THE VOLKOVS I - VELVET SCARS

Jennie Carter

TEN WEEKS EARLIER

𝗝𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗜𝗘 𝗣𝗢𝗩

Thud

Thud

The sound of my heart thumping hard against my chest couldn't get any louder.

I blinked my eyes open but was met with darkness. Darkness…an uninvited guest that became a friend. It was generous enough to hypnotically pull me out of reality when it gets harder to breathe…and most importantly away from my mind when it starts eating me up. It was a method I had grown accustomed to when I stopped fighting my intrusive thoughts and let it take authority and consume me–

Crash!

The sound of glass breaking downstairs pulled me out of sleep.

Again.

I stared silently at the cracked ceiling above my bed as my father’s drunken shouting echoed through the small apartment.

A familiar heaviness settled in my chest..the kind i'd had learned to live with long ago.

“f*****g s**t!” I heard my father yelled somewhere below. “I was so close,in sure that f*****g bastard cheated.”

Then a loud thud followed.

I sighed. closing my eyes as if doing so will make it all stop.

But who was I kidding? This wasn't the first time it happened nor would this be the last so why was I acting all weak like I couldn't handle my drunken father? Like it hasn't been happening for years?

I stood up from my bed cursing under my breath.

"what happened this time". I asked outloud as if there was someone who'd answer the question I already knew the answer to.

I rubbed my tired eyes as I took my phone from my drawer beside my bed. It was barely six in the morning.

Sleep was the only thing I loved whenever I'm home. It's darkness was the only friend I whisper my fears to. The only friend I could tell everything without being scared of being seen as weird or even worst–weak.

I rolled my sleeves,my fingers tracing the faded cut. It was no surprise I passed out yesterday and yet I couldn't even sleep in peace.

I keep getting robbed off my precious sleep every-damn-day.

Outside my bedroom window, New York was already waking up. Car horns echoed faintly through the streets while pale sunlight slipped through the thin curtains of my tiny room. But inside the apartment, everything still felt dark.

I focused on the noise echoeing from downstairs,It seemed his drunken slur had died down.

I keep waking up to this.

The drunken state of my father every f*****g morning after he's done gambling.He spends half of his life in his usual site where his other middle aged men gamble and drink their life away.

I had hoped that maybe…maybe if I do the things he wants. Maybe he'd stop.

Maybe he'll wake up one day and be the person I knew when I was little. But it was all the same .

Slowly, i got out of my bed. reaching for my school uniform beside the wall. Beside it was my mini calender hanged on the wall. I traced my fingers through the circled date.

“Four weeks left before the finals”. I whispered to myself, making a mental not to add more time to my studying schedule.

I squeezed the uniform tightly, ready to start today.

Another morning pretending everything was okay.

At eighteen, i have mastered pretending. I wore it like my favorite jacket when called for.

Pretending my father’s drinking and gambling didn’t scare me.

Pretending i wasn’t exhausted from carrying a life that never felt light.

A wave of disappoinment spread through my chest.

It has always been that way and even worse when she came. A woman that was supposed to be 'my stepmother'.

A woman whose name my demons whisper with fear and hatred.

Karen.

I shivered in fear at the mention of her name.

I had thought…that maybe if she left things would be better. That I would have 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬.

But i was wrong because when she left after the incident he got worse.

A soft vibration from my phone pulled me from my thoughts.

I grabbed it quickly. One message.

Ivan.

A small smile appeared on my lips before i could stop it.

[Ivan: morning princess.

Should I get donuts on my way?.]

Ivan.

That annoyingly handsome guy at school who happened to be my boyfriend.

If I was told that I would be saying Ivan was my boyfriend I would have laughed.

Me?

Ivan?

I still remembered when I saw him at our school for the first time and how he approached me,it was just like yesterday.

For years I lived in a home that never felt like home. A place where the only affection showed was anger and broken bottles.

A place where love felt like a foreign language.

But one can be multilingual no? Because i…i felt it. Saw it. He is the only one who looked at me like I mattered.

I sometimes wonder how my dad would react if he found out I have a boyfriend.

I shook my head, typing a simple yes to Ivan before walking towards the bathroom to get ready for the day.

After doing my routine I got dressed before quickly brushing my hair into a loose ponytail. Then I grabbed my bag from the floor.

My grip tightened around the strap of my bag.

For a moment, I considered going downstairs to check on him, but i already knew what I would find—empty bottles scattered across the table, cigarette smoke hanging in the air, and my father probably passed out on the couch after another night of drinking away money we didn’t have.

So instead I stayed locked in my room, watching reels and funny memes until it was 7:00am sharp before going downstairs.

Once it was time I quietly slipped out of my room

The apartment smelled like alcohol.

The living room was a mess.

A broken glass cup lay near the wall while the television played static sounds no one was watching. Dad was sprawled across the couch, one arm hanging limply off the side.

“Is he dead?”. I thought to my self, looking around.

I was sure I heard a crash when I was upstairs.

I quickly looked away when he shifted.

Without making a sound, i walked toward the kitchen and opened the nearly empty fridge.

Nothing. Except half a bottle of water and expired milk.

My stomach tightened.

I closed the fridge so hard it shook and the empty tin on it fell before I could catch it.

It stopped breathing for a second.

I turned back slowly to see if my dad heard the noise.

“Jennie!”. Dad called out.

I bit my lip, putting the tin in the bin before going to the living room.

He was awake now, rubbing eyes as he sat up from the couch. "You're leaving already?".

I nodded.

“You couldn't at least make breakfast before running off?,” he muttered.

I stared at him in disbelief. There wasn't even food in the house.

“There's nothing to cook”. I responded.

He scoffed. “So? What are you supposed to do?”. He ran his hand through his hair.

I looked down at him, confused.

"Why are you so slow! Do you need me to tell you that you need to call your aunt?”.

I shook my head.

“Then why didn't you call Tessa?”. He hit the hand of the couch.

I stepped back out of instinct.

“I didn't know I had to”. I voiced out.

“Now you do. Call her and ..erm find a way to gain a few bucks from her”. He narrowed his eyes.

A few bucks from her? I almost laughed.

Dad once had good work at some company that paid generously. But he suddenly stopped working after Karen came.

It was stupid to hear that a woman convinced him to stop working. But he did.

“Tell me when she sends it!” He said ,waving me off dismissively before reaching for another bottle beside the couch but I heard it.

I stopped walking, trying to pinpoint if he's really serious or not.

But the thing is that dad never jokes.

“I don't have her number”. I yelled. Sprinting out of the living room before I could hear what else he had to say.

By the time i stepped outside the apartment building, the cold morning air hit my face instantly.

All the money my aunt sent went straight to dad's gambling. He keeps saying he's sure he would win but ends up losing anyway.

Lost in my thoughts I didn't even realize I was already heading towards the usual spot I was supposed to meet Ivan.

I kept my eyes fixed on the ground, sighing in every few seconds as I think about what to do.

Then I caught a familiar scent.

I looked up.

Ivan Volkov leaned lazily against a sleek black car parked near the sidewalk, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket. Sunglasses rested lightly on his golden hair while girls passing nearby openly stared at him. Their mouth agape and some try to get his attention.

Some things never changed.

Ivan was still unfairly handsome.

The moment he spotted me, his expression softened completely. "There she is,” he said.

My heart skipped a beat.

I walked towards him . “Hey”. I gave a small smile that didn't reach my eyes.

He pulled me into a hug. “Slept well?”.

I nodded,taking in his scent.

He pulled back. “What's wrong princess?”. He asked.

“I..had a rough night”. I answered quietly. Half-truthful

He was looking at me like he is trying to find something. Or worst – he already did

"I'm just worried about college and stuff?” Another half-truth.

He nodded immediately, already understanding.

“You still have weeks before the exam. Don't worry much about it”.He said as he pats my hair gently before he opened the passenger door for me.

I smiled at him.

I had become so good at pretending that sometimes I wondered if I even knew how to be honest anymore.

Especially with Ivan.

He thought my worst problem was finals.

I let him believe that.

After he got in the car he brought out the donuts from the back sit.

I sighed in relief.

I was worried about starving till lunch time.

He glanced at me before pulling his phone, typing something quickly.

I gave him a confused look when he slipped his phone back in his pocket, giving me a small smile.

I looked away and focused on taking big bites of the donut.

Ivan leaned closer,eaching for my chin as he wiped off a cream on the corner of my lips. “You're such a messy eater”. He whispered.

“Im not a messy eater. The donuts just tastes better everytime”. I defended.

Ivan looked at me softly before chuckling. "Of course” he said, starting the car. “Let's head to school princess”. He placed his warm hands on mine before driving off to school.

This was how our mornings was ever since we started dating. Playful bickering and peaceful atmosphere.

It was as though I was another person whenever I am with him. That is why it's better he doesn't know…because I can't help but think of how Ivan would of me if he finds out about me. My dad. The secret.

The drive to school was comfortably silent. Just soft hums from the radio and Ivan's hands in mine.

Ivan was about to take the last turn that leads to school before he got a call. He glanced at his phone but didn't make any move to take it until the phone stopped ringing.

Then it rang again. I glanced at him but said nothing.

He sighed before slowing down.

He pulled his hands away from mine so he could take his phone.

“What is it”. His voice came out different.

I looked at him.

“Do it as planned”. He said before hanging up.

“Is everything alright?”. I asked quietly.

He held my hands once again. “Yes princess”. He answered before fixing his gaze on the road, speeding up.

I nodded, staring at him with the last donuts in my hands.

“Open up”. I brought the donut to his mouth.

He glanced at me. “Really…giving the last one after you ate all of them”.

“You don't like donuts!”. I defended.

“Exactly..so why should i eat it?”. He raised a brow,an amused smile on his face.

Sometimes I wondered if God had favorites. Because nobody should be allowed to look that good before eight in the morning.

“Because I want you to?”. I motioned the donut to him and to my surprise he took a bite.

“Happy?”. He asked and I hummed in response before eating the rest of it.

Soon we've finally reached school and after Ivan parked we got out of the car.

Eyes were on us the moment we stepped out. I'm no longer surprised by their reaction. That was what they do everytime ever since Ivan started dropping me off.

To most of them we're just friends because they find it hard to believe that Ivan would date me.

I straightened my posture, as I walk beside Ivan.

Vintage High is an average school,mixed with both the rich and the poor. Most of those who can't afford it got in through scholarship,just like me.

My aunt was the one who applied for me and paid for the other important tools I needed.

“Jennie!”

I turned back to see Jade running towards me, a smile formed on my face.

Jade…another precious soul whom I was grateful for.

She isn't quiet or simple.

She is chaotic and wild. The first person to approach me when I first started school and somehow became my bestfriend.

“Why are you running?”. I asked her.

“I thought I was late”. She panted.

I locked eyes with Ivan before shaking my head. We both knew why she was early.

At the entrance of the main hall I parted ways with Ivan as usual. He always had different classes with mine so we couldn't see until lunch break or after school.

I listened as Jade rambled about her weekend as I took notes from my locker. Most of the things she said was so funny I almost forgot about my dad.

Almost..

I part ways with Jade as I head to class,my hand clutching to the strap of my bag tightly. It was still a bit early, about six minutes left before eight.

“Oh well…she finally came”. The classroom echoed at the voice of Selene.

I stopped walking as soon as I heard her voice.

I looked around the classroom. Almost half of the classes were here and most of them were all Selene's minion,her little puppets played on strings when useful.

I took a deep breath before walking to my seat, passing her without any acknowledgment.

She clapped a hands, walking up to me slowly. “ Had a great night rest?”. She asked,her voice laced with something I could quite place.

I brought out my half done maths assignment, ignoring her as I solve.

She rested her hands on my shoulder. “ Wow..great act young master. You don't want to talk to me now that im…”. She rolled her index finger on my ponytail. “Being nice.”

“What is it Selene”. I asked boringly.

She tsked. "I think we both know. .. don't we?

I looked up at her blue eyes that mirrored mine, trying to understand what she meant.

“Good morning class!”. Mrs Sam walked in before I could think too much about it.

Selene swung my ponytail before walking to her seat.

I sighed, taking out my history notes.

All I have to do was just survive school and wait for Ivan…and my dad.