I'm Not Me Anymore

12 - Continuation

Pagkababa namin, nag tinginan saamin 'yong mga lalaki tapos umiwas din agad ng tingin, including Kiel. Okay that was awkward! I'm not really used to wear two piece. 

'Di rin kasi ako confident sa katawan ko. Ugh.

Pumunta si Syd at Kris sa may DJ area tapos nag pagtugtog sila ng kanta na California Gurls by Katy Perry tapos sinamahan nila ng remix. 

Greetings loved ones

Let's take a journeyI know a place

Where the grass is really greener

Warm, wet n' wild

There must be something in the water

Sippin' gin and juice

Laying underneath the palm trees

(Undone)

The boys

Break their necks

Try'na to creep a little sneak peek

(At us)

Pagka play ng song, nagsitalunan na yong mga lalaki sa pool kaya I got splashed by the water. I was about to sit down dahil hindi trip mag swimming dahil ang lamig; suddenly someone pushed me on the swimming pool kaya naman nahulog ako sa pool.

Fuck! Sino 'yon?! Nahawak pa yong pwet ko!

Lumangoy ako nang konti pataas sa tubig para makita kung sino 'yong tumulak sakin. I raised my head a bit tapos nakita kong tawang tawa si Kallie.

"Pucha ka, Kal!" inis kong sabi.

Tumawa silang lahat tapos inirapan ko sila. Mga siraulo talaga! 

You could travel the world

But nothing comes close

To the golden coast

Once you party with us

You'll be falling in love

Ooh oh ooh oh oh ooh

California girls

We're unforgettable

Daisy dukes

Bikinis on top

Sun-kissed skin

So hot

We'll melt your popsicle

Ooh oh ooh

Ooh oh ooh

Sumali na sila Syd at Kris patalon sa swimming pool kaya we got splashed by the water again. Mabuti nalang talaga hindi ko nakalimutan burahin yong makeup ko kanina or else my makeup will be so smudge.

California girls

We're undeniable

Fine, fresh, fierce

We got it on lock

West coast represent

Now put your hands up

Ooh oh ooh

Ooh oh ooh

Sex on the beach

We don't mind sand in our stilettos

We freak

In my jeep

Snoop doggy-dog on the stereo oh oh

Umahon si Syd sa swimming pool at napansin kong kinuha niya yong tripod and she placed it infront of us tapos linagay niya yong cellphone niya sa tripod.

"Picture dali!!!" pagaaya niya.

Bumalik siya sa pool and she used her tiptoe to reach her phone para i-set yong camera app niya at linagyan ng timer. 

The boys were above us tapos sa ibaba nila kami. We had a few shots na kaming lahat at meron yong dalawa-dalawa lang o tatlo. Meron din kaming pictures na solo. And of course our photographer is Sydney. Siya lang naman mahilig mag picture picture rito. 

"Ayan, Lily! Yes ganyang posture." sabi ni Sydney habang nakatutok sakin yong camera.

Nasa hagdan ako ng swimming pool, standing; habang nakahawak. Sa iba ako nakatingin  sa unang shot at sa pangalawang shot, both my hands was on my hair habang nakatingin sa camera. Meron din 'yong nasa iba ako nakatingin. Halos lahat ng shot niya sakin naka fierce ako.

I took pictures with the boys nang dalawa dalawa at meron ding kaming mga babae. The last picture of mine, I was with Kallie. We were at the pool, while holding a glass na parang wine ang laman. We weren't looking at the camera on our first shot while our face are serious, habang nakaawang ang labi namin a bit. 

"Closer! Closer!" 

"We look so hot, oh god!" tuwang tuwa sabi ni Kal habang nakatingin sa camera na pinang picture samin ni Syd.

You could travel the world

But nothing comes close

To the golden coast

Once you party with us

You'll be falling in love

Ooh oh ooh ooh oh oohCalifornia girls

We're unforgettable

Daisy dukes

Bikinis on top

Sun-kissed skin

So hot

We'll melt your popsicle

Ooh oh ooh

Ooh oh ooh

California girls

We're undeniable

Fine, fresh, fierce

We got it on lock

West coast represent

Now put your hands up

Ooh oh ooh

Ooh oh ooh

My body isn't even that good. I also have tons of scars on my body especially on my wrist though. 

"Upload these, Lily, ah?" 

Should I?

Pano kung maraming makakita ng pictures ko tapos lalaitin nila ako privately? What if they are going to bodyshame me when I posted those? And I'm not even 18 yet tapos mag po-post ako ng ganoong type ng pictures?

"Ayoko." sabi ko habang umiiling. 

"Why?" sabi niya nang mapakurap siya nang ilang segundo.

"It's too revealing. I'm not even 18 yet-"

"Huh?!" sabay nilang sabi ni Syd.

Sydney was busy checking the pictures she captured earlier tapos bigla siyang napatayo nang marinig niya yong sinabi ko. Ano bang masama roon?! 

"Girl, are you high? Syempre you will wear revealing clothes kasi you're going to swim. What the f**k do you want to wear then? Gown? Dress? Pajama?"

"Hindi ba malaswa?" nahihiya kong tanong.

"No!" mabilis niyang pag tanggi. "Not at all. Pag ako mainis sa'yo, I'm going to give you a gown tapos 'yon ang ipapasuot ko sa'yo. Let those people be, Lily..." 

"Noong una ganyan din naman ako. I wasn't so confident on my body. Isip ko lagi my body is so pangit... esepcially my scars- I was so insecure noon sa body ko. But one day, I embraced all my flaws and I accepted what I have. When I entered model industry, my confidence boosted even more."

"I'm not forcing you to post it. It's still your choice, Lily. Kung ayaw mo, edi don't. If you want it, then do it," sabi niya nang tapikin niya 'yong braso ko at nag lakad papalayo.

Sydney held my hand and she handed me her camera. "She's right. If you want to check your pictures again, here... 'wag mo lang ihuhulog sa swimming pool, please," natatawa nyang sabi.

I pursed my lips at tinignan ko ulit 'yong mga pictures ko. They were all busy eating foods while talking. I wonder if where's Kiel? I also had a picture with him noong nasa pool kami at noong umahon kami. The way Sydney captured it, it's so good. 

Linagay ko 'yong lace ng camera sa leeg ko tapos hinanap ko si Kiel. Habang ako naglalakad, medyo nakakarinig ako ng boses ng lalaki. Kaya hinanap ko 'yon kung saan ko naririnig yong boses ng lalaki.

The guy was standing outside of the fence, talking someone on the phone. "Kiel?"

He immediately looked at me. "Gotta go," binaba niya 'yong ka-call niya sa phone tapos lumapit sakin. "What's up?" he said while smiling.

"Who was that? Bakit parang naalarma ka?" naguguluhan kong tanong. This isn't him. He wasn't like this before though.

He carrassed my hair and he chuckled. "Are you overthinking again, babe?" 

"You don't need to know, okay? It's nothing. It's just someone,"

Someone huh...

But- Am I? I just wanted to know though. Masama ba 'yon? Is it because I haven't said 'yes' to him I don't have rights to know? 

Pagkatapos ng party, Kal suggested na roon na kami matulog sa guest room dahil ang hassle para umuwi pa, it was already late. 

"Don't let the bed bugs bite." sabi ni Kal nang matapos niyang kami i-assist sa tutulungan namin. 

We wanted to sleep on Kal's room kaso hindi kami kakasya. Si Kal, Ali, at Lina roon sila sa kwarto ni Kal. Kami naman ni Syd, Kris, at ako ang magkakasama while the boys nasa pangalawang guestroom. That room is bigger than the room we will be sleeping.

Everyone was already asleep, habang ako naka tingin lang sa kisame. I can't stop thinking about earlier. Sino ba kasi yong 'someone' na 'yon?! Nakakainis. Kung mama niya 'yon edi sinabi niya na yon. But this one seems different.

Nagiba ako ng position at napasinghal nalang dahil sa inis at pagtataka.  Narinig kong humihilik si Kris kaya natawa ako nang mahina. I took a glance on Syd, napansin kong nakapikit na yong mata niya. 

I wanted to talk to someone about this. I need some advice. 

Tatayo na sana ako nang may mag salita sa likuran ko na boses babae. "Can't sleep?" I immediately turned around at napansin kong naka tingin sakin si Syd.

Akala ko tulog na siya?!

"Muntik na ako atakihin sa puso, Sydney!" inis kong sabi.

Tumawa siya nang mahina tapos bumangon siya. She combed her long straight hair pataas using her three fingers. "Sorry na!" 

"Tara roon tayo sa terrace? 'Di ako makatulog," mahina kong sabi.

"Sure. Hindi naman ata magagalit si Kal eh,"

Dahan-dahan kaming naglakad palabas ng kwarto at dumiretso kami sa terrace. Sumalubong sakin 'yong malakas at malamig na hangin as I closed my eyes habang hinahangin yong buhok ko.

I slowly opened my eyes and I noticed on the sky that there are so many stars underneath the clouds. Tapos yong buwan bilog na bilog. I looked at Syd; she was also staring at sky. Hinila ko yong upuan na dalawa sa tabi ko at inaya kong umupo si Syd.

"This atmosphere... feels sad." mahina niyang sabi.

Agad akong napatingin sakaniya as I pursed my lips. "And yet relaxing... Feels like those sad and happy moments are flashingback,"

Ilang minutong katahimikan, narinig kong humikab na si Syd kaya nagpaalam na siya sakin. "Tulog kana mamaya ah..." tapik niya sa braso ko. 

I nodded as a reponse at ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa labas. Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at sinilip ko yong ibaba. Ang ganda talaga ng bahay ni Kal. May maliliit na ilaw papunta sa pintuan nila tapos may maliit na fountain and flowers.

"Lily?" 

Agad akong napatingin sa likuran ko at natanaw ko si Kiel, standing while holding his phone. "Gising ka pa? Why?"

I nodded. "Can't sleep,"

Nag lakad siya papalapit sakin tapos umupo siya sa tabi as I sat down. I saw on my peripheral vision na may clinose siya app at pinatay niya yong cellphone niya.

"Ikaw? Bakit gising ka pa? 12:50 na ah."

"Uh... 'di rin ako makatulog,"

'Di nga ba talaga makatulog? O baka may kausap lang siya?

"I see," I said in a monotone.

I felt electrified when I felt his hands on my thighs, rubbing softly. He was staring at sky habang ako nakatingin sakaniya.

"The moon... is beautiful isn't it?"

Naramdaman kong naginit yong pisnge ko kaya I faked my cough. "I... love you too,"

I hope he mean that.

He tapped his lap kaya napatingin naman ako sakaniya, with confusion.

"Sit on my lap." 

I looked at him for a second and my body moved immediately. I was sitting on his lap now when I felt his arms wrapped on my body at isinandal niya ang ulo niya sa likuran ko. 

"Can we be like this forever?" mahina niyang sabi.

"Yes... if you won't leave," I bravely said.

"I won't leave you... ever,"

I felt his hands started rubbing my thighs softly again at naramdaman kong pataas ito nang pataas. While his other hand are inside my sleeveless shirt

"Mmm," I uncontrablly said.

"You like that?" he spread my legs wider at ibinaba niya 'yong shorts ko nang kaunti that it fits his hand inside.

He started rubbing my c******s against my panties as I bit my lower lip. "Or this?"

I can feel the wetness on my panties habang siya patuloy pa rin sa ginagawa niya. Ibinaba niya yong panty ko nang kaunti when I felt his two fingers playing my c******s. 

"Wider... please," he grabbed my two thighs at mas ipinabukaka niya ako. After a second, I felt his finger inside me and that made me flinched.

"Mmmm... ahh" I moaned. 

My voice was mumbled because he covered my mouth, trying not to make noise. "Shh... they might hear us,"

He started thrusting slowly as he massages my boob using his other hand.

"A-ang sakit, Kiel," naluluha kong sabi. "S-slower please,"

"Your wish is my command," he said sensually

Tinakpan ko 'yong bibig ko because his left hand was busy thrusting inside me while his right hand are on my boobs.

Unti-unting nawawala 'yong sakit and the pain was being covered by the pleasure he's giving on using his finger.

"Ugh... Mmm..." I moaned.

He started thrusting very fast kaya halos mapasambunot ako sakaniya as I immediately squeezed his legs using my long fingers. 

"K-kiel... ah!"

I felt my release and I heard him chuckled. Itinaas niya ulit both of my shorts and panties and I turned around to face him while I'm still sitting on his lap.

He gave me a sweet smile and he kissed me on my forehead. "Goodnight."

Hinatid niya ako sa kwarto namin ni Syd and he squeezed my right hand. "Goodnight," ngiti kong sabi.

Kina-umagahan, maaga kaming umuwi dahil maaga raw ang uwi ng parents ni Kal. Good thing that we cleaned everything we some mess before bed to make sure walang pinapunta si Kal sa bahay nila.

Kal's parents are strict. Mas lalong humigpit daw sakaniya yong magulang niya when she entered model industry lalo noong may issue na nangyari. Bago lang din daw sya nakipag socialize noong nakilala niya kami.

"How was your sleep last night?" Kiel asked.

Mag sasalita na sana ako nang bigla ko maalala yong gabi... how could he act so normal?! Hindi ba siya na-awkward? Tsaka bakit parang ang pro niya roon?!

"Babe?"

"Yes! yes... my sleep was good. I slept well... ikaw?!" I faked my laugh.

Ano ba! Bwisit kasi bakit ko pa naalala 'yon?!

"Yes... it was... so good. Especially before I sleep"

Halos mabulunan ako sa kinakain kong burger kaya naman narinig ko yong malakas niyang tawa. He handed me his water bottle at ipina inom niya sakin yon.

After a few weeks, everything is still smooth although I got busy on my schoolworks at sila. More on essays kami at reporting. I don't mind though... at least nag i-improve yong socializing skills ko. I feel so proud of myself.

"Birthday ni Ali bukas ah... surprise kaya natin?" sabi ni Lina nang mahina.

Oh, heck yes! It is her birthday tomorrow. "Sure! Free ba ang lahat?" 

"Yes,"

"Absolutely,"

"Mas free pa sa free,"

We also asked the boys after class and gladly they are also free including Kiel and Apollo. Pagka dismissed ng klase namin, nagkita kita kami sa baba ng school tapos doon namin pinagusapan.

"Okay so, ang gagawin natin, we will surprise her on her house... I already talked to their family and they agreed. Aalis din sila kaya roon tayo mag pa-party."

"Need natin nandoon na mga 3:00 pm kasi mag de-decorate pa us and mag co-cook ng food. Also... someone should distract her." tumingin siya samin.

"Bingo! Kayo nalang Bryan at Lily? Is it ayos?"

Tinignan ko si Bryan at ganoon din siya. "Sure," sabay naming sabi.

"Okay, good! Everything is all set. Iuuwi niyo si Ali by 6:30 pm. Kasi I can feel it na matatagalan pa us. The rest yong matitira... you help me nalang sa gagawin, okay?"

Lahat kami umagree at isa-isa kami naguwian. Pagkauwi ko sa bahay, I prepared my outfit to wear at makeup. Nag set din ako ng alarm dahil minsan nagigising ako ng hapon pag weekend. Sleeping late is literally my habit when it's weekend.

Nakaramdam ako ng ingay kaya napadilat ako.  I just realized that it was my damn alarm.

Agad kong chineck yong oras at naka hinga ako nang maluwag dahil 12:50 pm palang.

I immediately texted Bryan to come over at 1:30 pm para sunduin si Ali sa bahay niya at ayain mag gala.

*Flashback*

"Okay, Ali is on her way here. We are going to pretend like... she did something wrong to us. Magiging cold tayo... and let's act like they forgot about her birthday, okay?" pag p-plano ni Kal.

Okay but, ang sama naman doon ni Kal! But I don"t mind. It sounds fun! Pero medyo naawa tuloy ako kay Ali. Siraulo talaga 'tong babaeng 'to.

"Alright, she's here! Let's go! Lakad!" sabi ni Lina with hand gestures na parang tinataboy kami.

"Guys? Where are you going? You guys are so aga ah..." sabi ni Ali habang naka sunod samin.

"Wala. Uuwi na kami. Ikaw? Diba sa ibang daan ka?" kunwareng pagtatakang tanong ni Sydney.

"Uh... yeah. But why are you guys are magkakasama though? Am I not kasama?"

Lumapit si Kris sakaniya at tinapik-tapik yong balikat. "No. Kaya umuwi kana. Go home safely,"

Naglakad pabalik samin si Kris habang si Ali nakaawang yong labi, staring at us.

I feel so bad!

Nag simula kaming maglakad ulit at namg makalayo-layo kami, sabay sabay kaming nag tawanan lahat.

"Mga gago! Awang awa ako kay Ali!" natatawang sabi ni Kris.

"Kaya nga. Pag yan nag tampo satin, Kal, ikaw susuyo riyan,"

"Wow, Bryan... you also agreed on my plan naman eh. So everyone is required to suyo her,"

Biglang tinawag kami ni Apollo kaya nagsi lapitan kami.

"She left on the groupchat! What to do?!" na tatarantang tanong ni Apollo.

"Hey, I have a better plan, don't worry," ngiting sabi ni Kal.

"Yieeeeeeee!" pagaasar namin.

"Tangina kayo!" she raised a middle finger on us.

*End of flashback*

Pagka tapos kong mag prepare, I immediately texted Bryan na pumunta na siya.

I was wearing a white croptop and hign waist jeans and sneakers. I still feel so concious when I'm wearing these kind of clothes.

Lalo pag kita 'yong tiyan ko or any part of my body na hindi ako kumportableng makita ng mga tao.

Pagkadating ni Bryan, pinagbuksan ko siya ng pinto at inaya niya na akong umalis na kami agad.

I wanted to give him a water dahil sinundo niya pa ako rito sa bahay ko, kaso ito naman atat na atat.

"Come on, its not even that far. Tara na kasi,"

"Fine," mahina kong sabi nang sumakay ako.

He started the engine at nag simula nang mag drive. Hindi kami masyado na traffic dahil malapit lang naman yong bahay ni Ali.

Pagkarating namin sa bahay nila, agad kaming nag door bell. Hindi nag tagal, pinagbuksan niya kami.

"What you guys are doing? Aren't you also mad at me?" sabi niya habang naka yuko.

"I swear to god I didn't do anything!" mangiyak ngiyak niyang pag tanggi.

Wala pa nga kami sinasabi, e! Naka gulat naman 'to.

"No... hindi kami galit, okay? How about we... go out nalang? How's that sound?" pagaaya ni Bryan.

She took a glance sa likuran niya at mga ilang segundo, pumayag din siya.

Pinapasok niya kami sa loob ng bahay nila at nag sabi siya nag mag p-prepare muna siya.

Mga ilang minutong nakalipas na pag aantay at pag k-kwentughan namin ni Bryan about games, school, plans for Ali's birthday, and Kiel, bumaba na si Ali.

"Tara?" she grabbed her purse.

Tumango kami ni Bryan at lumabas kami agad tapos pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan ni Bryan.

He started the engine once a again at nag simula nag drive.

"Did they also treated you guys like how they treated me last night?" pang babasag ng katahimikan ni Ali.

"Oo... lahat sila nag k-kwentuhan habamg kami ni Lily naiiwan sa likuran nila. Ni-tty naming maki join kaso parang napipilitan sila or galit,"

Best actor of the year, go Bryan!

"Hay... bahala na. Let's just talk to them on Monday," sabi niya nang sumandal siya.

I was on passenger seat habang siya nasa backseat. Busy ako sa pag ce-cellphone, kausap sila sa groupchat na ginawa nila.

"Alam niyo ba kung ano meron ngayon?"

Nagkatinginan kami ni Bryan bigla at nag aantayan kung sino unang sasagot.

"Huh? Ngayon? Saturday... saturday ngayon. Bakit?" I innocently asked.

Wala na ako narinig na reponse galing kay Ali hanggang mag park kami sa labas ng mall.

Pagka dating namin, napansin kong tahimik siya. Nagsasalita lang siya pag tinatanong namin.

kallie: ano na? it's already 6:00 pm. i think you guys enjoyed lmao

sydney: bilisan niyo na takte HAHAHAHA kayo nalang inaantay hoi

They were busy playing on quantum, naglalaro ng basketball si Bryan habang si Ali nag lalakad lakad.

Linapitan ko si Bryan at binulungan ko na umalis na kami.

"Takte sayang. Ang dami ko pang coins eh," sabi niya nang mag kamot siya sa ulo

"Lah, so, ano mas pipiliin mo? Birthday ni Ali o basketball?"

"Birthday ni Ali syempre. Tara na nga,"

Tinawag namin si Ali at agad siyang tumango.

I literally feel so bad! Halatang hindi niya na enjoy yong gala eh.

Agad kami lumabas ng mall at pumunta sa parking lot.

Pagka sakay namin, pinaandar ni Bryan yong kotse at mabilis siyang nang drive papunta sa bahay ni Ali.

"Bakit parang you guys are nag mamadali? My parents aren't home,"

Walang pumansin sa sinabi ni Ali kaya natinig kong huminga siya nang malalim.

Pagkadating namin sa labas ng bahay, kinuha ko yong cellphone ko para i-chat sila.

lily: dito na kami.

Mabilis nag seen si Syd, Kal, at Lina. At nag reply si Kal na pumunta kami sa backyard nila.

Nag lakad kami papunta sa labas ng bahay ni Ali at bigla siyang napatigil.

"Why are you guys are still here?" she turned around on her door at kinuha yong susi para buksan yong pinto.

"We just want to make sure you will go gome safely,"

"True!" I agreed.

"Well? I'm home now." she tapped both of her legs using her hands. "Pwede na kayong umalis,"

Pumasok siya sa loob agad niyang sinara yong pinto without giving us a chance to say 'goodbye'

lily: nasa loob na si ali. paano kami makaka punta riyan? hindi na kami pinapasok.

kal: ikot kayo tapos daan kayo sa fence.

Ipinakita ko kay Bryan yong reply ni Kal at agad kami pumunta sa likod ng bahay ni Ali.

Pagka punta namin sa likuran, nakapatay lahat ng ilaw, sobrang dilim. Nakita kong naka tago pa sila tapos yong iba may hawak hawal pa na balloons, cake, at pang pa putok.

"Paano natin mapapasilip dito si Ali?" mahina kong tanong.

Kal showed me her phone number at timawagan niya ito. Napansin ko rin na may camera na dala si Eid... nag v-log ata siya.

"Hello, Ali-"

"Don't talk to me!"

"Anong don't talk to me? Lumabas ka. Rito sa backyard. Wag mo ako artehan,"

Kal sounded like Ali is her little sister! Nanibago rin ako bigla dahil yong way ng ta-tagalog niya ah. Nawala pagiging conyo niya sa part na 'yon.

"Why? what's up? The f**k you planning huh?"

"Ugh, just do it!"

Kal ended the call with Ali at unti-unti kaming may narinig na footsteps.

Nag helera-helera kami at inabutan ko ni Apollo ng 3 balloons.

"Thanks." I gave him a small smile.

Binuksan ni Ali yong sliding door as she turns on the light sabay tumingin siya samin.

"Surprise!!!"