WRU?

Chapter 3

PAGKATAPOS na pagkatapos ng kanta, agad nawala yung ilaw sa stage, everyone was clapping their hands and cheering, some people was even crying and some was shouting complimenting the band.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" the vocalist stated while bowing.

I saw the guy immediately turned his back from the stage, he's leaving. I guess. I don't know what he feels, there was no expression on his face.

I looked at my bandmates, they were still clapping their hands. As I look at the stage, I remembered how excited and nervous I was when I first performed with the band. Our band journey was never easy. We needed to wait for 2 years back to won our first ever trophy, pagkatapos ng saya, there was chaos then, pagkapahinga ni Aidan, gumuho lahat ng lakas ko. It was never easy to leave the band to fix myself.

"Yara?" I looked at Vince who called me. "Mmm?" I answered without looking at him. My gaze was focused on the empty stage. "Are you okay?" tanong niya sakin.

I looked at him, then smiled "I'm fine, just a little bit tired"

All three of them looked worried. "Uwi na tayo, gusto mo?" Vin asked.

"Oo na, para makapag pahinga kana 'din. May jet lagged kapa panigurado" ani Yan. How lucky I am with this guys.

"Okay lang ba sainyo?" I looked at them. They all smiled at me then nod. "Bawi nalang ako ha" I hugged the three of them "Thank you, sobra"

They hugged me back

"No problem"

"Anytime"

"Dito lang kami"

4 years ago, when my life crumpled like a paper, sila lang yung nandyan. They were the people who always remind me to live. They were always by my side through thick and thins. It was a hard thing for them too. Nang dahil sakin, our band needed to lie low. For 4 years our band didn't have any vocalist. Ang daming naging issue back then. I know sometimes those issues are getting into them. But they always tried not to give attention to it. Ang gusto lang nila ay maging okay ako. Hanggang umbot na yung desisyon nila to let me go to the states to unwind.

After that hugged, napagkasunduan namin na umuwi na. We parted our ways, dahil magkakaiba ang sasakyan nami pauwi. We bid our good byes, magkikita naman kami bukas sa studio. At kami naman ni Yan magkikita sa univ. It was really a hard day today.

Aidan.... How are you up there?

I was walking while looking at the sky. It was already dark, the starts and the moon was present. It's been 4 years.... Yet, I'm still trying to be okay. Aidan, bakit ka kasi nagpahinga ng maaga eh, bobo mo 'rin eh!

Am I drunk? Tipsy siguro, naka tatlo 'din ako.

Now, I'm wondering about the guy who I saw at the airport, ano na kayang nangyari 'dun? I hope he's okay though. I know how hard it is to feel so broken. It sucks...

Naglalakad ako papunta sa bus stop, I'm really tired, aayusin ko pa yung admission ko sa univ bukas. I was hesitant to come home here, pero naisip ko na masyado nakong natagalan, and someone is waiting for me, and that's the band. I never expected anything from my parents.

How they were even before I met Aidan up until now, it's still the same. That's why I begged my grandma to help me buy a condo, then when I was in chaos, they never even asked me how I was. When I left o go to states and accepted the scholarship, wala nakong nagawa at dahil narin sa pamimilit ng banda, tinanggap ko na. Just to escape.

"Nasan na yung bus?" when I arrived at the bus stop, wala naman akong nakitang bus. I looked at my wrist watch, and saw na hindi naman ako late. Maybe, I was just early. Without looking at the people I am with, umupo nalang ako sa bakanteng side ng bench.

I opened my phone when it rang for notification.

From: Mom

Anak, did you arrive safely?

This is suprising. What did she ate? This is new. I was about to reply to her message, when another notification popped up. It was another message.

From: Dad

How are you? When are you free? Let's go out.

What's with them? Did the moon turned blue? It's new that they were not fighting at this case and have time to ask their daughter how she is... Noong mag isa akong bumyahe papuntang amerika at the age of 15, when I helped myself on finding how am I gonna live their alone. Hen there was days, I wished I could hug someone when I was crying each night. Because I never felt how it feels when you're crying on your parents shoulder, telling them what's wrong.

I never even celebrate my birthday's without seeing them fighting in front of me. That's the reason why birthday's became just ordinary days for me. Not, until he came...

I replied to the both of them telling that, I'm fine. Tinabi ko na sa bulsa ko yung cell phone and just waited for the bus. Anong oras kaya dadating 'yun? I'm sleepy.

I can't fall asleep here. Nope. Para hindi ako makatulog I just roamed my eyes around, then I saw a guy not that far from me, nakasandal siya sa poste. He looks drunk. Napailing nalang ako. Mukhang kaya pa naman niya, I'll just let him. Maya-maya pa, the bus arrived. Tumayo na ko kaagad, and readied myself para sumakay.

Sumakay nako sa bus and sat on the chair beside the window, my eyes were pierced outside the window, and didn't bother looking at the person who sat beside me. Some time later, the bus started on moving.

Kasabay 'nun, my mind started wandering somewhere. I was wondering, kung anong kayang nanyayari sa banda ngayon kung nakaya ko yung sakit? Kung anong nangyari kung hindi ako umalis? Leaving the band for myself was the hardest decision.

I was laying down my bed the whole day. All I did was cry, sleep, and just stared at the ceiling. It's been a month since our last performance and the day he slept. I was wrecked, my whole life was in chaos. Hindi nako pumpasok sa school, I can't. Hindi nako lumalabas ng bahay, I just didn't have any energy to do things, my passion... All of it was gone...

Tumayo ako sa pagkakahiga, bago ko kinuha yung gitara ko. Hmmmm, I just started strumming the string.

"Mmmm..." as I strum the strings of my guitar, the memories came back... The first day I saw him. For the past two years, he became almost my everything.

He became my life saver, he was there to cheer me up, to courage me to do things in life. He became the person who trust me, he was there to tell me every day that I am worth it, that I am talented enough, he never failed each day to appear in front of me to compliment me. I was so dependent to him.

He was there to celebrate my birthday which I always thought a normal day. He never failed to make me feel special. The affection I never felt with my parents, I felt it with him...

"Sa t'wing puso'y nag-iisa" as I start singing and strumming my guitar. Our memories together flashed.

"Mayro'ng himig na kumakatok sa pinto ng aking alaala. 'Di na dapat tumitig pa sa 'yong mga mata"

My life without him was peaceful enough to make me live, but when my life with him, he made it more like a comfort I would always find. He gave me more reasons to live, to wake up each day.

"Ngayon, ikaw na lang ang nakikita"

And now he left... Pano na? I depended all my life to him. He was the main reason why I joined the band... Pano na? Kaya kopa ba?

"Ang alaala mo'y tila bago. Sa panaginip ko ay naro'n ka"

Why did you rest already? Kala ko ba hihintayin mopa kong mag perform sa stadium? Bakit ang bilis....

"At kahit pa ang mundo ay mag-iba, ako'y laging nandirito" my voice broke... As I felt tears flowing my cheeks

Without you, I don't know anymore. H-how? Kaya ko ba?

"'Di man ako para sa 'yo, puso'y 'di m-m-magbabago" as I continue to sing, as my tears starting flowing nonstop.

Please.... Please.... Make this just a dream..... A long nightmare. I wanted to end now....

"Walang iba, walang iba, wala nang hahanapin pa"

Please.... Appear at my door, knock on the door. Show me your smile, you never failed to show. Compliment me. Encourage me with your words! Please.... P-please Aidan.... Show yourself.....

"Pag-ibig ko'y sa 'yo"

Pero alam ko, alam kong pilit kolang ginagawang tanga yung sarili ko. I know that this isn't just a dream. I know that he won't come back anymore. He won't show himself in front of my door. I won't see his smile anymore.

"Sa 'yo hanggang sa huli"

It's just me that can't accept that he's.....

He's gone.....

I cried hard while holding my guitar. The guitar that even have his sign.

"Aidan.... A-aidan..... Bakit?" I was whispering his name.

"BAKIT?! AIDAN!! ARGHHH! PANO NA KO?" I was questioning his sign written on my guitar.

I continue crying and shouting.... Questioning God why he needed to choose Aidan, my question full of why's...

Pagod nako... Pagod na... Hindi ko kaya...

I hugged the guitar... I hugged it like I thought someone would snatch it from me.

I was still crying, tears aren't stopping from flowing. Then I heard a knock from the door. I was hoping that would be Aidan, there was still hopes inside me.

"Yara?!"

But I knew it already.

"YARA!"

He wouldn't come.

I felt an arm hugged me, I cried hard onto Vince's shoulder. I cried like there's no tomorrow. I'm too tired.

"Just cry..." he was comforting me.

I saw how Yan avoided looking at me. I saw how Vin was frustrated as he put his arm at the wall and lean there. Then, Vince who's tearing up....

"Nandito lang kami. Iyak mo lang"

"B-bakit siya pa? B-bakit ngayon pa? B-bakit? Vince, b-bakit?"

He just hugged me telling me everything would be okay. Ever since then, Vince was the type of person to be the comfort of everyone. Nang kumalma nako, nakaramdam nako ng antok. Naramdaman ko na dahan-dahan akong hiniga sa kama ni Vince, kinuha naman ni Vin yung gitara ko. Yan was helping Vince.

"Pahinga ka muna. Hmmm" I heard Yan spoke.

Aalis na dapat siya ng hawakan ko yung kamay niya. "Don't leave me. P-please" I begged.

He held my hand too "Dito lang kami. Di ka namin iiwan, rest please" I might be drowsy but I saw how Yan's eyes teared up.

After that. Everything went black. I didn't now how long I was asleep, I just woke up seeing Vin looking at me. He smiled at me when he saw my eyes opened up.

Yan and Vince was nowhere to be found. "Lumabas lang sila to buy something at the convenience store. How are you?"

"Still trying to be okay"

Inabutan niya ko ng tubig, then he sat at the edge of the bed. He looked at me while smiling. "I know it's hard. You depended on him for 2 years" he stopped then held my hand "You can also depend on us. You're like our sister, Yara. We're your family"

I felt a tear flowed again, they're also suffering. "I'm s-sorry" I looked down.

"Why are you apologizing? Yara..." he held my chin to look at him "It's okay not to be okay" then he smiled, then caress my cheek "But don't lose hope that someday it would be okay"

I quickly hugged him "T-thank you"

"Take your time. We'll wait for you, Yara. We'll wait for our Yara to come back"

After what he said, it made me think. In order to fix myself, I need to rest.

After our conversation, I didn't expect that there would be a scholarship offered to me in the states. I was hesitant to accept it. I can't just leave the band... I already caused so much.

'Go. We'll always be right here, Yara. We'll wait for you. For now, find yourself' that was Vince's exact word.

That's when I made up my mind. Kahit nandito ako kasama ang banda, kung wasak naman ako sa loob. Wala 'rin. Few weeks later I left the Philippines and went to the States, to find myself.

= END =