The Exiled King's Guard

Chapter 11: Next Day

I woke up to some movement around me. I was feeling different today. Being a soldier often on duty, I was used to waking up and jumping into action, but I couldn’t do that. I felt… incredibly tired and as I tried to move, also incredibly sore, like I had done some extreme training. I opened my eyes and saw Zach dressing up. Immediately, I was flooded with memories from last night. I blushed a deep red, unable to believe all that actually happened. I had never realized it could be so good though. All the things I had felt, had been so foreign yet so familiar. And I enjoyed every minute of it, to my surprise. I felt connected to Zach on a much deeper level now.

“Come down when you are dressed, we should leave soon.” Zach said, walking to the door and left the room.

I suddenly felt very alone. He didn’t even look at me. Why? Didn’t I deserve a good morning or even some eye contact after everything we shared last night? Maybe that’s what he does to all his women. The voice from yesterday spoke up. But I pushed it aside. Zach was right, we needed to leave as soon as possible. We had wasted more time than we should have last night. Rushing through my morning routine, I focused on locking away the pricks of humiliation I had been feeling since Zach’s unceremonious exit, chalking it up to my overthinking tendencies.

I reached downstairs, wrapped in my own thoughts, but was stopped short by what I saw. There was Zach, leaning against the bar counter, inches from the barmaid who was doing the same from behind the counter, showing off her ample chest, something Zach looked extremely interested in. They were talking in low tones, Zach giving her one of his signature smiles and her visibly swooning over him, giggling and blushing.

There was a loud thud. It was only when people started looking at me funnily that I realized I had made that noise. I had missed the last step and fallen. A few people came over to help me up, all the while I couldn’t take my eyes off Zach and miss Chesty, who were now looking at me too. Zach gave me a weird look which seemed to say "what are you doing?"

Thanking the people who helped me, Zach pulled me aside.

“What?” he said, sounding irritated.

“ What are you doing? Aren't we supposed to be leaving?” I asked back. Too scared to ask the real question.

“Yeah! I was just trying to get us some free supplies!” he hissed back. Like that!? I want to ask him, but I hold my tongue. Instead, I say, “Fine, I will go get the horse.”

Swirling with anger, jealousy and humiliation, I made my way to the stables to get Thunder. As soon as Thunder saw me he neighed happily and nuzzled against me. As I pet him back, out of nowhere I am overwhelmed with emotion. I lean my forehead against his and close my eyes.

Just for a second, I think to myself. But soon tears start slipping out. The rejection catching up to me. He didn’t say anything, he never had to say anything to get me to do as he wanted. Right now, I was to be his soldier. Last night I had to be his bed warmer. I was to fulfill whatever role he saw me fit for. And just like that, the hope he had given me yesterday was taken away. He got what he wanted, and my feelings were obviously of no consequence.

Isn’t this how it has always been with him? I ask myself drily as I smile a humorless smile. Remembering as we were growing up, how we would all always play what he wanted to play, knights and rogues, where we would all fight and he could always win thanks to his “magic-defeating” genes and our parents’ orders to never win against the prince. Or when he wanted meat pies for dinner, never remembering that Sorcan could not stand the smell and would throw up every time he smelled them.

Everything was about Zach. And I had been fooled into thinking we were friends, equals in any sense of the word. Even last night was about Zach and I had been fooled into thinking it was about me. He didn’t even have to seduce me, I was ready and willing at the slightest indication of interest. And he knew it. I could have walked away, but when he had seen me, finally really seen me, it felt so good. I had felt like someone who mattered to him. But today was business as usual, and I was to be his protector and nothing more. Like last night never happened. I wasn’t allowed any reactions or emotions, the only thing I was allowed was loyalty.

Laughter bubbled up inside me. It was wry and dark, no happiness in it. I was laughing at how pathetic I had become. I was aware that I was behaving exactly like the spineless girls who always threw themselves at him. I had never been any different than all of them, seeking out his attention, hoping I could keep him interested. Praying he would come to see the depth of my feelings and, like a fairytale, come to reciprocate them one day.

As I acknowledged my reality to myself, I felt much stronger, to my surprise. A resolve forming in my head.

“Any horses I can buy?” I asked the stable boy. I couldn’t avoid Zach, I couldn’t leave him, but I could definitely keep my distance.

“ He should be coming any time now. But I doubt he would do business with you” he said distastefully. I looked at him miffed but stayed quiet. And soon enough, I saw him enter. Shouting instructions to someone on the other side of the door, probably another stable boy. He froze at the door as soon as he saw me. When I saw who it was, I laughed in my head, cursing my rotten luck. Of course, things couldn't be easy for once. He was definitely not going to be interested in doing business with me. I was probably the last person he was hoping to see.