When A Writer Loves...

Chapter-1-2

Now I thought of returning home. I'll ask Muna: "what are you for me and why do you weep like this, since nobody weeps if I stay in Sittametar? Who are you? What's the hidden mystery behind you and me? I think, there is no relation between us, yet why do you haunt me like this? Is this the reason that you love me? If not make me clear who am I for you to be taken like this? Do you have the right to obsess me? Or, if there is nothing in between you and me, then why should I have returned home? Is it because, you may mean--I love you? No, never, it can't be true because I love myself and love myself than nobody else in the world, mind you." I got really excited and nearly quarreled with Muna in my monologue.

Any way, I have to return home. If somebody weeps for me, then I must weep for that person too. I should check the unutterables. I should check the indescribables. I should check the unfathomables. Heaven knows how could I check all these. I do have no confidence at all. A part of me say: "no, let it be, I'll never check them; sometimes, we should console for something that are left unchecked." But to console me in so means my utter impotence for Muna. Really, to come out of dillema, there are two options for me now: one, I should try to forget it; or another, I should proceed ahead. No confusion, I don't want to lose something in my cowardice. If there is love, then the return of love is love. So, by no means I am going to let it go. But how? How dare I talk these things to that lassie-- my god?

Since I adjourned my last year's study, Muna is now equall to my grade.

She would always stand first in her class. She is stout and plump than me. She knows more extra activities like dancing, and singing, and playing drama in the 'vajan kirtan'. More than that, she used to be active in other school programmes. She has got many friends than mine. Her family-status is not so weaker to ours. So there is not any lever to support me to have a straighforward talk with her in case if I really need it. I've no strength to surpass her genuine pride. Leave the matter of checking something deep inside her; but frank to say, I even don't have the laquor to talk two words to this bold lassie.

But in the matter of love, I never like to be pietious in front of Muna. My intuitional vigor gets provoked slowly. I tend to make a plan--a necessary plan for the overall just of my life. In my childhood, I was moved by my mother's sufferings. So I'd thought to become somebody in my life. Later, by the influence of the well known writers, I made a resolution to write. Besides, I am more influenced by the modernization and cultural aspect of the western world. I am influenced by the freedom and human-rights prevailed over there. So, now, to be strong enough infront of Muna, I really needed to have my childhood dreams come true. I longed to be a writer before; and I must, at any cost, be a writer now. I thought of writing a novel first. But to write an enlish novel in the context of Nepal is not a matter of joke. How many words? How many patterns? How much grammar? How many verbs...and so on? Ooups ! My head really ached. Meantime my maternal uncle approaches me.

"Uncle, now I wanna go back home. I'm feeling homesick for the first time."

"Just yesterday you were asking to stay more and now? I think you can't adjust because of your aunt and...."

"No, uncle, auntie is good. It's my own reason that, from yester-evening, I got to feel homesick, and I think I can't stand this ."

"If it's so, Ok, I'll let you go, but you've got to wait at least three, four days more till we prepare something for your going."

"Ok," I said.

Next morning my uncle asked me if I could give him a company for a small trek. I conceded. Nearly with in an hour's walk, we happen to be in front of a tailor. Uncle takes out a bag from under his jacket's interior; he takes out some new pieces of unsewn clothes, too. Now I guess, he might have bought it yester-evening after the office was over.

"Namaste sayeb!" Tailor lifted his head.

"Namaste! how are you? He is my nephew from Terai. He is going to return soon. So, new clothes on the journey.... Make a good sewing for him, or else he would be a joker in Terai," said my uncle to the taylor.

"Where do you live in Terai, 'vaanja'?" He took out the tape and straightened it within his two distant palms.

"I live in Sikuwachowk." I neared him and lifted my both arms straight.

After he took the measurement we departed from there.

When we returned back to the quarter, my auntie had already brought a large bucket of lemon. At night, for the late hour, she gets awake making pickle. She had also brought a large bagfull of ripe oranges. Tonight we hold talk till it is 1 o' clock in the morning. By the end of our talk, my bag is full that I can hardly lift it up.

The next day, I bade good bye to all of them whom I had acquiantances with during my stay here. In the evening, my uncle fetched my clothes from the tailor. I am ready to go next morning. My brother Sahil is going to accompany me upto Suhani. This night, too, we talk till late.

Next morning, after bidding good bye to all, I bade personal goodbye to the pine trees, its air, and the college yard that rendered me heavenly comfort. Now, good bye Sittametar ! see you again !

After reaching my house, I, first of all, thought of meeting Muna once. It was almost impossible because she would sometimes stay at her house in Sikuwachowk, and sometimes at her own refugee camp. Rest of the times, she stays in Simsimay. She studies in Apex multiple campus there. I do have no phone no. of her. So I decided to make her a friend in my f*******:. I sent her a friend request and waited. But even within three days, she didn't accept me.

Now I made a plan to meet her face- to-face. I, first of all, thought of going to her house. But, it was risky to go because there were her parents at her house. Other neighbours could also suspect my visit because they knew I had never gone to Muna's house before. So, psychologically, I was unable to go to her house. I rather thought of going to her refugee camp. I had previously known that Muna would go to her camp on every Monday. So waiting for Monday, I headed for Beldangi. Within one hour and a half, I was inside the camp.

I have entered a diffirent civilization here. So I thought of having a superficial observation of this community. I walked here and there along the lanes for few more minutes. Then I took a rest by the yard of a hut. The people inside the hut got out and asked my whereabouts. I told them I was from Sikuwachowk.

And they asked me, "why have you come here?"

"I came for Muna's hut and didn't know where it was."

"Do you know what is the sector number?"

"It is sector no 1."

"And hut no.?"

"I forgot."

"what is her guardian's name?"

"I don't know her grandpa's name, but I know her father's name that is Leeladutta upadhyay."

"Oh is it? We know him. Come here with me. I would lead you to them. There lives only her grand parents and one sister of her father."

Then I followed one young man of about the age of my elder cousin. After 3 minutes' walk, he finally entered a dilapitated small hut. I, too, followed him inside.

"Who else are you inside?" He asked.

"We all are...." was the reply.

"Ok, are you fine? By the way, I've taken your guest here," he pointed to me.

I payed namaste to all of them.

"Ah! Nani, from where?" The old man asked me. I later knew he was Muna's grandpa.

"From Sikuwachowk," I replied.

Then the young man bade bye and went.

"Perhaps we couldn't recognize you. Have a seat Nani," The elder woman said. I knew later she was Muna's grandma.

"Oh, you don't need to recognize me, I am a neighbour of Muna. She used to be my friend in Sikuwachowk," I said.

"What is your cast brother?" Sister of Muna's father asked.

"Brahmin," I replied.

"And surname?" Grandma asked.

"Sarma," I replied. "Looks like you are Muna's grandma and grandpa but ...you?" I turned to sister.

"Yes, they are Muna's grandpa and grandma. And I am her father's youngest sister," She replied.

"And how did you come here? If there was any work here?" Grandpa asked.

"No, I came here just to have a small glimps of the camp's life. And suddenly thought that Muna's was also here, so I made up my mind to come here too," I replied.

"What's your good name bro?" Sister asked.

"Himesh," I lied incase they can ask Muna about me later. "By the way, is not Muna here?"

"No, she comes here less frequently now a days. She is studying a hard subject. So she comes once a forthnight, only when there is a checking," Sister replied.

"How many camps are left now since all went to the third country, sister?" I asked.

"Now we refugees are only in Pathari camp and here. All went. And we remainings are also going soon," She replied.

"Which country are you going to?"

"To the united states."

"And when?"

"Right after eleven months from now. The IOM office has issued a notice just 1 week ago."

"This is the first week of Marg, and you mean you are going to leave here by the first weekend of Aswin?"

"Yes."

"Who else are you going in your family?"

"All including Muna, her sister, brothers, mum, dad and we three."

"Since long, Muna and her family are outside of the camp; they have their Nepali citizenships...house and land on their names, still how could they be eligible for refugees?" I was curious to know.

"But this is secret. No one has made disclousre of it to the UNHCR or IOM till now. And Muna's family members are punctual with the checking days, so...."

"And what about the ration?"

"We, as a family members of Muna, bring the ration of them, too, here. Not one by one is needed to go."

"Oh, is it? Ok, I am getting late now. I must go. Thank you sister." I raised my hands with namaste and stood up to leave.

"Please wait for a tea. It'll take no time," sister said.

"Never mind, I'll come next time to have a tea, but bye for now," I said as I walked outside.

In the beginning, I was a mini creature infront of Muna though there was not any reference of her going to the US. Leave the matter of thesedays; she must have been crested by now. So there is no other option for me than writing an english novel. I've to maintain the status. I'll obviously write it no matter how much hardship I should go through. I should complete a novel before she flies to the US. That's why, with a resolution to prepare myself for writing, I headed for my house. In about an hour, I was inside my room again.