Hot Mess

Why me?

Chapter 2 

The next morning at 8:25, I’m sitting in the front office of our school waiting to see Mr. Scott. I know that Sabrina is in there now. I can hear them plain as day. She is lying through her teeth, blaming everything on me and my clumsiness. I sit there seething, knowing that I am not going to say anything against her. I will blame it all on myself and say that she was trying to help me up.  

Mr. Scott opens the door and Sabrina exits. She gives me a look of pure hatred. She hates having to come to Mr. Scott’s office. I look her dead in the eye, and she knows that I will not tell on her. Mr. Scott calls me in his office as she walks away.  

“Have a seat.” As I take a seat in one of the chairs across from Mr. Scott’s desk, he looks me dead in the eye and asks, “Why do you lie for Sabrina?” 

“Mr. Scott, I didn’t lie.” 

Holding a hand up, he says, “Stop right there. I want you to know two things before you continue. Number one there are cameras all around this school. They can see just about every inch of the school’s property. And number two, there are complaints about Sabrina harassing you in the halls and the locker room. The complaints have been made by staff and students. There is nothing that I can do unless you lodge a formal complaint against her as well.” 

“Please tell me she doesn’t know all this.” 

“She does not. I haven’t told her about it. I am hoping that you will file a complaint so that I can take all of this to her parents.” 

“God, no. Please don’t do that. Just leave it alone. I can handle it. I don’t want anyone else hating me. If she gets kicked out of school everyone will hate me. My brother will hate me. And so will my parents.” 

“No Emma, they won’t. They will look at you like a hero for standing up for yourself and telling the truth.” 

“No offense, Mr. Scott but it has been a long time since you were a teenager. Things have changed. Please just leave it alone. I am fine and can handle anything she throws at me. A few mean words won’t kill me. The bumps and bruises heal. I really just want to be left alone.” 

“Alright Emma, I won’t do anything about this right now. However, in order for me to hold off on calling in her parents and the board, you must do something for me. You have to talk to your parents and tell them everything. If you want to, I can arrange for you to talk to the school counselor as well.” 

“Ok fine. I’ll tell my parents about what is going on. But I don’t want to talk to the counselor. I don’t want anyone else knowing about this. May I go now?” 

“Yes, Emma you may get to class. Just remember what I said.” As I get up to leave, the first bell rings. Shoot, I better get a move on or I will be late to class. Practically running through the school to get to class on time, I run right into Sabrina and her pack of friends. 

My day just went from bad to worse. Sabrina looks at me with a death stare. I stop in my tracks. If I wasn’t late for class I would turn around and run the other way but she stands between me and my classroom. I know she planned this. She has class on a different hall first thing in the morning.  

“So, what did you say to Mr. Scott?” 

“Nothing. I told him that I tripped and you were just trying to help me up.” 

“Good. You know that if I get in trouble the whole school will hate you. And your brother will make your life hell. He does what I tell him to do or he doesn’t get what he wants.” 

“Yes, I know. I won’t say anything. I never have.” At that moment the final bell rings, making all of us late for class. Everyone scrambles to get to their classes, Sabrina included. I wonder what excuse Miss Perfect will use to stay out of trouble.  

“Your late,” Mr. Leonard says as I enter the class. 

“I’m sorry, I was in Mr. Scott’s office and that made me late. It won’t happen again.” 

“Take your seat.” Every eye in the class is on me as I make my way to my seat in the back of the class. I want to die. I hate being the center of attention. As Mr. Leonard starts his lecture my mind wonders to what Mr. Scott had to say. Could I really stand up for myself and no be hated by everyone? I doubt it.  

* 

My days are pretty much the same. Hide in the back of the class during the day and try to race home after so that no one sees me. Some days it works other days I’m not so lucky. When I get the chance, I like to hide out in my reading nook, (my closet). I love to read. It takes me to another world where I can be strong and popular. It helps to keep me sane, I would definity loose it. My books are my friends. Plus, the added bonus no one can get in here to bother me. They usually think I’m not home so they leave me alone. The only person who ever knows where I am is Bobby.  

I don’t know how but he always knows when I’m in here. Normally he yells to the others that I’m not in my room and goes away. Today is different. I can’t hear the others downstairs, but Bobby is knocking on my door. It’s locked of course cause whether I’m in my room or not, it is always locked. I don’t want anyone messing with my stuff.  

“I know you are in there Em. Please let me in, we need to talk.” 

I just want to be left alone. I am done with my school work and the chores are done. This is supposed to be my time. No one is here to tell me what to do. Why won’t he just go away and leave me alone. I know that if I answer him, he will never go away.  

More knocking, knocking, knocking. OMG he is killing me. Just go away and leave me alone.  

“Em, I’m not leaving till you talk to me. Everyone else is at the movies so they won’t bother us. Please just talk to me. Let me know you are OK.” 

“I’m fine, now go away. I just want to be by myself,” I scream. 

“See I knew you were in there. You weren’t at the theater so I knew you would be locked into your closet reading. Its Friday night and you are all alone.”  

“Ok fine, yes I’m here alone and that is the way I like it. I don’t need to be around people to be happy. All I need are my books.” 

“Please just open the door.” 

“Fine” I say as I unlock my door. “There happy now?” 

“No. I want to tell you something. After that I will leave you alone if that is what you want.” 

“Ok go ahead talk.” 

“Do you know why I’m always over here or at John’s house?” 

“My brothers have said that you have it hard at home. And that you stay away to keep out of trouble.” 

“Yeah that is part of it. But what most people don’t know is that my stepdad has a drug problem. When he is high, he likes to use me and my mom as a punching bag. If I'm not there, he doesn’t get mad so he doesn’t hit her. I stay away to protect my mom and myself. Just my presence pisses him off. So, I stay away.” 

“I’m so sorry. I had no clue. No offence but what does this have to do with me?” 

“I get why you hide out. Sabrina is a b***h. She likes to hurt people to make herself feel better. She is a bully, just like my stepdad. But what you don’t get is that by hiding you give her the power she wants. The other day when you told her to get her own drink, I thought finally you would stand your ground. I hate seeing you cower down to her and Brock all the time.” 

“Yeah well, if I don’t Brock makes my life hell. Thomas would never let him hurt me but he won’t stop Brock from getting me in trouble with my parents.” 

“Have you ever thought about not doing things for them. The only reason they make you do everything is because you let them. If you didn’t cook, they would have to do it or go hungry. What can they do, tell your parents you didn’t cook dinner for them? How would that work out, when they are supposed to be doing the cooking. If you didn’t do the laundry for them what would happen. Nothing, cause they would have to do it or get in trouble for not doing it. Think about it Em.” 

“It’s not that simple. If I don’t do the cooking, I don’t eat either. If I don’t do the laundry, I won't have clean clothes to wear, and my parents won't have work cloths.” 

“Ok look at it this way, do your own cloths and mom and dads but not theirs. As for the cooking, fix yourself something before they come home from practice. If you keep yourself locked in your room and don’t answer the door what are they going to do, break it down to find you. Not likely. You and I both know they would never do that. “ 

“Ok say I do this, what then. How do I stop Sabrina? She attacks me in the halls, the locker room, and when I'm walking home. What do I do about her?” 

“Well that one, I’m not so sure about. Hiding from her gives her the power but I understand why you do it. All I can say is that you shouldn’t have to. Maybe if you told your parents, and Mr. Scott about what she does they can do something about it.” 

“Do you really think so?” 

“Yeah I do.” 

“So, tell me this, why don’t you tell anyone about your stepdad?” 

“We aren’t talking about me.” 

* 

After Bobby left to go meet back up with everyone at the theater, I sat in my room thinking about what he had to say. It's hard for me to defy my brothers. My parents need us to take care of the house cause they work such bad hours. My stepdad works a split shift at his job. He goes in at 4 am and works till 8 then he has to be back at 3 pm and works till 7. Mom has to be at work at 2pm and works till 11. We only have one car so my stepdad takes the car to work in the morning, Mom gets us up for school and tries to spend a few minutes with us. Then after we leave, she goes back to bed. Jimmy, my stepdad, gets home and goes back to bed. Before we get out of school they leave for the evening. When Jimmy gets off work, he goes to moms' job and sleeps in the car till she gets off and they come home. They aren’t home very much and when they are, they sleep.  

I feel like I have to take care of everyone. If I don’t then no one will. I hate that I never have any time for myself. But the truth is, I would have nothing to do if I did have extra time. I’m not the best student but I have pretty good grades. I don’t play sports, and I sure don’t have friends to hang out with, cause nobody likes me. Doing the chores helps my parents and that is what matters.  

I get up and go look at myself in the mirror. My first thought is to look away. I hate what I look like. I’m 12 years old with double-d boobs, unruly reddish-brown hair, and dull blue eyes. I have acne and most importantly, at least to me, I’m fat. I’m not very tall, 5’ 1” and 170 lbs. UGLY, plain and simple. I never wear makeup, and don’t wear fancy cloths, I’m more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl.