THE VOLKOVS I - VELVET SCARS

Chapter 3

JENNIE

Tick.

Was it right?

Tick.

Or was I just trivial as a person?

Tick.

I'm I supposed to cry this much?

Tick.

I stared at my ceiling.

Unmoving.

As if it would somehow answer all the questions I had in mind.

I couldn't sleep last night. Not only from lack of sleep but from the nightmares that I could smell miles away from my dreamland.

It wasn't because of what happened yesterday– I have seen worse–

It was the feeling that the incident of what happened years ago would appear again in my dream–Vividly.

It is so deeply rooted in me automatically that I think it's better to be awake instead of having those ugly dreams.

Though they never came, it was still hard to sleep.

And my eyes sting a lot because of that.

I guess I got too comfortable to the point a night without sleep feels like there's someone poking needles in my darn eyes.

With a groan I rolled over on my small bed–almost falling down – to take out my phone from my backpack.

My fingers hovered on my screen as I turned it on.

I stood up reluctantly and walked to the bathroom.

I put a paste in my brush and walked to my small mirror.

I stared at my reflection.

The dark circles were noticable. My eyes completely gave away of how tired I am.

I looked pale, too pale it made my blue eyes look weird.

I looked away and focused on the sink below me. I avoided looking at myself till I got out of the bathroom.

After dressing up I grabbed my phone as I sat on the edge of my bed.

[Ivan: Did you get home safe?]

I stared at the message.

How can I act normal around him?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

In. Out.

It's not helping.

I can't remember the last time I saw dad that angry.

Was it nine months ago? Five? Three?

Whatever the exact date was, it was definitely long enough to give me a panic attack when he got angry again.

All these months I have tried my best to avoid doing things that I was sure would anger him, and I did it successfully. But I got too comfortable..

As if he had drastically changed overnight. As if I didn't know my own father– the real one.

I texted Ivan back before scrolling on my phone to pass time.

The moment it was seven o'clock I stood up, grabbed my bag and pulled out my hair clip so my hair could fall freely on my back.

For a moment I considered if going to school today was worth it.

I preferred sneaking out but Ivan was probably waiting for me and I didn't have anywhere to go.

I walked through the stairs carefully.

I looked around the living room for signs of my dad.

The apartment wasn't filled with the smell of alcohol as usual.

He wasn't on the couch and there were no bottles scattered on the table except the ones of yesterday.

The glasses of the wall clock he smashed yesterday were still on the floor.

What if he steps on it when he comes back?

I placed my bag on the couch and took the brush from the kitchen.

I worked carefully as I packed the shattered bottles so I wouldn't cut myself. After that I packed all the empty bottles of alcohol from the table and took it outside to the bin.

After I was done, I took out the half bottle of water from the kitchen and drank it.

But my stomach protested against it. It was so empty I could almost hear the sound of water washing through my system. I didn't eat last night and I doubt dad would get food when he comes back from wherever he went.

I just have to wait till lunch time.

I left the kitchen and grabbed my bag from the couch before leaving.

I walked out of the apartment with a smile on my face.

I exhaled calmly.

Nothing's going on.

I'm completely fine.

I combed my hand through my hair, walked in the same manner I have always had, except it was a bit forced today. Too forced.

I hummed songs as I walked –distracting myself from my thoughts.

I could see Ivan on the other side of the street, his hands were tucked in his pockets and his golden hair looked messy even from afar.

I took a deep breath before walking towards him.

My face is already hurting from wearing a fake smile.

“Good morning” I said.

He turned to look at me. “Hey princess” He smiled warmly. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes I did” A lie. “You?”.

“Yeah I did too”. He ran his hand through his hair. “Shall we?”.

I smiled as he opened the passenger seat for me.

The moment I got inside the smile faded. 𝑆𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔.

And I know it.

He's using the same technique I do when something's wrong and I pretend I'm fine.

Like I am right now.

And I know that because I am the master of pretending and I know when someone's behavior changes. Even if it's the slightest.

I should probably change my course and study human psychology instead.

I watched as he pulled out his phone and placed it on his ears.

I couldn't hear what he was saying but the more I watch him the more the expression on his face turns colder.

Something is definitely wrong, 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑒.

It took everything in me not to wind the window down so I could at least know what happened. But at the same time I don't want to be nosy.

While I'm certain that something's wrong, I hope Ivan would talk to me about it.

I looked away.

𝐷𝑜 𝑖 𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑘 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑖𝑚 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟'𝑠 𝑚𝑒?. I questioned myself.

In my defense I have many reasons why I don't tell Ivan anything about my dad.

Does he see me as weird? Weak? I fear for the worse.

No one would want to be friends with, or date a person with extreme daddy issues and eating disorders. That was what my dad said.

There are many what if's when it comes to Ivan.

𝐼 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 ℎ𝑖𝑚.

So it's better I shut my mouth and think of ways I could make him smile genuinely.

When he got inside the car my lips curved into a smile again.

He looked at me and I can swear he wants to say something but is refusing to.

He looked away with a sigh, his grip on the steering wheel was too hard, the veins in his hand looked like it would pop out.

“Are you okay?”. I asked carefully.

He nodded. “Yeah I am” he whispered “Why?”.

“It's just…”. I bit my tongue. “You look like something's bothering you”.

He shook his head.

I sighed. Maybe I shouldn't put it like that.

He looked at me. His green eyes looked different.

Darker.

Empty.

“Do you mind skipping today ?”. He asked me.

I looked at him eyes wide. “You want to skip school?”.

“I- it's fine if you don't want to, I'm just thinking–”.

“No no” I cut him off. “I would gladly skip with you!” I exclaimed.

“Are you sure? You don't have to if you–”.

“I do, I'm serious. I didn't want to go to school today anyways. I need a break from finals pressure”.

His lips twitched.“If you say so”.

I nodded “Where do you want to go?”. I asked him.

“You'll see. But I think we should get food first since we'll be spending half of the day there”.

He placed his hands on mine before driving off.

He got takeouts from a restaurant and some burgers from McDonald's

“Are you trying to get me fat?”. I asked him, looking at the bag.

“What? You told me to get it”. He looked at me.

Okay, maybe I did tell him to get the fries but I didn't tell him to get a whole bag.

“Yes but not this many”.

He laughed lightly.

“So where are we going? Are you going to tell me now ?”. I asked him.

“No, wait until we get there”. He said simply. “Take it as a surprise. It's somewhere you would love, it has flowers”. He hinted.

I squint my eyes. “A garden?”

“Close, but we'll see when we get there”. He responded.

I groaned but decided to keep shut and let him take me to this mysterious place.

The drive to this mysterious place was a bit long,we drove past places I didn't know existed.

But what to say? I wasn't born in New York and even though I have been here ever since middle school, I only know places surrounding my school and house.

Ring.

His phone lit up.

He glanced at his phone but made no move to get it.

I watched in silence as he clenched his jaw. The old expression he had in his face threatened to crawl back.

I tore my eyes away from him to see a massive black gate.

Not just black. It had a touch of gold in its artistic carving.

The black gate has something carved as a word, but it's not in English.

It had a fence so wide I couldn't see where it ended.

I watched in awe as the gate automatically opened after scanning Ivan's fingerprint.

“How did you do that?”. I asked him.

“Do what?”.

“This–what the”.

The moment Ivan drove in I almost screamed in french.

There is a huge, I mean huge, V sculpture standing in the middle of this… compound? Estate? Mansion?

It's not just a normal sculpture with clay, it is painted in gold.

I looked over at Ivan's seat only to see that he wasn't there.

When did he?

“Come on”. He said as he opened the door for me.

I hopped out of the car, squinting my eyes as the giant V statue shone with grace.

If I should stand beside it I'd probably look like a roach.

“What is that?”. I asked him, my eyes still on the statue.

“Huh..It's a statue?”. He responded.

I almost laughed. “I know it's a statue Ivan”.

He laughed before opening the backseat and brought out the takeouts.

“Let me help”. I took the second bag from him with a smile.

He smiled back. “Follow me”. He grabbed my hands.

“Where are we going?”. I asked but he didn't respond.

We walked towards another gate, except it's covered in white.

Now that I noticed it, this place is actually wide. The white gate we were approaching looked like it was a mile away. The only reason it's visible is because of its vibrant color.

We finally reached the gate. I guess it wasn't as far as I described it.

Ivan walked to the side and pressed a button that was at its wall. After Ivan inputted what seemed like a password he finally stepped back and the gate opened slowly.

I blinked. Trying to make maths of how much it would cost to have such a gate, I am not even talking about the house behind us.

The moment the gate opened I fought every urge in me that wanted to run with my hands wide open through the beautiful flowers.

I walked inside the space, my mouth agape as I took details of this…heaven on earth.

There were different types of flowers on the left side. Each one standing separately from the others.

It's a field of flowers.

Opposite it was more trees and freshly cut grasses with sunflowers in its midst that somehow had a pathway.

How did one even do this?

Outside this gate is a beautiful mansion and a massive golden statue standing gallantly while somehow inside the same mansion there's another gate with a place with flowers.

I stared in awe.

“This is beautiful!”. I exclaimed.

“I knew you would like it”.

I smiled. “Are we the only ones here?”

He nodded. “Yes”.

I frowned “Really? That's kind of sad. This place is beautiful. No one comes here? Not even once in a while?”.

“The only people who come are the cleaners and the gardener. I do come here sometimes too”. He responded.

“That's a bummer. This place deserves more recognition”. I shook my head in disappointment.

If I could, I would come to this place everyday.

“Recognition?” He c****d a brow.

“Yeah. Just imagine building this place and no one comes to visit. I would be sad”.

“Except it's a private property”. He muttered under his breath.

“You say something?”. I asked

“No I didn't. Let's settle down there”. He c****d his head to the apple tree on the other side.

We walked over to the place and brought out the food after sitting down under the tree.

After eating we took a walk around the place.

It is so beautiful I don’t even like the idea of leaving.

We finally stopped walking and decided to take a rest at a bench.

I tucked a hair behind my ear as I took a breath. The air felt nicer and fresher.

Nature's privilege I guess.

I cast a side glance at Ivan who has been staring at me for some minutes now.

Trying to ignore the weight of his gaze I played with my finger but it made it worse.

“What?”. I looked at him.

He blinked. “What’s what?”.

“You're staring”. I looked at my fingers

“Am I?”

I nodded. “Yes you are”.

“Is that a bad thing?”.

“No it's not”. I quickly said. “I'm just.. saying”.

“Hold on”. He said as he stood up.

I watched as he walked towards the flowers and plucked out a fresh red rose.

He walked up to me with a smile and carefully tucked the flower in my hair.

“What are you doing?”. I looked up as if I could see the flower on my head.

“The flower looks good on you. It's beautiful”. His hands brushed my cheeks. “You're beautiful”. He whispered.

I looked away the moment I heard the last sentence,my face heating up.

“Thank you”. I mumbled to myself as I played with my hands.

“Wow.. your cheeks are red”. He touches my cheeks with a finger “It looks like the exact color of the rose”. He whispered.

I smack his hand playfully. “No it's not!”.

His lips curved into a smile.

I stood up dramatically from the bench. “Let's play a game”.

“A game?”.

“Hm-mmh. This place almost reminds me of a park. What's a park without games?”.

“A game. Really?”. He looked unsure.

“Yeah really. We'll play tag. What do you think”. I put my hands on my waist.

“Tag? What's that?”.

I looked at him. “What do you mean?”. I chuckled. “It's a game...”.

“Oh”. He looked away.

He didn't know it?

“Are there any other games you know that we could play?”.

“I don't know”. He muttered.

“what?”. I stared at him in shock.

He sighed. “Yeah, it's better if you just

“I-i- am sorry.. I didn't know that. I was just..”.

“It's fine. Let's just say I wasn't a game lover when I was a kid so I don't know how to play one”.

“No It's ..”. I sighed. “ I'll teach you so we'll play together?”. I said and I started explaining everything to him.

After that I made him the catcher while I ran.

“You cheated!”. I panted.

“I gave you a twenty-second start. How did I cheat?”. He smiled.

“Then you lied. You said you couldn't play yet you caught me in less than a minute”.

He laughed.

We took turns in playing until I got tired.

We walked back to the bench so I could catch my breath.

Ivan intertwined his hands in mine. “Thank you”. He whispered.

“For what?”. I laughed nervously.

“For coming with me”. He whispered.

“You don't have to thank me for that. I also had fun”. I nudged him.

“You don't understand why I'm thanking you. But you would soon”.

And at this moment, I realized I also needed this break.

After staying there for another hour we decided to leave for Ivan's penthouse.

The drive to Ivan's penthouse was quiet.

Ivan's hands were still holding mine while I was thinking about what would happen if we got there.

The drive to the penthouse was not too long.

The car slowed to a stop in front of a towering glass building.

We finally hopped down from the car.

My eyes wide as I looked up, mesmerized by this beauty.

“You live here?”. I looked at him.

“Not really”. He responded

I stared at him.

What did he mean?

This building's exterior was made almost entirely from glass reflecting the afternoon sunlight like thousands of tiny diamonds.

The structure rose high into the sky.

“This is amazing”. I exclaimed

I looked at the car park.

There were more than five cars there and I didn't recognize any.

Not even one.

That white one probably costs more than my house in whole and would buy it again.

I suddenly understood why Ivan was unbothered by everything.

If I was raised in a place like this I could never care less about anything.

Ivan's warm hand rested on my waist as he led me to the entrance.

“You're planning on moving in out here?”. He asked

“What?”.

“You've been staring at the building for the past five minute”.

I blinked.

“It's so huge”.

His laughter echoed softly as we walked to the entrance.

At the entrance stood an enormous glass door framed with polished steel.

I couldn't help but imagine how beautiful the inside would be.

The moment the elevator dinged we entered inside.

This place looked ethereal.

It looked like something ripped straight out of a billionaire fantasy I had always read about.

Except I'm seeing it now.

Because everything here screamed money.

The living room alone is f*****g bigger than my entire house.

I glanced at Ivan.

He said he does not stay here often?

How?

I walked around the living room.

The air smelled faintly of expensive cologne and fresh flowers.

I walked towards the flowers beside the glass to the balcony

Damn!

Even the flowers looked rich.

Who knew flowers could look rich?

“Oh my”. The words slipped out of my mouth before I could even stop it.

Ivan laughed behind me.

“Now you should settle down and rest. I'm sure you would-explore later”.

I gave him a small smile.

And just like that I stayed with Ivan for the rest of the day.

I sat beside Ivan on the couch with my head on his chest.

I could feel his heart thumping softly.

“Princess”. Ivan spoke up.

“Yeah?”. I raised my head to look at him.

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it back.

His eyes sinking into my soul.

“How about we watch some movies”. He finally said.

I blinked before nodding. “We can do that”.

We went inside the movie room I never knew existed and played whatever was recommended.

The movie was going on but I was barely paying attention.

I was more focused on the warmth I was feeling from the cuddle and how Ivan's hands wrapped in my waist like it's a personal belt.

Is it normal to think this way?

I had thought about what I could do to make Ivan stay with me when Selene started threatening me.

“Do you trust me?”. Ivan asked suddenly, his hands brushing my cheeks.

“Yes”. I responded without hesitation.

“And if they are some…things you might not understand yet, would you still trust me and wait for me to tell you?”.

I was silent for a while.

Things I don't understand?

I stared at him.

His eyes looked hopeful. As though the response would determine something.

But other than that, there are some things he also doesn't know.

Would he also trust me to tell him when I'm ready?

If we will be together long enough for me to find the courage and tell him everything?

“ I still trust you”. I whispered.

He let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you” He muttered, his eyes still locked on mine.

𝖨 don't 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗆𝗈𝗏𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝖾𝗍𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗎𝗌 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗐𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀.

It was just a mere make out. I thought.

But somehow we ended up in his bed.

And now I'm changed in his clothes.