Padfoot's Struggle
1079 Words
I'd never known that this was going to be difficult. I thought that if I put my thoughts, my imagination, and my passion into writing, it would be okay. I thought just by sharing my God-given talent I would be fine, but boy was I wrong. It's never easy, and has never always been easy. Yeah, I love to write, but sometimes it burns me out.
I often write for myself, just to release all my stress and tension. I took the initiative to publish my passion just to share my work with everyone, and yeah, to have an extra side income too. But no one prepared me for the things that I will encounter on this journey. I am a novice at writing and don't have a professional degree in it. I just write just for the love of it. When I first published my work I was stoked because of all the comments and love given to me by the readers. I was so overwhelmed by it that I tend to forget that this industry is also a business.
When I tried to get my writing contract, that was the first blow to my self-confidence and I questioned my ability and whether I was really good enough. I was down when I was rejected. The hit of being rejected makes me think twice about my ability. In a way, I ask myself if I am really good enough for this. No one prepared me for the harsh comment that I could get from a person who called themselves an editor. The said editor is the first person who called my story a mediocre one. It was hard for a novice like me, a novice without experience in a writing career. I would like to quit and abandon my writing then and there. I often think of going back to just writing my thoughts just for me. But when, every day, I saw my readers and followers growing, I said to myself, damn I will not give up. I have a reader now who also loves my work.
The readers give me hope. When I saw their comments about how good my work is, I thought why should I let just one person put me down when there are a lot of people who love my work. I continue to write and publish my stories. Contract or not, I just continue. I said to myself this is my passion. I love my writings, I love my creations, an editor is just a critic. An editor will just push me to my limit and take my work to a more professional level. Maybe this is just a hurdle for me to move forward, and face that criticism as a challenge for my talent.
I go on, I will continue to write. But boy, the challenges never stop. I planned everything for my career. I want to continue in this industry and make a name for it. As I can see, this is the only field that I will be fit for and I will enjoy myself while doing it. I planned for myself, and for the benefit of my family too, but then fate and destiny had different plans for me. As I continue to write, my personal and family problems have come. I was so devastated that I plan to abandon all my writing again. Because I suffered from depression and major writer's block. Writing can't help me with my situation during that time. It is hard to cope with depression when you are alone.
And then I met friends in my writing circle. Even though they didn't know it, in a way, they helped me to overcome my depression. It is really good to have a support system when you are in this industry. I often joke a lot, but somehow it is my way to stabilize my mentality. And my circle of writing friends didn't know that they were my outlet on those darkest days. Somehow, I got back on my feet and worked again on my writing. I was surprised that I could even finish my novels with their help. Even though my emotions are still high, at least my mind can take over now, and it's good for me.
I continue to write, a few words at a time, but I still continue. I can feel the love and passion coming back to me again. I am in the groove again with my writing, and I realized that I missed it. I missed the heightened emotion I am feeling and the euphoria of having my words released and put into writing. And to add to all of this, there are still a lot of readers who continue to support my work even though I stop updating and promoting my work. Once again, I was overwhelmed, and it gave me the energy to go on.
I have learned my lesson now. I know that it will not be an easier journey to take. And as if the things I've been through were not enough, then came the changes in Stary. D*mn! I have just barely started, and with all of these trials, I am overthinking again. Now I am asking myself, is this it for me? Or is aiming for your dream hard? When all I just want to do is write and share my thoughts and imaginations with others, why is it hard for me? Now my drive to write again is at a low. I don't know what is next for me. I am still confused about what I should do.
I cannot help but compare myself with others, why it seems easy for them to get their dreams, but for me, it is always hard. Why do all of the things I want to get always seem hard to achieve? Am I cursed or what? I was always having a hard time, even in my personal life nothing came easy for me. Now, even in my dream, it is still difficult.
One day maybe, I will write again. But today I am stepping back and planning again for my next step. I am not signing off. I know I will not abandon my writings. I know that eventually one day I will come back to it again. This is my passion after all, but maybe this is not yet the right time for me. My love for writing has never gone...
=(Padfoot)=
- Writer
