NOT Your GUARDIAN

CARED

This is the day I discovered that I am fierce, strong, and full of fire that not even I could hold back myself because my passion burned brighter than my fears.

***Sasi***

**********

I was surprised to see Raki lying unconsciously on his bed, not even bothering to change his clothes. His feet with socks still on were dangling on the foot of the bed while one of his arms was sprawled openly and another was over his chest. I could see beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

It was very uncommon for him to sleep in this position and besides, he won't touch his bed unless he has taken a bath first, at least I know that about him.

I decided to peek at his room after I had taken a bath and was ready to bed. It was half-past twelve midnight already and my whole body ached like hell, and I don’t want to do anything but to sleep right away. But as soon as my back touched the bed, I remember the bastard who had been bitten by a snake, a venomous one for that. And now I find him in this awkward position, and I don’t know what to do.

Worry struck me, so I moved closer to look and wake him, only to find out that he was burning with fever. I panicked immediately and thought of calling someone, so I rushed outside the room.

The hallway was dark with only the wall lamp near the corridor towards the kitchen was left on. I have no idea whose room I should knock on to, I don’t even know where the rest of the boys are sleeping. I tried knocking on the nearest room, but no one answered. Walking all the way towards the kitchen and the living room, I saw no one.

Lin! I should call on them.

But when I opened the back door that leads to their house, it was pitch dark that I had goosebumps all over my body. I saw the dim light coming from their front porch from a distance but there’s no way I would venture there myself in the middle of the night.

I have no choice but to rush back to my room and call someone using my phone only to find it dead.

 Oh my, I forgot to charge the battery! What should I do now?

Going back to Raki’s room, I rely solely on my very broad knowledge about medicine which is close to nothing.

Damn! How would I know what to do? I was always brought to the hospital when I’m sick! The nurses and doctors would take care of my needs while I chew on a gummy bear.

Setting aside my nervousness, I tried my best to cater to the dying buffalo.

First, I should check his temperature. That way, I would know if he needed to be brought back to the hospital or if he’s already dying.

I took out the unused thermometer from the first aid kit in the bathroom and put it inside his mouth.

38.9°

He has a fever but it’s not critical, I guess. I had 40° before and I’m still fine. Maybe this is because of his wound or the snake bite.

Next, I corrected his sleeping position. He should lie comfortably on the bed for a better rest. So I exerted all my strength and lifted his body the best that I could. Slowly pulling him towards the middle and succeeded after a few minutes of wrestling with his heavy physique...

I feel his forehead and it was really hot!

Running back to the bathroom, I found a cooling pad I recognized being used whenever I was sick so I carried it back and put it on his forehead. Smiling from my little achievement, my eyes traveled down to his shirt drenched with sweat.

My eyes darted towards the aircon to make sure that it was working fine. But why is he soaking with sweat? Should I change his clothes?

How am I supposed to do that? Should I strip him naked?

At least I know that the victim, er- the sick person...is supposed to be wiped with a wet cloth or something. That should help with his fever.

So I get a clean towel from the dresser, have it damped on the bathroom sink, and came back to wipe his burning body. I started on his face, his neck, and thought I really must change his clothes because his chest was cold because of his wet clothes.

So I went to his dresser to get a pair of sleeping PJs, I picked whatever I saw first, and stepped to get back to him quickly. But I remember something midway to the bed.

Wait, what am I doing? Why do I have to do this with this jerk who stole my first kiss? Who has the nerve to flirt with girls and annoy me?

I throw the PJs harshly on the floor upon remembering the events of the day. Damn, I don’t know if I should be awkward towards him or be mad that he had taken something precious from me, but I must admit that I liked it too.

Well, yeah… I liked the kiss pretty much..

Eimy grinned mockingly at me.

What the f**k are you saying you slut!

I castigated myself, which I do very often recently. My mind is really a mess!

Why am I acting like a worried mother nursing a sick child?

But then I remembered how he saved me, how he cared for me on the boat, when I get drunk, when I'm feeling anxious, when I…

Ugh!..fuck this!

Guilt sunk into my chest like a steel blade, and so I picked up the PJs lying sadly on the floor and proceeded on my mission. I have no choice then; I owe him at least.

I raised his hands to change his shirt first, threw it on the floor, never minding where it lands.

I couldn't help but feel in awe of his well-chiseled chest, his muscular abdomen, and well-toned biceps. This must have been the result of his training in the military somewhere, how amazing.

I hold my breath as I began to wipe his body with the wet towel, starting from the hollow of his neck to the hard muscles of his chest. He groaned in response to the cold touch on his burning skin, and my hands started to tremble. I don't know what is happening to my body. This is something new to me, of course, I have never unclothed a man before, not even my father.

My eyes got stuck staring at his naked body and unconsciously, my fingers traced his muscled chest, feeling the scorching skin. Hard yet soft to the touch then smothered my palms through his muscled ribcage. My breath hitched as I began to fumble upon his abdominal abs..is this what it is supposed to feel? Yes, my body is well trimmed, but I don’t have these... these amazing looking mini breads, just by looking at his glistening body under the soft lights coming from the lampshades, I felt a sudden tug at my groin, something stirred inside of me, this view played tricks on my imagination that I felt hot all over my body. I closed my eyes and shook my head to get out of the trance.

This is not right. Lust. This very unfamiliar feeling I had known since I saw him swimming in the pool, is making me lost myself.

 I clumsily tried to get him to wear the upper pajamas and release myself from the temptation that was in front of me. Next, I did was change his pants, trying hard not to touch his wound and his....ugh..the something that is not allowed to be touched.

After quite some time, I succeeded in changing his clothes, with me catching my breath and I didn't know who among the two of us was more feverish. I felt the hot flush of blood all over my body. My heartbeat ran a hundred per mile and I am sure as damn that my face was beet red right now. I am just thankful that the man was unconscious, or else, this will be the most embarrassing moment of my life.

Looking at the sleeping man, his labored breathing earlier became calmer and he looked more relaxed but now that I thought about it, he hadn't drunk any liquid since this afternoon, but how could I make him? He was sleeping like a dead meat and waking up seems impossible.

What to do?

Should I just pour a glass of water into his mouth? Should that wake him up?

Nah..too harsh.

How about feeding him with my mouth?

Ugh!..gross, what the f**k am I thinking?..

But my genius mind thought of a better idea.

I get a glass of ice cubes from the fridge in the kitchen and sat beside him on the bed. Took a small piece of ice and opened his mouth slightly then put the ice inside. But the ice cube kept getting out of his mouth before it even melts.

Shit!.this is harder than I thought!.

I took another piece of small ice cube, but this time I angled his face upward, holding onto his chin and opening his mouth a little wider for me to have more suitable access. I feed him the ice cube by slowly putting it in the middle of his tongue, afraid he might choke so I closed it hurriedly.

Looking closely at his well-defined face, I realized how good-looking he really is. From the furrowed brows to the slanted nose and narrow lips. His cheeks were slightly flushed, and the pinkish glow gives him a drunken state look. How sexy.

Ughh..keep yourself together cunt!

I scolded my inner self as she glowered over Raki, mouth slightly opened, salivating in his glory.

Once I got 4 or 5 pieces of ice cubes melted in his mouth, I set the rest aside. That should do the trick. Never in my wildest dream that I would be doing stupid things like these.

I slumped my body on my bed

Heh, he won't die from starvation, right? this prick.

I expected that I would have slept right away due to the fatigue of the whole day's adventure, but sleepiness never came. I looked at the man lying beside me when suddenly he began to toss around. I felt alarmed so I got up and find myself holding his shoulders.

"Hey jerk, what’s up? What’s happening?"

I shook him up but no response. He just kept on tossing around like a mad dog. Sweats began to form again on his forehead.

"Hey, bastard! If you don't stop this, I'll beat you and kick your ass!"

I said a little louder hoping he would hear me, but instead, he grabbed my shoulders causing me to get out of balance, landing my body over his and my face on his chest, then he hugged me tightly that I could barely breath. His body was still hot but not as much as earlier.

What the?? f**k?!

"Lulu...I'm sorry..Lulu.."

He whispered in a hoarse voice, I thought I misheard him.

"What? hey! Let me go!."

I shook him and tried to push away but he was strong. Strong enough to pin me down in his sleep though he was sick now.

"Lulu... I’m sorry.."

There came the whisper again, but this time he began to shake softly. He was crying. He was crying in a very subtle way you cannot even hear his sobs..

Just a little heaving of the chest and the tears falling from his tightly closed eyes. I have no idea why I stayed still and waited for him to calm down, but I felt like I owe him this much.

Who the hell is Lulu?

I asked myself and frowned. The crease in my eyebrows deepened upon realizing why am I even interested? What do I care if she is someone he loves? Or his past lover? Or someone he just met? What the f**k do I care? It’s irritating.

After a few minutes, he calmed down. His grip on me loosened and I tried to sit up. I looked at his tear-stained face.

I wonder what he was dreaming about.

And started to question myself as well..

Who is this man? Why am I feeling utterly safe and yet vulnerable around him? Why do I feel tingly all over just by looking at him?

He is a stranger, but my gut feel tells me otherwise. Now that I think about it, he acted around me as if he had known me so well. As if he had been around me long enough to know what I want and what I don't.

Who are you really Mr. Raki?

I was so engrossed at studying his face that I didn't realize I slowly laid down beside him…and before I knew it, my eyes were too heavy to go back to my own bed.

...to be continued.

 This is the day I discovered that I am fierce, strong, and full of fire that not even I could hold back myself because my passion burned brighter than my fears.

***Sasi***

**********

I was surprised to see Raki lying unconsciously on his bed, not even bothering to change his clothes. His feet with socks still on were dangling on the foot of the bed while one of his arms was sprawled openly and another was over his chest. I could see beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

It was very uncommon for him to sleep in this position and besides, he won't touch his bed unless he has taken a bath first, at least I know that about him.

I decided to peek at his room after I had taken a bath and was ready to bed. It was half-past twelve midnight already and my whole body ached like hell, and I don’t want to do anything but to sleep right away. But as soon as my back touched the bed, I remember the bastard who had been bitten by a snake, a venomous one for that. And now I find him in this awkward position, and I don’t know what to do.

Worry struck me, so I moved closer to look and wake him, only to find out that he was burning with fever. I panicked immediately and thought of calling someone, so I rushed outside the room.

The hallway was dark with only the wall lamp near the corridor towards the kitchen was left on. I have no idea whose room I should knock on to, I don’t even know where the rest of the boys are sleeping. I tried knocking on the nearest room, but no one answered. Walking all the way towards the kitchen and the living room, I saw no one.

Lin! I should call on them.

But when I opened the back door that leads to their house, it was pitch dark that I had goosebumps all over my body. I saw the dim light coming from their front porch from a distance but there’s no way I would venture there myself in the middle of the night.

I have no choice but to rush back to my room and call someone using my phone only to find it dead.

 Oh my, I forgot to charge the battery! What should I do now?

Going back to Raki’s room, I rely solely on my very broad knowledge about medicine which is close to nothing.

Damn! How would I know what to do? I was always brought to the hospital when I’m sick! The nurses and doctors would take care of my needs while I chew on a gummy bear.

Setting aside my nervousness, I tried my best to cater to the dying buffalo.

First, I should check his temperature. That way, I would know if he needed to be brought back to the hospital or if he’s already dying.

I took out the unused thermometer from the first aid kit in the bathroom and put it inside his mouth.

38.9°

He has a fever but it’s not critical, I guess. I had 40° before and I’m still fine. Maybe this is because of his wound or the snake bite.

Next, I corrected his sleeping position. He should lie comfortably on the bed for a better rest. So I exerted all my strength and lifted his body the best that I could. Slowly pulling him towards the middle and succeeded after a few minutes of wrestling with his heavy physique...

I feel his forehead and it was really hot!

Running back to the bathroom, I found a cooling pad I recognized being used whenever I was sick so I carried it back and put it on his forehead. Smiling from my little achievement, my eyes traveled down to his shirt drenched with sweat.

My eyes darted towards the aircon to make sure that it was working fine. But why is he soaking with sweat? Should I change his clothes?

How am I supposed to do that? Should I strip him naked?

At least I know that the victim, er- the sick person...is supposed to be wiped with a wet cloth or something. That should help with his fever.

So I get a clean towel from the dresser, have it damped on the bathroom sink, and came back to wipe his burning body. I started on his face, his neck, and thought I really must change his clothes because his chest was cold because of his wet clothes.

So I went to his dresser to get a pair of sleeping PJs, I picked whatever I saw first, and stepped to get back to him quickly. But I remember something midway to the bed.

Wait, what am I doing? Why do I have to do this with this jerk who stole my first kiss? Who has the nerve to flirt with girls and annoy me?

I throw the PJs harshly on the floor upon remembering the events of the day. Damn, I don’t know if I should be awkward towards him or be mad that he had taken something precious from me, but I must admit that I liked it too.

Well, yeah… I liked the kiss pretty much..

Eimy grinned mockingly at me.

What the f**k are you saying you slut!

I castigated myself, which I do very often recently. My mind is really a mess!

Why am I acting like a worried mother nursing a sick child?

But then I remembered how he saved me, how he cared for me on the boat, when I get drunk, when I'm feeling anxious, when I…

Ugh!..fuck this!

Guilt sunk into my chest like a steel blade, and so I picked up the PJs lying sadly on the floor and proceeded on my mission. I have no choice then; I owe him at least.

I raised his hands to change his shirt first, threw it on the floor, never minding where it lands.

I couldn't help but feel in awe of his well-chiseled chest, his muscular abdomen, and well-toned biceps. This must have been the result of his training in the military somewhere, how amazing.

I hold my breath as I began to wipe his body with the wet towel, starting from the hollow of his neck to the hard muscles of his chest. He groaned in response to the cold touch on his burning skin, and my hands started to tremble. I don't know what is happening to my body. This is something new to me, of course, I have never unclothed a man before, not even my father.

My eyes got stuck staring at his naked body and unconsciously, my fingers traced his muscled chest, feeling the scorching skin. Hard yet soft to the touch then smothered my palms through his muscled ribcage. My breath hitched as I began to fumble upon his abdominal abs..is this what it is supposed to feel? Yes, my body is well trimmed, but I don’t have these... these amazing looking mini breads, just by looking at his glistening body under the soft lights coming from the lampshades, I felt a sudden tug at my groin, something stirred inside of me, this view played tricks on my imagination that I felt hot all over my body. I closed my eyes and shook my head to get out of the trance.

This is not right. Lust. This very unfamiliar feeling I had known since I saw him swimming in the pool, is making me lost myself.

 I clumsily tried to get him to wear the upper pajamas and release myself from the temptation that was in front of me. Next, I did was change his pants, trying hard not to touch his wound and his....ugh..the something that is not allowed to be touched.

After quite some time, I succeeded in changing his clothes, with me catching my breath and I didn't know who among the two of us was more feverish. I felt the hot flush of blood all over my body. My heartbeat ran a hundred per mile and I am sure as damn that my face was beet red right now. I am just thankful that the man was unconscious, or else, this will be the most embarrassing moment of my life.

Looking at the sleeping man, his labored breathing earlier became calmer and he looked more relaxed but now that I thought about it, he hadn't drunk any liquid since this afternoon, but how could I make him? He was sleeping like a dead meat and waking up seems impossible.

What to do?

Should I just pour a glass of water into his mouth? Should that wake him up?

Nah..too harsh.

How about feeding him with my mouth?

Ugh!..gross, what the f**k am I thinking?..

But my genius mind thought of a better idea.

I get a glass of ice cubes from the fridge in the kitchen and sat beside him on the bed. Took a small piece of ice and opened his mouth slightly then put the ice inside. But the ice cube kept getting out of his mouth before it even melts.

Shit!.this is harder than I thought!.

I took another piece of small ice cube, but this time I angled his face upward, holding onto his chin and opening his mouth a little wider for me to have more suitable access. I feed him the ice cube by slowly putting it in the middle of his tongue, afraid he might choke so I closed it hurriedly.

Looking closely at his well-defined face, I realized how good-looking he really is. From the furrowed brows to the slanted nose and narrow lips. His cheeks were slightly flushed, and the pinkish glow gives him a drunken state look. How sexy.

Ughh..keep yourself together cunt!

I scolded my inner self as she glowered over Raki, mouth slightly opened, salivating in his glory.

Once I got 4 or 5 pieces of ice cubes melted in his mouth, I set the rest aside. That should do the trick. Never in my wildest dream that I would be doing stupid things like these.

I slumped my body on my bed

Heh, he won't die from starvation, right? this prick.

I expected that I would have slept right away due to the fatigue of the whole day's adventure, but sleepiness never came. I looked at the man lying beside me when suddenly he began to toss around. I felt alarmed so I got up and find myself holding his shoulders.

"Hey jerk, what’s up? What’s happening?"

I shook him up but no response. He just kept on tossing around like a mad dog. Sweats began to form again on his forehead.

"Hey, bastard! If you don't stop this, I'll beat you and kick your ass!"

I said a little louder hoping he would hear me, but instead, he grabbed my shoulders causing me to get out of balance, landing my body over his and my face on his chest, then he hugged me tightly that I could barely breath. His body was still hot but not as much as earlier.

What the?? f**k?!

"Lulu...I'm sorry..Lulu.."

He whispered in a hoarse voice, I thought I misheard him.

"What? hey! Let me go!."

I shook him and tried to push away but he was strong. Strong enough to pin me down in his sleep though he was sick now.

"Lulu... I’m sorry.."

There came the whisper again, but this time he began to shake softly. He was crying. He was crying in a very subtle way you cannot even hear his sobs..

Just a little heaving of the chest and the tears falling from his tightly closed eyes. I have no idea why I stayed still and waited for him to calm down, but I felt like I owe him this much.

Who the hell is Lulu?

I asked myself and frowned. The crease in my eyebrows deepened upon realizing why am I even interested? What do I care if she is someone he loves? Or his past lover? Or someone he just met? What the f**k do I care? It’s irritating.

After a few minutes, he calmed down. His grip on me loosened and I tried to sit up. I looked at his tear-stained face.

I wonder what he was dreaming about.

And started to question myself as well..

Who is this man? Why am I feeling utterly safe and yet vulnerable around him? Why do I feel tingly all over just by looking at him?

He is a stranger, but my gut feel tells me otherwise. Now that I think about it, he acted around me as if he had known me so well. As if he had been around me long enough to know what I want and what I don't.

Who are you really Mr. Raki?

I was so engrossed at studying his face that I didn't realize I slowly laid down beside him…and before I knew it, my eyes were too heavy to go back to my own bed.

...to be continued.