave me a giant hug after he found out it was me and James loved his gifts as well.

I was also surprised to have received a slee of gifts of my own. James' mom got me a cute top and a comfy pair of leggings. Jordan got me a cute teddy bear and even got the baby a small shirt that says 'My Uncle is the GREATEST '.

My secret Santa gift was from Justice and she got me a cute cross body purse with a matching wallet. James had gotten me a comfortable pair of sneakers I had looked at whike we were out shopping and a charm bracelet with a heart charm.

His parents must have coordinated with him because they got me a star charm to symbolize being a part of the Starr family. It was sentimental seeing it all and I got a bit teary when I hugged them and thanked them.

His dad also got me a voucher for a free tattoo for after the baby was born. After all the gifts were opened, which took a couple of hours with all of the kids, James and I played with his youngest siblings and their new toys while his mom made us a Christmas lunch.

It was a good Christmas. I loved it. Even when I got a call from my mom. Apparently she has been working hard at her sobriety and was apologetic about all of the things she had said and done to me after dad died. I still didn't tell her about my pregnancy because I didn't want to worry her or alert my uncle of it.

I was still unsure of what he would do if he found out, so I kept that little tidbit to myself.

We had lunch and then James and I went down to his room and played his new video game with Jordan.

I only played a few times before I laid down and watched them. I ended up taking a nap at some point and was awoken a couple of hours later when James laid next to me and nuzzled my throat. He laid a hand on my stomach, something he was prone to do now and kissed my jaw.

"Thank you for my gifts." He told me quietly. I stretched and then wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Thank you for mine." I pressed my lips to his and he smiled.

"So, I was wondering if we could talk."

"Ooh sounds like bad stuff. What about?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "No, not bad. Just future sh*t."

"Future sh*t like what?"

"Like school. Like where we want to live."

I grimaced and shrugged. "I have no idea. I mean, have you gotten any letters back yet?"

"Well, kind of."

I sat up and studied his face. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I got an early acceptance earlier this month and I didn't want to overshadow your birthday or Christmas, so I kept it to myself."

"Early acceptance where?"

"Harvard."

I took a deep breath and I knew I should congratulate him, but Massachusetts was so far away, I didn't know how to be happy about it.

"Well, that's good!" I gave him a small smile and I could see in his eyes that he knew I was faking it.

"I still have until March or April to hear back from other places, but I kind of wanted to gauge your feelings on possibly coming with me."

I pressed my lips together and licked my bottom lip. "I haven't really thought that far ahead. I mean, even about the baby or anything. I'm kind of still kind of trying to get my mind around that. You know what I mean?"

He nodded slowly, his bright ocean eyes piercing. "Yeah, I know it's a lot. Like I said, I just wanted to know how you feel about it. I mean, we don't have to make any decisions about it right now, but it would be great to start planning ahead."

My stomach fluttered and it was happening more often now. I placed my hand on my stomach and his eyes looked down at my hand.

He placed a hand over mine and then looked back up at me. "I don't know. I mean, we have my mom coming out of jail and then the baby and then graduation. It's a lot to think about."

"Yeah. It is."

"But...if everything goes well, I don't see why I couldn't consider it. I love you and I want to be together. I'm just afraid of doing the whole mom thing without support."

"I'll be your support." He said quietly. "I know I'll have school, but I will help with whatever you or the baby needs. I will be there."

I nodded slowly and took a deep breath. "Okay. So we see how everything else plays out and if it all goes well, Massachusetts!"

He grinned and nodded. I knew it wasn't the answer he wanted, but I wasn't saying no, which is what I think he was afraid of. Hell, after such a great day, I was now afraid of it.