Episode 11: The Things We Start to Feel
1223 Words
There’s a difference between liking someone… and realizing they’ve already become part of your routine.
I didn’t notice when that happened.
I didn’t notice when checking my phone in the morning stopped being a habit—and started becoming something I looked forward to.
I didn’t notice when silence felt heavier when he wasn’t around.
I didn’t notice when “just talking” stopped being just.
But I noticed it now.
And I didn’t know what to do with it.
My phone buzzed before my alarm even went off.
I didn’t have to check.
I already knew.
Still, I reached for it anyway.
Aidan:
Good morning. Are you awake or still fighting your responsibilities?
I stared at the message.
Then smiled.
Again.
This was becoming a problem.
Lia:
I am always responsible.
Three dots appeared almost instantly.
Aidan:
That sounds like something a tired person would say.
I sat up, leaning against my headboard.
Lia:
I am not tired.
Aidan:
Liar.
I rolled my eyes.
But my fingers were already typing.
Lia:
You don’t even know what I look like right now.
Pause.
Then—
Aidan:
I’m guessing… messy hair, slightly annoyed expression, and pretending you’re not smiling.
I froze.
Then slowly reached up and touched my hair.
“…That’s creepy,” I muttered.
Lia:
Stop being accurate.
Aidan:
Never.
I shook my head, but I couldn’t stop smiling.
And that scared me more than anything.
“Lia.”
I looked up.
Mara was standing in front of me with her arms crossed.
“You look suspiciously happy.”
“I always look like this.”
“No, you look like someone who just read a message she refuses to admit made her happy.”
I grabbed my notebook.
“You’re dramatic.”
“And you’re obvious.”
I stood up.
“I have class.”
“You always have class.”
“That’s because I’m a student.”
“That’s because you avoid emotional conversations.”
I stopped walking.
Turned back slowly.
“I am not avoiding anything.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Then answer one question.”
“No.”
“You don’t even know it yet.”
“I know you.”
She smirked.
“Do you like him?”
I froze.
Just for a second.
But that was enough.
Mara gasped loudly.
“Oh my God, you do.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
I looked away.
“That’s not the point.”
“That is literally the point.”
I sighed.
“I don’t know.”
There.
Honest.
Simple.
Terrifying.
Mara’s expression softened.
“That’s worse.”
“I know.”
That afternoon, I met Aidan again.
Of course.
Same café.
Same table.
Same feeling.
Different weight.
He was already there, scrolling through his phone.
When he saw me, he smiled.
And something in my chest reacted immediately.
Annoying.
Very annoying.
“You’re late,” he said.
“I’m on time.”
“You’re three minutes late.”
“That’s still on time.”
“That’s negotiable.”
I sat down.
“You’re annoying.”
“And yet you’re here.”
“Unfortunately.”
He smiled into his coffee.
“Sure.”
We talked.
About random things.
About nothing.
About everything.
And then—
it shifted again.
“So,” he said casually, “what did your friend say about me?”
I blinked.
“…How do you know she said anything?”
“Because she has the energy of someone who definitely has opinions.”
“That’s fair.”
“So?”
I hesitated.
“She thinks you’re suspicious.”
He smiled.
“I am.”
“She also thinks I like you.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“And?”
“And I told her I don’t know.”
He leaned back slightly.
“That’s honest.”
“It’s confusing.”
“That too.”
Silence.
Then—
“Do you?” he asked.
I looked at him.
That question again.
Always direct.
Always dangerous.
“I don’t know,” I said.
He nodded slowly.
“Okay.”
“You’re not going to push?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t need to.”
I frowned.
“What does that mean?”
“It means,” he said, “you’ll figure it out eventually.”
I looked away.
“I don’t like that answer.”
“I know.”
Later, we walked again.
No rain.
Just quiet streets and soft wind.
It felt calmer.
But somehow—
more intense.
Because there were no distractions.
Just us.
“Lia.”
I looked at him.
“Hmm?”
He hesitated.
Which was new.
Aidan didn’t usually hesitate.
“I’ve been thinking,” he said.
“That’s dangerous.”
“Very.”
I waited.
He looked at me.
“I don’t want to mess this up.”
My chest tightened.
“You’re assuming we’re something.”
“Aren’t we?”
I didn’t answer.
Because I didn’t know how to.
Because saying yes would change everything.
And saying no would be a lie.
So I stayed quiet.
He nodded slowly.
“Okay.”
That one word carried too much.
Too many meanings.
Too many unsaid things.
We stopped walking.
Right there.
In the middle of the street.
Not busy.
Not empty.
Just… in between.
Like us.
“I don’t need a label right now,” he said.
I looked at him.
“But I do need honesty.”
“That I can do,” I said.
He nodded.
“Then tell me this.”
I held my breath.
“Do you want me here?”
Simple question.
Complicated answer.
But this time—
I didn’t overthink it.
“Yes.”
His expression softened.
“Okay.”
“And you?” I asked.
He smiled slightly.
“You already know the answer.”
I did.
And that made it real.
We stood there for a second longer than necessary.
Then—
he stepped closer.
Not too much.
Just enough.
And my heart—
betrayed me again.
“Lia.”
“Hmm?”
“If this gets complicated…”
“It already is.”
He smiled faintly.
“Yeah. But if it gets harder…”
I swallowed.
“…then we deal with it.”
He looked at me like he was memorizing something.
“Together?”
That word.
That one word.
It felt heavier than anything else.
I hesitated.
Just for a second.
Then—
“…Together.”
We didn’t hug this time.
We didn’t touch.
But somehow—
it felt more intimate than before.
Because this time—
we chose it.
Not by accident.
Not by impulse.
But by decision.
That night, I lay in bed staring at my ceiling again.
But this time—
I wasn’t confused.
Not completely.
Because even if I didn’t know what this would become…
even if I didn’t know how it would end…
I knew one thing.
I wasn’t walking away.
Not yet.
Maybe not soon.
Maybe not at all.
And that—
that was the beginning of something I couldn’t control.
Something I couldn’t plan.
Something I couldn’t protect myself from.
And for someone like me—
that was terrifying.
But at the same time… it felt like the most honest thing I had ever chosen.
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