31KendraI couldn’t stop crying. The cramping never went away. I was in a haze where only pain existed — physical pain, mental anguish, turmoil, regrets, fear. The minutes, the hours, maybe even the day melted together. I didn’t eat. Hardly drank. My body refused to accept whatever I did put into it. A few people came and left, looking me over, but I didn’t know what they wanted, didn’t care.
In my bubble, I was safe from them – to an extent. To cope, I imagined I was holding my baby instead of my stomach, that he was perfect, that he was so tiny and helpless and needed me to be happy. It got to the point that I didn’t know what was going on anymore. What was real? What was just my imagination? What were dreams versus daydreams?
A few times, I dreamed about Anton. We were house hunting, w
