Water and Ghosts

Chapter 12

Time passes, sometimes slowly and others quickly. 

Grandma Colette moves on from training my magic to training my body. She makes me run more than cross country did, plus she makes me lift weights and a bunch of other physical stuff. 

Nigel is the best boyfriend. He’s so sweet, and he loves being helpful. He clearly enjoys being with me, and I with him.

And Glenden… I said I would do a better job of forgetting him, but I honestly did worse this time. After everything I learned about him, I just couldn’t walk away.

He would not get out of my head.

School is… even more boring now than it used to be. It’s almost time for Christmas break, and the teachers don’t want to start anything new. So I basically just sit around and read in all of my classes. Either that or I write letters to my mom. If ghosts are real— and I still haven’t decided if I believe they are— then my mom can read them. If ghosts aren’t real, then I just put my thoughts on paper. Either way, I feel freer, having put into words what I’ve felt my entire life and what I feel now.

It’s like journaling and writing a letter to someone all rolled into one.

I slide the one I wrote yesterday into the box, closing the lid just in time for Nigel to barge into my room. I jump, startled.

“I have come to escort you to our beachside date,” he says dramatically, and I can’t help but laugh. I take his outstretched hand and step up to him.

“Let’s go get some food,” I say.

It’s Friday afternoon, which means that Nigel is leaving tonight. His older brother, Reed, is getting married tomorrow, and his whole family is leaving for the occasion. He’ll be gone for two days. Might as well enjoy our time together while we have it.

Nigel and I walk to the beach, hand in hand, talking comfortably. We walk everywhere, so we’re used to it. I haven’t even seen Grandma Colette’s car in weeks. 

Once at the beach, Nigel and I sit outside at a table in front of Beach Fried Chicken. Nigel goes in and orders first, ordering my own drink or food. Once he’s back, I do the same for him.

About two weeks ago, we realized that we like pretty much the same things. So, Nigel said that anytime we come here, we have to order for the other person. Not only does it add an element of surprise, we’re also putting our trust in the person not to get us something terrible.

I wonder what I’m going to get today. I know Nigel is getting hot chocolate with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

Nigel watches me, squinting and leaning forward.

“What?” I ask, laughing at his behavior.

“Nothing. I’m just trying to guess what you got for me.”

He always does. I, on the other hand, know that I will get the answer once I see the waiter.

Speak of the devil, a waiter walks over, our food in hand. He hands me the hot chocolate and Nigel apple cider in a reusable cup. I grin— he knows me so well, and goes above and beyond.

We swap drinks as soon as the waiter’s back is turned.

“How’d you know?” I ask, sipping the hot apple cider. It tastes amazing.

“It seemed like a cider day for you. How’d you know I needed chocolate?” He sighs, taking a large gulp. He gets whipped cream all over his upper lip.

I smile. “Probably from you saying you needed chocolate all day yesterday.”

“Probably.”

We drink our drinks in silence. I finish first, admiring the cup. It’s got a lid and everything, and it’s a see through purple color. There’s also a white cursive A on it.

“Thank you,” I say, looking up at Nigel as he wipes his mouth with a napkin.

“No, thank you,’ he says. But his smile fades quickly.

“You’ve got to go now,” I say, understanding. “I’ll be fine.”

“I just feel bad leaving you to walk home alone.” He frowns.

“It’s fine, truly. I honestly could use the time alone.”

Nigel stands up, and I follow suit. He steps forward, wrapping his arms around me. Automatically, I do the same, resting my head on his shoulder.

“I’ll be back in a couple days,” he whispers so that only I can hear. “Do me a favor and don’t spend all of your time alone.”

While my emotional spiral stopped, I feel homesick a lot more these days. I crave anti-socialness after months of being social. I burned out too quickly. So Nigel makes it his personal duty to make sure I’m not alone.

“I won’t,” I promise. I pull away from the hug, smiling. Nigel tugs on my hand, pulling me away from the restaurant. Once nobody can see us, he bends down and kisses me.

I kiss him back, trying to force a spark. But nothing happens.

Nigel pulls back, taking out his bag of Volantes Sugar. “I’ll be back.”

I swallow. “I’ll be waiting.”

His form fades, until he is no longer there. Once completely gone, I turn and start the trek back home.

And if I see Glenden Flemming watching me as I slowly walk home, I push it from my mind.

I make my way to the beach the next day too, standing in the sand and looking out over the Sapphire Sea. Waves crash in the distance and water gets as close to my feet as it can before receding back.

Someone steps up next to me. I look over, and my jaw drops.

“What do you want?” I growl at Glenden, turning back to the water. I don’t want to deal with him right now.

“Well, for one, I want you to not be mad at me,” Glenden says. I snort mockingly. 

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to be a jerk and ignore me,” I say, moving around him and walking away. He follows, naturally.

“I’m sorry, Aqua. I just…” he trails off.

“Are an annoying jerk? Yeah. I know. I learned that first hand when you pretended to be my friend and then started ignoring me again.” I continue to storm away. 

“I didn’t pretend anything,” Glenden says, offended and angry. “I just—”

“A jerk,” I snap.

“I care about you!” He exclaims, grabbing my elbow and spinning me around to face him. “I care, and every single time you chose Nigel over me.”

I was sooooo not expecting that.

“What?” I choke out. 

“I like you, Aqua Evans. I have since the day I met you. I showed you who I pretended to be and I showed you who I really am,” he hesitates before continuing, “and it was never enough. I had no interest in watching Edwards make his moves.”

“He didn’t make moves!” I say, indignant, defending Nigel.

“Yes, he did,” Glenden says angrily, looking at the sand and shaking his head. “He definitely did.”

“And did you?” I ask, angry but… curious. As always.

“Technically, the whole camping trip was a move.”

I don’t want to laugh. I don’t.

“Well, ignoring me was not the way to my heart,” I say coldly. Glenden meets my gaze.

“And that is proof that I have a chance,” he mutters.

I bristle.

“You have to care in order to hate me for ignoring you. Tell me, do you like Nigel or me more?”

I narrow my eyes. “Which of those two boys am I dating again?”

“Okay, but what if I had never ignored you?” Glenden asks, his gaze intense, as he steps closer to me. “What if I had been talking to you this entire time? What if I continued to get closer to you after the camping trip?” His voice grows softer. “You’re like me, Aqua. We’re so alike, and you know it. And I know that I understand you on a level Edwards never will, and that understanding is something you need.”

My heart will not calm down. My brain is screaming at me.

How does he know?!

He found the secret that I tried so hard to ignore, the one I never put to words.

“If I hadn’t ever pulled away, you wouldn’t be dating Nigel. You would have ended up with me.” He backs away.

“Just think about what you value in a partner,” he says, his eyes smoldering as he turns away. He starts walking down the length of the beach.

I fall, so slowly, to the sand.

It’s the only downside to Nigel— he doesn’t understand me. He understands that I’m homesick but he doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t understand me on an emotional level, a deeper level that we won’t ever have aligned. And Glenden is right. He and I do.

I can’t breathe. Tears fill my eyes and I start to shake uncontrollably.

I don’t want to hurt Nigel. I never have. He’s so easy to be around, but… there’s no spark. The love I have for him is more brotherly now. It might have been more once, but it’s not now. There are very few people I love.

The fewer people I care about, the fewer people I have to worry about being killed by Cyra to hurt me.

I can’t breathe.

My chest is tight and getting tighter, and I gasping for breath. Oxygen. You would think I would be able to find it, since I’m on a beach. Water is made of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. There is lots of oxygen around. But it’s water and un breathable, so I sit here unable to catch my breath.

I close my eyes and rock back and forth, trying not to cry. Why is life so complicated? Why don’t I have a mother to talk to? Why did Cyra hate my parents in particular and why why why?

Suddenly I’m being pulled to my feet and into the arms of a strong form. I know it’s wrong, I know I shouldn’t, but I hold on to him as he holds me together.

“Shh,” he whispers, stroking my hair. “It’s okay. If it’s about what I said, Aqua, I’m sorry. Forget about it.”

I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe.

I’m having a panic attack, I realize.

“Aqua, focus. Remember the camping trip? Remember how you stupidly put yourself in danger and came across a bear? Remember how I protected you.”

I nod, my wheezing loud.

“You’re never going to meet a bear again. And that is because I won’t let one, real or emotional, get to you. Push the thoughts away. Air is like a wave. Let it crash into you.”

I focus on his words and do as he says. Slowly, I relax. The tightness in my chest loosens until it’s gone.

I sniffle and force the tears back. I put my hands against his chest and push. Glenden lets me go immediately.

“No,” I say, my voice thick with tears. “I’m crying because you’re right, and I don’t want you to be.”

Hope leaps into his eyes at the same time that his gaze hardens the tiniest bit. “So you know I’m better for you, but you wish it was Edwards.”

I swallow and nod. “I wish there was an easy answer for once in my life.” My voice breaks.

“And what are you going to do about it?”

“Break up with—” I fall to the ground again, overcome with emotion. 

Glenden follows me, though much more gracefully. “But you just said…”

“I wish there was an easy answer,” I say, meeting his eyes and nodding. “But the right thing to do is tell Nigel. I don’t want to lead him on when I… I don’t feel the same way he clearly does. He doesn’t deserve that. And I don’t want to lie to him. He’s just a really close friend of mine,” I say, whispering the last sentence. I close my eyes, hating myself.

Glenden doesn’t say anything for a moment. “This is part of why I love you,” Glenden says, and my eyes snap open. “You actually care. That’s not something I’ve found a lot of.”

“In people?” I ask, sniffling.

“No. People who are supposed to care about me but don’t.” His voice is bitter. His mom.

My heart breaks for him.

I step forward and hug him, just once. Surprised, Glenden stills. And then his arms wrap around me protectively.

He’s not that warm. He hasn’t been standing out in the cold long enough to warm up, I guess.

“I do care,” I admit. “But I don’t know if it’s more than just friendly.”

“As long as I have a chance, then I’m okay with that,” he says, stepping away from me.

As I stare at him, I see the same wish in his eyes.

For someone that understands and can be there when we’re down.

“I don’t want to cry,” I say.

“I don’t want you to, either. Quite honestly, it’s painful to watch.”

“Do you have a pen and paper?”

Glenden takes out a pen from his pocket without breaking eye contact. Then he pulls out a small notebook and hands it over. 

I take both and promptly walk over to a tree and sit down at it’s base. Glenden sits down next to me, his mouth by my ear.

I ignore him. I don’t care if he watches, I’m surprised to find. Nigel doesn’t even know that I write to my mom.

Proof that something went wrong along the way.

I start to write.

Mom,

Nigel is gone— his older brother is getting married, so he is currently at a wedding. I am at the beach with Glenden, who doesn’t hate me,

“I could never hate you,” Glenden says quietly.

and who actually likes me. I have a question: when did life get so complicated? Because now I have to tell Nigel that I don’t love him the way he wants me to, and I might like the person he considered a rival.

Why can’t life be easy? Why did my life have to be so complicated when I’m alone with no one to help me through the hardest decisions?

I wish you were here in person. I have so many questions. So many things I wish I could tell you. I know you would understand.

Love you

Aqua

“How long have you been writing to your mom?” Glenden asks gently.

“About a month ago. When I realized she might be a ghost that has been following me for a decade.”

Glenden nods, understanding. A reaction Nigel would have never had.

My shoulders slump. I rip the page out, the paper tearing from the spine. I give the notebook and the pen back, wincing as I stand up. Glenden stuffs them into his pocket, jumping up.

“I’m going to go home, take a long shower, and fall asleep immediately,” I inform him. Glenden chuckles.

I start to move to walk away, but Glenden catches my arm. “Aqua?”

“Yes?” I blink up at him.

He bites his lower lip. “Do I have a chance? Is there a chance that you do care for me… more?”

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly, at a loss for any other words.

“You do,” he whispers. “We could be a great team. With your powers and my—”

“What powers?” I demand, stepping away. My whole body goes cold.

Glenden freezes, and it all comes together. On the camping trip, he said something about me having a deeper connection with water. He knows.

He knows.

“You know I’m an Elemental,” I say, my voice deadpan. “How?”

He looks uncomfortable, but doesn’t deny it. “My mom told me.

Oh my gosh.

“And what is your mother’s name?” I ask, my voice shaking as much as my body.

He gulps. “Cyra.”

I scramble back, staring at him.

Betrayal fills me; mind and body.

Glenden is Cyra’s son.

“No, look, Aqua, I’ve changed. I didn’t know the things she did. She’s only ever treated me as a useful tool. I didn’t know about your parents, I swear.”

He knows me so well that he knew exactly where my mind went. And he is the son of my enemy.

“Do you enjoy messing with my emotions?” I shout at him, furious and afraid.

“No!” He roars back. “I don’t try to mess with your emotions. I try to understand you and why you work because I care!”

“No,” I tell him, snapping. “I am an assignment to you. Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying,” he growls, his voice the most menacing I have ever heard.

“I don’t believe you,” I snarl, hate filling my tone. His betrayal hurts like no other. “Stay away from me,” I spit before I turn my back on him and sprint away.

What I don’t say is that I’m afraid of him now. Afraid of what he might do.

But what hurts the worst is that I was about to tell him that yes, I might care for him more than I do for Nigel. His mom must be proud he did his job so well.