Swayed on the Waves

Chapter Five:

A few minutes had passed since we stepped outside. Nakaupo lang ako sa plantbox na gawa sa semento habang nakayuko at paulit ulit na sumisinghot dahil sa hindi matigil kong pag iyak.

Russel stood in front of me, silent. I had no idea why he hadn’t walked away yet.

"Silene, mag usap tayo..." I heard Jackson say.

Nag angat ako ng ulo at lumingon kay Jackson na agresibong naglalakad sa gawi namin at wala sa sarili ko ring binalik ang tingin sa taong nasa harap ko.

He had his arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed as he watched Jackson approach. Our eyes met for a second before he looked away, his jaw tight.

I wiped my tears away before standing up to face Jackson. Hindi pa rin nawawala sa isip ko ang nangyari kanina. My thoughts were a mess. I didn’t know what to think. Much less what to say.

"Tangina, ano 'yon?" mariin kong panimula sa kanya.

I was furious. My hands were shaking. I couldn’t calm down–not until I heard the truth straight from him. Even if it shattered me.

Jackson’s face softened. He looked like he wanted to explain, or maybe just ask for my forgiveness. Lalapit sana siya saakin pero agad akong umatras. Bumuntong hininga si Russel na nasa gilid ko at napailing iling na lumayo.

I thought he was heading back inside, but instead he sat by the gutter a few feet away, staring off into the distance.

"Hindi ko 'yon sinasadya,” Jackson said, voice low.

Gusto kong matawa. Gusto kong maiyak. Huli na nga sa akto ay pilit pa ring tinatanggi!

Then I slapped him hard. My palm stung and turned red. Ininda ko ang sakit ng palad bago nagsalita.

"Anong hindi sinasadya, Jackson? Tangina naman e! Huwag na tayong maglokohan d-dito.." I said, voice cracking.

"Siya ba 'yung lagi mong nakakasama sa tuwing wala ako? Ha? Sagutin mo ako!" I yelled, pushing him again and again through my tears.

He grabbed my hand, the one I had shoved against his chest, gripping it tightly in frustration. "Oo Silene! Tama ka! Alam mo, ilang araw kong napapansin na wala ka na talagang panahon para saakin! Palagi kang busy, hindi mo man lang naalala na may boyfriend ka!"

My eyes widened. I froze. So it's true. It's f*****g true!

"Hindi lang dapat umiikot ang mundo ko sa'yo, Jackson!"

"Oh? Bakit? Kasi hindi lang sa pag aaral ka busy? Busy ka rin kasi sa paglandi!"

I scoffed in disbelief. Wow! This is so f*****g frustrating!

"Hindi ako nakikipag landian! I just bond with my friends. Ikaw nga 'tong hindi matawagan, ni simpleng update 'di mo magawa!"

Hinabol ko ang hininga ko habang masama pa rin ang tingin sa kaniya. I never thought we’d end up screaming at each other like this.

"Ilang beses ko na bang sinabi sa'yo noon pa na ayoko sa mga kaibigan mo pero lapit ka pa rin nang lapit. Tignan mo 'yung gagong 'yon, mukhang nilalapit ka nila doon kasi ayaw din nila saakin!"

My fists clenched. "They never said anything bad about you so stop talking shits! At oo, they teased me with Russel pero ano bang ginagawa ko? Lumalayo ako sa kaniya! Umiiwas ako kasi may boyfriend ako! Naiintindihan mo?"

He ran a hand down his face and pressed his fingers to his forehead, shaking his head.

"Huwag ka nang magsinungaling, Silene. May nalaman ako kaya huwag mo na akong paikutin. Hindi ako tanga,” he said firmly.

I slapped him hard again. "Fine! Let's break up then. Tangina n'yo pala e!"

Padabog akong naglakad palabas ng car park at agad na kinuha ang cellphone sa bulsa ng pantalon. My screen lit up with a bunch of texts from my friends.

From: Vera

Sabihin mo nalang kung ayos na lahat. Uuwi na rin kami. Hintayin ka namin dito.

From: Helene

Break na kayo?

From: Dahlia

Hoy gaga! Nasaan ka!?!?

I quickly typed out a reply to their messages. Tonight had drained everything out of me. All I wanted now was to go home and finally rest. After hitting send, I turned my phone off and slipped it back into my pocket.

A car pulled up next to me. It honked once, then the window rolled down. Russel was behind the wheel, looking at me with a straight face.

"Ihahatid na kita sainyo,” he said.

Nag aalinlangan pa ako sa una. Hindi ko alam kung magpapahatid ba ako o mag commute nalang pero sa huli ay pumasok pa rin ako. As soon as I sat down, I buckled my seatbelt.

Yumuko ako nang kaonti para hilutin ang sentido ko. I could still feel the alcohol in me. Maybe that’s why I acted the way I did earlier. I felt braver than usual.

I closed my eyes for a second and kept rubbing my temples. Tahimik sa pagitan namin na kahit tunog ng aircon ay maririnig mo ang pag buga.

"Sa condo mo ako ihatid. Salamat," I said, glancing at him.

He nodded without saying anything or looking at me. Sa kalagitnaan nang pagmamaneho ay naipit kami sa traffic. Pinanood ko sya na buksan ang radyo ng sasakyan.

"Nice," I mumbled as the song started playing.

"I'll be your crying shoulder.." I sang quietly, not really thinking, just trying to distract myself.

"Dumaan muna tayo sa drive thru. Gutom ka ba?" he asked.

I looked at him and nodded without a word. I just kept singing softly, doing my best to lift my mood.

"Buti nakipag hiwalay kana," he said, serious.

I gave a small, tired smile and shook my head. "Minsan masyado lang akong impulsive gumawa ng desisyon lalo na kung galit ako,"

He scoffed. "So you made a decision earlier without thinking it through? At mahal mo pa rin kahit ganoon ang nangyari?"

I shrugged my shoulders. Sa totoo lang, naguguluhan na rin ako sa sarili ko. Ending our relationship like that wasn’t easy. We had history…memories.

O masyadong tanga lang talaga ako?

"I don't know," I replied.

The light turned green and the car started moving again. Dumaan kami sa drive thru at ang dami nyang in-order para saaming dalawa.

I glanced at him when I noticed he took a different route. Napatingin ako sa labas ng bintana at medyo kinabahan. Nang makita ang dagat sa gilid ay agad akong kumalma.

"Iuuwi na sana kita para makapag pahinga kana agad pero baka may katangahan ka lang gawin sa unit mo” he said, his voice sharp.

I let out a weak laugh and nodded. As I stepped out of the car, the cool, salty breeze hit my face. I took a deep breath. Watching the waves helped me calm down a bit.

Gusto ko tuloy maawa sa sarili ko dahil sa mga palabas ko lang ito nakikita. Tipong sa tuwing malungkot o may pinagdadaan ang karakter sa palabas ay uupo lang sya sa buhanginan at nakatingin sa dagat habang may malalim na inisiip.

Wondering why they’re hurting so much. And now here I was. Doing the exact same thing. It was kind of ridiculous.

I was about to walk toward the sand when I noticed Russel opening the trunk of his car. Sinilip niya ako na nandito pa rin sa labas ng gilid ng sasakyan.

"Dito na tayo sa likod ng sasakyan. Malakas ang alon ngayon... baka anurin ka," he said.

Inirapan ko nalang ang pagiging tarantado nya. Even in serious moments, he always found a way to joke around.

I crossed my arms and walked over, sitting beside him at the back of the car. I glanced the stuff inside the trunk—mostly his things.

Natatawa ko siyang tinignan. "Always ready for escapades, huh?"

He pouted a little at my comment before letting out a small laugh. "Minsan hindi ako umuuwi saamin kaya naglalagay ako ng gamit dito,”

"Kawawa ka naman.." I joked, but then sighed. I suddenly didn’t feel like talking anymore.

I stared out at the ocean, my mind already drifting to random thoughts. Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko para humikab at naramdaman ko agad ang pagbigat ng talukap ng mata ko.

I leaned on Russel’s shoulder, eyes slowly closing.

"Kung sana iba nalang ang minahal mo 'di ba.." he muttered.

Hindi ko naintindihan ang sinabi niya dahil sa kaantukan ko.

–

Nagising nalang ako na nasa kwarto na ako ng unit. I sat up on the bed, confused, and glanced at the digital clock on the side table. It was already 8 o’clock?!

Natataranta kong inalis ang kumot sa sarili ko para pumunta sa banyo dahil ayokong mahuli sa klase. But I almost slipped when I saw Russel just outside my room.

My eyes widened as I stared at him from head to toe. Naka black shirt sya at khaki shorts. Pinisil nya pa ang ilong ko habang natatawa dahil sa reaksyon ko.

He smelled really good, too.

It looked like he had gone somewhere, dressed in a black cap and sneakers–but what really caught me off guard was the fact that he was just casually standing outside my room. Hindi ko naman natandaan na binigyan ko siya ng susi para makapasok dito.

Sinundan ko sya ng tingin na dire diretso ang pasok sa kwarto ko at naupo sa kama. I stayed by the doorway, hand still on the knob with brows furrowed.

"Excuse me, bakit ka nandito?" I asked.

Both of his brows raised with pressed lips together. I couldn’t even get mad. Ang gwapo nya pala kahit anong damit ang suot nya.

I leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, and glaring at him. Bakit nandito ang isang 'to at feel at home masyado?

"Maligo kana. May pupuntahan pa tayo,” he said casually.

Binato ko siya ng lotion na naabot ko sa tukador na agad tumama sa dibdib nya kaya sinamaan niya ako ng tingin.

"Anong pinag sasasabi mo? At paano ka nakapasok dito!?" I snapped.

He looked at me like he didn’t have a clue—wow, he’s really committed to the act. Should’ve had known he went to some acting workshop or something.

"Pumasok ako sa pintuan?" he wasn’t even sure himself.

"Gago!" I shouted.

Iritado akong napakamot sa ulo at agad siyang tinalikuran para pumunta sa banyo para makaligo na. That was when it hit me—it was Saturday. I panicked for nothing thinking it was a weekday.

–

Kakapatay ko lang ng shower nang maalala na hindi ko pala nadampot ang towel at wala akong hinandang damit!

I groaned out loud, completely annoyed. I walked over to the sink to wash my face and brush my teeth, only to realize I didn’t even remove my makeup last night by myself.

Russel, maybe?

Narinig ko ang pagkatok niya pero hindi ko siya pinansin habang pinupunasan ang mukha ko gamit ang malinis na small towel.

"Hoy, anong nangyari?" je asked.

I stayed quiet, still wiping my face. But he knocked again.

"Wala!" I shouted, then tossed the towel into the laundry basket harder than necessary.