Maybe, Baby

Seventeen

"I'm bad friend."

"The worse."

We're out, finally together for the longest time, and I have already recounted all these events on her. I have been babbling none stop for more than thirty minutes, telling her how it felt from the very first moment with him to the little thing with me sitting on his lap. I needed this; I needed her to be there for me as I had been for me and her silly drama.

"What was her name again?"

"Sherry," I said while batting my eyes in the same ridiculous way I had seen her do.

"Her name is stupid."

"She's stupid."

"I'm drunk." I sighed and leaned back against the wall.

"Me too!" She started clapping and laughing like I had told her the best joke in the world.

It was one in the morning, and we were heavily intoxicated, to the point of being crossed-eyed and unable to stand up straight. There was a party, a few blocks down from we had walked from at least one hour ago. I screamed under the loud base of the music and cries of fun that I wanted to talk to. I watch Lin double and hold her belly as she let her musical laugh, tears in her eyes and all.

Lin was my best friend. I could quickly tell her anything without fearing any judgment on her part. Now with her support, I could breathe. Maybe it was the alcohol making me feel all mighty all of a sudden, but I finally was able to feel like myself again, maybe just for a little while. I didn't care anymore, I was young, and I wanted to feel young. I was trapped inside that house, just living for a man that didn't even care about me in the same way I did. I was nineteen, for Christ's sake! I wanted to enjoy my youth as much as possible, so when Lin invited me, I didn't hesitate and went and danced.

And flirted.

"I have to go," I whined. "I live so far now, I hate it."

"Stay with me."

"No, I can't sleep on the floor anymore, the last time my hip and shoulder hurt for days."

"You're such an old woman."

"Two days, two days bitch." I was older by two days only. My birthday was on October 30, hers on November the first.

She sighed and palmed the empty cup on her lap. "What are you going to do about him?"

"Liam?" Saying his name out loud was something I hardly let myself do. Whenever I talked to Lin, the few times we discussed him, I used his first name. The thrill of those syllables on my lips was rewarding. I had that, at least. "There's nothing to do." I shrugged. "He's obviously not interested."

"What's the deal with old dudes? I mean there's obviously a vibe between you two. You told me you felt it."

"I may have been fooling myself."

"Or maybe..."

"He's older, way older. I'm guessing he is not out for inexperienced girls like me."

"Get experience." She interjected like it was the brightest idea ever had.

"You want me to start w*****g around? What kind of friend are you?" I said between laughs. It was sad. We were discussing my nonexistent relationship with an older man instead of enjoying our night out. In one second, my fun had ended when he came into my thoughts. He kept haunting me everywhere I went.

"Not like that, you know what I mean." She said, waving her hand in the air, but I did understand. I wanted to learn the other parts of being with someone, what goes after the kiss and before lying in bed together, wondering if I did well enough. I wanted to lay in bed with a man, but I wanted him to be that man. s*x wasn't always on my mind, not since he came around. I mean, yeah, I got turned on but never to the point of wanting to peel off all my clothes and share my body with someone from the opposite s*x.

Suppose it was in my hands. If I could choose, point a finger of whom I wanted to experience all that there's no doubt on whom would it be.

"I think your phone is buzzing." Yes, I had felt the vibrations earlier but decided to ignore them. Only two people called me this late; Lin, who sat beside me, and my mom. I could easily return the call in the morning and claim I had been sleeping. If I picked up, she would know from just the tone of my voice that I was different that and then she would pass my dad, and then all hell would go loose. Only one time, they had called me while being drunk, and it hadn't been pretty. I couldn't argue with them, but not while I felt like crap.

"Is no one."

"If you say so."

"What about Patrick?"

"What about Patrick?

"Well, have you guy solved your thing?"

"No." ok, let's leave that alone. She didn't want to talk about it, and I respected that. From they're beginning, things had been a little rocky. "Let's just go home."

"Right." I used the wall to get up and then turned to help her get on her feet. "Do you think you can drive me home?"

"Sure, let's have some water and coffee before we leave. My mom found a dent after sunny used the van. It wasn't funny."

We stopped at a 24 hours coffee place and sat in their parking lot with half a box of donuts and coffee, just listening to music and gulping down the hot, bitter beverage until she felt capable enough to drive. We didn't talk. I bet she felt as depressed as I was; our love life was complicated. At least she got Jameson to kiss her several times. All I got was a Sherry.

I hate him.

We sang on the radio very severely, but it was fun. I even lowered my window and stuck my hand out. I wanted to feel the wind in my fingers and my hair. I felt a little less drunk and thankful now that I leaned down to say goodbye and didn't continue to tilt forward to the floor. I stuck my head, and it hugged her for the longest time; like Monday, our paths weren't going to cross.

"Let me know when you get home," I said while she started the engine again.

"I'll text you."

"Bye."

I started moving when she turned the corner, and I had no choice but to go in. As I unlocked the door, I was on the lookout for anything alive inside that house. I had no notification on the arrival day, but no news came my way since a fruit had replaced me. My converse did nothing to mute the gravel under my feet and hold the keys bundled together to keep them from giggling and making the unnecessary ruckus.

I got safely to my room, well, just to my half-open door. The funny thing was the light was on, and there was a man in a suit sitting on my bed.