Unapologetically Me

Chapter Twenty Five

My hands were slicked with sweat. I wiped them on my leggings and picked up my fork even though I knew I wouldn't be able to keep anything down. The sounds of everyone talking wasn't helping either. I smiled at James' mom and she smiled back, spooning some mashed potatoes into her baby's mouth.

I wondered idly what she would think when James and I finally got both of his parents alone. He wanted to tell them as soon as possible and I thought it was a bad idea. I just didn't want anyone to know. I was embarrassed that I was now a statistic. I was also afraid that they would want to talk to my mom and then the whole jail thing would come up and they would want me to stay with them like James was pushing for.

He turned into the ultimate protector after I walked out of the clinic and was insisting that I shouldn't stay home alone. I had told him that I wanted to. That I was more comfortable at home. It was a lie, but he didn't know that.

After the kids starting dispersing, my stomach flooded with butterflies and I glanced at James next to me. He reached under the table and squeezed my thigh reassuringly, but he didn't look any less nervous than I felt.

When it was just us, his parents and Jordan, who had gotten seconds, James took a deep breath.

"Mom, Dad, I wanted to talk to you guys about something."

His dad, a handsome man with short, dark hair, a full, thick beard and piercing blue eyes, wiped his mouth and beard with a napkin and nodded

"Okay, what's up kid?"

I eyed Jordan and he looked up at us, then down at his plate.

"Do you need me to leave? I'm almost done."

"Take your plate," his mom said quietly as she studied James' face. "Bring it back when you're done."

Jordan scooped his plate up and left without another word. F*ck. I felt like throwing up. Not morning sicknesses, just nerves. I wiped my hands on my pants again and felt my face beginning to burn. After Jordan was gone, James cleared his throat.

"So..." He rubbed the back of his neck and he looked green too. Good. I shouldn't be the only one who should be feeling this way. He took a deep breath and looked down at the table.

"Kelly's pregnant." He looked up at his mom's face and then his dad. I couldn't even look up. I felt so sick. After a few minutes of silence I looked up at his mom and her eyes were wide and she was looking at her husband. He was laying back in his chair with a stoic face.

"She was...she was going to get an abortion, but when she went to the appointment, she changed her mind." If possible, my face burned even more with shame and I felt tears prick the sides of my eyes.

"Okay." His dad said quietly. He began nodding and then sat up. "So what are you intending on doing?"

"Well, keeping it." James said. He pulled the worn ultrasound from his back pocket. I didn't even know he had it. He placed it on the table and slid it towards his mom. She took it with shaky hands and stared at it.

"We've talked about safe sex." His dad said.

"I know," James said sheepishly. His cheeks were a florid pink and he rubbed the back of his neck again.

"So, you two plan on keeping it. Have you two talked about your future?"

"Not really, no." James admitted. "It's...new."

"Aren't you with Lara?" His mom asked as she continued to look at the ultrasound.

"Yeah. Like I said, we haven't worked anything out yet."

"So, let me get this straight, you and Kelly aren't even together?" His dad leaned forward and his eyebrows furrowed and a frown on his lips.

"No. We're not."

"Were you two ever together?"

"No. Just friends."

"But obviously more than that since she's pregnant."

"Yeah. It was before I got with Lara."

"How far along are you, Kelly?" His mom asked softly.

"Twelve weeks and three days." I cleared my throat and pressed my lips together.

"And does your mom know?"

I glanced at James and he looked down at me. I knew what he wanted.

"Um...no. Not yet."

"How come? She didn't go to any of these appointments with you or anything?"

"My mom..." I cleared my throat again and rubbed my hands along my thighs. "My mom's in jail. She's been in jail since maybe a week or so before Halloween."

Her eyes widened and then she furrowed her eyebrows.

"Who are you staying with?"

"Myself. At my house."

"Kelly, you're alone?"

I looked down at my lap feeling embarrassed and nodded. "Yes. My uncle came to get me after she was arrested, but I didn't want to leave. It's my senior year, so he let me stay with the condition that I don't mess up or miss school until I turn eighteen. And then he said I would be okay on my own after that."

"So, does he know about your pregnancy?"

I took a deep breath and shook my head.

"No."

I glanced up at his parents and they were both just sitting and looking at the both of us.

"Okay. So I'm assuming you aren't planning on letting him know." I shook my head slowly and she nodded.

"Do you have food and everything at home?" James' dad asked me. I nodded.

"I have access to all of my mom and dad's banking apps and credit cards. I've been paying the bills. James helped me set up a calendar for that. I have everything I need at home."

"When does your mom get out?"

"In March."

"So you'll be around seven months pregnant when your mom comes home."

I shrugged. I hadn't thought that far ahead. I was staring to think that I should have spoken to James a bit more before we spoke to his parents.

"Well, maybe you two should talk about some things. I'm sure since neither of you really know where to go from here, there's things you should discuss."

I nodded slowly and sighed.

"Are you mad?" James asked. He was looking at his parents. I think that a part of me was glad that my dad didn't have to hear that I got pregnant at seventeen. He would probably be disappointed with me.

"No, just disappointed." I watched James' face fall and he nodded.

"Is it okay if we go to my room?"

"No point in telling you to be careful now. Go ahead." His dad gestured out of the dining room and I swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry." I muttered as we walked out .

"Nothing for you to apologize for." James placed his hand on my lower back and we walked to his bedroom. Once there he fell onto his bed and covered his eyes with his arms.

"That went well." I joked.

He grinned and shook his head. "Better than I expected. I honestly expected a whole speech out of my dad, but I'm sure once you leave, I'll get it.,"

"Yeah. Probably." I sat next to him and looked around his room. I noticed a few girl things in here, like a lipgloss on his desk and a purple sweatshirt on his futon.

"So, we're not telling anyone, right?"

"I mean, they'll see eventually, but I don't care. If you tell anyone, then you tell. Let me just warn Lara before she hears it from someone else."

I nodded slowly and sighed. I laid back on the bed next to him and his phone began to ring. He fished it out of his pocket and groaned.

I saw Pink Streak's cute little dimples flashing on the screen and I raised my eyebrows. "You should probably answer that."

"Yeah. I am." He answered and stared up at the ceiling.

"Hey, what's up?"

I heard her voice on her side and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No, not tonight. I'm busy tonight."

I rolled onto my side to watch him and he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Yeah. I can pick you up in the morning. Okay, yeah, talk to you later. Bye."

"You sounded so excited to talk to her."

"She wanted to come over. The last thing I want is to have her come and see you in here."

"Is she the jealous type?"

"Yes. Extremely. She got pissed at me on Tuesday for eating lunch with you on both Monday and Tuesday."

"What did she say?"

"Pretty much that she didn't like that I hung around you because she knows about you messing with Dexter behind Alicia's back."

"So it's not going to go over well when she finds out I'm pregnant then."

"Nope. Not at all."

"Well, whatever happens, record it so I can laugh at you later." He nudged me with his elbow, smiling.

"No. I think I'd rather not."

"Are you going to tell Michael?"

"Yeah, I mean, he's going to find out eventually. Might as well." He shrugged.

"Yeah. So are you up for a serious conversation or are we doing that later?"

"Later. I'm really not up to it right now." I nodded and sat up.

"Well then, I think I should go home then. I've got homework to finish and some laundry to do."

"We did laundry on Saturday."

"Yeah, but I have a few things I didn't throw in that I want washed. It's not even a full load. I'll be okay."

"Alright. Let me get my keys and I'll take you back."

He took me home and left. I didn't really have laundry, I just didn't want to stay at his house any longer. I just wanted to burrow into my bed and go to sleep. I was always tired now and was starting to feel it when we were having dinner.

The next day when I went to school I was still feeling tired. I woke up and just threw on whatever I could find and went. I even wore my glasses because I was too lazy to put in my contacts.

At my locker, James stood waiting for me and I greeted him with a small wave.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just tired."

"When did you go to sleep?"

"Right after I got home."

"That was like at eight. Did you sleep the whole night?"

"Yes. Move, I need to get my stuff."

He scooted over and sighed. "I told Lara. She's upset."

"I figured she would be."

"Yeah. I called her over last night to talk about it after you left. She didn't come in today."

"You think she's going to break up with you?"

"I don't know. She cried a lot."

"Does she think anything else is going on?"

"She does actually. She's sure that I'm cheating on her with you."

"Honestly, am I that sl*tty?"

"No."

"Well then she should just believe you. You should probably steer clear from me until you and her have had a good chance at talking."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure."

A couple of days later and I was still getting dirty looks from her and Art Blonde. I ignored them, but they were starting to annoy me.

James insisted we continue to have lunch together, which made things worse and on Friday afternoon, Pink Streak snapped.

"Why do we have to do this? Why are we having lunch with her? I know she's your baby mama but we really don't need to be around her all the f*cking time!"

We were in the middle of the hallway and people were staring. I watched a few girls that hung out with Alicia begin to whisper and I knew that by the end of the day, the whole school would know. James stared down at her with his eyebrows raised and he glanced up at me.

"You don't have to have lunch with us, Lara? She's just as much my friend as you are. I'm not treating her like sh*t just because you're jealous."

"I'm your girlfriend. There's a difference."

I rolled my eyes and began walking away. I didn't feel like dealing with this. "Lara, the point I'm trying to make is that I'm not going to drop her just because you're jealous. What happened between Kelly and I happened before you and I got together. She knows we're together. She respects that."

"You know damn well that Kelly can't be trusted. She was f*cking Dexter behind Alicia's back all last year. I'm sure he's still doing it. The baby might not even be yours."

"I know for a fact that none of that is true. I don't have to explain any of it to you, Lara. If you don't want to be understanding of my relationship with Kelly, then maybe we shouldn't be together."

She laughed maniacally and it sent shivers down my spine. I wanted to hide my head in my locker. People were staring at us and I felt so naked. The way she was revealing everything was so bad.

Chloe popped up with her boyfriend and I still hadn't told her that I never went through with the abortion.

"What the f*ck is happening?"

"James is breaking up with Pink Streak."

"I know, I heard that part, but he told her you were pregnant?"

"Am. I left the clinic after you left because I chickened out."

Her eyebrows raised. "Kelly! What the f*ck? I'm sorry! I knew I should have stayed! Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I mean, other than the entire school hearing from her that I'm pregnant, I'm fine."

We watched Pink Streak run away with mascara running down her cheeks. Art Blonde ran after her, casting us dirty looks as she passed us.

James stood down the hallway at his locker with a pink, embarrassed face. I sighed and shut my locker and walked to him.

"You alright?"

"Yup. Peachy."

"Sorry."

"It was happening anyways. Matter of time. I already told you this. I just didn't think it would like this."

"Do you still want to have lunch?"

"F*ck yeah. Let's get out of here."