NOT Your GUARDIAN

CONFUSION

I couldn't even explain to you how good it feels to look up across the room and see you standing there.

It's when I feel you, look at you, or think about you that I find myself not able to breathe. Even though I know I would be just fine because all I need to inhale is you. And you're not going anywhere, right?

***Sasi***

*********

It's been two days since the day I woke up entangled with the asshole in the bed, and it's also been two days that I’m having a difficulty in sleeping. Usually, when I get tired from gaming, I'll just lie on my bed, and I'll instantly fall into a deep slumber. But last night and tonight were extra arduous trying to sleep. It's like my body cannot drowse on its own and my mind seem to wander off somewhere…in a semi-dark room on a rainy night.

Ugh, what was that? What exactly happened that night after the festival?

How would you know? You were sleeping…soundly...

Eimy, the name I give to my unconscious demon who always urges me to think unhealthy thoughts, smirk at me.

I think I need to remember something important, but I cannot. What was it? f**k!

The adjacent room beside mine seems empty like it always has been. I don’t know if Mr. Raki stayed in that room or not, but I haven’t heard any activity there since day 1. Or he must have been so quiet when he’s in there?

 It's already eleven in the evening and I can't seem to find my sleep. I have been meaning to ask the bastard what happened that night I got drunk unintentionally. I've been meaning to ask why I woke up with him on the bed, but I'm reluctant as it would be pretty awkward on my part. I don't remember anything at all, except that I had a very disturbing dream.

I started to feel hot suddenly, so I let out a sigh and stood up towards the lanai to have a breath of fresh air, this might help me clear my thoughts.

The night wind from the outside is chilly, but it gives a certain feeling of refreshment to my wandering soul.

Then suddenly, I heard a splash of water below. I looked down and found a shadow swimming in the pool.

It's quite dark with only a little light coming from the front porch, but I can clearly see who is taking a late-night dip as if I have known his body all this time. It's the bastard Mr. Raki.

I wonder what he is thinking swimming this late at night. He could get sick because of the cold weather, but what do I care? He could get Pneumonia and I wouldn’t give a f**k at all.

Squinting my eyes through the dark, I caught a glimpse of the tattoo on his back. A big black pair of wings spreading from the right shoulder to the left. He's like a black-winged angel. It occupied almost 70% of his huge muscled back, defining his narrow waist.

He is a good swimmer. His every stroke is precise and accurate. The silhouette of his body screams perfection in the water, and I can almost see every muscle movement on his back. Is he a merman? How did he learn to swim gracefully like that?

He swam through the water without much disturbance, like a scissor on a sheet of paper…folding through the surface...magnificent and so calming to watch.

As I observe his languid movements, something stirred inside of my chest. Something warm, like a hand slowly stroking my heart. But in contrast, my heart starts to beat faster, and louder…and the warmth became heat. Tiny beads of sweat began to form on my forehead, and I can't help but feel disturbed.

My throat felt dry as I watch his biceps, his thigh, and the strong kicking of his legs…my tongue rolled along my lips unconsciously and when he emerged out of the water, brushing his wet hair away from his face with his veiny hands in a very seductive way, I swallowed my saliva.

 I almost slapped myself upon the realization that I have been standing on the railings of the lanai for a long time now. Gawking at the asshole like a hungry monkey over a banana.

What? Don’t tell me I am lusting after that jerk?

Oh yes, you are dear.. Eimy answered back..

No way!

Yes, way dear! Look at how tempting his bulky chest is!

Stop it! Snap out of it Sasi! You are being delusional about something that doesn’t exist!

I decided to move out of the lanai and go back inside. That man is one hell of a beast. A temptation personified!

I think I need a shower.

------------------------------------------

Days passed by and the uneasiness I am feeling began to grow each day that turned into irritation. I am annoyed at how I constantly felt empty being alone in the room. I had always been alone ever since and never have I felt bored with my own company. I don't want anybody else hovering around me, constantly checking on me, or disturbing me.

In just a week, now I feel bored alone. I can't focus on the game. I'm always defeated so my teammates were all displeased with my performance. They said I should take a rest for a while, maybe I’m just tired.

But now, the four corners of the room felt suffocating. I tried to wander outside twice, but everyone seemed to be busy. Lin and her family are busy with all the house chores, cooking, and cleaning around the house. While the boys were either doing exercises, sparring or playing games I don’t know how to play. I thought of joining them one time, but I felt shy, and I have no idea how to approach them.

What bothers me the most is why am I so curious where the bastard Mr. Raki has been going the whole day? Or what has he been doing? Why do I think of him always? His build, his body, his face, his eyes, his lips, his scent, his…

And every time he passes my mind, my heart seems to do a summersault. My blood would pump heavier, and my heartbeat would be uneven. I really don’t understand why.

Ugh! s**t!

I really don’t understand and Eimy seemed to hide into her safety box as well that I don’t hear constant murmurs of temptation nowadays.

I stopped going outside to eat and the food being taken to my room returned to the way it used to be.

Why do I feel like he was avoiding me? He no longer knocks on the door in the middle of my game to request me to join them in the dining area.

And the worst thing is, why do I felt like I am being abandoned? And the fact that even I hate it, my mind seems to always wander into him.

I threw the console I am holding at the monitor in front of me and drank the strawberry juice at the bedside table brought up by Rosie a while ago with an egg sandwich. Mrs. Linda never let me get hungry and she’s really a great cook.

I looked out of the window then I remembered the hills, the green fields, and the wandering cattle of the island. I remember how my hair danced in the wind and suddenly, I felt the urge to go outside. I need to go somewhere; I need to breathe.

So, i stood up and headed for the door. I plan on sitting in the backyard garden or swimming in the pool. Anything to distract me from my maddening thoughts. I need to relax and calm down even for a while.

That's when I stumbled upon Mr. Raki in the living room. He was wearing a navy-blue hooded shirt with white stripes on its sleeves and black cotton shorts. He was stuffing something on his backpack lying on the cream sofa. Is he going somewhere? I can't help myself but ask. The rest of the boys are not around.

"Are you going somewhere?"

He looked up at me in surprise.

"Hey, uhm..yeah."

He can't seem to find what to say and scratched the back of his head.

"Where to?"

"You remembered that muse at the plaza, right? Her name is Nami, she invited me to join her hiking team today. Since it was my day off, I agreed. I plan to tell you after I finished packing."

"And how about me? You're leaving me here alone? When you're supposed to guard me?"

You're guarding someone else now huh?.

I don't know why my heart sank that way. Maybe I'm just used to being possessive of the things and the people around me that I consider my safety circle.

“The rest of the boys will be left here with you. I am going alone and besides; I already called your father to ask permission and he said yes.”

My mind drifted into the scene where that girl Nami, linked her arms around Mr. Raki's biceps. The way she and the d**k looked at each other and laughed heartily. Also, the way she stroked the bastard’s arm tips me over the edge of self-control.

I exhaled a burst of air and in a snap of a second, decided to go with him.

"I want to go with you?"

I said sternly.

I saw him hesitate for a while.

Maybe he really was avoiding me?

Maybe he wants some alone time with that girl Nami?

"Are you sure? Do you have any experience? Have you gone hiking before?"

"No, but I want to try it now. Is that so bad?"

I replied fearlessly.

If you have plans of flirting with that wench, I would like to be around and ruin your day.

I smiled mischievously inside.

"Not really-...wait let me make a call first."

He said and started to dial on his mobile phone. After some time, someone answered. I know I should be leaving, not listening to someone else's conversation, but I'm curious and I couldn't help it.

"Hello, Nami? Can we switch from a major hike to a beginner? Uh.. No, I just don't feel like hiking a major one today.. And also, is it okay if I have some company with me? Yes, ..Yes...okay..thank you so much."

He dropped the call and looked at me from head to toe.

So, they have each other’s mobile numbers huh?

"Do you really have to call her first?"

I asked curiously.

"Obviously yes. Well, go now take a bath and I'll start packing your things as well. I have to call the boys."

He said finishing up his packing.

I turned around and go back to my room in an elated mood. A triumphant smile playing on my lips.

This will gonna be a lot of fun!

…to be continued.