Chapter Four
The classroom always smells like pencil shavings and body spray, which is basically the scent of suffering. I take my usual seat by the window, halfway between invisible and exposed. If you sit in the front row, teachers notice you. Back row, the assholes notice you. The middle is safer.
âNice boots,â Mariah says as she drops into the seat beside me. Same Mariah from the corner store yesterday. Same grin that makes my stomach feel like a broken elevator.
âThanks,â I say, keeping my voice flat. I donât know what to do with compliments. They feel like tiny traps, waiting for me to step wrong.
She leans back, pulling her hoodie tighter. âYou always dress cool. Like⊠not trying too hard, but also like you donât give a fuck.â
That almost makes me laugh, because if she only knew how many times Iâd changed this morning before settling on âdonât look too gay, but also donât look too straight.â Itâs not an outfit, itâs a minefield.
Before I can answer, Mr. Collins storms in, arms full of papers. âPop quiz!â he announces like itâs a prize. Groans ripple across the room.
As everyone digs for pencils, I sneak a glance at Mariah. Sheâs doodling a dragon in the margin of her notebook. Not even pretending to care. I wish I could be that freeâdrawing dragons instead of calculating every move, every word, every stitch of clothing.
Halfway through the quiz, a folded note slides onto my desk. My pulse spikes. I unfold it under the desk, careful not to attract attention.
It says: You should hang out with me after school. â M
The words glow on the page, too bright, too dangerous. My chest is buzzing. For a second, the whole world feels like itâs holding its breath.
And then I hear itâtwo boys snickering behind me.
âIs it a love letter?â
âBet itâs from a girl. Figures.â
Their laughter burns the back of my neck. I crumple the note in my fist before the teacher notices, before anyone else can see.
Mariah doesnât look at me. She just keeps drawing her dragon, like she didnât just set fire to my day.