Say It

Chapter 18: Flashback

Cassie's POV:

Riding back home, I anticipated the scorn I was bound to receive from my dad and possibly Claudia. I know he's right, to an extent. I also know it's not my rational, level-headed dad that was speaking. It's the dad from the wake of my disastrous relationship. He saw bruises and all the harsh memories of the past rose to the surface and he freaked. But that does not mean he is allowed to talk to me and Claudia for that matter, like we are children. I learned my lesson about the evil men of this world. Jameus will be the last man who will ever get a drop on me.

I stopped and grabbed a few boxes of yummy pizza from that amazing pizzeria Jason took us to. Maybe food will help smooth over some of the tension. Even though the sun had set, it was still kind of early.

Pull into the complex, really unsure of what entails for the evening. I'm sure yelling and crying, most of the crying probably coming from me.

I carry my feet across our once comfortable threshold, into a stuffy, tension-filled apartment. But tension is the only thing that still lingers in the room. Everyone is gone. I stalk over to the kitchen counter, laying the boxes down. I grab some plates and cups. Fixing myself a plate of yummy pizza and pouring a large glass of sprite. My favorite.

I'm eating alone, it seems. Even with the noise of the ice machine, they have yet to make an appearance. I grab another slice of pizza, scarfing it down. I had forgotten what transpired today and in the chaos of today, I hadn't eaten a thing except a scone Lincolns had bought me.

Once I'm finished, put my dirty dishes away and head to the bathroom. I need to wash, or more so, soak the day away and watch it literally go down the drain.

After I took a shower, I filled the tub with steaming hot water with my favorite scented bath salts: Egyptian jasmine and Scandal wood, and soaked for way longer than I had intended. I played Soft Monday by Saturday Melodies to relax my mind and drifted to sleep in the tub. When I woke up later, it was merely because I was shivering from the freezing water. Two hours had passed of my resting in that now cold tub. I truly looked like a prune.

But now it's morning and I find myself trudging to the annoying light pounding on the door. I check the peep hole and sigh. Dramatic as ever, my dad and Sus hadn't stayed here even though one of us would gladly give up our beds for them.

I swing the door open, stepping aside for them to come in. "Did we wake you?" Sus asked.

"Well, it is the morning." I dimly chuckle.

"Sweetie," they both look at me somewhat confused. "It's nearly noon."

I whip my head to time on the microwave and see it's ten til 12. In a panic, I rushed to my bedroom to begin getting ready for work. I yank some clothes from the hanger and throw them on the bed just as my bed chimes. "s**t" I whisper. I may be the boss'.. whatever I am, but that doesn't mean I get to slack.

*L: Goodmoring, tersoro. I hope you've slept well. Stay in today. Deal with your family. Yesterday was complicated, so make today better. 7:05 a.m.

I can't stop the crazy smile that's forming on my sleepy face. He's something special.

*L: I don't know why I'm surprised you're still asleep. Lol. Text or call me when you wake up. 9:46 a.m.

*L: Whoa, you really sleep late. I hope. I hope you're not avoiding me. 11:53 a.m.

Only Lincoln would assume I was avoiding him after the amazing night we had. But it was such a stressful day, that rest was all I needed to pull myself together. My exhaustion from the day put me to sleep in a way I hadn't slept in a long time. I figured I would have nightmares about everything in the book with all the drama, but sleep came easy and dreamless for the first time since I heard about Trey escaping prison. Counting the 2 hours I had slept in the tub, I got a whole 14ish hours of sleep. That's not a normal occurrence for me. I hardly sleep 8 or 9 hours. I'm lucky even.

I quickly text Lincoln letting him know I'm alive and not avoiding him. I finally feel like we are on the same page and I don't want to screw that up. However, I think now he won't be so apprehensive.

Now that I'm awake and don't need to be at work, I throw on some comfy casual clothes so I can make my way back to the living room of doom. Yay me.

Stepping into the kitchen, I fiddle with my thumbs, staring at a small imperfection on the tile to evade the overbearing stare my dad is sure to be giving me. "So, what are y'all doing here?" I ask, still not ready to face them.

"Oh, so now we can't come see our favorite girls?" My dad's voice is soft and genuine. Unlike last yersterday.

I hear him sigh and take a few step to the counter/bar top that divides the kitchen and living area. "J.C., look at me."

I decisively roam my eyes in his direction and he smiles. "I'm sorry for what I said to Claudia last night and I'm sorry, so very much so, that I ever implied you were weak." He moves around the obstruction between us and gently places his hands on my shoulders. "You are the strongest woman I know. Through and through. Although you've been dealt the s**t end of the stick, you never complained." He tilts his head a little. "Though, I wish you would have." He huffs, still grudging over the past, rightfully so. "I just.." he pause, sifting over his mind looking for the best way to express his words. "I seen those," his shift down to the slightly lighter bruises. "and I panicked. Suddenly, every nightmare we endured a couple of years ago surfaced and I could only feel pain and anger. I wasn't thinking about my words or that you might have handle on the situation."

I nod. I need to just rip the bandaid off and tell him everything so that's what I do. We move around to sit at the barstools and tell him the entire story, from beginning to end, leaving Lincoln out for now.

I forget Susanne is there until she hands me a glass of sprite. "Sweet girl," she cups my cheek. "I wish you would have told someone soon than just yesterday. This guy could have done some serious damage to you had he been given the chance."

"I know. And I definitely should have, but in the moment I was in shock and a little afraid. I wasn't sure how deep his craziness ran. I wanted a plan of action instead of straight for the cops. I don't know how things are ran here. I don't know if he has cousin or some s**t," she glares at me with a disappointed mom face. "Sorry. Or some crap." I say with smile, earning a chuckle from my dad and him a nice swat to the arm. "But either way, it's done and over for now."

"Is he going to jail?" My dad asks hesitantly. He already knows the answer.

I shake my head and suck my bottom lip between my teeth. "I got a restraining order on him, but they said since so long had passed they wouldn't charge him."

He runs his already wrinkling hand through his gray hair and huffs, not happy about it at all. "And you weren't fired for the drama yesterday?" Sus asked.

"Uh, no" I stand and move around to the fridge and pulled out one of the boxes of pizza I bought last night and heated a couple of pieces.

"What?" My dad's curious side bests him.

"Mm, nothing." I shake my head as I answer.

"Cassidy!"

"Dad, the name. It's not mine."

"Well then, I advise you answer me. And don't try to lie." He says.

I take a bite of the pizza to stall just a moment more. "Fine. Lincoln is my boss."

He stares at me for a moment, not exactly sure who Lincoln is. "I don't..wait, the guy who fought this Jameus fellow?" I nod. "Well, I admire your boss indefinitely, but it doesn't really answer any questions. If I had to get involved with an employees drama like that, I would probably fire them."

"Well, dear, you remember when you gave me that job after Marvin left me? And then he came showing his rear and you defended me?" She walks over and rests her hand on his chest with a smile. "You didn't fire me." She says with a pointed look.

He nods his head with this goofy school boy look on his face. It's nice to see him smile. It's nice to see him happy. "Yeah, but that was different. I was sweet on you, darling." Sus playfully taps his chest and shakes her head. With a quick roll of her eyes, she moves away to the plates in the cabinet.

Dad watches her every little movement, but not how Trey watched mine like I was his possession. He watches her with admiration. It's like he's amazed by her, fascinated and definitely obsessed. I may not have been able to watch him love my mom, but I'm blessed to watch him love her. I'll never understand why they thought they had to hide it from us.

His smile falters as he turns back to me. "He's sweet on you?" It was question, but his tone let on that he knew.

"Uh, I-" I don't know why I'm having a hard time telling him about Lincoln. I was always so open about my life. If I liked someone, if someone made me uncomfortable and everything in between. It was only after my time in hell with Trey that I shut him out. I haven't told him a lot about that time other than Trey abused me. He doesn't push and I don't offer. It allows both of us to sleep better.

"Cassie?" he asks. I think because Lincoln is the first guy I've taken interest in since Trey, I'm having a hard time telling him. "Sweetie, you can tell us," he motioned between himself and Sus. "Anything in this world. If he's" The word catches in his throat, unwilling to think someone could be manipulating me in such a way again.

I rush to his warm embrace and wrap short arms around his dadly body, pulling him tight to me. The moment of shock wears fast and his arms slump around my neck and securely hold me to his chest. His breath is erratic so I know he is only thinking the worst. "Dad, Lincoln is a good- no, great guy. We had a bump in the beginning because of miscommunication, but he is wonderful. He's not just sweet on me,"

"You're sweet on him." He finishes for me sounding slightly surprised by my confession. I just nod. He releases a deep breath and squeezes the life out of me before letting me go. "That-" He begins with the most serious face. "Is fantastic." His soft features express his pride and love for me. I'm puzzled.

"I-You're?-- Whoa, I mean-" He chuckles. "It is?" Is all I finally managed.

"It is." He says back with bright smile.

"It really is." Sus chimes in. "Darling girl," She takes my hand and guides me to the living room sofa. "We have been terrified that," She shoots my dad a weary look, unsure if she should speak openly.

"Sus, you can tell me anything."

She nods and takes hold of my hands. "We have been afraid that you would be to scared to let love in again. That you would shut yourself off to the idea of being with someone, of loving someone. We watched you build yourself from the ground up and it has been a true pleasure and treasure to watch and to be part of it. Please understand that." She shook our hands a little, her dark brown orbs begging me to know that. "But we thought it might have ruined every other guy for you and we were so scared you would end up being alone because you were too afraid to open up. To allow another to catch your eye in that way, touch you in a loving way. To simply be a part of your life."

Dad wonders over and squats beside her, shaking his head. "We love you so much, Cassie Bear." she says, and I choose to ignore the awful nickname she gave me so long ago.

"And we are so happy that you are happy. If you are happy?" My dad asks.

"I am. Like I said, Lincoln is a great guy. I would never even consider being involved with my boss if it wasn't for how he makes me feel. For the first time," I smile. "Since Trey, I don't cower when he's near me. I don't flinch when he moves too fast. He can touch me and I don't want to run for the hills. I like him, really like him. He makes me giddy." I giggle, feeling a little childish from my excitement. "I never even felt this way with Trey."

It's true. Trey made me feel nervous or anxious when I was first going around him. I always confused it with butterflies and school girl excitement about finding someone who "liked" me so much. I was never able to be myself around him because I was always hiding something from him. Too afraid he wouldn't like the way I wore my hair up or that he would get mad if he knew I had watched a movie with a naughty scene in it, and yes, he did on more than a few occasions. I hid my laugh, how much I ate, my favorite color, the fact I wasn't a virgin. That one I would have taken to my grave. My junior year, I lost my virginity to this jock named Gary Matson in the backseat of his lifted 2005 F250. He barely lasted 2 minutes and he practically kicked me out after it was done. I never told a soul, not even Claudia. I was so embarrassed. And my cherry never popped, so I didn't see the need. But I had always told Trey he was my first. He would have flipped and that was the last thing I needed from him.

Even though Lincoln was different, there were things I was still afraid of. I trusted Trey in the beginning too, but by the time he showed his true colors, it was far too late. I was already hooked and tied in the situation. He has already proven he's different, but what if it's just for show? I already feel like I'm in too deep. Sure, there are many things that are telling me this is not the same, but the fear still lingers and I'm not sure what to do about it. I can't stay away. Not that he wouldn't understand, however, I can't bring myself to stay away. How have I become so entangled with him already?