Dare Me More

Chapter 6

Mr Lavery wanted the class to present a quick oral presentation on a chosen accent from a script of our choice. It had to be different from each student so no one could compare. I chose a southern Ireland accent, and for the next hour we practiced until the time came to present. 

    Oliver wasn’t in this class, so I found it easy to concentrate. Last night had relaxed me considerably, and I didn’t feel the need to pine over Cole as much as I would any other day. I felt the barrier of my feelings for Cole close with layers of bricks blocking the entry way. I still thought about him, but pining for him...I’ve settled.  

    Maybe all I needed was a good s*x session after all.  

    The next day I saw Oliver seated at the back of the classroom. It was theory day, which meant we were booked in a different room with chairs and desks. He was deep in his Shakespeare book, dotting down notes as he went, seeming to forget the rest of the world existed. I let him be, content with going through my social media as the class filled up to its max, a whole ten of us. 

    “Good afternoon everyone!” A wide grin was almost splitting Cole’s face when he walked through the door, stopping my heart for a second. He trimmed his beard and made effort in taming back his hair, and there was a sparkle in his blue eyes that had me staring.  

    “I’ve decided we’re not going to do what I originally set out,” Cole said, preparing his books and notes on the desk. “In our timetable sheet we know there’s an excursion for a play that’s based on your assignments in the following weeks. It’s playing the Wednesday to Friday, so whatever day you want to go and watch will be entirely up to you. However, I’m heading out on the Friday if anyone is choosing to go as well.” 

    I almost swore he looked at me when he said that. 

    “Today we’re going to begin working on sensory. Now, this is an activity meant for the coming weeks, but with your assignments coming up and I know there’s a few of you who have yet to complete them, I figured we could take a step back for a bit.” 

    Bianca – she was known as the insider to me since she shared the news about a female teacher and her male student dating – asked, “Didn’t we do this back in semester one?” 

    Cole hesitated for a moment. “If you did, I wouldn’t know.” 

    “We had someone else for the first three weeks,” Colin said, shades over his eyes. I wondered if he ever took them off. 

    “If you don’t want to do this exercise, we can go back to the theory work we originally was going to do.” 

    “I rather do the exercise,” said Bianca. 

    “Same!” someone else commented. 

    “Ditto,” A said – Anna! That was her name. 

    I finally chimed in. “Me too.” 

    Cole nodded. “All right, so be it.” 

    The class prepared themselves for practical, but Oliver seemed too interested in his Shakespeare play to listen. I wonder if he’s okay. 

    “First, we need to pair up, then you’re both going to have a turn at describing a sensory about your partner. This is all improv, so I expect you to get into a character. I’ll be letting you know what sensory you’re describing and when to switch roles.” 

    The steps were pretty simple. When Cole allowed us to pair up, I went straight to Oliver.  

    “Hey,” I said, keeping it cheerful. “Wanna pair up?” 

    Oliver looked up from the book, questions flickering behind his eyes. “Really?” 

    It felt like a personal question. “What?” 

    “You’re going to act like everything’s normal?” 

    I hesitated as I looked around the room. Cole was preoccupied with writing the sensories on the board. “I haven’t realised I’ve done anything wrong.” 

    His green eyes went wide. “No, that’s not what I meant. I was trying...we’re pretend that we didn’t, you know.” 

    It took me a moment to understand what he was trying to say. “I don’t see why we can’t keep acting like we have before.” 

    He sighed and plopped the book down. “Yeah, sorry. I was expecting you to ignore me or to treat me like a stranger after what happened on Sunday.” 

    What type of girls did he used to date? “That’s not the type of person I am. We had a good time that night. No one’s ignoring anyone here.” 

    Eventually, Oliver placed his notes and book down. “You’re right. I’m sorry, again.” 

    I waved it away. “All good. So, did you want me to start or you to?” 

    “You can. I wasn’t paying attention.” 

    I briefly explained the beginning of the exercise before Cole reminded us on what we were doing.  

    “We’ll start of easy. Your first sensory is sight.” 

    It was like a shift. When I acted, my mind would shift into the point of view of a character, almost like a seamless transition. I stared at Oliver as my character came through; an American housewife. “So you’re gonna keep staring at me like a hopeless lover boy with those green eyes of yours like I’m some kind of supermodel?” 

    Oliver cracked a smile. All around us were voices of different accents and tones, commenting on the visuals of their partner. I thought I heard someone sobbing. When Oliver spoke, I heard him loud and clear. “Do you want me to look at you some other way?” 

    “Yes, Bolton.” The name of his character came out suddenly. “I want you to look at me like I’m a nuisance and then go fix my car with those mechanical hands of yours. Look at those nails covered in brown! And your clothes – perfect for the garage. There’s a faint stain on there, too.” 

    “Switch!” Cole said. “Smell.” 

    Oliver puffed out a sigh. “Listen ‘ere, love.” Thick Australian accent. “Yer channel perfume might be onna somethin, but if I know a little lady when I see one, the whiskey in ye breath tells me ye can afford to buy my time–” 

    I swore I felt eyes burning at the back of my head just then. I didn’t turn to see who it might be, too caught up in listening to Oliver’s monologue on my smell, and when Cole had shouted us to switch with sound, the feeling was still there. I almost lost concentration by the time touch came around. 

    “Okay, finished,” Cole announced.  

    Oliver and I shared a high five before facing Cole. The glee in his expression faded a little as he complimented on great vocals and characters being displayed. He laughed as he told Amelia how great her crying scene was that made my heart squeeze and stop before... 

    Oh. I thought I had control over it. I thought the bricks held ground. 

    “–and Jacky demonstrated was a great commitment in improv.” 

     My breath hitched when he said my name.  

    Oh no. Oh s**t. 

“Jacky, can I see you for a moment before you go?”  

    I was in the middle of packing up my belongings when Cole called me to the front. Oliver had left and so did most of the other students – they were fast packers – so I waited until the remaining left. 

    My mind was racing over what he could possibly say, what lecture he might drop on me, but he pointed to my bag with a playful look and said, “I knew you still had that green textbook with you. I saw it.” 

    He bewildered me for a second. “Of course, I have the textbook. Why wouldn’t I?” 

    “You said you misplaced it. Remember at Joanne’s?” 

    “Right!” I had teased him about losing the textbook at the library out of nerves. “Yeah, I completely forgot.” 

    He laughed and shook his head. “That I do believe. Forgetting things is part of your nature.” 

    “You wanted to discuss about my nature in forgetting?” 

    Cole leaned against one of the student desks. “I was hoping to see if you wanted to go watch a movie with me, but I didn’t want to ask while everyone was around.” 

    He made me laugh. “You could’ve texted. That’s what they’re for.” 

    “Phones are prohibited during class,” he said, but he was smiling anyway, showing his teeth. He ran a hand through his hair. “But I’ll remember that for next time.” 

    I swallowed to keep my nerves at bay. Next time? Did he plan on asking me to the movies again? 

    It didn’t sound like anything unusual for him to do. We’ve been best friends for years, and family until the rest of our days, if he wanted to take me out to the movies he could. Nothing about it would be strange. 

    Because he didn’t and will never see me as anything but a sister and a student. 

    “Sure.” I made the effort to sound casual. “I’m down for a movie.” 

    His smile made my heart skip. “Sounds like a plan. You can choose which one you want to watch on the way.” 

    “Wait. We’re leaving now?” 

    “Is there something wrong with that?” 

    “No. We can go now.” 

    Was there something wrong? I couldn’t put my finger on it as we made our way to the movies in the city in Cole’s Alfa, but there was a hint of something nagging at me that I should know. It was the same feeling as being watched while improving with Oliver. 

    The vibe wouldn’t leave as we made our way into the cinema’s; the smell of over salted and buttery popcorn suffocated my lungs until we managed to get away to cinema 7. Cole carried the popcorn and I carried our drinks: one flavoured coke; one flavoured raspberry. We found our seats somewhere in the middle. Only a few handfuls of people came to watch this movie. 

    The previews were displaying when Cole leaned forward. His beard scratched my ear, sending me slight shivers. “I heard really great reviews about this one. We should watch it together.” 

    Together. 

    “Sounds great.” 

    The movie started as soon as the lights went low. Cole shifted in his seat to get comfortable, and ended up leaning closer to my side. My mouth went dry despite the raspberry soft drink keeping me quenched. He was so close I could smell the vanilla bar of soap under his deodorant.  

    Our fingers brushed a few times over the course of the movie, but I was lost into the movie and the comfy chairs that I forgot the proximity of him. My fingers were coated in popcorn butter, and I licked them off, enjoying the salty taste that lingered on my tongue, as I watched the main character figure out that the love of her life was right there all along.  

    I wiped my hands down my jeans and reached in to grab some more popcorn when warm, large fingers interlaced with mine. Startled, I looked over at Cole who gave me a shrug. "It's really good popcorn." 

    "Movie popcorn is always so good," I whispered.  

    "Here, finish the rest. " He handed the rest of the half full box and grabbed his coke. 

    “You crazy? I can’t finish this.” 

    “It’s fine.” He focused back to watching the movie. I sipped my drink and focused back on the screen myself, but couldn’t focus on the story-line anymore. I became aware of his presence, the very small movements he did, like scratching his beard during romantic scenes, and tapping his fingers on my drink stand. 

    When the movie was over he asked if we could go out for a proper meal, I told myself I only agreed because he let me have the rest of the popcorn. I knew that I was building this fantasy of mine up for heartbreak, knew this was just out of the kindness of his heart, even afterwards when he parked his car a few blocks away to walk me to my door because there were a bunch of i***t boys laughing and joking hysterically near the block. 

    He carried my bag until I got to the front of my apartment door. Flashbacks of inviting Oliver up a few nights ago came flooding back. If this night had gone differently, if this was in fact a date, would I have invited Cole inside? No, I wouldn’t, but it didn’t stop me from thinking about it. 

    “Thanks for tonight,” I said, grabbing my bag back. “You’re officially forgiven.”  

    “Well, thank god for that. Wouldn’t know what to do if you hadn’t.” 

    “I’m sure you would’ve figured something out.” 

    There was that sparkle in his eyes from this early afternoon. “Is that right?” 

    I wanted to see how far it would shine. “Come on, Cole. If I really didn’t forgive you and I told you my reasons, you would come up with a solution until I laugh myself to death over–” 

    “What if I dared you to?” 

    His question made me lose my balance, I had to lean against my door frame to keep standing straight. “What if you dared me to...to forgive you?” 

    Cole fist his jean pockets, keeping his gaze on me. “That’s right.” The spark remained strong with a playfulness to it, but it was on edge. “I dare you to forgive me.” 

    I laughed, but nothing about it was funny. “You don’t have to dare me; I already do.” 

    He stood closer to me. “No, you haven’t. I’ve seen the way you’ve been acting around me lately. Things aren’t what they used to be between us, and I think it started when you were dared to call me.”  

    Jackpot. He said it right where it hurt. “That dare wasn’t supposed to happen. I got drunk.” 

    “I know this, and I told you in the car that it was fine. But there wasn’t a bridge between us when we met up at the café, it was after. It’s because of me this mess happened.”  

    I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “That’s what you think?” 

    “It’s not what I think, it’s what I know.” 

    “Well, it’s not!” 

    Cole frowned like he didn’t believe me. “You’re not blaming yourself for this, Jacky.” 

    “You’re not blaming yourself, either.” 

    “Then who!” He crowded me against the door, and I held my head up high. “Who’s to blame then?” 

    I could tell him it was Christy who dared me in the first place, but throwing her under the bus was dumb, and it would’ve meant nothing to Cole. The only explanation to offer was to tell him the honest truth. 

    “It’s all because of how I feel about you.” I looked away; I couldn’t bear to watch the spark die as he formed a rejection. “I was ashamed for possibly ruining our friendship, but it’s at the point where I can’t hide it from you anymore. I’ve tried closing the barrier, but I can’t – I don’t want to.”

    But Cole shut his eyes. “We’re not blaming you for this.” 

    I frowned at him. “Yes, we are. I’m the one who left you an inappropriate voicemail telling you how sexy you looked –” 

    “– I don't care about that –” 

    “– And when you asked me why I looked upset, I lied.” 

    “So did I!” 

    We should’ve taken this inside. “What did you have to lie about?” 

    “Everything.” He splayed his arms open. “About your drinking habits, about the voicemail. Of course I lied to you about that.” 

    I hadn’t realised I dropped my bag until it stopped me from stepping over to him. “What are you talking about? I already know that you hate when I drink."

    “I hate it because I care about you too much, and not because I’m your teacher or your friend. I care about you, Jacky. I love you.” 

    “Why?” It came out quieter than expected, but Cole ignored the question completely.

    “What would you have said if I told you that I had really hoped you meant that.” 

    I was spinning. Everything was going on all at once. 

    “I would’ve said...I would’ve...I don’t –” 

    Too slow, I realised. He grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me.  

    I had kissed many people in my life, but kissing Cole was on another level. It brought my senses to life, made me aware of the air-con blasting through the corridors, how the wooden door pressed into my back almost painfully, that the carpet beneath my sandles felt like they were going to merge from the ground and drag me into its fabric. I wasn’t sure if my eyes were open or if they were closed, all I could feel, and smell and taste was Cole.  

    And like a fluent improv, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down further. The trace of his tongue along my top lip before sweeping his mouth to mine over and over again had me in a trance that seemed to be on a loop. Everything about his mouth felt familiar, like we’ve done this before without ever having the actions put in place; a script with dialogue and direction but without the actors. It was long awaited that it fueled my body to open the door behind me. 

    As soon as the door rattled, Cole stopped. He gently separated our lips and leaned his forehead against mine. The sudden gesture made me stop breathing. 

    “We can’t right now.” 

    I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “Yes, we can.” He couldn’t find a proper grip on me, like he was slipping. “Just dare me to do it again.” 

    But he shook his head, and my heart crumbled in one breath. “Even if we wanted to do this, nothing could happen.” 

    I knew this, I knew it all too well, but his taste still lingered on my tongue. “Why kiss me then?” 

    “Because I needed to know if the feelings were mutual.” 

    “You threw us in for a result, and now you’ve got it.” I should be mad, but I was so caught up in the moment and needing to hear that this wasn’t just a curiosity for him, that he had thought about us in the same ways I’ve thought about it; a Hollywood couple meant to reign the storm together.  

    “For now,” Cole eventually said, “this is all we can do.” He pulled back, kissed my cheek, and wrapped his arms around me for what felt like the longest time. I felt whole, like I've been mended together for what felt like the first time in my life. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."

Kevin had the place to himself on the Friday night, two days after the kissing incident with Cole. I haven’t shared the news of what happened to anyone, especially not to Christy; our conversation last week had convinced myself that keeping my mouth shut regarding Cole was the best option.   

    The group and I sat in the back of Kevin’s grassless backyard on plastic white chairs with its matching plastic table, dealing with uno cards and snacking on junk food. Bottles of beer and cans of whiskey covered the kitchen bench where a playlist of the latest music could be heard. It was still bright enough to be the early afternoon, but it was almost eight. We were undisturbed and laughed about everything that left our mouths. 

    “Uno!” Mike slammed a green skip card onto the pile, which caused Christy to gasp in betrayal. Mel, who sat comfortably on Kevin’s lap without so much as care, hid her face behind their row of cards. We all knew Christy’s tolerance to being a sore loser was lower than a grave. 

    “You actually did it. What f*****g bullshit is that?” 

    “Awe,” Mike said, running his fingers through her cropped blonde hair. “Baby, don’t be like that, it’s just a game.” 

    She glared heavily at her cards. “Whatever.” She swung a sip of her can. “It’s not like your yellow five can make you win.” 

    “Guess we’re not choosing the yellow,” Kevin said, just as Mike groaned out loud, followed by, “Are you actually serious?” 

    Dorito chips tasted amazing with every dip. I kept myself busy with tasting the flavours, ignoring the drama manifesting around the table.  

    “Jacky.” Christy nudged her can. “Here. You haven’t had anything to drink, girl.” 

    I shook my head. “I have an early shift tomorrow, dude.” 

    “Who cares? Wouldn’t be the first time. Come on, you can finish this one.” 

    “No, seriously.” I placed down a green one. “I’m not drinking tonight – or any other night. I’m done.” 

    Their necks all snapped in my direction, shock laced in their expression. Their reactions didn’t phase me; I expected a commotion, in fact, some sort of dramatic flair that would have me dying from laughter. Drinking was the core of who I was ever since I turned eighteen. If anyone were to ask my friends one thing they could associate me with, bars would be on the top of the list – maybe acting if Mel was asked. 

    Mel folded her cards on the table. “Um, when did you decide this?” 

    I smirked at her. “Probably the same time you decided to get with Kev.” 

    “Ha!” Mike slapped the table. “Gold.” 

    But Christy wasn’t having a bar of it. “No, for real. We were literally wasted almost two weeks ago, planning on doing it again, and now you’re going cold turkey? Something happened. Something really bad happened.” 

    “It’s not like that.” It kind of was. “I just want to cut back on the amount of alcohol I consume.” 

    “Fair,” I heard the boys muttering to themselves.  

    The girls shook their heads at each other. “But it’s all so sudden,” said Mel. “You might relapse if you turn it all down.” 

    “It shouldn’t be that hard.” I folded my legs on the chair and pulled the bowl of chips on my lap.  

    Christy’s eyebrows creased as she scanned me, but I kept my cool as I told Mel to hurry up and play her round before Mike placed his win. Christy perked her lips. “If this has something to do with Cole, so help you.” 

    I licked my lips. “It’s not –” 

    “It is!’ Her hand went to her face, and her eyes gleamed with questions. “Okay, f**k the game, I need details. What did he do to make you not wanna drink anymore?” 

    I needed to think quick on my feet, like an improv. “I’m actually seeing this guy from my class. His name’s Oliver – had a great s*x sesh on the weekend, actually.” 

    “Damn. You actually took my advice for once,” Christy said and leaned back in her chair. “So, you really are moving on from Cole.” 

    “Oh, what?” Mike glanced between Christy and I, then shot a perplexed look at Mel and Kev. “That doesn’t sound legit.” 

    “It’s true,” I said, but it sounded fake to my own ears. 

    “Mike’s right,” Mel replied. “You’ve been in love with Cole since we’ve known each other. It’s hard for me to picture you moving on so quickly.” 

    “Yeah. Hear that?” Christy shaped her hands like a heart. “Love. It’s love b***h! We see right through you.” 

    Lying to them didn’t make them believe anything. They knew I was stuck on Cole. There wasn’t any point in denying that. “Fine. Yes. I want to stop drinking, and he’s the reason why – but it’s also because my birthday is coming up and you know I’m going to go all out on that.” 

    That was a lie, but mentioning my birthday got them fixated on that instead. Kevin talked about having it at a rented hall, but everyone groaned and disagreed – so did I. It was my twenty-third birthday and not a milestone number important enough to rent out a place. Besides, my birthday was just around the corner. If I wanted to go all out I would’ve planned something months ago. 

    “Oh!” Christy’s eyes lit up. “You should do it at a bar. It only makes sense.”  

    I let out a light chuckle. “Nothing else says Jacky Trevor unlike a bar.” 

    Mel agreed with enthusiasm, making Kevin grab her waist to hold her steady. We were so going to have a conversation on when those two decided to get their act together. 

    “Who do you want to invite, Jacky?” Kevin asked as he placed down a the colour changing card and said, “Red.” 

    “For f**k sakes,” Mike whispered as he grabbed another card.  

    “Just the usual, I guess.” I didn’t socialise with anyone else other than my friends. There was Sammy and a few girls from work, but Sammy had a daughter to look after, and the girls weren’t close enough to share birthdays with. “I’ll invite Oliver if you guys want me to.” 

    “And Cole,” Mel said. 

    Christy made a dismissive expression and dropped down a red reverse from her pile. Mike took another card from the deck. “Well, that’s no brainer. The dude is coming whether he wants to or not.” 

    If it were any other day I would back Christy on that with a definite conclusion, but they weren’t aware of the tense situation happening with Cole and I. No one knew how fragile our friendship had begun due to my reckless confession and Cole’s kiss.  

     So, I forced a smile, placed down my red card with an erupted “Uno” that had Mike shouting in his chair, and told Christy, “Can’t wait for it to start.”