Unapologetically Me

Sixty Five

I glared down at the invitation sitting in front of me on my bed. It was worn and wrinkled from the countless times over the past three weeks that I've let myself look at it.

James and Sarah. Sarah and James. I looked at the date of the wedding, just three days away and groaned, running a hand over my face.

I went into the kitchen where I had left the damn plane ticket and stared at the date of departure and the time. Tomorrow morning at five in the morning. I tossed the ticket back into the drawer and looked down at the closed drawer. The amount of times I've done this was almost as much as I've crumpled up the damn invitation.

I grabbed a half full water bottle from my counter and threw it across the kitchen and stomped down the damn hall back to my room.

It's not healthy. None of my actions these past three weeks have been healthy. I've broken my no crying rule countless times and took myself into dark corners of my mind. I hate him. I hate him so much and I've thought of everything I wanted to say to him since the day he left me and then I talk myself out of not going. Or just leaving everything as it was now and pretend that the guy, Liam, had never come into my life and threw this very cruel curve ball.

Even my performances at work were lacking, not that the patrons really cared. Throw a pair of fake t*ts in their face and they'd still throw money at me. But...I had noticed and I hated not doing my best.

I walked to my closet and grabbed my suitcase. I threw it on the bed and paced around my bedroom. I only had a few hours to decide if I wanted to go or not. I ran my hands through my hair and left my bedroom.

I had spiraled over the last three weeks and had purchased a bottle of my mom's favorite whiskey. I hadn't opened it yet, but when I'd start thinking about going to the wedding, the temptation was real. I grabbed it now and walked back to my bedroom with it. I set it on my bed and stared at it. My eyes clouded over and I was so close to just saying f*ck it and tossing my bag back into the closet, but my questions circulated in my head.

Why? That was a big one. I wanted to know why he left me. I wanted to know why he wasn't man enough to just break up with me. I wanted to know if I was just not good enough for him. Maybe I wasn't smart enough. Or maybe she was just less problematic.

I couldn't f*cking stop thinking of it and if he gave me the time of day while I was there, maybe he could tell me. Maybe then I could just move on like I was starting to and maybe this time it would be better.

I cracked open the bottle and took a tiny sip straight from the bottle. I winced as it burned down my throat and into my stomach. I groaned at the taste and capped it. Nope. No. Not for me.

I threw it back on my bed and turned to my closet. The ticket said five days. So I needed a lot of f*cking clothes. And...what in the hell would I wear to a wedding? I didn't have formal sh*t. I used to, for junior and senior prom but I threw those dresses out. I looked through my closet and decided I'd just have to go shopping while I was there.

I could find myself a banging dress and make him regret the day he left me. I would rub it in his stupid face. That's what I would do.

I packed some jeans and shorts and t-shirts and some sun dresses and shoes. I packed my make up and my straightener and everything I could think of that I would need. I didn't have travel size shampoo and stuff but maybe they had some of that at the airport. If I could just get some when I went out dress shopping.

I didn't even know what the events I would be attending. I hadn't asked the guy and I didn't even know how in the hell to contact him. I mean, I could probably look him up. I still remembered his full name, but I just wanst even fully convinced I was going to show up to the airport yet.

And what if he only wanted me there for just the wedding? Like, I would understand, but then I wouldn't have to worry about packing anything fancy or anything.

I groaned as I looked at my full suitcase. I went to my purse and emptied everything out and just put what I would need. I would need a car to take me to the airport. And I needed to call Kade. I had told him about the wedding, but I told him I was undecided on whether I was going or not.

I walked around my bedroom like a crazy person trying to make sure I had everything I needed and then went back into the kitchen and grabbed the stupid plane ticket. I tucked it into my purse and then jumped in the shower. It was already one in the morning and I had to be at the airport by three to get checked in.

It was the beginning of summer so the damn traffic would be iffy, even at this time of night so...I washed up quickly and I usually dressed down for the airport, but I wasn't sure who I was going to encounter right away so I put on a pair of jeans, a v-neck black T-shirt and a pair of flats. I French braided my hair, but left off the make-up. I could always put some on in the plane. It was going to be a five hour flight, so I didn't want to be too uncomfortable.

After I got dressed, I double checked everything and then got my car ordered. I turned off all the lights and then locked everything up.

I felt a sense of dread as I hopped into the car and left my home. I was doing this. I was really going to go to James' wedding.

I was going and I was scared sh*tless and I wasn't completely sure if I could do it, but I needed to. For me. Not for this guys or Sarah, but for me. Like Liam said, closure.

At the airport I got all checked in and got my bag checked, leaving out my makeup bag as a carry on.

When we board, I hadn't noticed that he booked me on first class, so that was a nice surprise and so I'm sitting on the plane and I'm feeling antsy as f*ck.

Everything in me is telling me to not go, but I'm already on. I'm already here and so I just buckle up and close my eyes.

I slept the entire way because I hadn't gotten sleep and when we land, I'm kind of in a crabby mood. I didn't get to get my make up on and I feel like I'm unarmored.

I get off the plane and my heart is beating a million miles a minute. The airport is bustling and I'm not completely sure if I should rent a car or what the f*ck I'm going to do. I should have gotten Liam's number.

But my worry fade when I spot the douchy asshole that started this whole nightmare, leaning against a wall with a small smile when he spots me. He lifts a hand, as I get near him.

I give him a tight smile and wave back, rolling my bag towards him. He reaches for it and shakes his head.

"I honestly didn't think you would show."

His voice takes me by surprise, already forgetting how deep it is. I sigh and then shrug.

"Honestly, I didn't think I was either. I just packed my bag at one in the morning, so...yeah. I might need to go shopping for a dress to wear to this thing, but other than that, I guess I'm good to go. How long have you been here?"

He shrugs. "Got here like half an hour agom I wasn't sure but I came anyways just in case. I reserved you a room already, so that's good."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "How much do I owe you for everything?"

"You don't. I invited you."

"Five nights at a hotel must be pretty hefty. I can pay for it."

He laughs. "It's okay. I'm good for it. Are you hungry?"

"Starving, actually."

"Good. Sarah and James invited me out for lunch, so I figured we could get the hard part out of the way."

I stop in my tracks and watch as he keeps walking until he notices I'm not right there with him. He backtracks with a quirked eyebrow and I'm physically shaking.

"Right now?"

"Well, in like an hour. Enough time for us to go get you checked into your room."

I feel sick to my stomach and my stupid eyes begin tearing up. F*ck. I didn't expect for this meeting to be so soon.

He studies my face with light green eyes and then takes a deep breath. "I can cancel and we can go somewhere else. It doesn't have to be today. Or even at all. Like...I know I invited you for my own selfish reasons, but if you don't think you can do it, you can just visit the city. There's lots of cool sh*t to do."

I shook my head and took a deep breath. "I-I just need to change. I..."

He eyes me up and down and then quirked an eyebrow. "What's wrong with what you've got on right now? You look good."

I looked down at myself and up at him. "I need my makeup on."

He smirked. "Honestly, I don't think you do, but if that's what will make you more comfortable with it, then let's get you to your hotel room."

I smile at the compliment and nod. "Thank you."

We go out and he has a newer version of my mom's Range Rover in an olive green color. Kind of like his eyes.

"I miss mine." I rub the leather interior and he smiles.

"You had one?"

"My mom's. I downgraded to my Kia but I do miss it."

He nodded. "I heard about her passing. I'm sorry about that." I nod slowly because I still don't know what to say to people when they say stuff like that and shrug.

"It was last year. I'm okay now."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. We weren't close."

"Damn. And your father?"

"Dead. Died a year and some months before my mom."

I watch him shake his head. "Damn. And they left you the house?"

I snort and shake my head. "I bought the house myself. And my car. And everything else I own." I can't help but be proud of myself and he nods in approval.

"Damn. What do you do?"

I take a deep breath and face him. "Exotic dancer." I wait for the disgust or whatever because he seems like a hoity toity type, but he just peers at me and raises his eyebrows.

"Sh*t, so maybe next time I hit Vegas I should visit which Gentleman's club?"

I grin and give him the name. He grins back at me. "So you're rolling in it, then?"

"Not exactly. But I'm not living check to check. Self employed, so I work when I want and the pay is very good."

"Hell yeah. How often do you work?"

"I take off on Sundays and Mondays."

"Why work so much?"

"Bills to pay. Plus, what else do I have to do? I don't have kids or anyone to take care of. And I'm not saying I'm a snob or anything, but I do like some finer things in life."

"Same. I mean, I guess you can say I'm a workaholic, but I just...don't have anything else to do. I have my friends but it's not like back in highschool. So, I work, go to the gym and then home."

I nod. We check into my hotel at a very expensive looking place and I turn to look at him.

"I definitely owe you for this. This is way too much."

"Nah. I dragged you here, it's the least I can do. Trust me, if anything, I owe you."