Maybe, Baby

Fourteen

I stood in front of the women's bathroom mirror, looking at the girl with the big eyes and rumpled hair. She was a stranger, with her flushed cheeks and hunted eyes. I still felt his strong heartbeat and the warm digits on my skin. I wish I was older. I wish he wouldn't look at me like the girl I was. I wish he would just do whatever he does with all those women he dines and disappears some nights with. Doesn't he know how much it hurts me when he comes back late at night? But I'm going out of line here. He is just someone I work for and also live under his roof. Snap out of Dolores. I splashed some cold water on my face and walked out, soon we would be boarding and be trapped with him for long hours all over again.

It was no surprise to find him conversing with an older woman, a beautiful long-legged full blond woman. I almost walked around them, but then he called my name, and I had no choice but to join them. Once I was at arm's reach, he pulled me to him, placing an arm around my shoulders in a very loving way. He even looked down at me, his eyes telling me to play along.

"So you're that little pet."

"Pet?" The woman laughed behind her red lacquered claws.

"His new thing?"

"I don't -" He cut me off.

"She is, meet my little Dolores."

"Dolores!" She almost screamed. "Oh my god. Tell me is a joke."

He smiled but kept quiet for a moment until they changed the conversation towards something else I didn't know or cared to. I just felt how his fingers pulled some strands of hair, giving me little stings of pleasure all over my scalp. He was distracting me, keeping me happy while he chatted with the woman whose eyes traveled all over me, like sizing me up. She was fake, and maybe she was interested in him too. But that little exchange, the one saying that I belonged to him, had me a little bit shaken out of place. I filched when she air-kissed me and walked away, too deep into my own thoughts going over his choice of words. I wanted to ask what was all that about, but just as I was about to, the announcement for boarding was made, and I had no other choice but to let him guide me towards the line.

"Can I have the aisle this time?"

"No."

End of discussion. I don't know why I even asked. Once I take my seat, he follows and turns to buckle my seat belt in place. I say nothing and just sit there looking out the window. The highway seems thin, and the cars running on it are tiny. I contain a gasp when he touches my arm, but I don't turn around; nails skim the soft part of my arm. All the hairs on my neck stood up, and I pressed myself down on the seat.

He doesn't let go, not even after taking off. He's touching me. He forgets his laptop in the overhead compartment. He ignores the movies playing in front of us and the drinks placed in between us. He's touching my arm, lacing our fingers, and I let him.

"Dolores." I try to ignore his voice. I close my eyes and fight the urge, the need to turn around and show him how much he's affecting me, how deep I'm in with him.

He's just an attractive man. He's also my boss. That's what I'm trying to say to myself, to convince my brain that there's nothing to it, and if there was, I can't do anything or get involved with him. But when I felt his breath on the side of my face, when he turned my head around, I couldn't help but look at him. Half-closed eyelids. He was looking too calm. Maybe the slight flush on his cheeks was something I could take as a reaction to whatever it was that was happening right now, but we had been under the hot sun. Well, he had been while I had been locked away in my high tower.

I had started to complain, and he used his thumb to shut me. He just stared deep into my eyes, and the effect was something so powerful my heart started to race, a crazed race. I tried to pull his hand instead of getting away, I drew even closer.

"What are you doing to me?" He says.

Me?

I wasn't even aware that I was doing something.

I had kept my distance and done my work. Whatever he's was talking about, I had no idea what that meant. I wished he had stayed away, I wish he had never settled back in the city, I want to he just kept traveling and emailing me my assignments. I never said anything to his words. I waited until he let go. Until my heart settled back to normal until I was finally locked away in the safety of my bedroom.

We played hide and seek for days. I was in and out of the house handling outside shores, delivering packages, and meeting up with Lin while going to meetings. A quick briefing in the mornings and maybe one or two emails. I was trying to keep my distance and also trying to figure out his words.

What was I doing to him? What was I doing to him? What did that even mean? I asked myself while I walked barefoot under the dark night. I can't sleep. I can't stop my brain from overworking at night. The air was slightly more relaxed, so I took out my wool cardigan and long sweat pants. Still, I loved the cold feeling of the dirt and grass on my n***d feet, yeah they'll be stained with soil, but I didn't care about it. I must have been well covered under the tall trees because he never saw me, and I almost didn't see him. The red tip of his cigarette called my attention, seated by the pool under the closed umbrella. The night was dark, but the soft rays of the moon shone through the thick clouds, his hair and shoulders, with his back to me, I could admire him afar.

I crouched low and waited. The temperature must have lowered a few degrees, and being barefoot and didn't help at all to stop shivering. He was still there, blocking my entry. There was no way I was going to venture myself to walk past him. At the most minor sound, he would turn around, look at me with those hard eyes and freeze me in place. So I sat lower and waited, taking peaks from around the trees until he was no longer there. Just to make sure, I waited a couple of minutes more but when I walked towards the door and tried to open it but it didn't budge. A second time and a third, but the door just stayed closed. He must have closed it as he walked out. I was going to freeze to death.

I locked my jaw to keep it from trembling. I almost started to weep, but a bubble of laughter broke through. I had to crouch to the floor to keep my hysteria attack from alerting my hot boss I was locked outside the house. I tried to think what else I could do to get under my warm bed covers. I pushed myself up and started testing the windows on the back. No matter how much force I applied, neither of them didn't budge. I sighed and moved towards the front of the house. The driveway covered with tiny rocks hurt my feet, making me bleed.

* * *

Bloody foot stains from the doorway to the back corridor. I followed them until they disappeared under her closed up door. From the size, it did look like they belonged to her. So much for staying away.

I turned her doorknob and opened it slowly. The drapes were drawn, and her room was all shadows and darkness inside. Not even complete inside her bedroom, and her scent slapped me right in the face, sweet vanilla. Soft like her. I waited until my eyes adjusted so I could see where she lay on her small bed. Her back was to me, and so were her feet that were over a dark cloth, apparently no longer bleeding. I used the light of my phone to look closely. Yes, there were minor cuts but nothing serious. Still, she had left a mess. Whatever had happened for her to cut herself and even enter my study, I had no idea, but she had been hurt.

Looking around, I took notice of how minimal the changes were to the room. No pictures, nothing frilly or girly. No flowers. A small stand of books, an open laptop, and a suitcase in the corner. She had left no marks in this room. Just her stuff lying around was the only thing that let anyone know that someone was living there. I backed away slowly, careful to not wake her up. Only the rise and fall of her breathing made her move a little under the covers. It wasn't my intention to stand there, guarding her door. I didn't even notice I hadn't moved until one of the girls from my staff gasped, finding me there standing still.

"Call the carpet cleaners, there are some stains in my office." I said brusquely.

"Yes sir." She turned away fast, pressing to her chest whatever it was that she had been carrying around.

I slowly moved away, giving her door another glance. The hopes of it opening and finding her big doe eyes full of surprise. It was the first thing I took in, her eyes. I shook my head and kicked myself in my head. She was a child, barely old enough, and yet I couldn't help but yearn for her in the darkest ways. It had been a mistake; to have her live under my roof for me to stay and to take her with me on that damn trip.

I had been this close to make her mine. She was mine. She is mine. No. I slammed my fist hard to the wall, barely noticing the pain; that kind of thinking was going to be the ruin for me, for her. I couldn't shorten her youth. I couldn't just take her away and lock her in a room which only I had the key to enter. Yes, it was a fantasy I would gladly pay for, but she was so green, so naïve. I couldn't possibly. The feel of her skin still haunted me, and then Grace, that dammed woman! I'm sure that by now, everyone would be curious to meet my pet, my Dolly.