TAMED INNOCENTLY.

11

Eric’s point of view.

Why isn’t there price for wearing of guilt? Why can’t scientists quit discovering nonsense and actually concentrate on how we can deal with emotions? It would be a great deal used to think of men who broke down as worthless but at this point I think I am their king got Beth back home and asked Kyle to come along but she would leave as soon as Beth falls asleep. So I have been in the lounge thinking of all the apps and downs we have been through and for a person who doesn’t know us, they would think that w have been married for years yet its less than a month. My thoughts are interrupted by the vibration of my phone. I check and find its Jimmy “hey man w******p” “cool sap” “did you find her?”I shake my head at the late comer of a caring friend “well I found her and she left and then got her again, thanks for checking on time man” I smirk. You for real? She is a feisty one. Look I wanted you and August to puch up your issues, you know how I have feud between friends?” didn’t he just hear me say I just got back my wife “look am so not in the right state of mind to deal with him, I will talk to him because now will be like adding fuel to fire.” “Okay man but I hope you don’t take long” there was a prolonged silence until he bid me his good byes and hung up. I think he just notices that I wasn’t in the moods to start up a conversation. I face the door as I feel a presence and my instincts are confirmed when I face Kyle standing and looking at me like she’s planning on how to eliminate me out of their lives. I stand and head to the kitchen to get her something to drink. “You like juice or soda?” I ask holding the fridge door “water” it was her summarised reply. I pour her a glass and push it to her side of the island where she had seated.” I am sorry about the exchange earlier let my emotions take over” my apology is met with an eye roll and I can't blame her right now.” Can we talk about this at least? It’s killing me and I don’t want it to get to her. I want to have the right words when she’s awake. I want to stand still when she is punching my heart out” and she seats straight up amused “well for starters she’s not the kind. And for the way I know her she must be blaming herself for what happened so you just have to sort this out. But you should take her to a doctor first, she has been complaining of the sting she feels between her legs............”she looks up and twists her mouth in a funny way like she ‘s trying not to say something “if someone feels like shying away for what happened it should be me, so spit I out” and before I even completed the statement she asked” why did you do it? you see with her you don’t have to even ask her of anything for so long and given that you have the right she could have made sacrifices but what you did was totally hurtful I have never seen her so hurt” she tilts her head  waiting for the answers to her question. I did it to hurt her. I felt like showing her who was the leader in the relationship and I had an encounter with a friend who sort of liked her and went in to a fight so when she tried to defend him, I kind of felt jealous. I wondered if she would do the same for me and to some point I thought that she also liked him back which infuriated me more and............did it.” And now it feels like it just happened with the wave of earlier memories hitting me” you know I really didn’t see her that way, I thought that I was dealing with another monster just like me, like.........I don’t know. But after it happened, i lost it. It’s like what had been covering my eyes vanished and I was hit by reality.”  I notice Kyle smiling at me and look at her confused. “You see, Beth was kind of unmodern, she always fantasised of losing her virginity to the man who would love her more than anything in this world and now I just realised it wasn’t a fantasy, it was actually a dream. She did keep herself for you Eric, it’s just that she mistook you being a cold hearted mammal” she looks at me smiling and I wish I could understand her words. “I made sure to tuck her neatly in bed and she doesn’t sleep a lot when she is in pain so I hope you sort it out. And this is where  I bid my goodbyes and make sure she wears a smile the next time I see her “ she stands up and reaches for the door and peeps before moving out” don’t  be afraid of facing her, she wont bite. It’s not like she knows what teeth are used for like me” and she locks the door leaving me more confused. She is weird; I understood her actions more than her words. Seating, drinking and moving out. Why can’t her words be as simple as that? I sigh I defeat and head up stairs to the guest room. She insisted on staying there because my rooms bring her horror. I peep first to make sure I don’t interrupt her sleep but find her blinking too wards the window deep in thoughts. I get it and push back the door but she doesn’t notice my presence untill i seat next to her on the bed. Now that stings. “Hey” I greet pushing back her hair to get a better view of her face. “ you look terrible than when I married you” she looks at me without emotions in her face and eventually smiles “ you couldn’t have known because you never spared me a glance” I look at her wondering if the statement was meant to hurt because its killing me.” How did we get here?” am on the edge I can feel it. “I am willing to see you free without asking for a penny. May be that would fix a lot of things” she looks me straight in the eye and I know she means what she says. I thought I heard Kyle say that she doesn’t bite. “Well.....” am even lost on words. Don’t want to break down in front of her “I have a different idea” she looks at me bored.” We set a race and who ever reaches the line first is the one to give rules on what happens after here. The only rule is no backing out “she blinks faster holding in the tears.” A race? What if I die on the way?” she smirks.” Eric I am giving you the Idea because it’s only wise to jump off a sinking boat.” I dry her tears off “ isn’t it also wise to ask for  refuge in a floating one incise the owner is offering safety?” she shakes her head “ but we are the only ones sailing on the waters in the night” I get closer and push her head t my chest.” How about you get rid of all the obstacles and focus, am sure you will see the floating boat or even better figure out how to keep the one we in from sinking.... Beth am willing to give this relationship a try. Just keep seated and don’t even move your figure. We shall both use my trial. Please, let me try, is the least I can do” I hold her tight like she is about to disappear. “And what will happen during this trial, and what am I required to do. And what if it fails” well that a good sigh. “Well I will fix all my mistakes and I need you to have faith in me. Just don’t leave me again, please”.........