Say It

Chapter 5: Past and present

*** Super quick, this chapter is going to bounce to the present. of course i'll make it aware!***

Cassies POV:

The rest of the week comes and goes with no visitors other than Stacey on occasion. We even went to lunch together on Wednesday. It was nice and I think I've actually made a friend out of her. I've also finished my other two manuscripts by Wednesday and have tried to pick up as much extra work as possible. Stacy said the boss was impressed I move so fast, but I love reading; imagine after imagine of another world usurping your mind. It allows you to travel to a new time, place, with new people and takes you from the reality of the real world. It's nice to know I'm impressing the boss, though I don't know him. She even said he was giving me half the day off today (Friday).

I pack my things, say goodbye to Stacy and head home.The apartment is empty because Claudia is still teaching, so I go to the gym. I change and grab my things, heading out to the gym in the complex and practically go to town. Working out was always my go to when I was stressed or when my mind would race with memories. I am far from a health nut like my sweet Claudia and I don't eat as clean as she does. She works out to stay toned and fit; I work out to blow off the steam being held in. And after Trey, I like to stay strong enough to defend myself and I can't do that if I sit at home all the time.

Once I'd had enough and realizing a couple of hours had passed, I decided to head back and deep clean the house. Since the weekend, I have no work I want to do from home and I still have energy coursing through me. When I'm done, I hop in the shower; the hot water rinsing away the day, sweat, and cleaning chemicals. Once out, I get dressed and hope Claudia wants to go out for a bit tonight. I still have so much energy. I decided on faded black skinny jeans with a rip in the knee and a little one on the thigh. A long sleeve black shirt with cuts on the shoulders that end at the hem of my pants. I grab my burgundy, white, and gray flannel in case it gets cold. Pairing the ensemble with a pair of my favorite black converse. I do nothing to my hair, leaving my raven waves to fall and morph how they please.

Finally, she's home.

"Hey love. I'm home. You're home early, is everything okay?" she asks before finally looking up. "Oh mama, and where are you going tonight?"

I giggle at her use of mama. "WE are going out tonight. I really need to blow off steam. I've been to the gym, I cleaned, and took a shower to relax my muscles and nothing is working." Clearly she wants to say something, but I'm not sure if it's good or bad. "Spit it out."

"Oh, nothing really. I was just gonna say, you're probably horny." I choke on the large gulp of water I tried to swallow. She laughs, always finding it funny that I'm so timid about s*x. " Sorry, but it's the truth. You've actually met someone who wets your panties and you don't know what to do with that." she kicks off her shoes, walking past me dialing someone on the phone. "Yeah babe, we'll go out. I'm calling Jason now to take us somewhere."

I breathe out thanking everything she changed the subject until she finishes her thought. "You should learn to relieve yourself or you'll stay pent up until you get some." I stare at her in disbelief as she responds to Jason holding to fingers up to show me what she's implying, then closes the door.

My cheeks, I'm sure, are burning red. Claudia was never afraid to be so open with things, but I was. I didn't care to talk about my (nonexistent) s*x life. Even before Trey turned into the monster that haunts my dreams and I had s*x willingly with him, I never liked just talking about s*x between us. I was always uncomfortable, but maybe that was a sign that it wasn't what I thought it was. And I've never, in my 23 years, relieved myself.

Before I can dwell anymore on the s*x I'm not having, Jason shows up dressed very handsomely.

"Hey sweetie." he greets me.

"Hi Jas." I've already given him a nickname. "Claud is just finishing up, I hope."

He comes in and sits on the couch. "No worries. So how was your first week at Greene House?"

I know my eyes are lighting up because it's only been a week, but I love it. I'm able to work without being bothered by dozens of people. A few editors would come by, an author or two, and, of course, Stacy, but usually only to check progress.

"It's been wonderful so far." I went on and told him a little about the books I'd read already. I think the first and last ones will be hits among most people, being crime thrillers, but the second one was a kind of sappy young love that will hit mostly young readers and some seasoned readers. We talked for a while longer about his job and a little about Claudia because they work together also. After about 30 minutes, Claudia finally blesses us with her presence.

"Woe.. you look great." Jason tells her. He's not wrong. She went for a white pencil skirt and beige crop half tank paired with her beige heels. She does a little twirl and finishes with a hand on her hip for exaggeration.

"So, where are we going?"

***Present***

Cassies POV:

October 5th.. I hate this day. I will always hate this day. I look over at my bedside clock.. 2:47am never fails, just like having a nightmare. My brain is hardwired to wake up at this exact time. I climb out and go downstairs for a glass of water. On my way back to bed, I stop and check on Elara. She, of course, is fast asleep. I close the door as quite as I can and go back to my room to sleep and dread the day that's ahead of me. One day, when my heart doesn't ache and my mind doesn't cloud, I will tell that beautiful girl all there is to know about October 5th, 2019. For now, though, she will remain her innocent, wonderful, cheerful darling girl she is.

Finally, it's time for me to get up and ready. Once I'm done, I head down for my coffee and something to eat. My dad walks in and kisses my cheek before saying good morning.

"Listen Cas, Sues, Claud, and I are going to watch Elara. I know this is different than every other year, but Claudia is in her stage of being uncomfortable, so she doesn't want to go out and Elena asked that they have you to themselves today. She said something about going somewhere special because it's been 5 years." I wanted to protest but he continues. "Just for this morning J.C.. Then later, we will all go bowling like always. Don't stress today, love. Go and enjoy it for once. We love you so much, Cassie, and we only ever want you to be happy." He kisses my head again as everyone starts to come into the house.

Claudia comes behind me and hugs me the best she can with her big ole belly keeping her from me. "Today is going to be a good day. We love you. Remember that." I turn and wrap my arms around her. She is one of the only people who can make me feel better.

"Today is never a good day, Claud." I whisper in her ear. Every day of the year I can get past the cloud of ache BUT this day.

"I know," she whispers back, "but we can always hope." She pulls back with a beautiful smile on her glowing face. She was beautiful before, but now that she glows, her beauty punches you in the face.

I nod at her, praying she's right.

***Back to the past***

Lincolns POV:

Work has done nothing,but keep me busy the rest of the week. I haven't had time to even think about her, but it hasn't stopped my brain from being flooded by her. I've seen many beautiful women in my life, so I don't understand how this one has captured my attention so much. She's sexy, goofy, smart as hell, and seems a little guarded. But why? Usually, reading women is easy, but reading her is as hard as reading a manual in another language. I'm not into learning a new language. I can't go down this hole with her, with anyone, for that matter. It's not worth it in the end.

Usually, I'm down with going out, but today I don't want to; however, Ryder never wants to go out and today he does, so I'm going with him so the women don't swallow him whole. He's a great guy and can be kind of naive. He met and started dating his wife, Julie, when he was 20 and she was 19. My mother wasn't happy about it because Julie already had a child, Elise. She didn't judge her for having her at 17, but she didn't think Ryder should take on the responsibility of raising someone else's child when he himself didn't have one. But she quickly fell in love with both girls and began spoiling Elise just as fast. My father didn't mind that she had a kid. He loved kids and was already ready to be a granddad. The first time they met, he had bought her this huge koala bear and a bunch of candy; El was instantly in love with and my mother. The two love birds got married at 22 and shortly after found out they were having Miyla. Everything was going great in our own little world when Julie passed in a car accident a month before Miyla's first birthday. We were all devastated, but Ryder was broken. He adopted Elise while Julie was still alive, thank God or she probably would have ended up in the system and those 2 little girls were the only thing keeping him afloat.

"You ready?" he asks.

"Hell I guess. Lets go baby brother." he hates when I call him that. He takes in a deep breath, rolling his eyes.

"You aren't that much older than me."

"15 minutes is 15 minutes."

He turns on his heels, grabs his things and heads out the door before calling out, "Come on."

We head to my favorite spot: Bathtub Gin & Co. It's a quite little place. Nice, popular but so bad you can't breathe. Maybe because in passing it doesn't look like a bar.

Cassies POV:

We went to some place called Bathe in Gin or Bathing in Gin; I don't know but it was something weird. But this place is beautiful. The inside is old with a modern twist. I guess that's where part of the appeal comes from. We order drinks. Me being me, I order water. I don't drink. I've tried it once and just wasn't a fan. Plus, I saw how it changed Trey. Also, my dad is a great guy and great father, but he had a rough patch that I don't want to follow.

"You sure you don't want a drink girl?" Jason asked me.

"No, I'm totally good."

"Yes, and don't push her. I'd hate to go to jail for hurting a friend." Claudia says back. She was there for it all, so she knows my past. Once I told her I didn't want to drink, she was completely supportive and understood why I never wanted that for myself.

We all laugh, but Jason doesn't know that CLaudia would actually hurt him for pushing me. "So... just friends then?" I ask.

"Yeah, she is beautiful and beyond my wildest of dreams, but we didn't have that spark." he seems genuinely bummed. She kisses his cheek.

"No we didn't, BUT we are going to be friends and we are happy about that."

"Yes ma'am we are. I'd rather have her as a friend and in my life than not to have her because we don't have the spark." he pauses a moment before looking at me, "So Cas.. I'm single." I throw my head back laughing at his nonchalant way of dating me.

"Sorry, love. You are very attractive and super sweet, but I'm not looking." I pat his shoulder as he falls back sighing like a drama queen.

"Ohh yeah! She already has this hot young thing she wants to get all up on." she looks at me wiggling her brows, making a kissie face. In the process, she slides off the stool. Luckily for her, someone was walking past her just in time to catch her.

"Careful.. not that it's possible, but I'd hate for you to hurt your beautiful figure." he smirks at her dazed expression. he slowly pushes a loose curl from her face. "Or your beautiful face." Oh he's good.

"uh..umm. Yeah. No. Yes. Good." She clears her throat and straightens up some. "I'm good. Me.. yes. Thank you."

He slightly chuckles at her and removes her hand from her hip. Her dark complexion growing red at the realization his hands were on her.

"You should be careful, I think the fall scared your words away."

She smirks at him, looking down then meeting his gaze again. "Or maybe you took them from me." she pauses for just a moment then extends her hand. "Claudia." He takes her hand in his and gently kisses it.

"Ryder,"

Suddenly, Jason speaks, pulling them both from this world they have engulfed themselves in and realizing there are other people around.

"Ry! How's it going my dude?"

They exchange a small hand shake and a man hug. "I'm good man. How about you? This your beautiful lady?" The hope clear in his eyes as he looks at Claudia.

"Nope, wish I was so lucky, but no spark."

"Well," he raises his brow and looks from Jason back to Claud with a smirk. "I may just have to steal her away."

"You'd be one lucky SOB." he pauses and then gestures between me and Claudia. "They're new here."

Ryder looks at me and extends his hand. "Ma'am." he leans in and kisses it. My cheeks burn slightly.

"Cassie" I say once he finally looks at me."I didn't think we'd get much southern etiquette way up here."

"Well, my mother raised me properly." he states. "So the south? What are you both doing here?"

"My job. I work at Gre-" A voice from the recent past pulled my eyes and any thought i have to the door.

"Bro, why the hell did you leave me?"

I can't seem to speak. How the f**k is he everywhere? And he always looks so damn good. Unlike his brother, he isn't really dressed up, but he looks marvelous. He's in a plain black shirt and straight black jeans with rips in the knees paired with short black boots. "Sexy," lowly falls from my lips.

He makes eye contact and smirks, clearly hearing my little statement. "Well, well, well.. Hello gorgeous." Ryder smiles, but rolls his eyes.

"I'm sorry about that i***t. He's my brother Li-"

"Lincoln." Everyone stares at me, confused by my knowledge of his name. Suddenly the light switched in Claudias mind and she gives a knowing smirk.

"That Lincoln?" I just nod "Oh hell yeah." she squeezes my arm a little.

"Oh so you know each other?" Ryder asked.

"You could say that." Lincoln's eyes never leaving me.

"Small world I guess." Ryders eyes focus back to me. "Anyway, before this s**t head interrupted, you were saying where you worked."

"With your sister actually."

"You work at GHP?" He asks.

"Sure do."

Lincoln leans in and says something to Ryder before he moves to Jason and shares formalities. I turn my attention back to Ryder who is smiling at me. "I heard the south come out." I small and roll my eyes.

"I think I'm pretty good at hiding my accent."

"You are not, love." butting in Jason. I playfully slap his arm, causing him to fake being hurt by my soft swat. "But anyway, it is a small world because I met Claudia at my apartment gym and found out she works with me at Gregory."

"Really? You're a teacher?" Ryder directs his attention back to Claudia. This guy is in trouble already and he doesn't even realize it. She flashes him a curt smile and nods. "My 5-year-old daughter goes to Gregory. She's smart as a whip. I'm sure I'll be paying for college soon." He laughs but Claudia's face shows a bit of disappointment.

"You have a daughter?"

" Yes, two actually. They're everything I could've ever asked for. Both look and act just like their mom. Beautiful and the biggest attitudes in the world. The little one told me yesterday she was ready to be older and for high school because all of the boys her age pick their nose and she's a queen, so she doesn't want her man to pick his nose." we all giggle. "She's in for a rude awaken."

They begin to chat some more about his daughters and the silly little things they say and do. From what Lincoln said when we met, the oldest is at least 13-years old. The whole time he speaks, I can feel Lincoln's eyes on me before he finally gets the nerve to talk. "So, how was the rest of your week?" he asks.

"It was fine. I was kind of bored by the end of the week since they give me so little work. I even got to leave early today because the un-present boss thinks I do good work." He smirks.

"Un-present?"

"Yup.. I still haven't met the guy, and I've been there an entire week. It seems unprofessional to have a new employee and not want or at least try and meet them." I say pragmatically.

"Maybe he has tried. Don't you think he's just busy?"

"What? With not one minute to spare to meet a new employee?" I ask as I shake my head. "No way. He's just absent."

Lincolns POV:

Damn this girl and her nonchalant attitude. She doesn't care about what she says or how she's feeling. But it's nice to have someone be so honest for once. Everyone else is always so careful with their words; especially with me.

And here she goes driving me crazy in her simple clothes. I knew that the dressy stuff she wore to work wasn't actually how she dressed. Her black clothing nearly matches me except I don't wear converse. Every piece forming nicely with her body. Shes far from fat but has more body fat than most of the women I have been with and, honestly, it's a wonderful change. Her hips are wide, thighs thick, ass and chest fat. She proportioned perfectly. She doesn't show as much as the girls I've messed with before, either. She's not begging for attention, that is obvious because of her choice of clothing, but she has mine, and most guys here for that matter. It's pretty irritating to see them watching her with lust in their dual eyes.

"Okay, I can understand your point, but try seeing it from his point of view. You're turning in manuscripts the same day still?" I ask and she nods. "Well maybe he just doesn't think he needs to introduce himself because you haven't given him a reason." She doesn't say anything right away, clearly thinking about my words.

"So?!" she finally says. "I'm his employee. I'm under him, he should want to meet me." I wish you were under me. "Especially if I"m doing as good as he says I am."

"Well, maybe someone should tell him what he's missing." Damn, she is so beautiful and so stubborn. She makes me want to throw my plan to stay away out the window. I don't think I could even if I tried, but I'm not sure what that means.

"Would y'all like to get a table with us?" my brother asks, looking between the three of them. I look at her though. please say yes. please spend the evening with me. I want, no, need to be near her; to hear her laugh, to have her watermelon hibiscus scent flood my senses all night. Maybe just one night and I can let things go in peace.

Cassies POV:

What I wouldn't do to be near him all night. I love the way he makes my head spin. This is dangerous, I know, but I simply can't stop it now. I look between Claudia and Jason before Claudia smiled. "Sure. Go grab a table, We'll meet y'all there." she answers.

"Claudia, his wife died. It was tragic, almost 4 years ago. Take your shot with him, but please be gentle with him," He says to her and she nods in understanding. "and Cas, be careful. He's a great guy, no doubt, but he doesn't want to settle down. Says he never will. So just know what you're getting into."

I nod also, listening to his warning carefully. Sure, he gives that vibe, but he feels different, this feels different. No, I don't know him well, so maybe I'm wrong, but he seems more than that. But, I can't just be that one-time girl to a guy, not even this one. I've been hurt and afraid too many times. I've tried it. I have panic attacks, so it doesn't work. That's why I need someone I can be comfortable with. That could be him, I think. Right?