The Wolf Keeper

Chapter 11 - White Wall

“How long will you be like this?” There was a voice beyond the darkness. Its caring, but so cold. Almost like it is being burdened by me lying in this dark world. Then it cries out in pain, in time to a pain ripping through me. My voice doesn’t come out, though I can feel the pain, I can’t feel anything else. I don’t remember what happened to me.

           I remember speaking to someone in the woods. The person was like a ghost. How did I even end up in the woods? Who was that person? Who is this person? Why am I so cold?

           Time slips in and out, before I hear a new voice, a soft voice, a sweet voice. This voice was warm, nurturing, almost what I think home would sound like. “You can wake up. You can get through this. We are all waiting for you to come back, Mina.”

           What happened to me to make it so I can’t open my eyes? What happened to me? And Mina, is that my name? My thoughts are interrupted by a door slamming against something. A wall? The doorframe? There was some button pushing, a low growl, then the door slammed again.

           Not being able to see wasn’t easy, but it was not being able to move, to interact, that was getting to me. I wanted to scream when the wave of pain hit me. I wanted to ask all my questions of the people talking to me. I wanted to ask them to stop the slamming. But I couldn’t do anything.

           And now something cold was running down my cheek toward my ear. “What reason do you have to cry?” That cold voice was back, “All you had to do was move on. But here we are, with you dying, and me dealing with the pain.” There was growling, maybe three different, maybe more.

           The sound of buttons being pushed, then the door slamming again. I just want to know what is going on. My ears worked, my mind worked. Why couldn’t the rest of me? What was so broken in me that I couldn’t remember who I was? That I couldn’t move? Speak? Was I a horrible person?

           There was no way to tell time by being trapped in this body. Occasionally someone would say how long Mina had been in a coma, and I had come to assume that was me. The last time someone mentioned time was that the coma had lasted around a month. Maybe that meant something to the voices around me, as they had been discussing how to protect me.

           At some point, I just fade out everything. Why should I try to understand what is going on around me when I can’t connect to anything? I can’t touch anything. I can’t speak. I can’t see. Why must I hear anything more?

           After that, everything seemed to end. The confusion, the pain is finally gone, the voices. Nothing seemed to reach me, and I felt at peace for the first time in what I guess was a month. I’m sure there is a reason why giving up shouldn’t be a choice, but it feels so freeing to me.

           “DOCTOR!” A voice roared through my ears. I’m sure, if possible, my ears had blood flooring from them. Though I’m sure I have heard it before, it still hurts my head.

           I listened to them going back and forth about Mina’s stats dropping and the voice not feeling any pain that had been there the last month. That the pain had been gone for three days.

           There was a pause, a moment before the other person said they were sorry, but that meant I gave up and would most likely be dying in the coming days. But there was a twisted tone of joy in that sentence.

           I don’t know what death is, but the voice that called for the doctor made a loud thud. Maybe he fell or was attacked, being trapped like I am. I wouldn’t know. Maybe death is where peace just stays, maybe it won’t be interrupted by those voices anymore.

           “Stop being stupid.” There was a new voice, this one was warmer than any other, but also anger. “If you keep running, I can’t keep fighting, I can’t save you.” The warmth of this voice seemed to warm more than just the air around me. “Mina, the choice is up to you, either open your eyes now, or everything is over. It all ends.”

           How does this voice seem to know what I am thinking? “Because I’m you.” There was a pause again, “Just open your eyes, win the war over your heart.”

           I just wanted this all to be over with. I am so tired, and opening my eyes would just restart everything, maybe even make it worse. “Stop being stupid. The worse will happen if you don’t. You will die. Everything you stand for dies. Your family will die.” The voice made a weak snarl before yelling at me again, “I will die. Every one of our kind will die. Mina, you have to open your eyes.”

           The voice just kept going on and on, about opening my eyes, about getting my life back. It just kept going, not giving me any peace. I’m not sure how long it took, but at some point, every part of me screamed at this voice, “FINE! Just shut up!” A new pain ripped through me, not that I could point to where on me. But I could feel myself breathing deeply, I felt something fall deeply. Then rise again.

           This breathing was followed by pain from moving like I was. I could feel my skin again. Slowly I could feel the nerves being pulled, tightening as they needed to warm me. How much pain I had been in, the pain that just kept ripping through me, this one was far worse.

           As each nerve and muscle woke up, as each blood drop started to warm, as my body finally became my own again, the pain was trying to kill me. But one voice kept telling me I could do it, that it was almost over. I was trying to hold onto this hope, though the pain was telling me to just let go again.

           My mind kept going back and forth about holding on and letting go. I kept fighting, kept feeling the pain. I kept pushing through and before I knew it, there was a red light behind a wall of black. I guess this was the part where I opened my eyes, the part where I chose my life.

           There were only two questions that the voice couldn’t answer. What would happen when I opened them? And why couldn’t I remember anything?

           The moment of truth finally arrived, and through everything I willed my eyes to listen to the voice that could hear me, and opened my eyes to a white room that felt too bright.