Delivering Blu Skies (BWWM)

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Sleep is like the only place that Blu hasn’t colonised. And for that I am grateful. But wherever there isn’t a Blu there’s probably something way worse. Like those thoughts. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones that keep telling you to end it all. I don’t know where they come from, and entertaining them never ends well. So the next logical step was to get a tattoo.

Don’t get me wrong, those fuckers hurt like a b***h. But I’d rather enjoy the pain of getting inked up than going back to my good ol’ blade, or worse. So with that in my mind I’ve decided that after pretending to be a mail boy for Allen, I’ll ask Livvy to help me pick out a tattoo.

Today – much like Blu – Allen was nowhere to be found. Not that I cared, I just needed to make sure that Mom was okay. Even if she’s a little bruised up, I’d be sorta okay. I guess I should have been happier when I spotted her in Allen’s office. And it’s not like I could ignore her. She was giving me that look. That look that she gives when she knows she f****d up but she doesn’t want to be the one who starts the conversation. It’s the same look Livvy gives me when she knows she ate a cookie after five, its f*****g annoying – that’s what it is.

I didn’t make her wait. I walked in and she looked up at me like she was sorry. At least she looked good, no scars or bruises – none that I could see. “Livvy’s been asking about you.” It wasn’t a lie and I didn’t feel like some bullshit formalities right now.

Girls do this weird thing where they look like they wanna cry but they’re smiling. Mom does that a hell of a lot. “Tell her I say hi.”

“Why don’t you tell her? You’re her f*****g mom.”

Her face was blank. Then she stood. She slowly walked towards me. She hugged me. “I’m sorry baby.” She was sobbing by now and she went on like that for a good five minutes before she pulled herself back together. But here’s the thing about Mom, she was always sorry. And I was always tired.

“You need to leave Rick.” She was just about to repeat some overused excuse when I spoke again. “It’s not a suggestion Mom. “ I shrugged. “Look I’m eighteen now, I can legally adopt Livvy. Wettie and Mevrou can take care of her and I’ll get a job. If you’re not gonna leave him, I’m not gonna leave Livvy there. She’s already f****d up. “

Mom’s eyes were watery and she was shaking. “He’s crazy. He’ll kill you both.” She whispered.

“Let’s face it. I always wanted a second shot at death. And Livvy’s too much of an angel to be stuck with the devil.” I leaned down and gave her a kisses on the cheek like I used to when I was a kid. “Love you Mom. “

I don’t like being a d**k. Okay, scratch that I don’t like being a d**k to my mom. But I don’t like Livvy getting hurt either. It’s kinda like being on the Titanic, I know I’m gonna die cause I’m a dude. But Livvy doesn’t have to and Mom can catch a lifeboat too but they’re not allowed to die together. Even if Titanic Rick has to rip me apart from limb to limb.

I took an extended coffee break and just f****d off. Livvy and I were gonna get me a tattoo. My tattoo parlour looked like some rundown house owned by a couple of stoners but to everyone’s surprise it was actually pretty presentable. Livvy liked jumping around in the chairs and chatting up old Eddy and Thabo. Eddy was one of those forty year old guys who never married and intended on dying like Hugo Heffner. Thabo just didn’t give a f**k, he liked putting holes in his body and he loved it when Livvy stared at his new piercings.

I could tell you a boring story about how we met. All you need to know is that the story consists of one joint, one whiskey bottle and a kid who had some scars that needed to be covered. I had my left wrist done and my right was coming along.

“So what do we want today Livvy?” Eddy asked before giving her a piggy-back ride. She was giggling so hard she barely heard him.

“Why don’t you get something Blue?” She made weird kissy faces. Thabo raised an eyebrow.

“Blue?” He asked.

“It’s nothing.” I tried and failed at ending the conversation.

“That’s his girlfriend’s name; Blu. She had movies with us last night and Kai let her sleepover.” Livvy didn’t understand just how twisted that all sounded.

“Dude, I’m pretty sure there are other places to get laid. Don’t corrupt your sister. “Ed lectured.

Livvy giggled. “Liv.” I warned, she pouted.

“Fine. I like the one with the trees. The one that looks like a forest is growing from your wrist. It’s pretty.” She grinned.

The pain was okay. It didn’t give me the high that I was used to, but it hid a few unwanted scars and Livvy got some ice-cream and got to play with a piercing gun before she passed out while watching cartoons on Eddy’s laptop. When we arrived home Mevrou was in the garden, Wettie was passed out on the couch, Livvy was in bed and my wrist was throbbing. I was just about to relax when I thought about her. It wasn’t even conscious. My eyes flickered to my hoodie and there she was.

“Oh great, I’d though you forgot about me.” Blu was sitting on my bed, wearing one of my old blue tracksuit tops.

“It’s hard to forget about you Dead Girl.” I shrugged.

She smiled a little. “Do you wanna go deliver some letters today?”

“Yeah after getting inked, I got nothing else to do.” And before I knew it, Blu was right in front of me holding up my right wrist like she’d never seen it before.

It was weird. She was so focused. Her cold fingers helped with the throbbing. I didn’t expect her to run her fingers along it. Her one finger ran from the base of my wrist all the way along my forearm to the tip of the tree. And when her finger went back down it stopped and she looked back at me like she did something wrong. I waited until she spoke.

“Is this where you –“

“Cut myself? Tried to kill myself? Yeah.” I shrugged off her hand. I didn’t want her looking at me like that. “It’s kinda f****d up because the branches couldn’t get draw on any of the deep scars “ She looked uncomfortable. “So who we delivering to today?”

She opened her mouth and then closed it before she said. “My brother, sister and her boyfriend. They’ll be at the house. They hate hospitals.”

Blu lived on the fancier parts of town. Her house was one of those clean cut pictures of perfection. Today she wasn’t acting crazy or anything like that, instead she just stared at my wrist. The pain dulled by the time I’d rung her doorbell. And Blu had disappeared again.

A girl opened the door. She was taller than Blu but still be shorter than me. She was lanky and something about her reminded me of Blu. She smiled, it was fake – just like Blu in the poster.

“Can I help you?” She’d just finished crying, you could tell by her shaky voice.

“Hi, is Ella,” I fished out the rest of Blu’s letters from my pocket. “Xoli and Xavier here?”

She looked confused. “Who’s asking?”

“See I found these letters from Blu –“

“I’m sorry, but where do I know you from?” She scrunched her face up in confusion.

“Nowhere.” I shrugged. “But these are for you from Blu.” I handed her the letters. She thought about it for a minute before she took the letters.

“These are her suicide notes aren’t they?” She chuckled but it was one of those painful ones. I nodded. “Thanks.” She paused. “What’s your name kid?”

“Kai.” I didn’t like the fact that she’d just called me kid but she lost her sister. Kinda. And then she looked like one of those cartoons with the glowing light bulb above their heads.

“Kai? As in Kai Davis?” I nodded. She smiled before leaning against the door. “She was right.” She muttered lowly. “Anyway, I’d invite you in but everything’s kinda a mess. Thanks for the letters.” She smiled, this time it was real. “Take care of yourself.”

Later that night I couldn’t sleep. Not because I was thinking about Blu but because she was being weird. I hadn’t seen her since I got to her parent’s house. And I just wanted to check up on her but she wasn’t around until now. I know this sounds weird but I could feel her staring at me.

“Blu.” I called out.

“Kai?” She whispered. It was dark, I couldn’t see her.

“Stop being weird. You can sleep on the bed Dead Girl.”

“Kai, I can’t sleep in this state.”

“Well then come lay down on the bed.”

“Next to you?” She asked.

“Next to me.” I grabbed a pillow off the floor. “It will help you feel human.” I put the pillow next to me.

It took her a minute but she finally budged. She laid down for a while before she spoke. “Kai?”

“Hhhm?”

“Can I see your tattoo again.” I didn’t argue. I slung my arm over to her side. Although her fingers were cold they didn’t distract me from sleep. They helped. She helped. And I couldn’t help but wonder if I was really helping her or if this would all go to s**t?