Chapter 10 - The Truth We Were Never Ready For
1863 Words
Eli
The door closed behind me.
I stood in the hallway for several seconds, unable to move.
My chest felt too tight.
My mind refused to process what I had just heard.
Lucas is my son.
Three words.
Three words that had somehow rearranged my entire world.
I walked back to my office without remembering the elevator ride, without noticing the employees who greeted me, without hearing the conversations happening around me.
When I finally reached my desk, I shut the door and stared through the glass walls at the city below.
Everything looked exactly the same.
The buildings.
The traffic.
The lights.
The people rushing through their lives.
But nothing was the same for me.
I had a son.
A three-year-old boy.
My son.
I slowly sat down, rubbing my face with both hands.
Three years.
I had missed three years.
His first smile.
His first steps.
His first words.
His first birthday.
The first time he got sick.
The first time he fell and cried.
The first time, he probably asked his mother where his father was.
I had missed everything.
And the worst part was that I hadn't even known there was something to miss.
My eyes burned.
I leaned back in my chair and closed them.
Then I saw him.
Lucas.
The little boy at the farmer's market.
The tiny hand wrapped around that honey stick.
The way he had looked at me with those strangely familiar hazel-green eyes.
The way he had smiled.
The way he talked about dinosaurs, as if they were the most important things in the world.
And that drawing.
I opened my eyes.
The crayon drawing sat in the folder on my desk.
I pulled it out.
A little boy.
A tall man.
A spaceship.
And beneath them, in uneven childish strokes, the words:
ME AND ELI.
My throat tightened.
He had drawn me.
A man he barely knew.
A man he had met only a handful of times.
Yet somehow, even before I knew the truth, that little boy had felt familiar.
Maybe some part of me had recognized him before my mind could.
I stared at the drawing for a long time.
Then my phone rang.
“Daniel.”
My brother's voice came through. “You sounded strange earlier. What happened?”
I couldn't answer immediately.
I looked down at the drawing again.
“Lucas is my son.”
Silence.
Daniel didn't respond for several seconds.
“What?”
“Calla admitted it.”
Another silence.
“Are you sure?”
“I don't know.”
My voice cracked.
“I mean... she admitted. But I haven't had a test. I haven't seen anything official. I just...” I swallowed hard. “I know.”
Daniel exhaled slowly.
“Eli.”
“She kept him from me.”
My anger returned suddenly, burning through the grief.
“Three years, Daniel. Three years of my life. Three years of his life.”
“You're angry.”
“Of course I'm angry.”
I stood and began pacing.
“She made the decision for me. She decided I wouldn't want him. She decided I wasn't worthy of knowing my own son.”
“Did she say why?”
“She was scared.”
Daniel was quiet.
“She said she was afraid I'd reject them.”
“And would you have?”
I stopped.
“No.”
The answer came immediately.
“No, I wouldn't.”
I looked toward the window.
“I don't know what kind of father I would have been. I don't know if I would have been good at it. But I would have tried.”
My voice dropped.
“I would have tried, Daniel.”
“I know.”
I closed my eyes.
For the first time in years, the carefully constructed walls around my emotions began to c***k.
“I want to see him.”
Daniel didn't hesitate.
“Then see him.”
“I don't even know how.”
“You start by being honest.”
I gave a bitter laugh.
“Honest. That's ironic.”
“Eli, don't make Lucas pay for what happened between you and Calla.”
The words hit me.
I lowered my head.
“I won't.”
“You need to remember something.”
“What?”
“You may be furious with Calla. You have every right to be hurt. But that little boy didn't keep you away.”
I stared at the drawing.
“No,” I whispered.
“He didn't.”
“And he deserves to know his father.”
Daniel's voice softened.
“So does his father.”
I sat down again.
For the first time since leaving Calla's office, I allowed myself to cry.
Not loudly.
Not dramatically.
Just a few silent tears slipped down my face as I stared at a child's drawing.
My son.
Somewhere out there, a little boy didn't know his entire world had just changed.
And I didn't know how to tell him that mine had, too.
Calla
I don't remember the drive home.
I only remember opening the apartment door.
Then closing it.
Then standing against it as my knees gave out.
I slid to the floor.
My hands covered my face.
And I finally cried.
Not the quiet tears I had shed in the bathroom at work.
Not the controlled tears I had hidden from Tessa.
These were different.
They came from somewhere deep inside me.
Three years of fear.
Three years of guilt.
Three years of pretending that I had everything under control.
Everything came crashing down at once.
Eli knew.
He knew.
The secret I had protected with every piece of myself was no longer mine to carry alone.
I had imagined this moment countless times.
Sometimes Eli screamed.
Sometimes he hated me.
Sometimes he took Lucas away.
Sometimes he told me I had ruined his life.
But reality had been worse in one way.
He had looked at me as if I had broken something inside him.
“You had my son, Calla.”
His words echoed in my head.
“And you kept him from me.”
I pressed my palms against my eyes.
“I know.”
I whispered it to the empty room.
“I know.”
I had wanted to protect Lucas.
That had always been my justification.
But now, sitting on the floor of my apartment, I can't stop wondering if I had protected him from one kind of pain only to create another.
A small sound came from the bedroom.
I immediately wiped my face.
“Mommy?”
I looked up.
Lucas stood in the doorway, rubbing one sleepy eye.
His curly hair was messy from sleep.
He was still wearing his dinosaur pajamas.
My heart broke.
“Baby.”
He walked toward me.
“Why are you crying?”
I opened my arms.
He climbed into my lap without hesitation.
I hugged him tightly.
“Mommy is just sad.”
“Did I do something bad?”
My eyes filled with tears again.
“No.”
I kissed his forehead.
“Never.”
“Did Eli get mad?”
I froze.
Lucas looked up at me.
“He was mad?”
I forced myself to breathe.
“Eli was just... surprised.”
“Why?”
I didn't know how to explain a secret to a three-year-old.
So I simply held him closer.
“Because Mommy had something important to tell him.”
Lucas thought about that.
Then his little face brightened.
“About me?”
I couldn't speak.
He smiled.
“I like Eli.”
My heart squeezed.
“You do?”
He nodded enthusiastically.
“He knows dinosaurs.”
A tiny laugh escaped me through my tears.
“Yes, he does.”
“He's nice.”
I stroked his curls.
“Yes.”
“Can he come to my birthday?”
My breath caught.
Lucas had no idea.
No idea that the man he wanted at his birthday was his father.
No idea that his mother had just changed the course of all their lives.
I looked at my little boy.
“Maybe he will, baby.”
Lucas smiled.
“I want him to.”
“I know.”
He rested his head against my chest.
“Mommy?”
“Yes?”
“Are you still sad?”
I kissed his hair.
“A little.”
“Then hug me.”
I almost laughed.
Instead, I pulled him closer.
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Mommy.”
His small arms wrapped around my neck.
And at that moment, I understood something I had spent three years avoiding.
I had spent so much time trying to protect Lucas from losing a father. He never knew that I had forgotten something important.
He deserved the chance to have one.
And Eli deserved the chance to be one.
Even if it meant facing everything I was afraid of.
Even if it meant Eli never forgave me.
Even if it meant the life I had carefully built would never be the same again.
I looked down at Lucas.
His eyes were already closing.
“Mommy?”
“Hmm?”
“Is Eli going to be my friend?”
I swallowed.
I wanted to say yes.
I wanted to promise him everything would be okay.
But for the first time, I refused to make a promise I couldn't keep.
“I don't know yet, baby.”
Lucas yawned.
“But I hope so.”
He smiled sleepily.
“Me too.”
A few minutes later, he was asleep in my arms.
I carried him back to bed and tucked the blanket around him.
Then I stood beside his bed and watched him sleep.
His little chest rose and fell peacefully.
He had no idea that his life was about to change.
Neither did I.
I walked back into the living room and sat beside the window.
My phone was on the table.
Eli's name wasn't on the screen.
I almost wished it were.
Almost.
Because as terrified as I was of what would happen next, another truth had finally settled inside me.
I couldn't run anymore.
I couldn't hide anymore.
And I couldn't decide for Eli anymore.
If he wanted to know his son, I had to let him.
If he wanted a paternity test, I would agree.
If he wanted answers, I would give them.
And if he wanted to walk away after knowing the truth...
I would have to survive that, too.
I looked toward Lucas's bedroom.
For three years, I had been his whole world.
Now someone else stood at the door.
His father.
The man I had loved for one unforgettable night.
The man I had spent five years trying to forget.
The man who had somehow found his way back into my life.
And this time, he wasn't leaving with only a memory.
He was leaving with the truth.
I closed my eyes.
Tomorrow will be different.
Everything would be different.
Because the secret was no longer a secret.
And for the first time, I had no idea what forever would look like.
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