I Shouldn't

CHAPTER 3

LUCAS

Two years ago,

"Belle my love, hurry up, we'll be late."I called Belle."Coming," I heard her from upstairs. Belles my sweetheart since college.Beautiful woman inside out.I bought a house for both of us to live a month ago.The love of my life.We are going to a dinner date according to her. But its not just a dinner date.I am going to propose today.Leah will be there and Gran is also gonna come.Belle is going to be shocked.Its friday.I always spend my fridays with my grandma and now that i am with belle, we both spend fridays at Gran's.Gran and Leah are the only family members I am close to.I don't even remember when was the last time I talked to my mom after dad's death.It is raining outside but i don't care about it.Belle said we can wait till the rain stops.or order in.But that would ruin the plan.I have done the arrangements.I can't wait to make Belle officially my wife.Belle came downstairs.It has started raining harder.she says lets wait for it to stop.I say, "It's nothing.Do you doubt my driving? lets go. we have plans."She doesn't say anything.We sit in the car.It has gotten darker.A Beatles song is playing on the car radio. we are laughing and singing along.Suddenly .I heard sharp sound of a horn.Its not my car's horn.Belle screams.I turn the steering wheel even harder.I hear a harsh sound of vehicles crashing mixed with Belle calling my name.That's all i remeber after i feel warm liquid falling from the side of my head and I lose conciousness.

______________________________

I wake up with machines and tubes attached to my body.A sharp pain rises in my head.Where am I? and then all the memories come flowing towards me from earlier.Belle.Where is Belle?Is she Okay.The door of my hospital room open and Leah comes in with red eyes.It seems like she had been crying.Justin follows Leah.Justin is my best friend.we have been best friends since childhood.A worry paints his face to."Where's Belle? Is she okay?" I ask.All I hear in return is silence. My stomach churns.Nothing is Okay."I need to see Belle" I raise my voice."I'm sorry Lucas.I'm so sorry.Belle is no more.They couldn't save her."said a teary eyed Leah.

My whole world crumbled down.Its my fault.Its all my fault.She asked me to wait.She told me we could go someother day.I killed her.Why am I alive?Why did she lose her life when I was clearly the one who took her? I don't deserve to live either.I hate myself.Lucas you dont deserve to love someone else ever again.

You killed Belle.If she couldn't get to be with you, Because of You, you dont deserve to be happy too.You don't deserve love.You can't betray BELLE.

I wonder if she hates me.Clearly I am the reason who brought her to death.Belle, I am so sorry.

___________________________________

Justin's here. Its been three months since Belle's funeral and my discharge from the hospital.I dont live inthat house anymore.I have taken the apartment next to Leah's now.Justin thinks I am being unreasonable by considering myself guilty.If he could only know how i feel.He thinks i should really try to get out there again, meet someone.Little does he know that I am empty from the inside No one amuses me now.No.one catches my interest.All I can do is f**k someone with no strings attached.I don't deserve a love filled companionship.All I do is satisfy my needs with a woman now.I have nothing to give women in return.Jystin and Leah encourage me to smile more, laugh with them.I know they care about me.And for them I try to joke around.Keep them satisfied.They are worried about me. I dont want to make them worry.I love them too.

_____________________________

Present day,

I am at Gran's.I never miss to visit her on fridays.She is my happy place.Right now, I am sitting with her on her couch in the living room."whats going on with you young man nowadays?" she asks."Just the usual Gran.Go check on the properties, eat Leah's food, annoy Pink, go to sleep."I say. "pink?" comes from Gran with a questioning look.Aghhhh.Did i just mention her to gran? Stupid Lucas.

"No one gran", I shrug off. "Now your lip is twitching Lucas.You are lying.Tell me about this Pink.I am sure its gonna be interesting."Grannn now its hard to escape."well, Leah got a rommate, .Her face turns a pretty shade of pink when she is pissed or embarassed so i dont miss a chance to puch her buttons.Thats all.Happy now?"I say slightly annoyed."I see that girl's caught your interest boy.Give yourself a chance.You deserve so much ,son."comes Gran's analysis."Gran , you know the end of this conversation.And no I dont like her.I rile her up for my own amusement.So yes gran ,you are wrong."Even the word 'wrong' reminds me of her.but I keep that tidbit to myself.Its really getting annoying now."Okay gran gotta go.I love you" I kiss Gran goodbye and she sighs with a familiar look she gives me .She hopes that things would change for me.I am sorry Gran.

_____________________________

CLARA

This saturday morning when i went out to take a walk, I saw a tall model like blonde in nothing but a striped t-shirt going out of Mr Jerk's door.Isn't it obvious.I am familiar with the t-shirt.So Mr.Clementine had company last night. Why am i pissed.Its not like i caught him cheating but why do i feel angry?Am I maybe jealous? Nope. No.Its illogical.

I head to for my walk.I have to come and make breakfast. Ford is coming today. I am excited to meet him.Ford has been a good friend. He is family.Mary and Ford,both of them are my only family.I dont even know my dad.I heard he left my mom when she was pregnant with me at 18.No grandparents either.My mom grew up in a group home.After leaving the home and being rejected by dad, she got a job of a pastry chef at Mary's bakery ,"Sweet Tooth."They both became best friends there.Mary's bakery is one of my favourite thing back home.In childhood, I and Ford would sit there having donuts and danishes for free on saturdays.And just and additional info. I have never thought of Ford anything other than a good friend and I believe nor did he.He was older,not much though but still.. He had his girlfriends and never tried to hit on me.

___________________________

As soon as I was walking back to the building a saw Ford car pulling over.Coincidentally ,Mr. Jerk is also out here for a reason I dont know.He sees me but all my attention is towards Ford. Ford comes out of the car and I run to hug him, a bright genuine smile on my face.He kisses my cheek.Ford is very handsome.Tall,well built.A real gentleman.Mary raised her well.I can say he is as hot as a certain someone but i am unfortunately attracted to jerks only.

Lucas sees me with curiosity.Nice.

I take Ford inside with me.Guess we'll both prepare breakfast together.Leah's awake now.She greets Ford. She seems to like him.Ford is such a charmer.Great sense of humor too.We prepare breakfast and I laughed at a joke he told me when someone knocked at the door.Yeah I know who is behind the door.Atleast he has some manners to knock if someone's already home otherwise he uses the spare key he has to barge in when we are at work. "Stranger, you didn't mention a boyfriend before."I hear him say.I turn my head to look at him and Ford chokes on the water he was drinking earlier.I get some sugar for him and check on him.That's the typical Lucas fashion.