The fiancee

Chapter Two

On Thursday morning, I finally get to sleep. On the one day I don’t have to drag myself out of bed early. But even as I lay there, I’m not really resting. My eyes are fixed on the dent in the ceiling, a tiny imperfection that holds my gaze for nearly half an hour. I’m not thinking about anything in particular; instead, I’m replaying yesterday in my head. The dinner. The argument about the vacation. The way it still stings.

Elyn always has this way of prying into my life, getting under my skin with her “perfect” advice. She’s overstepping, and I want to call her to tell her to back off. But deep down, I know she’s right, and I hate that about her. She sees things about me about my life that I wish I could ignore. I feel like something’s missing, but I can’t put my finger on what it is.

It’s not Dyle, is it? We’ve been distant lately, sure, but that’s just… circumstances, right? He loves me. I love him. We’ve been in love since college, inseparable back then. We used to spend hours in his apartment, dreaming up our future. We had names for our kids, plans for our wedding. But now… now it feels like he’s pulling away, like I’m not the same person he fell in love with.

I want us to be normal again. I want to tell him that, but every time I try, he looks at me with that calm expression and says, “Emily, we are normal.” But we’re not. We both know we’re not. I wonder if he still loves me. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. Has he found someone else? Should I follow him when he leaves? My thoughts spiral, and none of them lead anywhere good.

My phone sits on the dresser across the room, mocking me with its distance. I want to grab it, to text him, I miss you. But I don’t. Instead, I sit up and swing my legs over the edge of the bed, the cold floor jolting me slightly. My head feels heavy, like it’s stuffed with bricks. Maybe it’s a hangover, though I didn’t drink that much last night.

In the kitchen, the counters are spotless, and the table we used for dinner is clean too. Dyle must’ve tidied up before he left. That thought makes me smile despite myself. It’s such a small thing, but it feels like care a quiet reminder that he still thinks about me, even if it doesn’t feel like he does.

I open the fridge, grab a Coke, and twist off the cap. Drinking soda first thing in the morning is a bad habit, I know. My dad always joked I got it from my mom how she loved Coke when they first met in the spring, walking in the park near their old house. But I’ve never actually seen her drink it. Maybe she outgrew it. Maybe I should too.

Back in my room, I grab my phone and sit on the bed. There are missed calls from Mom and Dad, plus a text from Elyn. I open it reluctantly:

Hey! I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t be prying into your life. Anyway, Mom was calling and couldn’t reach you. Don’t forget to see your doctor today. It’s important. Dad’s worried too. TTYL.

I sigh and close the text. Elyn always knows how to insert herself into my life, whether I want her to or not. If it weren’t for my parents treating her like their daughter, I’d have cut her out years ago. But here she is, reminding me about my appointment like I’m incapable of remembering. I decide to call Mom instead. She picks up the third ring.

“Hey, Mom,” I say, trying to sound casual as I massage the back of my neck.

“Emily! How are you, sweetie?” she asks, her voice distant. I can hear her moving around, probably in the living room with her coffee.

“I’m fine, Mom. I saw your calls and thought I’d check in. Everything okay?”

“Oh, yes. Elyn told us you missed your appointment, and we were worried. I called last night, but you didn’t answer. Your dad tried this morning too. Did he reach you?”

“Mom, I’m fine, really. I had things to do last night and slept in this morning. Please tell Dad not to worry.” My voice is sweet, but inside I’m fuming. Elyn tattling to my parents like I’m a child is infuriating.

“Alright, if you’re sure. But, Emily, you should visit us sometime. We miss you.”

“I will,” I say, trying to end the call.

“Love you, sweetie.”

“Love you too,” I reply before hanging up. I toss my phone onto the bed and grab my clothes for the day: a beige top, loose jeans, and my favorite coat. After a quick shower, I head out.

The hospital is busy, the air cold and sterile. The receptionist greets me with a professional smile when I approach her desk.

“Excuse me?“ I say in a low voice, not wanting to capture any unnecessary attention of the people around the lobby. The lady behind the desk, with blonde hair in a bun, a neatly ironed shirt with big glasses which, indeed are just for fashion, looked at me quickly and then back at her computer again. “Excuse me?“ I repeat again.

“Ms. Hayes? “She says looking up at me again with a professional smile. Which I answered with a nod, staring at my nails which, are not really unkept to begin with. “ Sorry for the wait, I was checking for your appointment and, yes Dr. Richard is waiting for you” she says staring at me for a few seconds, then back at the computer. Without replying, I started heading at the elevator straight to Dr. Richard's office. My phone vibrates, I look at it and it's a text from mom.

Hey, sweetie, I’m driving through Northwood. I’ll cook your favorite and leave it in the fridge.

I’m tempted to tell her I won’t be home tonight because of work, but I don’t. Instead, I tuck my phone away and wait for the elevator doors to open.

Dr. Richard’s office is warm and smells faintly of coffee. He’s in the pantry when I walk in, but he quickly greets me with his usual bright smile.

”Ms. Hayes is nice having you again“ he says smiling so hard, directing me to the chair which is right in front of his table. I smile back at him not responding and took a seat adjusting myself properly, placing my handbag on his big table while eying him. He fixes his glasses, places his coffee on the table. Opening his drawer, removing a trash of papers which are supposedly to be my file. He looks at them for a second, the he comes straight to me and sits on a chair right in front of me, instead of a chair behind his spacious table.

”I am sorry about the missing appointment…it was a rough“ I said shattering because now he was facing me. Elyn introduced him to me, saying he could help me control my emotions after the accident. Yes, the accident. I want to know if there is more in that accident which makes me feel so empty. I want to ask my doctor but I bet I will get anything good from him.

“Your sister told me about it. You don’t have to worry about it” he replie staring at me. I even feel like he is staring at my soul. He opens the file, reads a few things, then closes. Takes his notebook on the table and faces me again. “So, Ms. Hayes, tell me about your week. How are you?”

“ Good! It's a nice, busy week. I can't say much about that considering my schedule.” I say smiling at him. Knowing that was the only way to go through this smoothly.

“Good! have you been having trouble sleeping this week?” he asks while playing with his pen.

“Yes, I did other than waking up in the middle of the night with a nightmare. There is nothing else” I reply casually adjusting myself on the leather chair.

“ do you remember it?

“I don't remember the specifics, but I saw Dayle in it, and another woman I dont know…i had a knife in my hands with blood dripping on it." I start blinking rapidly. I think tears are in my eyes now and he see them.

“it's okay.. if you don't remember the details. You don't have to force yourself to remember everything” he said quickly, then i see him writing down so fast. He looks up at me again.

“I know you don't want to be here” he says, his voice occupying the room. I look up at him, only to find his eyes, his blue eyes staring at me. “ People who come to see a doctor like me come here willingly. Because they need help or because they need to overcome their past trauma or kind of those things. But you, …” he adds fixing his glasses and stares down at his notebook, then to me “you are pressured to be here. I know how it feels when you’re forced to do something, especially visiting doctors. But what you should know is we are here to help. So next time, I won't send any email to your family about your absence or presence at my office. Next time you come in here is because you, yourself, wanted to be here and have seen the need to be helped” he said in a low and serious tone which made me blink so hard and, I glanced outside the window.

“I know… I understand what you’re saying.” I reply, not daring to look at him though I could feel his eyes on me.

“Alright !” he says, standing up going to sit in his chair at the back of his table. “Cheer up!! And by the way, I wanted to keep this session short today because i think you need to think about what I’m telling you right now. He said smiling, exposing his perfect white teeth.

”Yes sure“ I said, smiling back. ”I will think about it“ I said, looking down at my phone, standing up. Giving my goodbyes and leaving, closing the door behind me. Remembering the first day Elyn brought me here, I was so nervous. I work in a hospital, so yes, I know the feeling of meeting a doctor is scary. I look at the time on my phone again and head for the elevator.