NOT Your GUARDIAN

DEMENTED

I'm just sad because I think, maybe, I already like you, more than I liked anyone before. Tonight, I got slapped in the face with the reality that I'll never be able to call you mine, and what hurts more is that it isn't a very big deal to you.

***Sasi***

**********

We made our way to the Villa with me keeping my silence even if there was a raging fire underneath my calm demeanor. I never talked with anyone nor answered any questions along the way back. I just can’t wait to be alone in my room, tucked in my bed, and cry my heart out. I felt like crying but was unaware of the main reason why I wanted to cry.

Because I felt dirty? Betrayed? Left out? I don’t know. What I know is, this is the first time that I have experienced all this emotion swirling inside my head. I felt like I have been robbed of something I treasured my whole life. But did I regret what I did last night?

I dig deep in my conscience and Eimy answered me with a raised brow.

You enjoyed the ride sweetie, don’t deny it.

Yes, maybe I did quite enjoy the moment I had with him but was that enough to make me feel like a torn piece of s**t the next morning?

I am so confused with myself. Maybe I am just being clingy and irrational? But it hurts to know he’s into someone else other than me, or he’s into someone else not me.

Such a bastard to toy with me!

“Are you okay?”

Raki asked me for the tenth time since we departed from the hotel. Daniels was driving, Jose’ on the passenger’s side. The bastard and I are at the back seat and Jiro was sleeping behind us.

How dare he ask me?

Why not ask George if she had breakfast yet? Or if she has taken a bath this morning? Or maybe ask her to meet you later?!

“For god’s sake, yes I am okay! Now, will you just shut up?!”

I snapped at him. I nearly blurted out everything that has been running in my head for a while.

He jolted and I could see the pain crossed his eyes, but it was gone in a split second that I thought maybe I just imagined it.

How should I act around him now? I felt embarrassed for being so easily swayed, distracted, and tempted into submission.

Fuck you bastard for taking advantage of my weakness!

Or, does he really took advantage of me?

I closed my eyes and the memory of last night came crashing in my mind. How he asked me multiple times if I am okay with it. If He should continue ravaging my heated body. Or if it was okay run his tongue along my spine and everywhere else.

Damn!

I controlled the flow of my thoughts until we arrive at the Villa, and I locked myself inside my room immediately.

I don’t want to talk to anyone, don’t want to see anyone or do anything. I just buried myself into the sheets and started crying for hours. I was so confused with everything that I let the tears flow freely.

Three days passed quickly, I still haven’t spoken to Raki and I have no plans of doing so. So what if he’s not around most of the time? So what if I haven’t seen him for three days? So what if I’m missing his annoying presence?

So what if I ate breakfast thinking of his sweaty yet musky smell coming through the kitchen door? I am not longing for his boyish smiles, nor I am thinking about his flirty remarks.

To hell with him!

He could go and flirt with Nami or George, or any f*****g slut in this island, I wouldn’t care!

But why are you getting so worked up?

My inner self asked in mockery.

“I don’t want to see him!”

I burst out of irritation as I stood on the veranda of my room.

“Who?”

A deep voice spoke behind me that I jolted and turned in shock.

I forgot that this veranda was also connected to Raki’s room. I stayed here for a while thinking that he was away somewhere. And now he was standing here in front of me.

“Who do you not wish to see Princess?”

Ha asked again while taking a slow step towards me. His eyes were fixated on my face that I almost forgot how to breathe.

“I-I..Why are you listening to my private thoughts?”

I said trying to change the subject.

“I just happened to come out to get some air and accidentally heard you. So, who was it? Did anyone bother you in any way?”

His eyes became restless and searched my face for any signs of anxiety.

Yes. You. You and your memories.

My mind whispered. I wish I could say it out loud, I wish I could ask him directly what am I to him. Or did he just really used me for a one-night escapade? Do I seem like easy that’s why he played with my feelings?

“What’s wrong Princess?”

He murmured next to my face. His breath fanning my face and his fingers brushed my chin and tilted my face so that I look directly at him.

I didn’t notice when did he move to get this close to me, nor did I notice when his arms encircled my waist and held me close to him protectively. I looked up at his seeking eyes and my palms automatically clung to the collar of his shirt.

“Are you okay?”

He kissed my forehead lightly and I nodded as I closed my eyes.

I inhaled his familiar scent that enveloped my senses. I missed his smell, his arms, his warmth. I never thought that Three days could be so long.

With my eyes still closed, he wrapped me totally into a tight hug and I bask in the feeling of security that washed over me. He carried that aura of protection around him that every time he’s around me, I feel at ease and sheltered. His heartbeat against my ears is enough for me to momentarily forget the questions inside my head.

“I missed you.”

He whispered inaudibly soft that I almost missed it. He moved me away slightly and caught my chin.

His eyes met mine and, in my silence, he took the opportunity to kiss me. His lips came down crashing against mine in a not so gentle kiss. He claimed my lips with so much passion I got burned easily and went with it in seconds.

Without a chance to say I missed him too, I just let him assault my waiting mouth. It was only then I realized how I longed to be in his arms. How I wanted to be wrapped in this scorching heat and how I waited for his lips to claim mine again.

Suddenly, I forgot about Nami, I forgot about George and everything that I was thinking about. I forgot how I hated him, I forgot how I don’t want to see him, because obviously, I wanted to be with him.

Our tongues mingled inside my mouth, brushing against each other, sucking, exploring each other’s mouths. My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling against his hair and offering my soft lips with total abandonment. I lost my sanity in an instant and the fire burned my skin.

I didn’t notice when did he manage to move us towards the inside of my room. Or when did he succeeded in taking me to the edge of the bed and sit there. I only noticed it when he slowly guided me to lay on it that I was immediately awakened from my trance and pushed him hard on the chest.

Wait, he said he missed me.

How dare he say that after all those words I heard in the morning after we make love?

She did amazing? She’s better?

Before I knew it, my palm flew and landed on his face. I slapped him hard.

He looked at me in confusion. His hand on his left cheek.

“How dare you!”

I yelled at him out of madness.

The heat of the moment slowly disappearing and has turned back to anger. This bastard trying to trick me again!

“Wait, what do you mean? What did I do?”

He asked.

“Don’t you ever dare touch me again! You f*****g bastard, you used me. And now you want to toy with me again? Wow!”

I huffed mockingly.

“Huh? Used you? When? How?”

“Oh, you already forgot about it? Well, that’s better. Let’s forget about it then!”

Pain stabbed inside my chest, but I hid it well. He won’t ever see my trembling hands or my gritted teeth.

“Forgot about what? Sasi, can you please explain it to me? What was happening?”

“Oh, you forgot your place now? You, f*****g me doesn’t mean you can call me informally now. You are forgetting your place, mister. I am your boss. Never call me by my first name. And the thing that happened between us, it doesn’t mean anything to me! Forget it and I beg you to please pretend as if nothing happened between us.”

I said sternly.

His face suddenly turned very dark and the veins in his temple pulsated angrily. His knuckles were gripped tightly and his lips formed a thin line.

I know that what I said was below the belt and deeply insulting but I have no other choice to salvage my decency. If I don’t push him away now, I couldn’t assure myself that I won’t give in to him again. I might lose my capacity to think clearly and end up hurting myself even more.

I need to put a stop to it now.

“If that’s what you want, Miss Sasi. But I won’t say sorry for what happened, because I am not. Not even a bit.”

He said in a dark low voice before turning away from me and making his way towards the veranda and to his own room.

My knees wobbled and I collapsed on the bed. Tears of pain streamed down my face uncontrollably, but I let it flow freely. I let the tears wash away the pain of my failed first attraction. Yes, I am attracted to him, but being attracted to someone like Raki is a gamble I couldn’t bear to take.

I can’t let myself fall deeper. He’s bad news and I know that from the start.

The sky outside started to turn dark and minutes later, heavy rain poured down.

…to be continued.