When you have no choice to live in a room with others and don't have any privacy sucks very badly. Well that's my situation.
1036 Words
I am really tired of not being able to have my space yea I know you're wondering what I am talking about. Imagine your life being turned upside down and you just about lost your home and income to the point that you've been evicted had to sell your car then you gotta hear bullshit from family members that you asked for helped well hello this my life right now. I am living I know that it could be worse but damn I can't stand any of this s**t anymore. The cards that's dealt to me right now isn't great and good thing is I am working right. I am trying to keep my head up and not down but this s**t is getting harder every day. I can't even sleep comfortable the way that I'm used to cause I have to respect that children are in the same room as I am. I am the type of woman that likes to sleep nude but guess what can't even do that cause I am stuck in this f*****g box with too many others children so last night I got checked about not having any underwear on cause of children being in the same room as me. I kinda got upset really but you know me I looked in the drawer and found some shorts put them on then got back into the bed and went to sleep. I am hoping and praying that we find a house sooner rather than later cause this s**t is getting on my nerves living like this and not having my freedom or space. Lord only knows that this can't stay like this with me living in a hotel room with others and not having my space or being able to sleep without clothing like I have always been doing all the time. I wished that I could've known that life for me was going to change. Well I guess we don't know how our lives would be if given the opportunity to know. I am really feeling like everything is still happening to me because of my bad decisions in my past. I used to say that I am being punished for how things were when my late wife was living I was shown alot of things from her and she was my best friend too as well ass my companion I didn't have no backbone or self esteem until she told me Sparkle you don't have to let anyone talk to you any kind of way anymore you have a voice start speaking up for yourself. Guess I started letting my family have it and they were afraid to say certain words to me cause they didn't want me to stop f*****g with them anymore. When someone used to make me angry at them about anything I wouldn't have s**t else to do with them anymore. I would erase them period out of my life and be done. I am now at the point where If I want to talk to you I am gonna call you on my time not yours. Guess I love it this way too. Plus everyone doesn't have my new phone number either so my phone isn't ringing no more with unnecessary messages or people calling for nothing peace of mind is wonderful to have right now not dealing with drama periodtt anymore feels great. I could count on one hand to who got my new cellphone number. The thing is when you're not dealing with other people drama you could have your own peacefulness and not worrying about miserable people and their lives at all. I can't wait to move out of this box that I am living in at this very moment. I am going to keep on praying that something changes sooner than later. I know that this is my test to see will I fell or passed with knowing and having the strength to stay strong and keep my head up high. Failure isn't a option for me at all I got this and getting stronger every single day. If there's anything that I would changed at this very moment would be to have my very own home and space. Having a personal space not having to feel so uncomfortable would be well appreciated right now period. I don't wished this life on anyone I know or anyone I don't know cause this s**t right here sucks ass. Time does flies and you don't realize it until something like this happens in your life and change you Its been 10 months now that my wife has passed away. I am able to really deal with her death now cause I know that she wouldn't still want me to stop living my life cause shes not physically here anymore she used to always say to me you deserve someone whose going to treat you like a queen and love you the way that you should be loved. I would say I got that right here with you. I have eyes only for you and no one else is worthy all of the signs was in front of me that she wasn't going to live forever but I am very stubborn and I didn't want to see it or believe that her time was coming sooner rather than later. I didn't think that I would be a widower at 43 but guess what that's just what I am in 2021. I did have great experiences with my late wife and she taught me so much helped me get my diploma she was my therapist too. I could honestly say sometimes I miss her making me laugh talking to me playing games eating good food making passionate love to each other. I am not ever going to forget all the happy and fun memories that we've once shared with each other. I have her in my heart and a picture on my arm. I am not wearing her ashes around my neck anymore but I still have them she won't ever be forgotten. I didn't think that this would've ever happened to me but it did and that's how the cookies is crumbling.
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