Dare Me More

Chapter 4

I went home sweaty, determined to call Oliver back. Christy made sure I stayed for a snack until I had to leave for Joanne’s dinner, and promised me everything would work out eventually. 

    After a quick shower I changed into pink shorts and a cropped t-shirt before picking up the phone and dialed back Oliver’s number. My palms were sweaty, and I walked anxiously around my room, telling myself that if he didn’t answer soon, I wouldn’t call him back ever again, because maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all...  

    He picked up and sounded disorientated, like he had just woken from a nap that should’ve lasted for another couple of hours. It was only three in the evening.  

    I sat on my bed as his sleepy greeting over the phone. “Hey. Sorry, did I get you at a bad time?” 

    “No, you’re fine,” he said, groaning. “What’s up?” 

    “Just returning the phone-call from this morning.” And then added, “I was working.”  

    His response was a definite sigh. “Sorry, I thought you might’ve. Yeah, was wondering if you wanted to catch up with drinks sometime.” 

    Our minds were in sync it seemed. “Sounds great. I’m free Sunday.” 

    “Yeah, cool,” he said, still sounding much like he was dazed. “Looking forward to it.” 

    We ended the phone call, our date set in place. I liked the idea of going out with Oliver; it sounded like the best thing to do.  

    I made myself lunch with leftover salami and cheese from Monica’s side of the fridge, doubting she’d care, and prepared lunch for the next few shifts ahead. 

There was no need for a car when living in the heart of the city of Melbourne, but Joanne lived out in the Melton suburbs, a good thirty-minute drive without the use of traffic or road works – Melbourne had a whole lot of them nowadays. I took the train to Melton Station, then the bus, leading me to the nearest stop before walking the rest of the distance to her house. 

    Joanne lived with Zachary. Their two-bedroom house only a temporary home until something else looked their way blended with the other modern homes; mowed front lawn with the pavement split in the centre, but Joanne had a single-spaced garage.  

    She opened the door after a few presses against the doorbell, her long, sleek brunette hair tied in a high ponytail, silver circle glasses perched on her nose. Her arms opened for a warm embrace upon seeing me. 

    “Hey, you’re early,” she said. “It’s good to see you, though.” 

    “You too. It’s been a hot minute.” 

    She sighed deeply. “You’re telling me. Pretty sure the last time I saw you was Cole’s birthday before –” 

    “Leaving.” I wondered if she heard the slight resentment behind the word. I wondered if she cared enough to think about it. “Yeah. You had a long flight the next day.” 

    “It wouldn’t have been too bad if the weather had been fine.” 

    She walked inside first, then I did, closing the door behind me. Our footsteps echoed against the floorboards, and I remembered how empty the place was. Joanne described it as being a minimalist, but I could imagine a house with only the essentials still had some characteristics. Their three-seated couch pressed itself against the bare walls in the lounge-room, a flat screen T.V on the other side. No coffee table in the centre. No carpet. I never argued about her style; she was the one travelling around the country for business client meetings, living out her best life with Zachary. Sometimes I just wished it didn’t feel so empty. 

    From time to time, I’d forgot what our life had been like when she was the one supporting me when our parents left. Now we both lived independent lives, styles, life choices.  

    “How’s everything been going?” Joanne asked, stepping behind her marble bench with its four stools. She was preparing a mix of salads, a bowl of pasta and a platter of cheese. 

    “I have a date tomorrow with this guy from school,” I said. 

    She made an ooo-ing noise. “Is he cute?” 

    “Pretty cute. Bit of a thespian, though.” 

    “You’re a thespian.” 

    “But he’s more theatre. Like the overdramatic kind.” 

    Joanne’s eyes narrowed. “Jacky, you hate overdramatic people. You rather sit in a closet on top of a basket than interact with anyone remotely like that.” 

    “So, what, you’re saying I shouldn’t go out with him?” 

    Her mouth thinned and she busied herself with cutting up tasty cheese in cubes. I frowned at her distasteful look. I really couldn’t help myself. “If you got something to say, say it.” 

    “Nope. Nothing.” Too casual. 

    “Doesn’t sound like it.” 

    She sliced the cheese in perfect squares before arranging fruit, salami and hummus dip in a neat section. “Zach will be home from the shops soon, and I want to keep this night as argument-free as possible.” 

    “So? He’s seen us argue.” 

    “We’re not arguing.” She kept her face straight. What was with everyone hiding what they were feeling? “If you need to sit down and relax, we have Netflix.” 

    “Are you serious? You always have something to say when it comes to my life. ‘Too much partying Jacky, not enough work’ and ‘You drink too much Jacky. You can’t find someone if you drink too much’ is usually the type of thing you’d say right now.” 

    She paused her plating. “I’m not saying anything, Jacky. You live the way you want to, okay? I’m not getting involved.” 

    She rarely did anyway, but I wasn’t going to bring that up at a time like this. I wondered what made her want to stay civil. 

    I sat on one of the stools, picking black olives from the salad bowl with Joanne’s back to me. “You know, Cole had a go at me for drinking on the weekend with my friends.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I wished Joanne hadn’t heard them. 

    “Sounds like Cole,” she said. “What did you say for him to have a go at you?” 

    “Not sure.” 

    “Unlikely.” Joanne returned with a jar of olives, adding two scoops in the salad bowl. “He’s always calm and collected. You’re predictable.”  

    “Yeah, well, not everything I say is meant to be offensive,” I muttered, picking out an olive.  

    “Never said anything about being offensive, just predictable. You tend to say things for a specific reason. Like this conversation.” She leaned against the bench with her glasses at the tip of her nose. My back straightened. I tried to play nonchalant. “Did you two have a fight?” 

    “It wasn’t...I wouldn’t call it a fight. We just disagreed on a few things. It’s like listening to my classmates talk about this teacher who’s dating her student and how there’s a whole controversy over it. Just pointless and really no one’s business.” 

    Joanne’s back straightened up. “There’s a teacher dating a student?” 

    The way she said it made the hairs on my arms rose. “I don’t know much about it. All I know is that it’s out in the open.” 

    She flicked her tongue out to the side and eyed me. “Huh. Weird.” 

    “Is it though?” I had to keep my face free from exposing my true feelings. I told her of my crush on Cole when I was nine, and I wasn’t sure if I regretted telling her completely, or prayed she’d forget over time. Cole and I were playing with mud, and we got too messy that Joanne had threatened to tell Mum and Dad if I didn’t clean up right away. I had begged her not to get Cole in trouble because I had a crush on him. Joanne had laughed and promised to keep it a secret, but a few hours later she told me to not get my hopes up because he was Zachary’s brother, and it’ll be weird if they both dated the Moore’s.  

    Joanne had only been sixteen. She’s thirty now. Those fourteen years still held me down from admitting anything to Cole. 

    “Not really,” she finally said, clearing away the cheese and olives in the fridge. I thought my heart was going to burst. “This was back in the day, but my friend used to date her phycology teacher before finding out he had a wife, but I don’t think she ended their relationship straight away. I remember telling her how disastrous it was going to end up for her if she didn’t let the affair go, but she said something about ‘destiny’ and ‘we have a lot in common’.” She shrugged. “She’s married to some other guy now.” 

    “So, you’re saying the teacher is married and is using her student as some kind of distraction?” 

    “What? No! I don’t know anything about the situation. All I’m saying is that not all student and teacher relationships end up great, and it’ll be especially difficult if they shared the same class.” She shook her head. “Why put yourself up to get hurt like that?” 

    I didn’t have to be good at marketing to know what Joanne was implying: stay away from those complicated relationships, they’re not worth it. But the reality was I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Joanne made sure of that. 

    “But,” she continued, and I swore I saw a playful smile slip up at the corner of her mouth, “I also know that love can be found anywhere, so if two people decide they want to be together, let them. Eventually, the secret will come out.” 

    Before I had a chance to distance ourselves from this unwanted conversation, the front door clicked open and Joanne stood up, her brown eyes sparkling with joy. She didn’t need to tell me anything for me to know Zachary was home. 

    “In here baby,” she called. 

    Zachary placed grocery bags on the table as soon as he saw Joanne in the kitchen, a grin stretching across his face. I didn’t hide my own smile as Joanne walked around the counter to greet her boyfriend in a kiss. 

    She played with the edges of his suit. “How was the conference?”  

    He blew out a rough sigh, and from the way Joanne reacted she knew what that meant. “Honestly, I’m ready for that vacay,” he said, rubbing her back.  

    Joanne kissed him again. God, they were so married. “Only a few more days.” 

    “Should I make myself a plate and leave?” I joked, watching them part to look my way. “All I ask is for the olives.” 

    Zachary laughed. “At least give me a hug before leaving.” 

    It was like hugging a father. Zachary patted my head before messing it up, and said, “It’s good to see you, kiddo.” 

    He helped Joanne around the kitchen, placing the crackers that he bought from the shops onto the platter, and poured me a glass of sparkling wine that he promised was the sweet kind – but not without a warning glance from Joanne, like she knew I could down the whole bottle if I really wanted to. Her judgement didn’t bother me. I let it slide. 

    We talked about work and school, keeping things relatively casual as food was being prepared. Joanne liked to prepare as much food as she could when she had guests over and I never understood why. Did it involve a tragic childhood with our parents that she never brought up? Was she inspired by her colleagues and fancy dinner parties her and Zachary continued to be invited to? 

    I didn’t want to ask her that. I wasn’t up for a discussion about her platter décor inspiration either.  

    Around seven the doorbell rang just as we began to plate up. Joanne turned to Zachary. “That must be Cole.” 

    I blinked into my plate, hating how my heart expanded at his name. I hadn’t seen him since class, and I thought I wouldn’t see him again until next week. Of course they invited him for dinner; he’s family. 

    f**k.  

    I thought I could focus tonight on Joanne’s trip and slightly tease Zachary about any proposals he might be making in his future endeavours while avoiding the thought of Cole. 

    Goddamn it. 

    He looked amazing as always. Instead of a button-down shirt he rocked up in flannels and dark-washed jeans that made the blue in his eyes stand out. Zachary and Cole both shared the same dark brown shaggy hair, but Cole liked a trimmed beard. It made him look ridiculously attractive.  

    s**t. 

    Cole waved at me and I waved back, wondering if I should properly greet him with a hug like I’ve done with everyone else. Instead I went back in with my olives and pretend I had something important to do on my phone. I didn’t look away until he sat down on the stool next to me. 

    It was like a sack of acting powder fell on me the moment I turned his way. I brightened my smile, focused on feeling happy that he was here, like we never had argued in the first place. 

    Cole somehow understood. “And what have you been up to lately, Jacky? Misplaced anything else in the meantime?” 

    I straightened my back and cleared my throat. I was never that great at keeping with the flow on dialogue, but it seemed like that was my only sane route. “Oh, now that you mentioned it, I’m not sure where I’ve put the textbook you let me borrow. It could either be at my place or at work. Maybe at the library.”  

    Joanne and Zachary discussed their trip, too involved in their conversation to hear ours. 

    The corner of Cole’s mouth twitch. “You never study at the library.” 

    “Then my place or work.” 

    “Well.” He grabbed a circle black plate from Joanne and began to fill it up. “You better start searching for it because I need it back soon. Can’t afford to re-print.” 

    “Yes, you can.” Joanne passed me a square pale grey plate. “All you subs think everything is so expensive.” 

    “I hope you’re joking.” 

    “You’ll never know.” I took a sip of my sparkling wine, feeling Cole’s eyes on my mouth. My face tingled and grew warm. “And how have you been since class?” 

    He grounded his jaw. “Other than knowing some of my students don’t listen when their teacher offers them advice and feeling disappointed, just fine.” 

    I almost tossed the whole campaign glass away – and then grew mad for thinking that way. Zachary gave me the drink. It was offered and I accepted. 

    But I didn’t want to tell him that, not with Joanne in the room, and not after the conversation we just had about me being predictable. Maybe he was trying to get a rise out of me, or make me feel guilty for drinking in front of him. Even so, he had no problem with me drinking before we had that argument at the café.  

    Just before I went to reply in a passive aggressive manner, Zachary turned to me. “You hear this? She’s going to miss you.” 

    I blinked in confusion and looked at everyone waiting for my reply before asking, “What? Who?” 

    Joanne grinned in between bites of her food. “I rarely see you as it is. It’s just nice now and again to see you and have dinner together.” 

    “Now and again. Don’t think I missed that.” 

    “I purposely meant for you to hear that.” 

    “Yeah, well we didn’t always have the greatest times when we were together almost twenty-four-seven.” 

    “I know. Remember how you called that mum from high school and pretty much obliterated her parenting?” 

    Zachary made a noise that sounded like he was impressed but curious, especially when Joanne sent him a look.  

    “Oh yeah,” she said. “She threatened to take him down the next time her son even looked her way if she didn’t do anything about it.” 

    Cole leaned forward in his chair, his arm rubbing against mine. “Why did Jacky ever had the balls to do that?” 

    “Since the mum’s ‘angel boy’ picked on me for having hairy legs,” I responded.  

    “Wait. The one with the huge mole on his face?” 

    I hesitated. “Yeah, Carlton. He–” 

     “Played in the school’s cricket team. Yeah, I know who you’re talking about.” 

    “Well, she got suspended for a week,” Joanne said, making me loose concentration over remembering if I told Cole about the incident. I could feel his eyes on me. “And she was forced to send an apology note to both of them explaining her actions.” 

    I crossed my arms, feeling defensive all of a sudden. “Mum and Dad left us that year, and I had enough of him making me feel like s**t. Besides, he never bothered me afterwards again.” 

    She pushed her glasses back onto her nose and locked her features up at the mention of our parents. “Not the greatest time of our lives, and it wasn’t always sunshine with us, but we had pretty good days. Like going to the Royal Melbourne Show, and taking you to Japan for a trip when it was school holidays.” She showed her teeth as she smiled. “You cried when you met Cinderella at Disneyworld.” 

    “Didn’t you cry when we went to visit Peter Pan?” Zachary asked, drinking down his glass of champagne. His hand shook as he popped the glass back. 

    I leaned further into the table, wanting to hear more. Cole laughed beside me, scratching his chin through his beared. 

    “I did. We all know I’m a sucker for the character.” 

    “And Captain Hook,” Zachary said. “And Sleeping Beauty. And Mickey Mouse.” 

     “It was a very emotional day,” she replied, twirling her fork into her pasta. I spooned my own portion of pasta, and helped myself to the salad as I listened Joanne relived her moment meeting her favourite disney characters, and watched Zachary respond to finish off her sentences. In the middle of her storytelling, he grabbed laced their fingers together and placed them on his lap. I couldn’t help but look over at Cole, while he listened to the conversation, and thought how lucky he was to have a great relationship with his family.  

    “It was everything to me,” Joanne finished saying, keeping her voice low with a blissful look on her face.  

    “Well you’re everything to me.” Zachary lifted their hands to kiss hers. “I wouldn’t have traded that day for anything else.”  

    Before Joanne had time to respond, Zachary stepped off his stool and dropped down to one knee. With a shaking hand he removed a ring from the back of his pocket. 

    My heart was jumping in excitement at the sight. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but looking at the real thing blew my mind away. I forgot about everything and everyone in that moment as I watched my sister stand up with tears in her eyes. 

    “I love you, Joanne. I want to share more adventures with you and travel the world with you until we can’t anymore. You’re my world, and I’m asking if you would do me the honour of becoming my wife.” 

    “Of course, baby.” She leaned down and kissed him. 

    Cole and I applaud them as loud as possible as they shared an embracing moment to themselves until the awaiting diamond ring slipped onto Joanne’s finger. 

    “Holy s**t,” she whispered. “Holy s**t, it happened.” 

    I couldn’t contain myself. “Finally! I’m so happy for you guys.” 

    Cole stood up with me as we went to embrace them. “It only took you years. Congratulations.” 

    The four of us were all emotional in our own way. This was always meant to be happen; Joanne and Zachary engaged and becoming each other’s family. 

    “I propose a toast!” Cole grabbed my campaign glass and raised it in the air. Grimley, I took his glass of water and raised it, too. Then he turned to me. “To Jacky and me, for having to wait years before our siblings finally get fiancéd together.” 

    “That’s not even a word,” Zachary said, but raised his glass anyway and clinked with Joanne’s. “Here, here!” 

    I clicked mine to Cole’s, and didn’t bother hiding a look of curiosity when I said, “Since when were you waiting for a proposal? You don’t look the guy.” 

    He grinned behind my glass. “When your brother keeps promising he’s going to propose one day since you were sixteen, it hard not to anticipate when.” 

    I shared a smile, but not as heartfelt as my sister and her fiancé as they both adored the ring on her finger. “Guess it’s all about the right timing.” 

    Cole must’ve thought of something intense as a crease formed between his brows. I rarely saw Cole concentrate intensely outside of method acting exercises and new episodes of his latest drama show. He was such an easy-going guy with a positive personality that the idea of him showing that side out of the blue made me think there was something going on than I didn’t know.  

    But Cole snapped out quick and continued Joanne and Zachary’s conversation about how right they were for each other, and I realised the meaning behind the proposal.  

    My throat felt like it was forming clay. Cole and I would be in-laws.  

    We followed through with dinner and then dessert. Champagne was poured in my glass of water for another round of toasts, making me feel buzzed and excited. Joanne and I couldn’t stop staring at her ring while making light suggestions for an engagement party in the next few months. Cole and Zachary discussed an overseas trip for his bachelor party. 

    When it was time for all of us to say our goodbyes, I helped Joanne pack a couple of left-overs for me and Cole to take home with us.  

    “I should probably call an uber soon,” I said, wrapping up my container of food in a plastic bag. “Traffic is going to hit so hard on the freeway back from people going out.” 

    Joanne frowned, pushing her glasses up on her nose. “Just ask Cole to drop you off; you both live in the city.” 

    “He might want to go out straight after this. I’m not going to bother him.” 

    “Don’t be stupid. Hey, Cole!” 

    I winced. “Joanne, stop, don’t worry about it.” 

    Cole turned from his conversation with his brother. “Everything okay?” 

    “Do you mind taking Jacky home? She was about to call an uber.” 

    I felt all eyes on me, and Cole’s were the most heated ones. “I didn’t want to bother you,” I said, keeping busy with tying off the bag straps. 

    “It’s really no problem,” Cole said.  

    I tried to detect any “buts” or negative resentment, anything to force me to push and insist that it was fine. I detected nothing but an open willingness. 

    “Okay,” I said, feeling the heat back on my cheeks. I couldn’t say this time it was from the wine. “Thanks.” 

Driving back with Cole felt...weird. 

    No one said anything as we drove from Joanne and Zachary’s. Music from the radio filled up the silence and I scrolled through my social media, keeping myself distracted. The roads were clear of cars as headed in the line of the city’s direction. Cole kept to the speed limit, both hands on the wheel, only tapping along to music when it was a favourite of his. The windows were down, blowing my hair in front of my face occasionally and chilling my skin. The shorts and cropped t-shirt had been fine earlier that afternoon, but the weather dropped down unexpectedly, creating goosebumps on my skin. 

    Fifteen minutes went and I couldn’t let it go on anymore. I closed my side of the window, and Cole closed his. 

    “Too cold?” he asked, as we changed into a different lane to get onto the West Gate Bridge. 

    “Yeah. I should’ve brought a jacket with me.” 

    “There’s a jumper in the back seat if you want to wear it.” 

    “It’s fine. I’m warming up.” 

    “Okay.” 

    I held my breath for a moment, waiting until he said something else. A car insurance ad came on the radio.  

    “The proposal came as a surprise.” 

    I exited my social media apps and played a downloaded game instead. “It’s been expected.” 

    “Yeah, but I didn’t think he was going to do it tonight. Maybe at the airport before they took off, or during their trip, and the only way we found out was through Facebook.” 

    “She would’ve called.” 

    I completed level 172. Onto level 173– 

    “Are we okay?” 

    He caught me by surprise. “What?” 

    It was difficult to see the emotion in his blue eyes, but he kept checking over, trying to lock eyes. “Us. You’ve been acting so strange and closed off, and I know you’ve been putting a face on. Besides the proposal nothing about you tonight has been genuine. Or lately, actually.” 

    I turned my screen off. “You tell me,” I said. “I’m not the only one putting on faces and pretending everything’s been great when it clearly isn’t.” 

    “I thought we cleared everything up.”  

    Traffic was ahead of us, and I can feel my body’s instant reaction to rage out. This was one of the reasons why I refused to drive anywhere. I was surprised Cole remained chilled; he hated unnecessary traffic much more than I did. 

    “It didn’t feel like anything was cleared up, all right?” The leather seats made my thighs stick, and moving them felt like I was pulling off the skin. “We couldn’t even say what we wanted to without everyone overhearing us.” 

    “I was going to make it up to you over movies.” 

    “And then you decided to rock up tonight anyway. Who invited you over?” 

    I didn’t see it, but I felt the ridiculous shot of an “are you serious?” look. “Zach asked if I wanted to come over because he wanted me there. It’s obvious now that he wanted to share his proposal with me in the room.” 

    I closed my eyes, guilt swimming over me. “Right. Right.” 

    “Jacky, I’m going to ask you again, but I’m not going to push it if your answer doesn’t change. Are we okay?” 

    I’ve been complaining about Cole hiding his emotions by putting on a face and pushing away his thoughts, but here I was acting the same, while he was showing me that he cared about me and only wanting what’s best.  

    “I want us to be.” Getting over him was going to be another test and a half, but he had the right to know what was going on, especially if it involved us. “But I can’t get over sending you that voicemail.” 

    He sounded like he was being careful with his words. “You should. I really didn’t mind.” 

    I tried to find his eyes. “You were cut at me for it at the café.” 

    “I was cut at you for drinking.” He opened the windows a few inches down. “I get it, you want to have fun, and people tend to say random s**t when they’re intoxicated. But the thing is I don’t care if you were dared to call me, or were dared to fart in a bottle and send it to my house–” 

    “Weird, but okay.” 

    “I don’t care. You’re young.” He shot me a grin, and I felt my body relax. “You can do what you want.” 

    “But not the drinking?” 

    He scratched his beard. “You can drink. Just cut it down. I get worried when you go all out, knowing you can get alcohol poisoning at any moment.” 

    “Cole.” I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m sorry for everything I said to you in the café. I’m sorry for not being able to open up a bit more.” 

    “Jacky, it’s fine. I’m already past that.” 

    “I really hope we can go back to being friends.” I couldn’t say it with a straight face, but he wasn’t looking my way at all.  

    When he did look my way, we stopped at a traffic light, a couple of minutes away from my place. “No need. We’re still great friends, no matter the fights.” 

    He interlaced our fingers, and I had to force myself to relax, not that it did much. If Cole noticed he didn’t say anything. A part of me wished he did.