To Kill a Werewolf King

Using The Omega

Hawke

What the f***k is happening to me?

I’m swooning over a guy I just f.ucking met?

That's just not me.

Besides, we swoon over and for Tommy only.

‘Not anymore.’ Akira teases and I shush her, not wanting to hear any further commentary because I know she's just getting started. She's always wanted me to search out our mate, attend the Alpha Balls and go to more of the King's functions so I might find him or her, but I have always refused. My heart is set on a ghost.

"However, that does not mean you could also love another." She whispers an idea I've never really considered before. I had always felt like moving on would mean not loving him anymore, but when she puts it like that, I have to recognize the very valid truth in her statement.

She's been feeling that magnetic tug even harder than I have and although she recognizes he is not our mate, she's been urging me to spend as much time around him as possible. She's also urged me to ask him to ask his wolf to run with her, but I'm not sure if I want to do that yet. I know how unpredictable she can be.

I’ve never been this attracted or this interested in a guy in… well, since Tommy. At that thought, I cringe inwardly, turning back to my plate and eating. I still love Tommy. I won’t give up what I’ve been working towards for years now for anything. I decided then that killing the interest is in my best interests as I won’t do something and be foolish enough to betray Tommy.

He’s the only person I’ve ever had full-blown s**x with and I won’t have it with anyone else. Sure, I’ve eaten out a few girls and sucked off a few guys, had a few girls and guys go down on me, but I’ve only ever had s**x once, and that was when I gave Tommy my virginity.

Because it was his, it always had been, just like my heart. I can feel the rhythm of my heart change and I notice the tilt of Chance’s head, telling me he most likely caught it as well.

There is tension in the room, and I’m not sure if it’s the dismissal I gave the Alpha, the compliment I gave the Luna, the strange, magnetic tension between Chance and I, or my own thoughts paralyzing me suddenly but I know that at this moment, I need to be anywhere except here.

I need to escape the tension before it rattles me further.

“Excuse me. I think I need to retire, I’m suddenly feeling unwell.” I lie, tipping my head in the direction of the Alpha and Luna, and throwing a glance at Chance, I turn and leave the dining room.

My brain was already on overdrive, Akira whining in the back of my mind at the propensity of my thoughts. Now my nerves feel like they’re wired to explode any second. I know exactly what is happening to me, although I don't know why I’m feeling so out of control suddenly, the best thing for me to do is lock myself away until it passes.

My room is f.ucking mess. I’ve ripped the bed sheets off the bed, destroyed the little wooden bathroom stool, put my fist through the wall, and ended my panic induced rage by curling into the fetal position in the middle of the bed, grasping my hair so tight it’s going to cause a headache. But nothing is stopping the pain in my heart, the tearing in my soul.

Once I got to my temporary room, my mind cut loose, spiraling and spiraling and spiraling, like Alice down the rabbit hole. I’ve been stuck, reliving memories and the nightmare of his death for the last two or three hours, maybe more, I’m not really sure. I haven’t checked the time.

I can’t cry, no matter how hard I try to push the emotion into sadness, it remains self-loathing and bitter rage. I’m so f.ucked up that I can’t even think romantically about another man without going into a rage filled panic attack.

How f.ucking pathetic am I?

I wish I could move on, I really do. That I could let go of the memory, instead of holding onto it so steadfastly. But I can’t. I can’t forget, I can’t push it aside, I can’t wish it away. And finally, just as the tears finally start to gather on the surface, rage and pity tears mind you, a familiar scent hits my nostrils. It’s earthy like fresh dirt after a rain and rich like a heady whiskey. I wonder how long he’s been there.

I notice his scent is incredibly strong in the room, behind the closed door, so it must have been for a while. I didn’t even notice in my unbound state. I bury my face back into the pillow I’ve pummeled to death, shame creeping it’s way in, as it always does when I can’t keep it together.

This time I had a f.ucking audience to my meltdown, fan-f.ucking-tastic.

“Are you just going to continue standing out there or are you going to knock and see if I let you in?” I call out after I’ve composed myself a bit better. The room is in tatters, there’s no hiding it, so I don’t worry about the state that I’m in. I do worry a bit about the scratches on my arms from where I ran my claws along the skin to ease the pain in my heart. Still, I don’t hide them, the blood pooling at the flesh but not trickling, swelling like my internal pain.

A hesitant knock follows my words, and then the door is pushed open and I see Chance standing there. His posture is hesitant, full of indecision and uncertainty, but he tries to hide it by straightening his shoulders quickly. Though his back is still not straight as he carefully steps into the doorway.

“Stop.” I say, not wanting him to trip on my mess. Quickly, I get up, walking around the destruction until I am just a few feet from him. I take his hand, feeling a light but tingling sensation at touching him. He gasps, at the touch, likely because I startled him, but I pay it no mind, pulling him forward just a few feet and pushing everything around his feet away by a foot. Then I look past him to the guard, noticing the uptick in Chance’s heartbeat at my closeness and the slight inhale of my scent.

Before returning the favor, I ask the guard to get someone here to help me clean this up and I ask for a new bathroom stool. He obliges, his head tilting to Chance and I realize he’s waiting for Chance to be done here before he leaves.

“Go now.” I order, aware that this is likely typical behavior around Chance since he can’t see. I push the door shut behind him, noticing he hasn’t moved from the spot I pulled him to. I look at the mess, and groan outloud to myself. Chance’s head snaps just barely in my direction as I walk around him, grabbing the sheets off the floor so he doesn’t trip on them. Once removing them, there is a direct pathway to the end of my bed.

“Okay, all clear. Just come straight forward about five feet and you’ll be at the bed.” I say, throwing the sheets on the bed, not worrying about remaking it right now. I grab up the pillows from the floor, toss them onto the mattress as well then glance at Chance, noticing the pink lining his cheeks and that he hasn’t moved from his position. He seems to be staring at the bed, though I know he’s not.

“Do… you not want to sit?” I ask, moving so I can. It put me at eye level with his crotch and since he can’t see, I stare my eye’s share. He’s got dark blue jeans on with small rips and tears, clearly not meant for fashion and a black short sleeve shirt on today. I wonder how he picks out his clothes.

“No… Uhhh… I just - I just wanted to ch-check on you. You l-left pretty suddenly. My mother thinks perhaps sh-she said something to offend you?” The little stutter has been getting better and better every time we interact, though I find it absolutely adorable that I make him tongue tied. This big, beautiful, hunk of a man is reduced to stutters and blushes when speaking to me and I revel in that knowledge. I may have incited more of it a time or two. Like I’m going to now.

“Oh no. I’m so sorry. I will speak with the Luna. I … it’s all me. Not her at all. “ I reassure, almost admitting that my s.hit is screwey. I don’t know why I want to tell him that I’m much more f.ucked up than I seem, but the urge to grab him and make him stay in my presence is damn near overwhelming. I’ll take it over the rage though. It just seems to be getting worse every f.ucking day that I have to wait to seek my revenge and my love.

Just this once. I tell myself, hearing Akira snort in the back of my mind.

‘Do you know something I don’t?’

She stays quiet as she always does, and I sigh, knowing it’s for the best right now. Things are going to be crazy once I reveal to the Alpha and Luna why I’m really here - to prepare and take Davina back as the King’s chosen concubine this year. I’ve never had to do this and I don’t know why the King tasked me with this, as this is nowhere in my job description or skill set. But I won’t fail my mission. I might throw it in the bin altogether and make myself a new one, but I wanna meet the girl first. See if she’s vile and perfect for the King or can be useful to me as the days grow closer to my end goal.

The blind Omega might be useful as well. Since he’s lived here his whole life and is the chosen standing Omega, he may know secrets that I could use to my benefit when the time comes. I still don’t know much about this pack and how it operates, besides the bits of information given to me by the King. You never know what you might find and what might find you in these packs. Plus, Chance is not hard on the eyes at all.

Seducing him into spilling the beans should be easy enough.

Though, for some reason, as that thought comes across, a pang of guilt, stronger than I've felt in years, follows right behind it. I'm left questioning why.

Chance still hasn’t said anything, just standing there, his hands fidgeting in his pockets, his eyes darting around. I’m sure he’s speaking with his wolf and that brings sadness to my heart, knowing that I haven't been able to be with Akira properly for years. She’s too important to be out unprotected, and ever since I entered into the King’s employ, it’s too risky to let her out. She’s even more impulsive than I am and that’s saying something.

Then suddenly it dawns on me. We're alone, completely.

No time better than the present.

“Chance–”

“Hawke–”