To Kill a Werewolf King

A History Lesson

Hawke

There are many legends and myths from many cultures about the werewolf and how it came to be. Even we ourselves can’t be certain at times. It all depends on where you come from. For example, if you grew up as an American wolf, you were likely one of two things: the child of a wolf immigrant, or the child of a First Nation wolf. When you ask our friendly little search engine where the myth of the werewolf originates, it’ll tell you Ancient Greece and Rome.

It’s true, but by all means, check for yourself.

I’ll wait.

…

Told you.

That’s what historians with pedigrees know and, for the most part, most wolves might agree with you. Whether it’s out of convenience or ignorance I can’t tell you. We really aren’t that different from humans when it comes down to personalities, ticks, interests, and so forth. We live in the same society, operate in the same social circles, use the same technology and have access to all of that information at our fingertips. All of this comes back to personal preferences, of course.

So let me tell you what I’ve come to know and believe.

I grew up knowing without a doubt that my grandmother was blessed by Selene, the Olympian Moon Goddess. Nana had been the pure White Wolf of legend, with abilities and such keen senses that the only person who had ever been able to get past her at her peak, was my grandfather, GG. Of course, only because her powers were transferred to her mate when they marked each other, and vice versa, making him immune to her in all ways but the real way.

‘Through our love and bond.’ She would say.

My parents both rejected their “Goddess-given” first mates, only to end up as each other’s second chance mates. They, too, transferred abilities, strengths and weaknesses through their bond. And they loved each other. I want to believe they truly did anyway. But I’ve always wondered, what is the purpose of having a second chance mate? Isn’t your first mate supposed to be the one you are created for? And also, if Selene has a second chance mate lined up for you, that is going to be a better choice… why not just make him or her your first mate to begin with?

Like… what the f***k is up with that?

Insert eye roll here.

Please.

Give me a break, nana.

Whoever designed that system f.ucked up badly.

It’s not my place to question the Goddess, but if I ever get the chance to, I’m not passing it up. End stop.

Anywaaayyyyy, sorry, got a little distracted there. Back to the point.

I also grew up believing in Fenrir, the Norse Wolf God. You see, my great-grandfather supposedly had the blood of Fenrir in him, but my GG could never prove it. Still, I grew up believing and worshiping the Wolf God, along with the Mani, the Norse Moon God. My GG told me that any God or Goddess that was related to the creation of the Lycanthropes should be worshiped. That always made me curious, but I never mentioned my curiosities to him. Fenrir has no connection to werewolves in mythology, whereas Apollo, who my GG has never mentioned, does.

That’s right.

Apollo.

Greek God of Oracles, Archery, Healing, Music and Dance, and so much f.ucking more, it’s got to be a mistake.

He was also, and has been worshiped for centuries as, Apollo the Wolf God.

Yet, he has never once been mentioned in my Nana and GG’s household with any sort of recognition of wolves. He was born of a wolf. Leto had transformed herself into a she-wolf before giving birth. He was raised by wolves. I wonder if it bothers the God of damn near everything and the Sun, that he’s not worshiped more regularly as the Wolf God, while Fenrir is when he has no connections to werewolves whatsoever in the texts.

Seriously though…

Sooo many titles.

But after I turned thirteen, and I learned about Apollo in public school, I decided then to add him to my personal A-Team. Let me tell you why. Right after my thirteenth birthday, my parents were killed. Literally the week after. Not murdered, unfortunately.

Because then I could have revenge.

No, they were killed in ‘car accidents’. Or that’s what I’d been told anyway.

Yeah, f***k that.

My parents were elite warriors in their home pack, with skills and abilities far surpassing that of an average wolf.

Thanks, Nana.

They had grown up as fated leaders of their respective packs, experienced hardships, rejected first bonds, then met, mated and marked each other and eventually, separated from their home packs on good terms.

Passing their titles on to become part of The Packless. Basically like an honorable discharge in the wolven world. I never knew why they separated, only that my Nana had told them that they needed to.

‘For the journey ahead.’ My mother had relayed to me.

What a f.ucking journey it's been.

I have never believed for a second that they died in a ‘car accident.’

Murder and revenge it is.

The question I have now is, were they spies?

I don’t know.

So anyway, my parents died, and I prayed and prayed and prayed it wasn’t true. Until I was blue in the face, I prayed to Selene, to Fenrir, to Mani. No one answered. No one spoke in my mind or talked to me through a burning bush like the Christian God did with Moses. No… there was nothing but silence.

For weeks after they died, there was nothing but silence. Silence in my house, in my mind, in the interactions I had with adults, from the kids I had thought were my friends. Because we were Packless, I spent weeks fending for myself, attending school to make people think nothing was wrong, while on the inside I was so lost and confused, broken without their guidance.

My grandparents on my father's side lived back in France, and they couldn’t afford to come get me just as much as I couldn’t afford to go to them. I didn't know much about them anyway and didn't know how to contact them as my father had never really talked much about them.

My Nana and GG were suddenly nowhere to be found. I don't know what happened. I tried calling them many times after, only for their numbers to be disconnected. I tried writing letters, and I mailed off a few, but after about ten with no responses, I figured they just didn't care anymore. I wasn't sure why they couldn't care anymore, but it was clear I was being left to fend for myself. So I did.

This was a moment in time when I needed loving support around me the most and everyone who had been expected to give it to me, were ghosts now. I was a solo Packless individual, which made me realize I had a fine line to live, had to learn a great amount of control and use all of my emotions as fuel for that control, so I didn't end up as a Rogue, feral and living only on instinct.

There were packs here and there, living off the grid or on large pieces of property with acres and acres of land to build hidden villages on. There were rogues who had been exiled or run away from a pack. Though running away from a pack was much like going AWOL from the military while on deployment. They will find you and when they do, it will not be as pretty as confinement.

Then there are the Packless. Like my family and I. These are people who have decided to leave their home packs to create their own within their families and communities. There are laws involved in setting up a new pack and werewolf community, but that was never my parents' goal.

For whatever reason, we lived mostly as humans did. The only real difference is our releasing control to our inner wolves for family runs. We only ever went out on full moons. I never understood that growing up, as I could shift whenever. Sure, the connection to our wolf spirits and the Moon Goddess is stronger on a full moon, but we didn't have to run only under full moons.

That was just in the stories.

Many other stories say that all wolves travel in packs, because they need to, they are sociable creatures and, while this is all true, not all wolves and werewolves are the same. A natural wolf may go feral with too much isolation and a werewolf can too, but a werewolf can shut out their wolves, to prevent it, living more like a human.

It hurts, and takes 100% concentration to completely shut out your wolf 100% of the time. It's not as simple as putting up a mental blockade. You’re literally shutting out a natural part of who you are. A more apt description would be like dealing with a drug addiction while you're in active withdrawal. It’s painful, your wolf will say anything to get back in, and can even go as far as making you go feral in retaliation for you shutting them out.

Yeah, our wolves actually have a lot more control over us than we give them credit for. At the end of the day, they are animals, with animal instincts to survive, to kill or be killed.

Being Packless makes that instinct ramp up a notch, until a community is formed. If not, that instinct continues to flare and can become impossible for wolves to control. Especially as solo Packless individuals. Incorporating oneself with a new wolf, gaining friendship, can be a simple balance for that.

However, being rogue, multiplies the instinct by one hundred and there is no coming back from crossing the line into ferality.

Which is why I understand that when my mother told me that my father had to go to the neighboring Alpha to see about getting some contract work in one of his city offices, I was acutely aware of the overwhelming sense of dread I had felt watching his car pull out of our driveway.

Shortly after, my mother was called away. And by shortly, I mean within hours. Something in me told me then, to reach out to Apollo. This was the moment I decided that Apollo was going to be the leading God in my A-Team if he answered just this one simple prayer. I had no idea what was to come yet. I had no idea that that would be the last time I ever saw my mother, father, Nana or GG. Still, I knew something dreadful was about to happen to me, and so I prayed to a new God, or an old God depending on how you look at it.

I asked Apollo to bless my mother, because she had been carrying my little brother. Then I asked him to watch over me and to make sure my wolf was hidden until the right time. I didn’t know why I had asked him that, I just knew that if Akira came out again too soon, I’d be fu– royally messed up. I wasn’t even supposed to have a wolf yet, but I had been blessed with her at ten.

Female wolves are usually blessed on the evening of their fourteenth birthdays with the Barrier being lifted. We’re born with wolves, we just can’t reach them or become them until they reach maturity. For girls, that’s at fourteen. For boys, it was at twelve. I never really knew why, because human boys are definitely less mature than human girls at twelve and fourteen.

Thanks for that Moon Goddess.

But I couldn't deny that I was grateful to have my wolf earlier than anyone else my age. I had the ability to go on family runs and hunts many times before they were taken from me.

To my surprise, Apollo answered my prayers. Although I didn't know it was him just yet. He came to me as the human who ushered me from my parents' home and into a group home. He didn't show up the next day, the next week, or the next month even.

No, he showed up on my fourteenth birthday. I don’t know how I knew who he was other than the man just seemed to glow, literally. His skin seemed to have this literal otherworldly glow that emanated at me. The police officers who came didn’t seem to notice. Neither did the Alpha when he stopped by, just as we were walking out the front door and told me that he was so sorry for my loss. He offered to take me in.

Apollo declined for me.