Unapologetically Me

Sixty One

Christmas passed by without a hitch. I spent it Hawaii. It was still fairly warm and so I spent that holiday much the same as the first one.

I did have to avoid all of the holiday sh*t going on everywhere, but being somewhere that wasn't home made it easier to face by myself. I ate to my heart's content and swam and took tours up to the volcano.

I enjoyed it there almost too much. It made me think of relocating to somewhere like here, where every day felt like a vacation, but at the same time, I didn't want to hide away anymore.

Not only that, but I got things going for that house I found. I talked to the realtor and was able to start paperwork on my new house. It was an ongoing process, but seeing as I had good credit and money to put down on it, it was going easier than I thought.

So I took the time to enjoy myself in Hawaii, visiting different islands and doing every single touristy thing I could do. I hiked to some water falls and kayaked. I ziplined which gave me a similar thrill as parasailing did and rode on horseback.

I visited Pearl Harbor and went through a pineapple plantation. It was a bunch of things that I went and did by myself. It was beautiful. And when I went to the black sand beach, I fell in love with the place.

I stayed all the way through the new year and when it was time to go home, I bought myself a souvenir to remind me of this place. I was sure I would make it back.

And not once did I let myself cry while I was there. I actually made myself a vow, after a long, quiet horseback ride, that I was done crying. I was done feeling weak and alone. I was going to go home and make myself live, much like I did on the islands.

So when I did get home, I decided to do something with my life. I went to the university and signed up for classes for the following semester since I was late for the spring semester.

I decided to retire my mom's car and traded it in for a little blue Kia that fit my needs better than my mom's Range Rover. I even went to the plastic surgeon and looked into breast augmentation. It wasn't like I was ashamed of my smaller chest. I just felt like I had always wanted a bigger chest and so Kimmy and Hayley went with me to their preferred surgeon.

When I got the surgery, Hayley stayed with me at the new house for a few days and helped me unpack my sh*t while I recovered.

I was spending money like crazy, but...I was also making plenty of it. I had to take a small break when I was recovering, but Kade made sure to tell me that I could put my surgery as a business expenditure, so that was pretty cool.

When I got back to work mid-March. I had a brand new body and the self confidence to go with it. And I felt happy. I felt good about all of these small changes I was making in my life and in a way felt liberated.

I enjoyed my job and I enjoyed hanging out with the girls on our days off, because I decided to do that now. I decided to give myself Sunday and Monday off to rest and get my home life in order. And I was striving. I was dancing and having fun and laughing and smiling.

It was about three weeks after I came back to work when I was in stage, doing my last dance. I was sweating and smiling and crawling on the stage when I saw a familiar face that made my heart nearly stop.

It wasn't a rare occurrence to see people I knew at work. I had seen some of my dad's old co-workers before, one of my principals from highschool, a guy we would go to church with and even Chloe's dad. And never, not once, did I ever freeze on stage.

Not until today. I stared at cobalt blue eyes, feeling my heart pound out of my chest and froze, mid-crawl. I stared at his blue eyes for all of two seconds before I realized what I was doing and continued my set.

I was behind in my routine, but I made as best as I could with it and as soon as I was done, I walked back to the dressing rooms and sat down. I took giant, he aung breaths and shook my head, because it was stupid. I felt stupid.

I was sitting at my vanity, taking my earrings off when one of the girls, Apple, came to me and told me that I had a request for a private dance.

"Who?"

She snorts and flips her black hair out of her face. "Cute guy, black hair, blue eyes."

I curse and I know I can refuse it but...I don't. I put my earrings back in and find my top from my last dance. I take a few deep breaths after I put it on and fix my hair and makeup.

I got to Apple and ask her which private room he's in and she points to the first one. I feel like my heart is about to beat straight out of my chest but I straighten up and walk into the room.

He's sitting ram rod straight in the room, his eyes on me as I step up onto the small circle stage in the center of the dark room. Music starts to play, but I put my hands on my hips and stare down at Jordan Starr.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

His mouth pops open and he stares at me, his throat bobbing. "Trust me, Kelly, I didn't know you worked here. I-I didn't know."

I walk off of the stage and stand in front of him and glare down at him. "Is your brother here with you?"

His eyes widen and he shakes his head. "N-No! I'm here with Lyle and Keenan."

I raise my eyebrows at him and look around the room. Paulo is standing in the corner, because we still get security in these small rooms in case the men decide they can touch without permission.

"How did you get in? You're not old enough."

Jordan winces and he shakes his head. "I am. I...it's my birthday. That's why they brought me here. I didn't know you worked here Kelly. I didn't even know you were a stripper."

I press my lips together and smile down at him. "Okay. I believe you. How did you pay for a private dance?"

"Keenan and Lyle. They're loaded. Asked me if I wanted a dance and when I saw you, I decided to...I don't know what I was thinking actually."

I step back, shaking my head, starting to calm down now that I knew his brother wasn't here. "Okay, well, I guess I'll start."

His eyes widen as I begin dancing and he sits back, his eyes trained on me. Is it a little weird that James' little brother is in here, yes. But... there's nothing I can do about it now.

So I do my dances, getting topless and watch Jordan's face the entire time because it's the most comical thing I've seen in a long time.

When my set finishes, he looks at me and then Paulo.

"Y-You're really good."

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "I think if any girl came in here and danced topless, you'd think she was equally good."

"No, I mean, yeah that's a plus, but...I still remember how you danced in highschool. I...I would go with James and watch and you...you're still good at it."

I smile at him and pick my bra up off of the ground.

"Thank you Jordan. I appreciate your compliment."

He smiles and despite it being dark, I see a blush on his cheeks.

"I-I assume you don't want me to tell James?"

I feel my smile fall and I take a deep breath. I shrug and put my bra back on.

"I don't care what you do. Tell him, don't tell him. What do I care?"

Jordan nods and swallows hard again. "So...we haven't heard from you in a while. My mom's worried."

I frown and sigh. "It's better this way. It's nothing against her, but I'm doing good. Better than good."

"Thats good to hear. Did you move?"

Paulo clears his throat behind us and I know it's because we have been in longer than what he paid and I'm not supposed to give out personal information.

"Yeah, but...if you want to talk more, I can give you my address and we can catch up. I'm finishing up here and should be home in about half an hour."

Jordan raises his eyebrows and nods quickly. "Okay, I can drop of the guys and see you there."

I smile at him and nod. "Alright." I take his phone and put my number in it and then use it to text myself my address.

"And...don't feel pressured to come. I understand."

Jordan shakes his head. "No, I know Mom will be happy to know I found you and we can check in."

I grimace and sigh. "We can talk about that. But anyways, let's go before I get in trouble."

He gets up and I smile. While he does look like his brother in some ways, he's shorter than James and stockier. He had been into sports when we were in school, so it must be from that. We both walk out and I wave at him as I make my way back to the dressing rooms.

I take a breath when I get back there and actually smile. It wasn't as bad a si thought it would be. James wasn't here, so I didn't have to see him and Jordan was a real sweetheart and had always been. And I didn't even feel embarrassed to strip in front of him I mean, I was used it by now, but I knew him. And his brother. And his mother. Jeez.

I quickly took a shower and got into my sweats. Phil, a new bouncer, helped me out to my car and I went straight home. Was I expecting Jordan to come by. No. Not really.

I mean, it had been good talking to him, but I didn't think he would come by. So imagine my surprise when I walk inside and not even five minutes later, there's a knock on my front door.

I answer and stand back when Jordan stands at the front door.

He looks around my new house and grins.

"Damn. Stripping sure does pay doesn't it?"

I roll my eyes and nod. "It does."

He looks at the boxes I still have sitting to the side and at my couch and TV in my living room.

"Do you want to sit? I have some soda and water. No alcohol."

"Yeah because you don't drink. I remember."

I nod. "Yup. Want something?"

"Yeah a water, please. I watch him plop down on my couch and I flip on lights around the house and grab his drink. It's strange having a guest, but it gives me a little warmth in my chest. One I never thought I'd have with entertaining someone that looks like my ex.

When I sit next to Jordan he smiles and continues to look around.

"How long ago did you move?"

"February."

"Damn, and you still have boxes laying around?"

"Yeah, I haven't had too much time to get it all put up."

"Why?"

"Well after I moved in, I got my surgery and then got back to work after."

He raises his eyebrows and looks down at my chest and blushes.

"I noticed." I laugh and he chuckles too.

"Yeah, they were too small before. So I just went up a couple of sizes. Not too big."

He nods. "Yeah, they look good." Then he blushes. "Sh*t, that's weird. I'm sorry. I...I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay." I laugh. "That's what they're here for. And why is it weird?"

He makes a face. "Because of James."

I frown and grit my teeth. "Yeah. I don't want to talk about him."

"Sorry. I know sh*t didn't end we with y'all. Sorry for bringing him up."

I shrug. "It's okay. I'm good. How about you? You got a girlfriend? How's life?"

And so we sit and talk. We talk until almost four in the morning and then he leaves with a promise of contacting me again. And because it was such a good feeling talking to someone, I hope he keeps that promise